words in movies
Ross: Hey! I just got uh, my teacher evaluations! Check out what this one student wrote, "I loved Dr. Gellers class. Mind blowing lectures! Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the paleontology department!"
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, theres a big selling calendar, eh?
Ross: Oh, I wish I knew, but the evaluations are all anonymous.
Joey: Oh, cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, theres your admirer. (Ross is stunned.)
Chandler: A hot girls at stake and all of the sudden hes Rain Man.
Chandler: Oh, is that against the rules?
Joey: No thats not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when youre 90 youll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
Joey: Oh well listen, anyway shes directing the new Al Pacino movie. You gotta get me an audition!
Joey: Hey-hey dude, why are you changing the subject? Why? Will you make the call or what?
Joey: All right! Thanks! Youre the best! Now listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday. Okay? So I gotta get in there by Thursday. Okay? Just remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?
Joey: (angrily) Thursday! Look if you need help remembering think of like this, the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?!
Rachel: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Mon? Im gonna check my messages.
Rachel: (on phone) Hello? (Shocked that someone answered.) Uh, Rachel. (To the gang.) Great, someone is in our apartment. Call the cops!
Monica: Youre on the phone!
Rachel: (on phone) Oh my God! Oh my God! Thank you! (Hangs up) That was the fire department, there was a fire at our place!
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
Joey: The part I want to audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be!
[Scene: N.Y.U. Paleontology department, Ross is putting up the grades on the message board.]
Ross: Oh thank you. Thanks very much. (Leans up against the board and on a thumbtack.) Ow! (He pulls away.)
Ross: Oh I, I dont-I dont think that would be the best idea.
Elizabeth: Oh, because I was thinking, the semesters over; youre not my teacher anymore.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, everyone minus Ross are arriving to inspect the damage. The fire department is still there.]
(They start to look around seeing that the living room is undamaged.)
Fireman #1: Yeah, most of the damage is pretty mostly contained in the bedrooms.
Rachel: My God! (They both run into the bedrooms.)
Joey: (to the fireman) Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this Thursday?
Phoebe: Oh, its bad. Its really bad. The only thing in there that isnt burned is an ass. Which I do not remember buying!
Rachel: (stands up) Wow! Oh-okay, look pal, I am not in the mood to be hit on right now! But if you give me your number I will call you some other time.
Chandler: Have you figured out what started the fire Mr. Fireman?
Phoebe: Yes! I do! All the time! I love them! Oh my God! I did it! Its me! Its me! I burned down the house! I burned down the house!
Rachel: Okay Phoebe calm down, theres no need to place blame. Okay? (To the fireman) I warned her about those candles.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Joey: When youre off the phone, do you wanna get a pizza?
Chandler: (on phone) Hi! Im back. (Goes to hang up the phone.) Yeah, that sounds great. (Listens) Okay. Well, well do it then. (Listens) Okay, bye-bye. (He hangs up the phone and turns around to see Joey standing close to him and screams.)
Chandler: (To Joey) We didnt get to the audition. Im gonna take her to coffee and then well do it then.
Chandler: (laughs) Oh thats great, my friend Joeys in the movie business.
Chandler: The nerve huh?
Monica: Now, this is last minute so I want to apologize for the mess. Okay?
(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)
Phoebe: Well, since the fire was kinda my fault I guess (To Rachel) you should get to stay here.
Phoebe: Well no, it was my fault so you should get the nice room.
Rachel: Okay! (She jumps on the bed.)
Monica: So Rach! Youre the first guest at Hotel Monica! Umm, youll just have to tell me how you like your eggs in the morning. And I thought I would bring them to you, yknow, in bed. Oh, you have been through so much.
Joey: This right here is where I keep the pizza. (He points to the chair.) And uh thats where the napkin is. (Points to the floor next to the chair.)
Ross: Oh uh, I had trouble remembering everyones name, so I-I kinda came up with nicknames. Like the guy on the other side of you was Smelly von Brownshirt.
