words in movies
Chandler: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, y'know he's the botanist.
Phoebe: (entering, with about 20 purses hanging around her neck) Morning. Rach, I'm here with the purses!
Rachel: (running into the living room) Thank you, thank you, thank you, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Your welcome, oh please not the one with the turtles.
Ross: Mark is that ah, the same Mark that helped you get the job?
Chandler: Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the bachelor party though. I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.
Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all right.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
Ross: She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him. And you should of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, (to Joey) he's really good looking. (Joey gives an enthusiastic thumbs up) What am I gonna do?
Joey: (hanging up the phone) Yes! Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical?
Ross: Ah Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities.
Chandler: I'll get you the Cliff Notes.
Joey: The what?
Chandler: The abridgment.
Joey: Oh, okay. (to Ross) The what?
Mark: ...and the style number, and the invoice number, and the shipping date. Good. Any questions so far?
Ross: Okay, bye-bye. (starts slamming the receiver down in anger.)
[Scene: The Moondance diner, Monica is cleaning up with one of the waiters, with her back turned to him she removes her fake breasts and hides them under her wig.]
(Monica starts wiping down the stools, as Julio follows along behind her replacing the napkin holders.)
Julio: I thought I would, but the translation's no good.
Julio: Things that move me. The, the shadow of a tree, a child laughing, or this lip. (points to her lip)
Joey: (singing) You've got to pick a pocket or two. Boyyyyssss, (picks a handkerchief from the pianist's pocket) you've got to pick a pocket or two..........
Director: Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on Saturday.
Director: Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.
Director: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.
Chandler: ....three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!
Joey: Hey, everybody lies on their resume, okay. I wasn't one of the Zoom Kids either.
Chandler: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. (answering phone) Hello? (listens) (happily) Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. (listens) Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? (listens) So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?
Monica: Anyway um, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him. Now, I am like totally dense about poetry, but I think it's pretty good all right. Check it out. (hands them the poem)
Joey: (reading) The Empty Vase. Translucent beauty...
Monica: Oh, I'm so glad you guys like it. Yay! All right I gotta go to work. (tries to take the poem)
Phoebe: What?! He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look, (reading) 'My vessel so empty with nothing inside. Now that I've touched you, you seem emptier still.' He thinks Monica is empty, she is the empty vase!
Mark: (reaching through the flowers) Do you have the, the Ralph Lauren file?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, it's umm... (she picks up this bug and it starts to play the theme from Love Story)
Man: (being joined by the rest of the barbershop quartet) One, two, three...
Quartet: (singing) Congratulations on your first week at your brand new job! It won't be long before your the boss.
The Bass Barber: Omm-pah, omm-pah, omm-pah.
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering the living room from her bedroom.]
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
Chandler: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.'
Woman: (walking up to Mark) Here's the Shelly Siegal stuff from December.
(Ross appears in the hallway just outside of Rachel's office.)
(Ross is eavesdropping in the hallway.)
(They start to kiss, and Ross rushes into the office to break it up.)
Ross: What's going on?! (throws the love bug at him) That's what's going on!!
(Ross finally looks at the woman kissing Mark.)
Joey: So, does that mean the audition is off?
Director: Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to take these dancers and show them the combination.
Joey: Bye. (does the jazz hands)
Monica: Yeah, just like the one in the poem.
Phoebe: Well not exactly like the one in the poem.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner.]
Monica: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
Julio: Whoa, whoa, whoa, the poem is not about you.
Julio: The Empty Vase is not about you. My baby, you make me so sad that you would think this.
[Scene: Joey's audition, the director has returned and wants to see the combination.]
(The group does the same horrible dance that Joey did earlier in the show, except they're all out of sync and they do the jazz hands at the end.)
Joey: I know, it was the best I could get out of them.
Director: Let's try it again, and this time let's watch everybody watch Joey. (to Joey) Show 'em how it's done. (to the pianist) Count it off.
(The pianist starts to play, and Joey readies himself, and then runs out of the audition.)
Rachel: So ah, did you have fun at the bachelor party last night?
Chandler: And then you click it and, uh-oh, she's naked. And then, and then you click it again and she's dressed. She's a business woman, she's walking down the street, she's window shopping, and (clicks pen) whoa-whoa-whoa, sh-she's naked! (Rachel just stares at him.)
