words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are sitting around the table.]
Monica: Im glad youre here, we have a couple of things to ask you about the wedding ceremony.
Ross: Whats the matter? You okay?
Monica: Uh, so anyway, we thought one of you could read something during the ceremony.
Monica: Okay, so Ross will be doing the reading.
Ross: Sorry, Im kinda keeping this one on the Q.T.
Joey: So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and
Joey: Oh well, theyre killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body.
Ross: (to Monica and Rachel) Its winter, they are fewer people on the street. (Rachel and Monica smile and nod, knowingly.)
Monica: And the way she slaps all the time!
Joey: Oh, tell me about it. And shes been on the show forever, its gonna be really hard to fill her shoes.
Ross: Yeah-yeah, help me out here, when you come out of the "brain transplant," you are going to be her?
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch in Central Perk]
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
Rachel: All right, straight, and not subtle. (The man gets up and leaves.)
Rachel: What if, um, if he calls his own cell phone to find out who found it and I answer and we start talking and we fell in love. I mean wouldn't that be a great story? Kind of like a fairy tale for the digital age.
Phoebe: Yeah That does sound great. I'm going to get the phone. (They both get up.)
Rachel: What? Wait! Why why do you get the story?
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see? I get the phone.
Rachel: Oh hey-hey wait! How do we fairly decide who gets the phone?
(They edge closer to the phone on the table.)
Rachel: Well umm, maybe we could uhh (Grabs the phone) Ah-ha! Too slow!!
(She holds the phone out and starts taunting Phoebe. Phoebe calming knocks the phone out of Rachels hand and catches it.)
Jessica Lockhart: (crying) Oh, my baby! (Hugs Dina, but moves Dinas head to her other shoulder so that shes the only one in the picture.)
The Director: Cut!
Cecilia: Youre not the fan whos dying are you?
Joey: No. No, Im Joey Tribbiani; we did a scene together yesterday. I-Im the guy in the coma!
Joey: An-an-anyway I-I just wanted to say that since Im getting your brain when you leave the show, I was wondering if there was any tips you can give me
Cecilia: I-I-Im leaving the show?
Joey: Oh uh, one of the writers.
Joey: Ms. Monroe (She slaps him) Oh there you go. (She storms off, leaving Joey standing next to Dina. They share a nod at the ferocity of the slap they just received.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still arguing over the phone.]
Rachel: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; thats not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why dont we, why dont we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone.
Phoebe: Or, we can decide by whose ever name is closer to the word phone.
Phoebe: (handing Rachel the phone) Fine all right, but Id bet youd be singing another tune if we were fighting over a ratchet.
Rachel: (checking the speed dial) All right, first name on the speed dial is mom.
Rachel: Okay no way, you cannot use that to get the cute guy and the last blueberry muffin.
Rachel: Yes okay. (Checking the speed dial again.) Well now see this isnt telling us anything. (Reading the speed dial) Joe. Carlos. Peter. Ooh! Peter Luger! T hats a steak house!
Rachel: (looking at the speed dial) Oh, I win! Hes got Barneys on his speed dial.
Phoebe: So you dont know thats Barneys the store! That can be yknow his friends house, or a bar. Who has Barneys the store on their speed dial?
Chandler: I think its the dying cat parade.
Monica: It sounds like its coming from across the street.
[Cut to Rosss apartment, he his playing the Bagpipes, badly. Hes worse than that whole keyboard thing a few years ago.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.]
Monica: No, there is no way! It can not be Ross! (She looks through the window and sees Ross practicing and fumbling around with the pipes.) Unbelievable! Why is your family Scottish?!
Chandler: If you listen very carefully, I think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang.
Rachel: Umm Pheebs, remember when we were in the coffee house we decided that I was going to keep the uh, the cute guys cell phone?
Rachel: And do you remember going into my purse and stealing the phone?!
Rachel: You stole the phone!
Rachel: Umm, okay. But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. (Rachel dials her phone and Phoebes bag starts to ring.) Oh, it does work! (Rachel grabs the phone and takes it out of Phoebes handbag.)
Rachel: Oh is it?! (She answers the cute guys phone.) Uhh, hello? (On her phone) Yes hi, is Rachel there? (On the other phone) Yes she is, just one moment please. (To Phoebe, holding out both phones.) Its for me!
(The cute guys phone rings.)
