words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch. Monica and Joey enter.]
Ross: Things you find in the ocean, (to Joey) You're gonna be on "Pyramid"!!
Joey: Would you guys want to come down tomorrow and watch me tape the show?
Chandler: Are you asking permission to break the pact?
[Flashback, year 1987. Chandler enters the school's corridor. Ross is hanging some flyers on the wall. Both have a funny 80s hair and clothes.]
Ross: Hey. Hey, check out the flyers for the band. I made 'em on a Macintosh in the computer room!
Chandler: Awesome, the name really stands out.
Ross: Those are the pacts!
[We get back to the Class of '91 reunion, where Ross and Chandler are still looking at Missy.]
Chandler: Well, I officially give you permission to break the pact.
[Scene: The "Pyramid" Studio.]
Donny Osmond: Yeah! Welcome, it is Soap Opera week here on Pyramid, let's meet our contestants. First, Gene Lester is a database specialist, he's gonna be playing with "Days of Our Life's" star Joey Tribbiani! (Joey's amazed at the place and he keeps looking around till he realizes the audience is applauding him)
Donny: ...should be playing with the star of "General Hospital" Leslie Charleson. (applause) Welcome everybody. Good luck to all of you. Let's play Pyramid. All right? Now... we flipped a coin before the show, Gene, you won the toss, so you're gonna start. Which category would you like?
Gene: I'll take "You crossed the line".
Donny: You crossed the line. Joey, describe for Gene these things that have lines. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready, go!
Joey: (on the screen there's the word "Supermarket") Uhm... ok. It's a store, like a supermarket. (there is a sound indicating he made a mistake as he shouldn't have said 'supermarket'. The next word appears, "notebook") Oh! I see-I see what I did. Yeah, ok, ok, uhm... I'm writing in my...
Joey: Noo, (whispering) more like a notebook... Damn it! (next word appears: "blueprint") Oh, if I'm building an house, the plan isn't called the 'shmoo-print'... Can't say that either? Woha... hey... (the last word is "Football field" and there are 5 seconds left) In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
Phoebe: Oh my God, it's all so elegant! When's the dirty stuff starting?
Phoebe: You know, the strippers, and the guys dancing, and you know, pee-pee's flying about.
Phoebe: Really? So this is... this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelorette party I'm ever gonna have! I've got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? It's just tea?
Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I'll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee's!
[Scene: Joey's at the game show "Pyramid" with host Donny Osmond.]
Donny: Now Gene I must remind you, you need all six of these to stay in the game, all right? Describe for Joey things you find in your refrigerator.
Joey: Ahaha, he might as well just give us the points.
Donny: Give me twenty seconds on the clock. Ready? Go!
(the first word is cream)
Joey: A rock, a dog, the earth.
(the second word is mayonnaise)
(The third word is ketchup)
(The fourth word is soda)
Donny: Uh, Gene, you're gonna have a chance to go to the winner circle in the second half. But right now Henrietta you are going to the winner circle to try your luck for ten thousand dollars, right after this, don't go away.
Joey: Oh, so we didn't win, but it's fun to play the game, right?
Ross: It's been sixteen years but the air quotes still hurt.
Missy: Yeah. We'd go to the science lab after hours!
[Scene: Monica's apartment. The bachelorette party.]
(someone knocks at the door)
Man: It's the police!
Rachel: (pretends to be shocked) Uh! The police!
Monica: What's the matter, officer? Has someone been bad? (looks over to Phoebe and she opens the door, and to their dismay, the stripper is an old, short, fat guy who looks exhausted)
Roy, the male stripper: (coughs) Whoo, that's a lot of stairs!
Roy: So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take (he shakes his hips) downtown! (Monica points Phoebe)
Rachel: All right, look, we did not know that you wanted a stripper so we went to the phonebook and we got the first name we could find!
Roy: Ok, ok, ladies! Can I have your attention, please? (pause) Did someone call for the long arm of the law? (He extends his arm from around his crotch and then upward and outward, towards Phoebe) I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon! (Puts his hands over his crotch) I hope you're familiar with the States penal code, ok, ok, enough teasing. Now for some pleasing!
