words in movies
Joey: Okay, fine, I will bring you a tape, huh? (Walks away)
Joey: (entering) Hey! So, did you watch the tape of my show?
(Joey and Chandler both run to shut off the tape.)
Tape: We will now count from one to five. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.
Joey: (Hes recorded his voice on the tape) Joeys your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandlers bedroom.)
Chandler: (following him) I'm telling you, I watched the tape. (Reaches Joey's room and Joey slams the door in his face)
Chandler: I had to! Okay, imagine you were married... and you found a tape of your wife in another guys' apartment... Wouldn't you need to know what was on it?
Rachel: (on tape) Oh, I remember how we almost. Do you think we wouldve gone through with it? Yknow, if we hadnt gotten caught. Do you think we wouldve done it?
Monica: Chandler, we cant let this tape wreck Valentines Day!
(Suddenly, the tape cuts away from Joey's impromptu scene, to Chandler standing really, really close to the camera.)
Ross: Oh, well you see how it works is, the part with Dick Clark in Times Square is actually live, but they tape some of the party stuff ahead of time. Yeah, not a lot of people know that.
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.]
Rachel: (on tape) Can you believe this is already happening? I mean it seems like yesterday they just got engaged.
[Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.]
Chandler: Look, I'm sorry I didn't give them your tape. And I promise, next time to submit you whether I think you are right for the part or not.
Ross: Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? Its Rachels tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story.
Chandler: I'm not gonna watch it... I don't NEED to watch it... I mean, what good could possibly come from watching? (sighs) Well, we know I'm gonna watch it. (Chandler moves to put the tape in the VCR and Joey enters the apartment)
Joey: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, youre not gonna be on TV!
Joey: (on the tape) Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. (The duck quacks, to the duck) Choo! Choo! Choo! (To the imaginary cops) Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it (the duck quacks louder) Choo!! And if I don't get it, (pause, picks up the duck) I'm gonna shoot this duck!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is looking at the tape sitting on the counter as Ross enters.]
Chandler: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine.
Chandler: Bad news. I watched the tape and passed it along to my bosses and they weren't interested.
Director: Heres whats gonna happen. The musics gonna start, youre gonna dance, were gonna tape, you dont look at the camera. Any questions?
Monica: So you stole that tape from Richard's apartment?
Joey: (looks at him suspiciously) But, ehm... you watched the tape?
Chandler: I got it! Scotch tape. (Theyre right.)
Monica: That tape was never meant to be seen by... (pauses) Joey I would feel more comfortable if I was having this conversation in private.
Chandler: Yeah, were gonna need to see that tape. (They rest of them agree.)
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
Joey: Um-hmm! Look, I-I-I don't know how much more of this I can take! Did you know he taped over my Baywatch tape with some show about bugs! My God! What if that had been porn?
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Rachel: (on tape) I-I knowI had put them in in-in my desk at work and I completely forgot about them until today.
Chandler: Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape?
Ross: How did you know she would buy scotch tape?
PHOEBE: Now OK, I haven't seen it yet so, if you don't like it, well, so what, none of you ever made a video. [puts the tape in] OK.
Hypnosis Tape: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now completely asleep. You dont need to smoke. Cigarettes dont control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.
Chandler: (picking up a video from the table) Candy and Cookie. Candy and Cookie? Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!! (Chandler runs over to the TV, puts the tape in, and sits down to enjoy some "porn")
Phoebe: All right. Oh! Shoot! Oh shoot! Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape!
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]
Chandler: (thinking it over) Well, I did put a lot of thought in the tape. (They both run into the bedroom.)
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
[the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers]
Monica: (hands the tape back to Joey, but doesnt let him grab it) Yknow maybe a little bit!
Rachel: (on tape) Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Ross: (on tape) I mean I I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasnt sure if you wanted to.
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
Joey: Would you guys want to come down tomorrow and watch me tape the show?
(Ross takes the tape roll she's handing him and walks to the guest room while mocking Monica's voice)
Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.
Joey: Yeah! You gotta tell a girl before you tape her. Such a rookie mistake.
Chandler: (Hands the tape back to him) I'm sorry man.
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
Monica: I will! But not tonight. For dinner music, I thought we could listen to that tape you made me.
SUSAN: You can watch our tape if you want.
Rachel: Just tell Joey that you watched the tape and you liked it, but your bosses didn't. Then that way, you're the good guy and they're the bad guys.
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
Rachel: (on tape) (Ross hands her a glass of wine) I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! (Mimicking Monica) "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" (She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations) Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh oh-oh-oh
RICHARD: Ooh, duct tape. Was I supposed to bring something too?
ROSS: Well, I guess we could tape Entertainment Tonight.
Ross: (on tape) You didnt do it?
Joey: (on the tape) I'm comin' out! (He opens the door and hops out pointing the gun in all directions and then runs out of view.)
Joey: (on the tape) All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!
Chandler: But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs.
Rachel: Come on, its a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasnt smoked since.
Rachel: (on tape) Oh yeah, sure.
Hypnosis Tape: Cigarettes dont control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
Joey: (on tape) Okay, so say hi to my friend and tell him that you like the hat.
Hypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes dont control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. (Joey walks out smiling to himself.)
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, hes listening to the hypnosis tape again.]
Monica: Well Im not sure yet, but umm of the top of my head Im thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.
[Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous English-type person.]
Joey: Well, I just tape it to the back of my toilet tank. (realises that anyone could have overheard that) I didn't say that! It's in a bank guarded by robots!
[Flashback to: The Street in front of Central Perk, Ross and Joey are holding a yellow tape across the road and everyone is cheering Phoebe as she bounces around the corner on a hippity-hop.]
Monica: Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see? Its here.
Monica:: Here why don't you sit down, get yourself comfortable because I. (Monica shows him the tape then puts it in) have a little surprise for you.
Joey: (on tape) Oh, Chandler.
Ross: (on tape) Hello! Can I get you anything?
(Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Heres a hint, OH MY GAWD!! Thats right, its Janice!)
Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!
Joey: Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade!
RICHARD: You know, I like the way you have efficiently folded this tab under. See in a tape emergency you could shave valuable seconds off your time.
Rachel: Ahh, I dont believe you. I think you dont want them to see you begging me. (Goes to put the tape in the VCR)
Rachel: (entering) Hey, umm, do you guys have that tape measure?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.]
JOEY: [pulls out a VCR tape] Hey Monica, what's on this video tape?
Rachel: (on tape) Oh, thank God youre here! You have to help me! Were you just talking to yourself?
Chandler: Oh, the mixed tape.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler has the tape measure out and is busy lining up the lamp on the kitchen counter, Ross is supervising the whole operation.]
Ross: Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? (takes the camcorder and points it at Monica and Chandler) Ok!
Rachel: (thinking) Youre going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, youre going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it! (Rachel puts the tape in the VCR)
Ross: Ok, I've heard myself on tape and I sound nothing like that.
Ross: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
ROSS: Ok, we were sitting over there playing on the floor and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up. He pulled himself up. Standing man. I'm sorry you guys missed it but I did tape it so it you guys want to see it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of the tape]
(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)
Joey: (confused) Are we watchin the tape or not?!
Joey: Did you take that tape?
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: Yknow what? This is not fair to her. Lets just forget the tape!