Rachel: Oh my God! I bet thats him. My digital fairy tale is about to begin. I wonder how I should be? Should I be uh (In a sexy voice) Hello? Or should I be (Happily) Hi! Its Rach (Phoebe knocks the phone out of Rachels hand, catches it, and answers it.) Would you stop doing that?!
Phoebe: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yes, Im the one who found your phone.
Phoebe: What?! Thats the first time today!
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Dina is at the craft services table getting some food as Joey walks up.]
Joey: So you like the nachos uh? Myself Im partial to
Cecilia: (walking up) Youre absolutely right they are writing me out of the show. They dont know exactly when its going to happen, but apparently going to be very soon and thats it.
Joey: Im so sorry. Look, if it was up to me you would never leave the show.
The Writer: It wasnt my decision!
Joey: Uh yeah-ye-ye-ye-ye-yel-l-l-l-l-look the-the-the only reason that I, that I came up to you before was because well, Im really nervous about-about being you. Yknow if you can help me capture the essence of the character. Yknow? Help me keep Jessica alive. Please?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair.]
Monica: No! No-no theyre not. Theyre still very angry! But yknow Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet.
Ross: Well yeah-yeah the Scottish history is so much more
Monica: (interrupting) You can not play bagpipes at the wedding!!
Chandler: We heard you play all the way from your apartment!
Ross: Were you the ones called the cops?!
Chandler: Thats not really important right now. What is important is; while we appreciate the gesture, we just dont feel bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding.
Cecilia: So, the essence of the character is rooted in her confidence. So, when Jessica enters a room for instance, she owns everything and every person in that room. (Joey is nodding.) You try.
Joey: Okay! (He scurries out the set door and re-enters, extremely impressed) All right!
Cecilia: No, he already knows that he owns everything in the room! Hes not finding it out for the first time! So, try it again.
Cecilia: Right. Hes not angry at the room either. Try it again, he owns it! He owns the room. It is his. He owns, owns, owns, owns the room! He owns it!! (Joey gets a snooty look on his face.) All right, its a little weird, but its getting better. (Joey is pleased.) Oh well, Im gonna miss this woman so much. I dont know what Im going to do! I mean, its been 20 years of my life.
Cecilia: I probably shouldve just left years ago when the offers were pouring in, but yknow I just got so comfy here! And Ohh, I turned down some amazing work!
Cecilia: Well, lets just say if I left 15 years ago, the landscape of Mexican cinema would be very different today!
Joey: You own the room. (She smiles and stares longingly into his eyes.) We should probably get-get uh
Cecilia: Oh yeah-yeah, we should get the (Pause) So when Jessica kisses a man, she usually puts umm, both her hands on the mans face. (She does so.)
Cecilia: No! Its because that way the camera only sees her! (She takes her hands off his face.) Do you wanna try it?
Cecilia: That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands maybe a little off, they should be maybe right like (She grabs the back of his neck and kisses him passionately causing them to fall onto the couch.)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for the cute guy to show up for his cell phone. Rachel is putting on perfume by spraying it ahead of her face, and moving into it. Phoebe tries to steal some.]
(There is a knock on the door.)
Guy: Hi! Its Tom, Im here to pick up the phone.
(Rachel excitedly jumps up and heads for the door.)
Phoebe: Whoa! Why do you get to answer the door?
Rachel: Well, then I get to give him the cell phone.
Phoebe: Okay. All right. (Hands her the phone.) Good luck explaining all the calls to China.
(Phoebe opens the door and Tom, an older gentleman with white hair, enters.)
Rachel: (laughs) Youre not the man who left the cell phone.
Rachel: Is-is he coming? (Looks hopefully out the door.)
(They walk into the living room.)
Phoebe: Oh thatd be me. Sir. (Hands him the cell phone.) After you.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Cecilia is entering the living room from Joeys room followed by Joey.]
Joey: Actually I rent the whole place and, I just got what you meant. Thank you.
Cecilia: Oh that explains all the womens underwear.
Monica: Would you slap me? Would you slap me right here in the face?! (Points to her cheek.)
Joey: All right, here we go. (He grabs them and starts to pull them out of the apartment.)
Joey: Thanks for stopping by. See ya! (Throws them out and closes the door.) (To Cecilia) I-I am so sorry. I
Joey: (notices something in the mail that Rachel brought in) Oh my God!