Ross: Listen, I gotta tell ya, I-Im having a great time! Yknow how before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and to be frank I thought it would be too, but its not. I mean its not at all.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are cleaning up the mess.]
Fireman #2: Well, we determined the cause of the fire.
Fireman #2: No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. Its looks like a curling iron.
Joey: This is where I keep the pizza. (Its the same location as before.) AndHey! Where did the napkin go?! (The napkin is not in its spot.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is reading and Monica runs over and turns on the lamp behind Phoebe.]
Phoebe: What the smell from Joeys? No, I can hardly smell it over here.
Phoebe: I can smell it a little, bake the pie.
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Monica: Hello? (Listens) Oh yes, one minute please. (To Phoebe) Its for you. Its the fire inspector.
Phoebe: Oh! (Takes the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Yeah this is Phoebe. (Listens) Really?!
[Cut to Joeys, hes on the phone.]
Joey: (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasnt the hair straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it was the candles. Its very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh Uhh Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically its-its not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
(He turns his back to Monica and does the international sign for big boobies again.)
Ross: Oh yeah! Wasnt she uh (Does the international sign for big boobies.)
The Guys: Ohhhh! (They all look up in a moment of reflection.)
Chandler: Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
Chandler: Well, the heart wants what it wants. Ill see you later. (He runs off and leaves her with the bill, which the waiter promptly delivers.)
[Scene: Hotel Monica, Phoebe is on the bed playing her guitar as Monica enters.]
Phoebe: Well, not much has changed in the last five minutes.
Monica: But you should eat them now because theyre hot from the oven.
Monica: (pulling the plate back) Oh-ho! But not in here! Cant eat em in bed, remember? No crumbies!
(Monica leaves and Phoebe closes the door behind her and tries to lock it.)
Monica: (opening the door) What are you doing?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
Joey: Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)
Ross: What?! No! No! Wait! Youre right, this is stupid. Who cares what people think? I mean, I mean we like each other right? Theres nothing wrong with that. Come on. (They get up and go over to the table where his colleagues are sitting.) Burt? Lydia? Mel? This is Elizabeth.
Burt: Theyre gonna fire you! You cant date a student! Its against the rules.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are throwing huge spitballs at the entertainment center.]
Joey: Oh, very funny. I dont know if you remember, but my audition was supposed to be Thursday. (Chandler doesnt say anything until Joey figures it out.) You got me the audition?! Lets hug it up! (They hug.)
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (Joey puts him down.) What are you gonna do to me if you get the part?
Phoebe: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think Im partly at fault. You see, I didnt, I didnt tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so yknow lets just face it, thats just kindling! So I think its better that I stay at Joeys.
Joey: Thats right, all the ladies want to stay at Joeys.
Phoebe: No but at Monicas you can eat cookies over the sink!
Phoebe: All right fine! This looks like so much fun. (Examining the bowl of wet paper towels.)
Phoebe: God, what a mess. (She grabs the bowl and heads for Monicas.)
Ross: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I cant date you or have a hot plate in my office. I cant believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Ross: I know, I know I really like you too. But we-we cant date. Its against the rules. Its forbidden.
Elizabeth: Shut the book!
Chandler: Its Thursday! How was the audition?!
The Guys: Yeah!
(Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend)
(Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house. They look about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf.)
Joey: Oh, .. uh... uh... pass. (Next word: "Rotunda") Pass. (Next word: "Filibuster" stares at it a moment) Pass. (Henrietta is looking very confused) (Next word: "Addendum" 4 seconds remaining) Okay, the little thing that hangs down at the back of your throat.
CHANDLER: April 18th, excessive noise. Italian guy's gay roommate comes home with the dry-cleaning. Well that's excellent.
Rachel: Ohh, you're so sweet! (She kicks Katie in the shin.)
Chandler: My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt. (Glaring at Joey whos nodding.)
[Scene: The Jewelry Store, Phoebe is busy trying on virtually everything in the store. Shes got earrings, rings, bracelets, and enough necklaces to put Mr. T to shame on.]
