words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch reading.]
Joey: Can I see the comics?
Chandler: This is the New York Times.
Joey: Okay, may I see the comics?
Monica: Guys. I thought you were taking Ross to the game?
Phoebe: Oh come on, they can be in the same room.
Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? Hes the one who slept with someone else.
Phoebe: Whoa!! He is soo unreasonable! God, although I think I understand what he means. Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first youre really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.
Joey: I had the same dream!
Joey: Oh, I had the opposite dream.
Monica: (seeing her) Okay, lets go!! Lets hit the road!!
Monica: Lets get the show on it!
Monica: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and its sooo close.
Phoebe: (turning around and picking a cup off of a table) Oh, hey, look, I found coffee! (handing her the cup) Okay, lets skedaddle.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the whole gang is there, except for Ross and Rachel. Joey is trying to eat Chinese with chopsticks and fails miserably. Theres a knock on the door, and Chandler answers it to reveal Rachel]
[Chandler makes a noise of absolute disgust and heads into the living room.]
Chandler: (jumps back and points at the cigarette) Oh my God!
Chandler: Look, Im telling you this is just like my parents divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place.
[Theres a knock on the door.]
Chandler: Nope, hymn 253, His Eyes Are On The Sparrow! When my parents got divorced is when I started using humour as a defence mechanism. (answers the door and its Rachel again.)
Rachel: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? Im asking you first, right?!. I mean Im playing by the rules.
[Scene: Rosss, the gang, minus Rachel of course, is there. Chandler is forced to smoke by an open window.]
Chandler: Can somebody else hug him? I have to stay by the window.
Phoebe: Well, we were um, sorta invited to go skiing, y'know Rachels sisters cabin. (Chandler goes back to the window to smoke again.)
Ross: So, for the whole weekend?
Ross: Yeah, thats okay, I mean if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend Im alone by myself, y'know then I totally, totally understand.
Phoebe: Y'know what, I can stay, Im gonna stay. Cause the last time I went skiing I was to afraid to jump off the chair lift, I just went around and around.
[Scene: In Phoebes Grandmothers cab, driving up to the cabin. Phoebes driving, Rachels sitting shotgun, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are in the back seat.]
Phoebe: What does the sign say?
Phoebe: No, the No Smoking sign. Theres no smoking in my Grandmothers cab.
Chandler: Okay, well, then, I-I have to go to the bathroom.
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebes pulling in.]
[Both Chandler and Joey put their feet up against the glass, Monica doesnt and gets thrown up against the glass.]
[Joey gets out and sprints to the bathroom and Chandler follows with a cigarette in his hands.]
Phoebe: (to Rachel, whos staying in the cab.) Arent you gonna go?
Rachel: Well, they never have any paper in there y'know. So my rule is no tissue, no tuschy. (Phoebe laughs and gets out.) Well, if everybodys going. (She gets out and starts to close the door.)
Phoebe: No, y'know what dont close it (Rachel slams the door shut locking themselves out.) cause the... keys...are in there.
Chandler: (to Joey) My lighters in there! (points to the cab)
[Scene: The rest stop, the gang is still stuck, Chandler is kneeling at the rear bumper.]
Chandler: Damn! (stands up) The tailpipes not hot enough to light this!
Joey: Look, I just need a wire something to jimmy it. Oh hey, one of you guys give me the underwire from your bra!
Joey: Come on! Who has the biggest boobs?
Joey: Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the biggest bra, therefore has the biggest wire.
The Girls: No, not getting my bra!
Joey: If you wanna get back in the car, we need the wire, your call.
Phoebe: Okay, Monicas are the biggest.
Rachel: No, I stuff outside the bra.
[Chandler crumples up his cigarette pack and throws it on the ground.]
Chandler: Okay, now lets decide who has the nicest ass.
Joey: (opening the door) And there you go!
[They all run to get in the cab, and Chandler pulls out a smoke.]
Chandler: At least let me smoke it to the good part.
[Phoebe puts the car in gear and starts to back out.]
Phoebe: Okay. (The car moves a few feet and sputters to a stop.) Oh, no!
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is setting a romantic dinner for Susan as there is a knock on the door.]
Carol: (answering the door) Hi!
Ross: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Ross: Ahh. (notices the table) Ooh, is this a ah, is this a bad time?
Ross: Umm, candles, champagne, yeah anniversaries are great. Cause you know love lasts forever, y'know. Nothing like it in this lifetime, money in the bank, so Rachel and I broke up.
Ross: I guess it all started when Rachel got this new job. (he sits down at the table.)
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebe is on the phone to the motor club.]
Rachel: I dont know, Im sorry, I always slept in the back when we drove up here.
Monica: Who? I mean have you seen a car come by here in the last hour and a half? I think we should call Ross, maybe he can get a car and come pick us up.
Monica: So the going for help went well?
Joey: Oh yeah, Smokey Joe here got half way to the highway and collapsed.
Chandler: I have the lung capacity of a two year old. (starts to light another cigarette.)
