words in movies
Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I dont really know what happened with that.
[cut to Phoebe Sr.s house, from the last episode]
[cut to Monica opening the door of the beach house, with Chandler trying to pick her up for a date.]
[cut to a montage of scenes involving Bonnie, Ross, and Rachel from the last episode.]
Joey: (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Rosss new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl and I dont know what happened there either...
[cut back to Joey on the beach towel]
[Scene: The beach house, its the same scene from the end of last year, with Ross in front of the two doors of Rachels and Bonnies rooms, trying to decide which door to choose. He finally chooses the one his right and goes in.]
Ross: Yeah. (closes the door, and goes over and kisses Rachel.)
(They both kiss again and fall onto the bed.)
Rachel: Well, cant you tell her that you are not in the mood?
Ross: Yeah, yeah. (opens the door) It wasnt every morning.
Phoebe Sr.: Well, Im so sorry. I thought I was leaving you with the best parents in the world, I didnt even hear about your Mom and Dad til a couple of years ago, and by then you were already grown up. I dont know, youre here, and I would, I would really, I would like to get to know you.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, everybody does! Im a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didnt even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and Im just, Im gonna do the same thing to you.
(She walks out and slams the door.)
[Scene: The beach house, Joey and Chandler are sitting at the dinner table, Monica is looking in the fridge.]
Monica: (closing the fridge in disgust) Shoot! Were out of soda.
(The gang is shocked.)
[Scene: The beach house, Rachels bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]
Ross: Well, it was loong. I didnt even realise how late it was, until I noticed the 5 oclock shadow on her head. (They both start to laugh, then stop themselves quickly.) Anyway, she didnt want to stay. I called a cab; she just left.
Rachel: (handing him the letter) Its just some things Ive been thinking about. Some things about us, and before we can even think about the two of us getting back together, I just need to know how you feel about this stuff.
Ross: Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow, its-its 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, Id better get cracking on this baby.
Ross: Okay, Ill be up in, (looks at the letter) 18 pages. Front and back. Very exciting.
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Ross is passed out on the kitchen counter. He wakes up with a start and has one of the pages of the letter stuck to his face.]
Ross: Oh. (looks at his watch) Oh-oh. (takes a drink of coffee and resumes reading the letter)
Rachel: (coming down the stairs) Hey! (Ross jumps up, and quickly puts the letter back together, pretending like he has just finished it.) What happened to you? Why didnt you come up?
(Rachel stands there for a moment, starting to cry. Then gasps and runs over and hugs him. While hugging her, Ross tries to find the Does it? part in the letter.)
Rachel: I know. (Hugs him more violently this time and pushes him back away from the letter.)
[Scene: The beach. Chandler and Monica are out getting some sun.]
Chandler: All right, theres a nuclear holocaust, Im the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?
Joey: (jumping up in a hole that he is digging, he is shoulder deep) Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! (Chandler and Monica jump up and go over to the hole.) Check this baby out, dug me a hole!
(A wave crashes on the beach and partially fills up his hole.)
Joey: (climbing out of the hole) What?! What?!! What is it?!
Chandler: Well, can we help?! You want us to take you back to the house?!
Joey: Yeah, and Im a little tired from digging the hole.
Monica: Oh damn the jellyfish. Damn all the jellyfish!
Joey: Dont blame me, I saw it on The Discovery Channel.
Chandler: Y'know what, hes right. Theres something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.
[Scene: The beach house, Phoebe is coming down the stairs all packed and ready to go.]
Phoebe: Well, Im ready to get the hell out of here! (Sees Ross and Rachel cuddling on the couch.) Oh. Are you? Are you?!! (they nod Yes.) Ohh! Thats so great!! Ooh, not for Bonnie. (they nod No.) But for you, yay! Ohh.
(The rest of the gang arrives with their heads down in shame.)
Rachel: How was the beach?
Phoebe: Okay, Im gonna put this (her suitcase) in the car.
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After shes gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the Does it? part.)
Ross: (finding the part) (looks up in disgust) It so does not!!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.]
Ross: Fine! Fine! But this break-up was not all my fault, and she, she says here, (reading from the letter) If you accept full responsibility... (to Chandler and Joey) Full responsibility! ...I can begin to trust you again. Does that seem like something you can do. (yells at Joey) Does it?!!
Chandler: Look, Ross, you have what you want, youre back with Rachel. If you bring this up now youre gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.
Ross: What the hell happened on that beach?!
Joey: Its between us and the sea, Ross!
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Ursula: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.
Ursula: (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her apartment and slams the door in Phoebes face.)
(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)
Phoebe: (reading from the note) Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. Ill miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk. You just wrote this!
Ursula: Well, its pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
Ursula: All right, hang on! (She takes the note, goes back into her apartment and slams the door shut.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.]
Monica: Pass the cheese, please.
(Joey hands her the cheese without looking at her.)
