words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
Joey: (impressed) Wow, that was great! You really wrote that?
Chandler: Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.
Chandler: Did I not mention that?
Chandler: All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas Eve and you'd rather be with your families, but there's *no* call (he takes it off) for writing "Screw you, Mr. Bing!" on the back of my chair! (he looks at it) -- By the way, you can all call me Chandler.
Wendy: I was, uh, checking out that insurance company's Christmas party on three, oh, it was really beautiful, they have all these decorations and this huge tree and I just, uh... to hell with them, we have to work. -- So I stole ther ham. (She turns the cardboard box upside down over the conference table, a big piece of ham falls out.)
Chandler: (to the others) You hear that? You may not be with your families, but at least it's gonna smell like ham in here.
Chandler: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order.
Wendy: That was a nice pep-talk.
Phoebe: So here is a, a very special holiday song that I wrote for some very important people to me. (singing:)
Chandler: Oh well, that, that makes it not terrible.
Phoebe: No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us, that wily... minx.
Rachel: Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And you've just gotten her one great present? I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?
Phoebe: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
Monica: Yeah, is that okay?
Chandler: You know what, everybody? Go home. You should be with your families. It's bad enough that we're working New Year's Eve.
Wendy: Besides, I can't leave until their Christmas party downstairs clears out; there are some *pissed off* insurance people looking for that ham.
Monica: Wendy? -- That sounds like a girl's name.
Chandler: I don't think of her that way, you know, she's a, she's a colleague.
Chandler: Well, second prettiest that year; I mean, of *all* the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably...
Chandler: Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen.
Wendy: Oh. - What's *that* like?
Wendy: Seriously? Happily married. So that phone call before, that was ... happy?
Chandler: But we don't do that.
Monica: Drunk enough that I know I wanna do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
Chandler: Well I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
Monica: Eh, we weren't that close anyway!
Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this.
Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?
Chandler: Oh, okay, I have condom in my wallet that I've had since I was twelve.
Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Monica: Eh, you work for that.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then, then that's what we're gonna do.
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
Monica: You thought about that?
Chandler: Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Monica: No, I want everything that you just said. I want a marriage.
Phoebe: Aren't we done with that?
(Shortly after that, Chandler enters.)
Joey: Hey-heeyyy - Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle!
Monica: No, I think that this is what you wanna do, I think it's great!
Ross: that you actually
Joey: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it.
Phoebe: I started that!
Rachel: That is seven days!
Phoebe: Oh I-I dont know about that. No, I think that if the two of you had sex the-the-the repercussions would be catastrophic.
Rachel: Oh, I read that in high school.
Ross: But I-I was going to see if yknow, maybe you uh, start dating again but thatI mean that-that was all, Rach.
Phoebe: Its interesting that you lost. Now, I forget, do you like to lose?
Joey: Thats not gonna happen. No. (Looks up) Because we have a new deal!
Joey: Hey, what about the scene with the kangaroo? Did-did you like that part?
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Rachel: Ill take that bet.
Phoebe: No! No, you can't arrest me! No!! I won't go back! I won't go back to that hell hole!!
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, its time to light the Hanukkah candles! (Santa, Superman, Monica, Ben, and the Holiday Armadillo go over to the menorah to light the candles.)
Monica: They gave us a fake number? Why? Why would they do that?
Phoebe: Thats all right, Ill work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)
Joey: Oh thats great! Oh thank you so much!
Chandler: Yes that would have made more sense.
Monica: You know, I knew a girl in high school who did that. She was very popular. (Chandler laughs.)
CHANDLER: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.
Housekeeper: This is the housekeeper speaking. And by the way, young lady, that is not how one addresses oneself on the telephone. First one identifies oneself and then asks for the person with whom one wishes to speak.
Monica: Yeah, but I love you more. Besides yknow, nothing goes with Bing. So Im screwed. I mean (Rachel hands Emma to Monica.) Oh, hi Emma. Yeah, thats you. Youre our little Em. Oh whats that honey? What? Oh, you want a little cousin? (To Chandler) You want a cousin right now?!
Monica: That was a half an hour?
Rachel: Thats so sweet.
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
Monica: Thats it! Right there! Is all I wanted!
Ross: I can't believe we're gonna be the only people that aren't in this wedding.
Chandler: Here! (Hands him one. Joey adds it up and discovers that he was right.)
Ross: (simultaneously as Rachel) Were not gonna do that.
Chandler: So you didnt mean any of that?!
Rachel: Hey-hey-hey thats funny! Your funny Chandler! Your a funny guy! You wanna know what else is really funny?!
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey. Whos that?