Chandler: Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.
(Gunther is eavesdropping in the background.)
Ross: Oh, just this woman that I met last night at the party.
Rachel: There was a woman at the... (realizes) The stripper?!
Chandler: Man, I gotta get a kid. (looks at the pen and starts laughing)
Rachel: Oh. (starts shaking the sugar down in a packet really hard.)
[Scene: The Moondance Diner.]
(The rest of barbershop quartet enters, and joins him.)
Man: (singing) Mister Pretensous, (Monica stands up in the background) you think there's no one finer, well but your poems are unpublished, and you work in a diner.
Rachel: (To Ross) Fine! (To the salesman) We went out.
[The next one is from Episode 304: The One With The Metaphorical Tunnel, Joey is on Amazing Discoveries.]
Phoebe: (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a huge bow to cover the stain) Okay, I'm ready.
RACHEL: Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy. [goes in the bathroom]
Joey: (looking at the ball the dog brought back) Did I just throw this?
Rachel: Ooooh, that's fine. We'll see who has the last laugh there, monkey boy.
Joey: I left them at the park.
Monica: What are you, animals? It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon!
Ross: (to his hands) Way to go guys. Yknow, you-you were really good at the stuff too.
Ross: And, I love you!! (He walks into the living room)
Joey: Yeah! Okay! (He notices a beautiful woman sitting behind the couch and goes to talk to her.) Hey! Hi!
[Scene: The Freeman Building, Ross is entering his new class completely out of breath.]
[Scene: The roof, Joey is walking towards Ross with a guy]
Ross: Phoebe hes right, that is the rule.
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Gary: Yeah, we took a little stroll in the park and no one was around, so
Monica: Yeah! Joey has the best boyfriend ever!
Ross: Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships! I'm done with men!' The whole, uh, penis embargo?
Monica: Oh my God, shes not gonna like the chicken that night either is she?!
Joey: Soon, soon, I'm gonna be on soon. There I am! (Points to the screen, of course it isn't him.)
(Neither of them turns around from watching the chick and the duck look for the tasty treat.)
Joey: Would you guys want to come down tomorrow and watch me tape the show?
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
Joey: Good-good, okay, sprinkle some of that on your legs, it'll absorb some of the moisture and then you can get your pants back up.
Phoebe: Its not kicking me, its kicking one of the other babies. Oh (looks down her dress)! Dont make me come in there!
Ross: Y'know, hey! Youre the one who ended it, remember?
Rachel: Am I the only one who doesn't think that she's hot? Ross?
Monica: Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce.
Monica: My parents spent the money for our wedding!
[Scene: The New York City Children's fund hallway.]
Chandler: (sees another rack) Well, whats the deal with these? These-these look nice.
(He goes into his room and closes the door. Rachel goes to pick it up and )
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Phoebe: Ok, so now we need, um sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Ross: Forget it. I-IYknow what? Ill just have the conversation. Ill just say I like things the way they are, and hope for the best. What do you think Rach?
Rachel: (to the driver) Okay, stop-stop! Phoebe?!
The Cute Guy: Wow! Uh, this is kind of embarrassing. I was actually coming over to talk to your friend.
Chandler: So uh, man, are you gonna go to the play with me tonight?
CHANDLER: No, look, that's it, it's over, I want you out, I want you out of the apartment now.
(He starts chasing her around Rachel a couple of times before she runs into the living room and he tackles her on the couch where he starts tickling her.)
Monica: (opening the door) Hi Pheebs, whats up? (She enters.)
Monica: Heyyy!! You got the door open!! (Giggles.)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for the cute guy to show up for his cell phone. Rachel is putting on perfume by spraying it ahead of her face, and moving into it. Phoebe tries to steal some.]
(Joey and Chandler both run to shut off the tape.)
Rachel: You dont tell a guy that youre looking for a serious relationship! You dont tell the guy that! Now you scared him away!
Monica: Hey! What did you decide to do about the movie?
Joey: (slow on the uptake) Oh my God!
Chandler: Fine, I'll give the suit back.
Phoebe: Yeah, I do. Whats the matter?
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey is knocking on the door holding a hand over a spot on his shirt.]
Rachel: You walked around all night in the city by yourself?
Joey: Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye!