(he uses his remote to turn on the music, "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, and starts dancing for Phoebe. He shakes his butt, moves his shoulders back, grabs his crotch and hops towards Phoebe. Phoebe is half horrified and half scared. He takes his hat off and throws it away, does some "Can Can" high kicks and swings his butt in front of Phoebe who looks at it in disgust. Then he tears open his shirt and shows her his chest and she flinches.)
Roy: Whoa, whoa, whoa (he turn off the music). She cringed!
Roy: Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. I climbed ... I dunno... like a billion stairs... It's not like I can take them two at a time!
Roy: Well, look - it's not my fault if you're too uptight to appreciate the male form in all it's glory.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, okay. I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child halloween costume! (turns to look at Monica and Rachel who look like they feel very sorry for the stripper)
Monica: (walks towards Phoebe and the stripper) Uh, look, officer... uhm Sir...
Roy: Damnit. OH! (To Phoebe) Big surprise! The hunk of beef has feelings!
[Scene: At Pyramid. Joey is with the woman now.]
Donny: Ok Henrietta, you've picked Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Donny: Joey describe these things associated with the United States congress. (Joey goes form looking very confident to looking very shocked the instant the word congress is said) Give me 20 seconds on the clock please. Ready? Go!
(Camera goes to Joey. The clock is at 20 sec. The word "Legislature" appears. He looks at it blank faced and his eyes shift between Henrietta and his screen)
Joey: Oh, .. uh... uh... pass. (Next word: "Rotunda") Pass. (Next word: "Filibuster" stares at it a moment) Pass. (Henrietta is looking very confused) (Next word: "Addendum" 4 seconds remaining) Okay, the little thing that hangs down at the back of your throat.
Donny: O-kay... Henrietta, you didn't get all the points you needed, so that means Gene, you are going to the winners circle to try for ten thousand dollars! (Gene is clapping his hands looking very happy and so is Joey) And you're gonna be going there with Joey Tribbiani (Both of their smiles fade away instantly)
(Chandler looks at the other two guys, embarrassed)
Chandler: (to the two guys) Excuse me. (Chandler and Ross move away from them). That didn't make us sound gay at all!
Ross: You broke the pact!
Ross: That doesn't matter! We're talking about the foundation of our friendship.
Chandler: I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair. (Ross just stares at him) All right, look, if we're really gonna do this... it's not like you never broke one of the pacts.
(An 80's Rachel and fat Monica walk into the party room. Both with funny hair-do's and clothes)
Rachel: Yeah, Rachel. And this (points to Monica) is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving. (looks around the room as if searching for something more interesting to do).
[Scene: We cut back to the present. The reunion where Chandler and Ross are talking.]
Chandler: Well, I did and it hurt. (they walk towards the bar) That's when I wrote the song: "Betrayal In The Common Room".
Chandler: (sighs) Just one more thing. I was so pissed at you that night that I wanted to get back at you. So I thought, who does Ross like the more than anybody?
[Flashback scene: We cut back to the 80's party. Rachel and Monica are "dancing".]
Monica: That's weird. I've had the same number of beers as you and I don't feel anything at all. (Chandler approaches)
Monica: For your information, ass munch, I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing. (A guy enters holding a pizza box)
Monica: Oh THATS ME! (she runs to the pizza guy)
Rachel: (finishing the last of her drink) I am soo not going to do good on my SATs tomorrow.
Rachel: (blushing) Oh, what a line. (walks towards the drinks table with her back towards Chandler and whispers "Oh my God!")
[Scene: Monica's apartment. The stripper is sitting at the kitchen table. Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are standing around him]
Roy: What's the matter? You never saw a 50 year old stripper cry before?
Phoebe: Or you could teach stripping. You know, share your gift, pass the torch.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. He deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.
(they sit down and Roy plays "You Make Me Feel" by Sylvester on his boom box, and starts... With his back towards the girls, he starts waving his hands, then backs towards the girls slapping his butt, then swings it around, and makes thrusting pelvic movements in front of Phoebe. He dances around the tables in between all the girls, and gets back into the kitchen part of the room. He then tears off one of his sleeves and throws it towards Monica and Rachel, who fight over who gets it. He then tears off his other sleeve and moves it back and forth between his legs, getting closer to Phoebe.)