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
[Cut to the rest stop, Monica and Phoebe are waiting anxiously by the phone as it rings.]
Phoebe: (answering the phone) (whispering) Ross, thank God.
Monica: (running over to stop Rachel) Hey Rach, the tampons here are only a penny. Lets stock up. (takes her into the bathroom)
Carol: (running over and grabbing the phone away from Ross) (on phone) Phoebe, hang on a second. (Hands Ross her keys) Here, take my car, go pick up your friends.
Carol: Listen, we both know youre gonna do it cause youre not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.
Carol: Look, I-I-I am sorry that Rachel dumped you cause she fell in love with that Mark guy, and you are the innocent victim in all of this, but dont punish your friends for what Rachel did to you.
Ross: We were on a break!!! Okay!! (grabs the phone) We were, we were..., (calms down) yeah. Where are you? Ill find you. (hangs up)
[Scene: The rest stop, Joey is making a sign.]
Monica: (reading the sign) Whats pleh?
Joey: Thats help spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Ross: He is saving your butt, ah, unless of course Im stepping on some toes here, in which case I can just mosey on, Ive got plenty of people to help on the Interstate.
[Ross grabs the gas can he brought along, and walks through Joeys sign destroying it.]
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Monica) You guys, what, what do we do about Ross who drove all the way up here? What do we do? Just like send him back and were then gonna go skiing?
Chandler: Y'know what, I can handle it, handles my middle name. Actually its the ah, middle part of my first name.
Ross: Hey-hey, its valid okay? And Im not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.
Monica: What I said was, was that I understood. Joeys the one who agreed with you!
Ross: (to Rachel) Look both, Joey and Monica feel the same way that I do. No-no-no-no.
Chandler: Guys, guys, guess who I am?! (starts dancing around in an effort to stop the fighting.)
Joey: Yeah, and not put us in the middle.
Phoebe: Okay. Good, all right, lets get back in the car, cause its freezing, and my chest is unsupported.
Joey: Come on man, you drove all the way up here.
Ross: No, no, really, Ive got to take the car back anyway, Im spending all day tomorrow with Ben, Its fine, no guilt I promise.
Phoebe: Or, or the rodeo!!
Chandler: I was being Shelly Winters from The Poseidon Adventure.
[They all get in the cab and drive away.]
[Ross tries to start the truck, and discovers the batterys dead.]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Carol: (looking through the peephole) Ugh. (opening the door) Ross!
Ross: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, cause thats not where you want to skimp.
Ross: Yeah, well it came to about $112, but what the hell, just call it an even 110?
Carol: Okay, Ill pay you tomorrow. (pushes him out the door)
Carol: Yeah, okay, bye. (closes the door, turns out the lights, and runs back to the bedroom)
Ross: (outside the door) So Im gonna take off then!
Joey: (to the guy operating the chipper) Hey! Hey!! (makes the cut it motion with his hands)
Katie: Aww, like I could hurt you. Are you making fun of my size? Don't make fun of me because of my size! (She punches him again and almost knocks him off the arm of the couch.)
CHANDLER: Nah, Phoebs, that's the guy that comes in the frame.
CHANDLER: You know, I don't think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?
Phoebe: No, yeah! The groom cannot see the bride!
Chandler: So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable? (Gives Joey a little squeeze.)
The Interviewer: Great! Well, it was nice meeting all of you.
Phoebe: (to the Charity guy) We're back!
Woman: Hi, were the Rostins. Err, Im J.C., and hes Michael, and were having a boy, and a girl.
[Phoebe walks from the living room to the kitchen and talks quietly to Rachel.]
Joey: Ha-ha, very funnyLook! I dont know what to do! I really want you guys to get along. Just please come to the movie with us. I mean you owe me!
Chandler: Oh no, yes we do my man. Remember when we were back in college and we went to that spring dance and you walked right up to that girl you liked and you could not stop talking about the Irish potato famine?
(She slowly grabs the chains of the swing, swings her hair back, and sits down.)
Monica: What the hell is this? (holding up the check)
Rachel: So whos idea was it to put everybody in the diner on skates?
Dr. Long: Actually, I think youre ready to go to the delivery room.
Monica: (looking out the peephole) Ohh, shes looking down the hall. Oh! She looked right at me! Oh wait, you cant see people through that little hole, can you? (Goes back to the door.) Hello!
[Scene: The Cooking Class, Joey is trying to cook as the teacher walks over to him.]
Ross: Rach, you can't call people at three in the morning.
Chandler: Yes, and I was saying the actual words.
Phoebe: (in a French accent) Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Reginé Philange. I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estée Lauder.
(The doctor hands the boy to the nurse, and she walks over to another part of the room with him.)
Phoebe: You're not making the pies yourself?
MONICA: [Opens the door] I need to borrow a hundred bucks.
Rachel: Well Joey, youll probably get it. But you should probably your-your gracious loser face. Yknow when like the cameras are on you and you wanna look disappointed but also that your colleague deserved to win. Yknow? So its sorta like (Does it, youll have to see it.)