Monica: (interrupting) All right!! All right. (walks slowly into the living room) I got stung. Stung bad. I couldnt stand. I-I couldnt walk.
Chandler: (following Monica) We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didnt think we could make it. (He goes to put his hands on Monicas shoulders but for some reason can quite complete the action and pulls back.)
Joey: And I was tired from digging the huge hole!
Joey: Id seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Monica: You cant say that!! You-you dont know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldnt...bend that way. So... (looks at Joey.)
Joey: Thats right I stepped up! Shes my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, Id pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldnt. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.
Chandler: (wails loudly into his hands) Joey kept screaming at me, Do it now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!! Sometimes late at night I can still here the screaming.
Phoebe: (singing) ...fuchsia and mauvvve. Those are the 66 colours of my bedroommmm. (applause) Thank you, thank you. Ohh, and I invite you to count the colours in your bedroom. (Sees that Phoebe Sr. has entered, and to her) Except for you. You go away.
Phoebe Sr.: No, Im not done. I-I-I just want you to know that I, the reason I didnt look you up was, well I was afraid that youd react, just well like, the way, the way youre reacting right now, and cant we just, y'know, start from here?
Phoebe Sr.: You do?! Wait, I like umm, the Beetles.
[Scene: Rachels bedroom. Ross and Rachel have just finished consummating the new relationship.]
Rachel: Ooh, I was soo nervous about that letter. But the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much youve grown. Y'know?
[cut to Monica cleaning the floor in the kitchen]
Ross: (yelling from the bedroom) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!
Ross: And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship!!
Ross: I didnt know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didnt finish the whole letter!
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are playing cards at the dinner table.]
Monica: Okay, all right, I think youre great, I think youre sweet, and youre smart, and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me.
Charlie: Anyway I just, uh, I think it's for the best.
Chandler: Alright look, if it means that much to you, a may be able to get on more with the big boobs. But the giant ass and the big clown feet?
Phoebe: Okay. Whoa, sorry. Why were you just like all in the dark?
Rachel: Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city is blacked out!
Rachel: Look, yknow I know my lifes going pretty well, but I look around and I just see so many people whove accomplished so many other goals by the time theyre thirty.
Monica: I am going I'm going--Turn it over! (Rachel rolled onto her stomach and Monica rolls her back.) I'm I am going to get these drops in your eyes. (She is holding Rachel down with both hands and has the eyedropper in her mouth.)
Joey: Oh, ain't that nice? The three of you trying on slutty lingerie together.
CHANDLER: [Chandler gets in the back seat] Hey!
Phoebe: No!! wait, wait, wait!! Oh please, hold it up so I can listen. (Joey looks at Ross and holds the phone above Rosss shoulder.)
Joey: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?
[Cut to Ross leaping into Chandlers Hotel room in London in The One With Rosss Wedding.]
Joey: All right, here we go. (He grabs them and starts to pull them out of the apartment.)
Monica: Okay, I think thats it. The seating chart is done. This is our wedding. They all look like theyre having fun dont they?
[Cut to the roof, where Joey and Mr. Treeger are dancing happily to ^Night and Day^.]
MNCA: Oh God, you fell off the wagon.
Ross: (entering) Hey, uh, Im really, really sorry about what happened in the cafeteria today.
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
Phoebe: Yeah, I definitely. I dont like the name Ross.
Phoebe: (looking through the pizzas) Okay pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, okay Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!
Ross: (he bounds into the lounge room) But you didn't! I'm still alive!! Kori, I know this is a big surprise for you. It's a long story but the things you just said really made my day! I mean, the fact that you are here means more to me than if this room were filled with people!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is working as Phoebe and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: No, I'm not blushing, I'm sunburnt! From, you know, the rain.
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
Chandler: No! (The oven dings.) Shhh!
(The director shakes his head.)
Joey: (jumping up and removing the bandages) Im back baby! Ha-ha-ha!
Joey: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I cant do it, theyre all like-like laughing at me.
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
[Scene: Delmonico's. Ross is still waiting for his date and drinking wine. The waiter comes up to him again.]
Ross: (Screaming) Im getting married today!! Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.)
Ross: (To Joey) So, thanks so much for bringing her to the hospital.
Ross: Wh-wh-what line? The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say uh, (In a college frat boy voice) "Dude, dont you ever was your face?"
Joey: (to the rest of the gang) Somebody help me out here!
(Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.)
(At this point, Buffay, the Vampire Layer and Nasforatool start to get it on. Of course, since this is network TV, we can only see the reactions of the gang to the film playing off screen.)
Monica: It's this dumb thing that Ross made up `cause he was trying to fool our parents. It's a way of giving the finger, without actually having to give it. I remember I cried the night you made it up, `cause it was the first time that I realized that I was actually cooler than my older brother.
Monica: No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures.