[Scene: The game show studio. Joey and Gene are sitting in the winner circle.]
Donny: Well, welcome to the Winner Circle. Joey and Gene, you guys ready?
Donny: Okay. Give me sixty seconds on the clock please... Ready, GO! (runs off)
(the screen says "6 to win" and "types of trees")
(Joey hears the bell which means his answer is correct and is surprised. The screen now says "5 to win" and "Spanish words")
(There's the next bell, and the correct answer. The screen changes to "4 to win" and "things that burn". Gene now realizes that he got two correct answers and gets up in his seat.)
(and another bell for the correct answer. "3 to win" and "What a dog might say")
(the bell sounds again, "2 to win" and "pizza toppings")
Monica: She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.
Ross: Nineteen Eighty Seven. The weekend you guys visited me at school.
Ross: Because... the night you kissed Rachel was the night I kissed Rachel for the very first time.
Ross: Okay, after you told me she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was all right. She was lying on my bed, all buried in peoples coats. Well, I went to kiss her on the forehead, you know. But it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips. I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back. It was only for a second, but... it was amazing. And now, now I find out that you kissed her first.
Ross: You were under the pile of coats?
Monica: I was the pile of coats!
[Scene: Back at the party in 1987. People are dancing to "Disco Inferno" by The Trammps.]
(Monica is dancing. At first she seems insecure and moves slowly, but then gets into the groove and swings her hips from side to side while holding her hands up. She then eats the last piece of pizza she was holding and again moves her hips from side to side, pushing her hands in the air in beat with the music. Her moves get more wildly while she's snapping her fingers. She loses balance and falls back onto a pink bean bag.)
THE END
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Check it out! Cup hat! (Points to her hat.) Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup! (Holds up one.)
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
Joey: You're not gonna let me buy the Knicks?? I can't believe you're taking this away from me!
[Cut to the Men's room. Chandler is practicing flashing his badge as Monica enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are there as Rachel and Ross return from the doctors appointment.]
Phoebe: Well look, you dont really like the one from uptown and youre too exhausted from dating the one up in Poughkeepsie, so I say you just end them both. Okay? You take a train up to Poughkeepsie and break up with her, and on your way back you break up with uptown. And then by the time you get home tonight, youre done!
Phoebe: Oh hey you guys, I couldn�t get a reservation for the night of my birthday, so we have to do dinner Thursday night instead.
Joey: (answering the question) Althea!
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?
(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar inside.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, everyone but Rachel is seated around his table. The Lion Sleep Tonight plays in the background.]
Stu: Either that or shes just the best, most expensive date I ever had.
Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
ROB: Anyway, I schedule performers for the childrens libraries around the city and I was just thinking, have you ever thought about playing your songs for kids?
PHOEBE: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
CHANDLER: Well, it looks great.� It's just that . . . well, I'm wearing the same thing underneath.� So . . .
Joey: Come on man, just-just let the girls stay, Ill do whatever you want.
[Cut to into the bedroom, with Monica still hiding under the covers. Richard enters and sits down next to her.]
CHANDLER: That was in the fourth grade. How could you still be upset about that?
Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
Phoebe: Im sorry, okay, I-I wasnt looking, and the store says that they wont take it back because you signed for it...
Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Ble-blah-blar Blargh!
Chandler: For my last birthday you gave me a hug! (To Rachel) Okay, read the card! Read the card!
EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. Its an old Frankie says relax T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you dont mind Im gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
JOEY: All right, all right. "Damnit Braverman, it's right there on the chart!"
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.
Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe’s reading, Joey has just entered the room]
Ross: Ahh. (notices the table) Ooh, is this a ah, is this a bad time?
Chandler: (in a manly voice) Yeah well, Im gonna go spit. (He goes into the bedroom. On his way out, Joey gives Rachel a wide berth.)
Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, Iit's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! (She starts to leave but stops and says to Monica.) Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine!