Chandler: C'mon, we're roommates! (He goes into the bathroom, screams, and runs back out.) My eyes!! My eyes!!
Joey: (takes out the mouth guard) I know I dont have too! It tastes good. (Puts it back in.)
Phoebe: Hey! (Jumps on the bed with him.) Can we pick up where we left off?
Ross: We're still going at the game, right?
(Chandler makes a 'Cross my heart' sign. It starts to rain and he taps on the window.)
The Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I dont come to this city much so I dont know if youre crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.
Rachel: So shake it! (Rachel slaps Ross's butt on the beat)
Phoebe: I can do that for the kids.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is observing the new maid, Brenda, clean.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel return from the class.]
Joey: Check out the rack on this chick! (Turns around to point it out to Ross and finds that Ross is glaring at him. So he quickly puts his binoculars to his eyes and starts looking for the comet.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is relating his recent conversation with Emily to the gang.]
Ross: Yeah, yeah, what's with the trophy!
Ross: You may want to lose the foam finger!
Phoebe: Uh, we were at the Spelling Bee!
Mike: Yeah - not such a problem with rats. No, they're more of a "love the one you're with" kind of animals.
JOEY: [peeks back out] Ok, now that your coat is safely in the bedr-, [sees that the coast is clear] oh, ok we can come back out in the living room.
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
[Cut to the hall]
Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain something to me though, if, if nobody tagged Rachel, then isnt the play still going.
Ross: (Reading the note) We know you're out there. (Rachel gasps)
Monica: Its okay. I suppose it could happen to anyone, not anyone I know, but... By the way I can still see it.
Phoebe: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! (Singing) "Daa - raa... When the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."
[time lapse – they are still in the hall]
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Janice is being moved to the delivery room and is screaming in pain.]
[cut to the hall]
[cut to the hall]
[cut to the hall]
Phoebe: (panicking) But Emma's got what it takes, she could go all the way!
Ross: Hey! I just spoke to your dad, and you know what? He seems to think well be able to find a new place for the wedding.
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
[Scene: Boarding the plane.]
RACHEL: Um, this is gonna sound kinda goofy but uhhm, my friend over there, who cooks by the way, um, she thinks you're cute.
Phoebe: Or, we can decide by whose ever name is closer to the word phone.
Rachel: Well you uh, you were always really good at the uh, at the uh the stuff.
Chandler: The cranberries...?
David: Where the story was that I was anticipating that I would be around to hear my sons first words spoken. But the scene was about that he wasnt supposed to be able to speak and, uh for some reason when we started doing the show
Joey: Oh! It all looks so beautiful: the turkey, the stuffing...
Chandler: They were just giving those away at the store (off Monicas look) in exchange for money.
Joey: Oh yeah! The casserole lady.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting foreheads. Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.]
(Ross head appears above Joey's, Rachel's below Joey's and Phoebe's at the bottom)
[The next one is from Episode 608: The One With Rosss Teeth, Chandler is accusing Joey of becoming less of a man.]
(Monica takes it and reads the label)
Rachel: Well, it would be easier to move just right across the hall. Wait a minute, unless youre thinking about Naked Wednesdays.
Rachel: No. Joey, she knows! We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and we saw them doing it through the window. (Joey gasps) Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window.
Monica: The three of us?
Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandlers, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)
Ray: Uh Joey, didnt your agents give you the revised rules? Weve eliminated all of that. No wheel, no cards.
Rachel: Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour. Maybe we should actually move Rosita out of here. Yknow, start the heeling process?
(Rachel enters, checking the mail, then looks up and sees Gladys placed on the barcalounger.)
Monica: That was the adoption agency...
(Monica enters from the spare bedroom.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
THE END
Monica: Okay? (She starts to walk which causes her to start crying) Ooo wee! Christmas party in my boots! (Runs into the bedroom and mixes saying ow with laughing.)
Doug: Well, I got tanked myself last night. Pretty dicey drive home, Tapanzi Bridge never looked smaller. (laughs) Thats okay, youre still my number one guy! (slaps him on the butt) Bing!
Rachel: No, but I was doing my thing and everything was going according to the plan!
Rachel: Okay, just give me the damn drops! (Grabs them and storms out.)
Receptionist: Have a seat through the glass doors.
RACHEL: Yeah, yeah.� Phoebe and I are going to have so much fun.� And thank you for watching the baby, by the way.
Ross: You're wearing the same shirt.
Monica: He says he wants to leave the country. (Pause) He thinks you hate him.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Chandler are eating the cheesecake right out of the box.]
Phoebe: What? You know about the plate thing?
(Rachel enters from the main door)
Chandler: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
Tommy: Ooh, I dont know. Probably the smell of freshly cut grass.
Phoebe: Well, I still think that it’s a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!
Mona: Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we cant. Its too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just It just wasnt meant to be.
Chandler: Yes, but the coffee table doesn't match the...blahebdmsdlkhdyslkd;btyds...Rooosss!!!!
Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!