Rachel: Well, as long as we are clear about that. (Exits smugly.)
Phoebe: No, you cant let this stop you from getting massages! No look, I have, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do!
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah! I-I would like that.
Ross: Thats it. Thats it.
Joey: (staring at the ice sculpture) How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that? (They all glare at him)
Woman: Oooh, that sounded like a bad one.
Rachel: Thats the end of this conversation!
Erica: (To Chandler) We had a good time. By the way, I wanted to ask you something. It would really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, that you name him after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob (Monica smiles at Chandler and his he looks shocked and scared, getting no support from his wife)
Phoebe: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!!!!!
Amy turns to Ross and Rachel: Why does she keep making that noise?
Monica: Thats true! (Happily) I knew I married you for a reason!
Rachel: Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. Im just gonna throw it out, its probably just a bunch of shampoo and... (she opens the box and stops)
Phoebe: Yeah! How would you like it if I sent you to Lee Majors house and told you that he liked you, and you went down there and you found out that he didnt like you? How would you feel?
Monica: Well. Sounds like you're writing yourself a little play there Rach. Wow! Let me know how that one turns out.
Joey: No! Forget her, man! You dont need her, you dont need that!
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebes knowledge.]
Phoebe: Ooh, I love that place! (Thinks about it.) So, no.
Rachel: Go get back on that case honey!
Assistant: Ain't that bad yet, but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think hes such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that youre with Ross okay and imagine that youre kissing him. And youre-youre running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross its some kind of grease, itsuck! Hah?
Monica: Does that sound like Janice?
Cliff: Oh my God! Thats the doctor who was in my room before!
Ross: What is that?
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Chandler: That was amazing.
Monica: No, Ive had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?
Rachel: Oh honey, but you love that name.
Ross: Yeah. Shes putting her down now, thats her. (Points to the nurse putting Emma now.)
Joey: Okay, how long was I watching that woman?
Benjamin: Dr. Biely, your proposal includes some field work. Where might that take place?
Monica: And Nancy said that it's really under price, because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents!
Joey: You dont have to worry about that okay?
Ross: Thats right, and thats why we celebrate Hanukkah today. The end.
Ross: Thats less embarrassing, yes. Yes I was.
Chandler: That was you?! I thought it was Jack!
Chandler: What?! Why does she think that?
Joey: Oh, I like that. Yeah
Ross: Aww that is so cool.
Joey: Oh uh-uh yeah, I think that
Rachel: (laughs) I knew that! I knew that! I was just messin with you too!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Chandler and Monica enter. Oh, and Joey is wearing a FDNY T-shirt to make this the first nod to the tragedy that Friends have made.]
Rachel: No, there's a party. There's a party. But the power, that is still up for grabs. You follow me?
Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, (points to Rosss seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airports moving. (Realizes that thats not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that were moving? (Sits back in defeat.) Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.
Phoebe: Yeah... And that physique! You must work out all the time...
Monica: Hi Dad! I can still call you that right?
Monica: Well, thats okay dad, we-we can wait until later.
Joey: (trying not to laugh) That means a lot to me man. (Exits.)
Amy: Now listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything cause you know you'd be dead. I was thinking about changing her name. I'm just not really a big fan of Emily. [Transcriber note: I'm surprised that Rachel and Ross didn't say they weren't either here]
Ross: Well that brings me in the loop a little.
Phoebe: Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet. (She goes to hug them and they both flinch, thinking that Phoebe is about to attack them.)
The Interviewer: Oh! I like that. Whats your name?
Monica: No, honey, its. thats a special plate. See its a game, whoever gets that plate wins.
Phoebe: Hmm, something bad to tell Rachel Bad news for Rachel, what could that be?!
Joey: Why isnt that valet back with my Porsche?
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
Phoebe: You know thats thats her.
JOEY: [peeks back out] Ok, now that your coat is safely in the bedr-, [sees that the coast is clear] oh, ok we can come back out in the living room.
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a womens pheromones come out the top of her head! Thats why, thats why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, youre a scientist.
Ross: Oh, that is so sweet.(listens) No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three.(He doesn't hang up and motions for Rachel to be quiet.) Well you didn't hang up either.
Monica: That was me.
Phoebe: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think Im partly at fault. You see, I didnt, I didnt tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so yknow lets just face it, thats just kindling! So I think its better that I stay at Joeys.
Monica: I know, thats why I said again!
Rachel: Hey. Amy. You've got to stop doing that.
Joey: Well, we got plenty of space! There-there's still some over there (Points to where the window is but sees that there isn't any space there and points towards his door.) by-by that speaker. Please, just stay!
Monica: What? Who says that?
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much.