Joey: They sent me todays script! They never send the script!
Joey: (flipping to the last page) Ew, you get thrown from a horse into an electric fence.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe.]
(He starts. And well, Celebration was never meant to be played on the bagpipe, so even the best bag pipe players in the world would have trouble with that particular song. So of course, for a beginner like Ross, it sounds absolutely dreadful. The assembled audience minus Phoebe, are horrified. Phoebe, immune to bad music, seems to enjoy it.)
Ross: You know the song! Sing along!
(Ross throws the bagpipes down in disgust.)
Dina: Loosening the saddle on mothers horse was brilliant Fredrick. And the electric fence, inspired.
Jessica Lockhart: Whats the matter Dina? Dont you recognize your own (Does a hair flip) mother?!
The Director: Cut! That was great everybody! Thank you!
Joey: The airport?
Joey: Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. (Realizes.) And I just got what you meant againThat isI tell ya, that is a tricky one!
(They kiss and both put their hands on the others face like Jessica would do.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe. Yes, I typed that earlier. Were seeing this again, only this time Ross as already started playing.]
Ross: You know the song! Sing along!
(Matthew mimics the sound again.)
(Why was this the trailer? Well, thats because it was an introduction into the special out takes episode that immediately followed the show. The entire out takes episode, Friends: The Stuff Youve Never Seen can be read by following this link.)
Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, heres some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. Youre gonna make a wonderful father.
Monica: Ohh Oh, thats okay I hate when people come back to complement the chef. Like I have nothing better to do! So whats up?
Donny: ...should be playing with the star of "General Hospital" Leslie Charleson. (applause) Welcome everybody. Good luck to all of you. Let's play Pyramid. All right? Now... we flipped a coin before the show, Gene, you won the toss, so you're gonna start. Which category would you like?
Carol: (answering the door) Hi!
Ross: No ah-ah-ah! Do not start this car! (She starts the car.) Okay! Okay! I will give you twenty bucks if you get out of this car right now! (He looks for the twenty Rachel stole and doesnt find it.)
[knock at the door]
Chandler: (to Rachel) You know what I just realized? We have no idea what we're doing in the wedding tomorrow.
Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and runs to the window.)
RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays)
Phoebe: Wow, that's great! I liked that better than the law thing, so...
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
(Monicas entrance makes Phoebe try to hide the ring by putting it in her mouth.)
CHANDLER: Oh it's uh, over there on the table.
CHANDLER: Hey, how's the first day goin'?
Phoebe: (Removing one of the strips) Ow-ow-ow-ow! Oh my God!!!
Emily: Ohh, I dont think so. I mean it would be different if it was way into the future and-and-and we were getting married or something.
Mr. Geller: Oh my God! This is so exciting! Well, get back in there! (Points to the closet) Ill guard the door!
Rachel: Well, yeah, yknow how Ross and I were on again, off again, on again, off again? I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road, we would be on again.
Ross: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck?
Ross: I was kinda, supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel.
Mr. Thompson: And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentlemans day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! (Joey suddenly gets excited.)
Rachel: has your girlfriend got the butt?
Ross: Nothing, ah there was this thing at the museum. Come on. (they go into her apartment) Easy.
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
[Scene: The Set, Joey, Janine, Ross and Monica are walking in.]
[the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers]
Chandler: (shocked) Well I mean, let me get the door first. (Goes and opens the door.) Oh, hi! No one. (Exits.)
Chandler: Oh, who should I blame? The nice bell man who had to drag out luggage to 10 different rooms?
Chandler: (to the girls who are staring at him) What?
Rachel: How was the beach?
Ross: Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights?
CHANDLER: I was looking forward to playing basketball, but I guess that's out the window.
Jason: Ahh-ahh, we'd better call the fire department!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica has finally given up on her search to find what the light switch does and is now flicking it on and off aimlessly.]
[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing.]
(Ross flips the coin again.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody's sitting on the couch and Monica is eating a chunk of cake.]
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) Its locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading The Shining, as Monica enters.]
(The door across the hall opens and a guy walks into Ross's apartment.)
Ross: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y(Rachel grabs the phone and hangs it up for him.)
Monica: Oh, and by the way, hes lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! (Joey clears his throat.) I still love Chandler.
Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it.
Ross: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.