Phoebe: Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys.
Monica: Y'know, I-I-I don't think that I can. So if you don't mind, maybe this will be it for me on the work things.
Phoebe: Okay, well Ill bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, theyre not actually puppies, theyre Frank and Alices triplets. Okay, see ya! (Exits.)
Monica: Yeah, you really shouldn't. (to Ross, sarcastically) By the way, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?
Tim: Wow! Umm, okay. Umm (To Phoebe) I-I-I realize I came on a little strong but, its only because I think youre so amazing. (To Monica) And uh, I-I just wanna, I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you giving me an opportunity here because Iyoure the most talented chef Ive ever worked for. Anyway (Starts to leave and Phoebe and Monica trade looks.)
Rachel: Oh well, y'know, the gala had to end sometime.
Phoebe: Okay! (Runs that way and hears another whistle blast.) Hey! (Heads the other way and hears another blast.) What do I do?!! (She runs in the second direction and finds that the whistling is coming from inside a rack. She moves the dresses out of the way to find Rachel curled up in a fetal position frantically blowing on the whistle.) What are you doing? (Rachel doesnt stop.) Did you find the dress? (Rachel wont stop so Phoebe pinches her nose shut which causes her to spit the whistle out.)
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Ross: Uh, you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway, so... (laughs stupidly)
Joey: Its the chick! Shes going through some changes.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner.]
(They both try to slowly extricate themselves from Ross, but theres a knock on the door that awakens him.)
Chandler: Thanks. (He takes off the vest and throws it on the floor.)
Tour Guide: Maybe its crazy in a perfect world, a world without lab coats and blazers, but you not in a perfect world, you in a museum now. See that scientist in the classes, he and I used to play together all the time in grade school, but now (Turns around) Peter! Hey, Peter! Its me Rhonda! From PS-129! I shared my puddin which you man! I gave you my Snack Pack! (to Joey) See, he pretend he dont even here me!
Joey: Whats the matter, Pheebs?
Monica: (Into the phone) Hello? Chandler, what's wrong? (She listens) Oh my God, are you alright? (listens some more) Yeah, I'll be right there. (She hangs up and speaks to Amanda) I'm so sorry, but Chandler was in a car accident. (She gets up)
Frank: (noticing the puppy) Oh, whos this little guy?! (Grabs the puppy)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse. Rachel is entering the living room from her bedroom as Monica enters.]
(Joey turns and is angry that Chandler didnt come up with the answer.)
Phoebe: What the hell is this?! What, did you actually thought it would make me feel better to give me stuff that I cant use for another two months?! This sucks! All right, whats my next present?!
Joey: Home sweet home, huh? Nice to, uh, get back to reality. Plus we know how the New Years gonna go off. I guess theres no reason for all that Y2K panic, yknow? Anyway, gnight!
All: Yeah! Yes! (They all right into the living room, all excited.)
Joey: Oh, hey listen! The Soapies called today and I also get to present an award.
Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.
[Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.]
Ross: Than I want mine, too (takes the bowl from Joey)! And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.
[Pete enters with his entourage all pumped up, and Ross and Monica are the only ones who stand up and cheer.]
Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, heres some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. Youre gonna make a wonderful father.
Monica: Ohh Oh, thats okay I hate when people come back to complement the chef. Like I have nothing better to do! So whats up?
Donny: ...should be playing with the star of "General Hospital" Leslie Charleson. (applause) Welcome everybody. Good luck to all of you. Let's play Pyramid. All right? Now... we flipped a coin before the show, Gene, you won the toss, so you're gonna start. Which category would you like?
Carol: (answering the door) Hi!
Ross: No ah-ah-ah! Do not start this car! (She starts the car.) Okay! Okay! I will give you twenty bucks if you get out of this car right now! (He looks for the twenty Rachel stole and doesnt find it.)
[knock at the door]
Chandler: (to Rachel) You know what I just realized? We have no idea what we're doing in the wedding tomorrow.
Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and runs to the window.)
RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays)
Phoebe: Wow, that's great! I liked that better than the law thing, so...
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
(Monicas entrance makes Phoebe try to hide the ring by putting it in her mouth.)
CHANDLER: Oh it's uh, over there on the table.
CHANDLER: Hey, how's the first day goin'?
Phoebe: (Removing one of the strips) Ow-ow-ow-ow! Oh my God!!!
Emily: Ohh, I dont think so. I mean it would be different if it was way into the future and-and-and we were getting married or something.
Mr. Geller: Oh my God! This is so exciting! Well, get back in there! (Points to the closet) Ill guard the door!
Rachel: Well, yeah, yknow how Ross and I were on again, off again, on again, off again? I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road, we would be on again.
Ross: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck?
Ross: I was kinda, supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel.
Mr. Thompson: And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentlemans day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! (Joey suddenly gets excited.)
Rachel: has your girlfriend got the butt?
Ross: Nothing, ah there was this thing at the museum. Come on. (they go into her apartment) Easy.
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
[Scene: The Set, Joey, Janine, Ross and Monica are walking in.]
[the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers]
Chandler: (shocked) Well I mean, let me get the door first. (Goes and opens the door.) Oh, hi! No one. (Exits.)
Chandler: Oh, who should I blame? The nice bell man who had to drag out luggage to 10 different rooms?
Chandler: (to the girls who are staring at him) What?
Rachel: How was the beach?
Ross: Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights?
CHANDLER: I was looking forward to playing basketball, but I guess that's out the window.
Jason: Ahh-ahh, we'd better call the fire department!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica has finally given up on her search to find what the light switch does and is now flicking it on and off aimlessly.]
[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing.]
(Ross flips the coin again.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody's sitting on the couch and Monica is eating a chunk of cake.]
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) Its locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading The Shining, as Monica enters.]
(The door across the hall opens and a guy walks into Ross's apartment.)
Ross: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y(Rachel grabs the phone and hangs it up for him.)
Monica: Oh, and by the way, hes lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! (Joey clears his throat.) I still love Chandler.
Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it.
Ross: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.
Phoebe: (To Ross) For what it's worth, we would have caught her if we were at the right airport.
[Scene: Central Perk, ??????? is playing, as Chandler peaks his head out of the storage closet and sneaks back to his seat and pretends he's reading something. Then a short while later Monica pokes her head out of the closet and sneaks back to her seat and sits down, pretending as if nothing has happened.]
Ross: Ross has the blender! Ugh, everything's just falling apart!
Monica: Chasing him all around the room?
Phoebe: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!! (they both kick up the foot rests like an old fashioned gun fight.)
Rachel: Its good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? (to the waitress handing her a cup of coffee) Oh, thank you. Ill see you guys later.
(Mr. Douglas screws up his eyes, trying to credit what Bing has just said, but turning to follow Nina down the corridor, he realises Bing must be telling the truth, since he would not have any personal interest in the girl, would he?)
Monica: All right, we still have a minute and a half to go, and were down by two points. Two points.... (she gets interrupted by the guys, who are doing a slow-motion high five.) Phoebe you do a button-hook again. Rachel, you go long.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is talking on the phone.]
Chandler: Pulling flowers out it makes the bag look a lot more masculine.
[Chandler and Monica are by the window pressuring Ross to tell his parents the truth.]
Monica: Youre wrong! The centerpieces are fine! Do you ever get scared at all?
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie is sitting on the couch and Ross enters.]
Rachel: (coming from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs?
(She turns and looks in the mirror, and its way, way over done. She looks like she has two black eyes.)
MRS BUFFAY: Schnoodle. Oh my God, what the hell happened to my dog?
Rachel: You know the book says that whenever shes sleeping I should be sleeping so (She gives Monica thumbs and goes to lay down)
[Scene: Monicas childhood bedroom (which has been turned into a gym), Monica is lying on the treadmill as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: So whats the final head count on my baby shower?