Chandler: I think thats the youngest girl ever to reject me.
Chandler: (shyly) The sheep.
Monica: Not just the phone pen. I never get my messages.
Phoebe: I'm not. I'm praying. (looking up) Please let the Knicks win... Thank you Thor! (Mike is standing up) Where... where are you going?
Chandler: He can do more than that! He can destroy the universe!
Chandler: Our eyes are closed and were about to cross the street. Very good.
Monica: Okay, I have to get that. Now when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The Vein has spoken.
The Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on.
Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.
Ross: Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo!
Joey: Can I see the comics?
Ross: Yeah, the phone was facing the other way. (Chandler fixes it and a picture frame off the table.) And that goes back up there.
MNCA: Ok, this is pumpkin pie with mockolate cookie crumb crust. This is mockolate cranberry cake, and these are mockolate chip cookies. Just like the Indians served.
[Flashback to 716 - TOW The Truth About London] [Scene: London, Chandler's hotel room. He was getting ready for bed when Monica pays him a visit and they started talking]
Rachel: (to them) Just a minute!!! (She takes the candy and opens the door to two parents, a witch, a clown, and a cowgirl.) Look at you guys! Wow! You are a very scary witch. (Gives her candy.)
Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds?
Phoebe: Because I was ashamed ok? I sold out for the cash! And then they give me benefits like medical, and dental, and a 401K. But you know... you pay a price. Now I'm this Corporate stooge and punching a clock and Ugh! paying taxes!
Chandler: I got something for her. (Joey picks up the package, shakes it next to his ear, can't hear anything, switches ears, shakes it again.) It's a book!
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Ross: I dont know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but theres this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joeys chest.) Joey theres a girl on the phone for you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Joey, and Monica are sitting on the couch as Ross is up getting some coffee.]
Monica: I know the code to his answering machine.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, with the puppy, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: A blackjack table, it's the same one Joey's hand twin was working at, only he's not there anymore and has been replaced by a beautiful woman.]
Ross: No, no, no. The next time it's gonna be a Hawaii at sunset. [pause] But maybe the time after that!
(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
Chandler: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! (He shakes Ben's hand, but the money falls out of his hands) (to Monica) Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! (Realizes, that Ben is standing right there) Ho, ho, ho!
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
Joey: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isnt Rachel.
Chandler: Look, the only way I will even consider this is if they offer a lot more than just season seats.
Ross: What?! The guys against the girls? See, thats ridiculous Monica, because Im only down by three touchdowns.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its continued from earlier. Joey is now waking Chandler and telling him the news.]
Phoebe: (is struggling with the cat) Stop it! Stop it! She keeps squirming, trying to get away! Just like when she was alive.
Rachel: (entering) Chandler!! You have the best taste in men!
Amy: We’re gonna be roomies! (she snaps her finger and points at Joey, snaps her fingers again and points to the bags) Come on!
Phoebe: You could get arrested, right now! (Flashes the badge and they glare at her.) All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power. (She heads for the door just as Joey enters.)
Rachel: Oh really?! Then how come all your stuff is in this box?! (Monica starts chasing Rachel around the table.)
Benjamin: I've come here to apologize. I think I may have let my feelings for Charlie interfere with the interview process.
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Ross: So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.
Chandler: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.
Chandler: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard youd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Photographer: Now why dont we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
Joey: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom). Soo...
RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
Joey: Ah-ha-ha, you guys owe me big time. (He walks into the kitchen and does a little dance step on the way.)
CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.
[Monica puts the pea on top of the spoonful and takes a bite.]
GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a picture out] This is the real him.
(Ross and Emilys parents are seated at a table. Ross is between them and they are discussing the wedding bill.)
Rachel: You wanna go in the bedroom? Its a little more comfortable.
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.]
Airline Employee: Im sorry, would you move your thumb? I cant see the seat number.
Ross: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. (Sits down beside her) I love you the most.
Ross: OK.... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning...
Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day.
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.
Monica: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag.
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
Rachel: Oh but Phoebe, were gonna be late for the movie.
(They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of it.)