Phoebe: (To Ross) For what it's worth, we would have caught her if we were at the right airport.
[Scene: Central Perk, ??????? is playing, as Chandler peaks his head out of the storage closet and sneaks back to his seat and pretends he's reading something. Then a short while later Monica pokes her head out of the closet and sneaks back to her seat and sits down, pretending as if nothing has happened.]
Ross: Ross has the blender! Ugh, everything's just falling apart!
Monica: Chasing him all around the room?
Phoebe: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!! (they both kick up the foot rests like an old fashioned gun fight.)
Rachel: Its good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? (to the waitress handing her a cup of coffee) Oh, thank you. Ill see you guys later.
(Mr. Douglas screws up his eyes, trying to credit what Bing has just said, but turning to follow Nina down the corridor, he realises Bing must be telling the truth, since he would not have any personal interest in the girl, would he?)
Monica: All right, we still have a minute and a half to go, and were down by two points. Two points.... (she gets interrupted by the guys, who are doing a slow-motion high five.) Phoebe you do a button-hook again. Rachel, you go long.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is talking on the phone.]
Chandler: Pulling flowers out it makes the bag look a lot more masculine.
[Chandler and Monica are by the window pressuring Ross to tell his parents the truth.]
Monica: Youre wrong! The centerpieces are fine! Do you ever get scared at all?
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie is sitting on the couch and Ross enters.]
Rachel: (coming from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs?
(She turns and looks in the mirror, and its way, way over done. She looks like she has two black eyes.)
MRS BUFFAY: Schnoodle. Oh my God, what the hell happened to my dog?
Rachel: You know the book says that whenever shes sleeping I should be sleeping so (She gives Monica thumbs and goes to lay down)
[Scene: Monicas childhood bedroom (which has been turned into a gym), Monica is lying on the treadmill as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: So whats the final head count on my baby shower?
RACHEL: Wow, he must like you the best.
Chandler: Okay, I will do it. But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you feel in love with!
Chandler: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.
Phoebe: Wait, you can't take the money out.
Phoebe: Well actually you're the one person I can't tell this too. And the one person I want to the most.
Ross: What the hell happened on that beach?!
RACHEL: Oh, by the way Mon, I don't think the mailman liked your cookies. Here are the ornaments your mom sent. [hands her a smashed box]
Chandler: (without taking his eyes off the bra) You don't know! (Monica just smiles)
Ross: Yeah, save it for the cab, okay.
Amy: You bitch. You just think you're so perfect. With your new baby and your, your small apartment. <directs this to Ross who in turns throws the towel in his hand down on the table> Well let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute.
Phoebe: Wait, wait, wait, wait! (Runs over and joins in on the hug again.)
Pete: Wait, wait, wait, wait, thats-thats what youre worried about? If thats the problem, weve got no problem.
Monica: I know, Amanda! Ah! She called me too! She's the worst!
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Chandler: Were trying to get pregnant. (They start kissing, but Chandler stops it.) Yknow Im not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying?
(The gang quickly hides again.)
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
(Suddenly, Phoebe leans in and kisses her on the lips!)
Ross: Thanks. (he takes the card) Hey, I know where this place is! It used to be an X-rated video... (pauses when he realizes what he is saying) florist. (he goes away)
Monica: What, that little thing at the prom?
Guru Saj: Oh sure, we should see resultsWhoa!! Clearly not the way to go!! (quickly wipes it off)
Rachel: No, it was just the three of us.
Ross: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day?
[Scene: Rachels Room, she is taking the ring out of Rosss jacket, looks at it, and puts it on her finger as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Hmm. Look, Ross, if you want your neighbors to like you, why don't you just pay the hundred bucks? The party's gonna cost you way more than that.
Chandler: Well, maybe since the age of 9, Frannies made some new friends.
Chandler: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister! (Rachel glares at him.)
Ross: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it.
Phoebe: I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?
(Ross just stands in the doorway, for like a minute Ahh! Whats going to happen next??!!! I cant make it all the way through the Olympics!!!)
Joey: (onscreen) "I thought I knew who the enemy was, but it was you all along."
Chandler: Honey, its not the bath I enjoy, its the wet, naked lady.
Ross: Yes, yes I am, one of the many things Im feeling. Well.... (picks up her coat)
(Ross motions for the girls to pick.)
(She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's Joey. They both scream)