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
The Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready. (Some dude puts down a couple bowls of soup in front of them.)
Rachel: And the video camera?
Announcer: Presenting the award for Favorite Supporting Actress is Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives. (Applause as Joey angrily walks to the podium and eyes the trophy.)
[Scene: Monicas, Monica is coming out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, as Chandler is entering.]
Joey: (offended) Oh well I think I am, yeah and I think I'm definitely gonna get the part.
Chandler: Theyre terrific, and they live right here in the city.
Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!
Ross: (to the receptionist) Thank you for a delightful stay.
Ross: Yeah? I was good at the stuff huh?
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
ROSS: [on the phone] Woah, woah, woah australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No. No, n, homo-habilus was erect, australopithicus was never fully erect.
(Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm.)
Monica: Whats with all this sand? (picking a handful of sand off of the floor, which is covered in sand)
Phoebe: So hes probably really nervous around women, y'know? Maybe, you just have to make the first move.
[Scene: The Porsche, Joey is finishing up washing the car and is talking to a guy about the car.]
Ross: No, but ah, theres coconut in the Hanukkah Menoreoes. I tell you what, Ill put you down for eight boxes, one for each night.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, but yknow, I think the reason were not getting that spin right is because my apartments too small.
Janine: Whats the matter? Are you upset?
Joey: I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing and there was a lake, very secluded. And there were tall trees all around. (Whispering) It was dead silent. Gorgeous. (Softly) And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself but she was crying
Mr. Tribbiani: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. (Sees Roger) I don't know this one.
The Fan: Are you Phoebe Buffay?
The Fan: No-no, it was! She was in Sex Toy Story 2, Lawrence of Alabia, and I got her autograph! The guys at the comic book store arent gonna believe this! (Exits.)
Rachel: (with the sticks in her hands) Um... (She goes to the tarantula-cage and puts the sticks into it) Done!
Monica: What?! You cant shed a tear for your dead wife!! Now, I left you a note from the beyond!
The Fan: Excuse me.
Monica: The babies are asleep, Im sure youll be okay on your own for a while!
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm?
Chandler: Well, You could, but... probably just the one time.
Monica: Mr. Bigot. He tells the most racist jokes.
Ross: I loved this place! To tell you the truth, I wish I didn't have to move.
Ralph Lauren:: Hi Kim. (Dead silence until Ralph gets off the elevator.)
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
Rachel: (changing the subject) Yknow Bob in Human Resources
Phoebe: (sarcastically) Okay Ross! (Ross exits and she says quietly to the bike) Please dont die!
Monica: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.
Joey: And, uhh, maybe the watering can there.
Mr. Treeger: Because by the time I find it on this thing (Holds up a huge key ring with a thousand keys on it), the whole place might have exploded. If that happens at another building that I manage, people are gonna start asking questions. (To the fireman) Come on! Hurry up.
Phoebe: (running up) Okay. Okay, heres what were gonna do. Okay, Im gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. (She opens her coat and reveals that thing car thieves use to break into cars as Ross jumps in behind the wheel. She inserts the device, unlocks the door, opens it, and the alarm goes off.) Haul ass!!!! (Runs off.)
(Ross stands next to him for a second, then goes and watches the movie.)
Rachel: Probably just the first half.
RACHEL: Saving, saving, saving me from the pleasant conversation with the interesting man, saving me?
(Ross continues to talk to her as the camera pans to show Rachel standing in the doorway.)
Steve: Okay, fine, whatever. Welcome to the building. (Exits.)
MONICA: Well, what made you make the exception for me?
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa. What ah, what happened to playing the field?
MONICA: I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.
Ross: What, that wasnt the great news?
Joey: You guys promised you'd be more careful! I mean, come on! The good Joey name is being dragged through the mud here!
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, yknow? Well pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!
Richard: Yeah, well, sure I touch them, but I spent years learning not to squish them. (Monica grabs his hand in the tomatoes.) Thats my hand.
[Scene: The Airport Ticket Counter, Monica and Chandler are standing in line behind another couple kissing who are next in line to be served.]
Rachel: (laughs) Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that aint a pretty picture in the morning, yknow what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know.
RACHEL: It's just this thing. Every year we would go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks. Mom always hated it because the ocean air made her hair all big. My sister Jill would be throwing up over the side and my dad would be upset becasue nobody was helping and then when we did help he would scream at us for doing it wrong. But then when the fireworks started, everybody just shut up, you know, and it'd get really cold, and we would all just sort of smush under this one blanket. It never occured to anybody to bring another one. And now it's just...
Chandler: Look Joe, I know you wanted to do the wedding
(Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.)
Phoebe: So, so far is this trip to Vegas better or worse than the trip to London?
Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?
PHOEBE: Shh. In a minute, I'm gonna create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.
Ross: (To Carol) No tongue. (And gives her the thumbs up.)
(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)