Larry: Great! How about you wanted to go the Italian place down on Bleaker Street right?
Chandler: (trying the handle) It still doesnt work.
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
Chandler: Wow, Ralph Lauren is really going out of there way to show theyre not in the baby buying business.
Joey: Okay. Now youre gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.
Rachel: Yeah, one time, when we were dating, uh we got a late checkout, he got so excited it was the best sex we ever had. Until yknow, he screamed out Radisson at the end.
Monica: Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you want, just don't ever tell me what you did in there.
[Scene: The restaurant. Phoebe and Joey are sitting alone at a table for six.]
Phoebe: (to her date) Okay, and then this is the coffee house. This is where I play my music. (points to the stage)
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Ross: Yeah, thats the one. Listen, I dont want to hurt her.
Ross: Yeah, guess so. Whew! Check these out! (Hes looking at the stirrups on the other bed in the room and Rachel groans. Ross then hops into the bed and puts his legs into the stirrups.) Never done this before.
Bitsy: Oh, please darling, let's be honest. You can have all the... sailor fun you want with that one, but... let's be real...
Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr. Franzblau) Oh, sorry.
Ross: Okay? (goes into the living room)
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
Joshua: Then uh, whats-whats this? (Shows her the real anti-theft device.)
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Ross: You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic.
Joey: Did you call the cops?
The Cooking Teacher: Well, hats off to the chef.
Phoebe: Oh, we're just... we're sad to go so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. (hugs the wall) I love you... Paradise Hotel, Golf resort and Spa... (she walks away from the wall)
The Little Girl: Daddy!!
Rachel: Yeah I know. She ran into him at my office and they just made out. And the craziest thing is, now my boss likes me because I told her about it and she said it was the best gossip shed heard all year.
Monica: No, you're the best.
Chandler: Ho-oh, hes gonna get some! (Rachel looks at him.) Of the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment. Yknow so umm, hes closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. (Pause) Well, Im off to bed! (Goes to bed.)
Rachel: Umm that kiss before we left the apartment. That was some-something huh?
Monica: It's no big deal, I do it all the time.
Bitsy: The woman you what? (Phoebe overheard what Michael said and now enters the room)
JOEY: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife?� Huh?� Do you think I'm like, "Duh."� (He strikes himself in the head with the bat.� He stands dazed for a moment.)
Ross: Monica's right, swing dancing can be tricky. I'm gonna use the phone. I gotta cancel those five giant teddy bears I sent to Emily. (Looks at the rose mulch.) My God, think of the massacre.
Phoebe: Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when you're talking, he's listening, y'know, and not saying 'Yeah, I understand' but really wondering what you look like naked.
CHANDLER: I'm sorry.� I, I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica and I, I didn't know . . .� I didn't think you'd understand.
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there as Monica enters.]
Ross: No, hi, Im, Im an honorary Brown Bird (does the Brown Bird salute.)
Joey: (entering wearing nothing but Porsche clothes) So the Porsche guy took his car back.
Ross: Well, I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were caught up in the whole soccer mom thing? but is that really you? I mean can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
Rachel: Oh is it?! (She answers the cute guys phone.) Uhh, hello? (On her phone) Yes hi, is Rachel there? (On the other phone) Yes she is, just one moment please. (To Phoebe, holding out both phones.) Its for me!
Rachel: Wh(Turns and looks at the gang whos staring)Why dont I tell you over here? (She walks Melissa away from the gang.)
Mr. Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up this pamphlets on how to get pregnant. (He slides them under the door.)
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Mrs. Geller: Rachel's coming up the path. Doesn't she look pretty. Jack... (Rachel enters with a huge nose)
Ross: I... just feel that the... the chemistry isn't right. I'm sorry. We're... we're more than happy to give you good recommendation...
Rachel: Gone! I mean its amazing Pheebs. I feel so free and so graceful. (Turns and bumps into a mounted policeman and falls) Hey! Look out for the horse! Sorry! (Runs off.)
Rachel: Oh no, Im sorry, you look a lot different from the last time I-I saw you.
Monica: Ooh, and I can do this. (She kisses him on the cheek.)
Monica: All right baby, come on! (Rolls the dice) Yes! Yes! I am on fire!
Phoebe: Well, you said that you had customers lined up in the street, so I am here to entertain!