words in movies
Joey: Hey! You guys! Youre not gonna believe this! I just got off the phone with my agent
Joey: No, no, no! Its real! And it has been since 1998. (Rachel returns from the bathroom.) Hey Rach! Rach! Im up for a Soapie!
Rachel: (gasps) Oh my God! Oh my God!! That is like the third most prestigious soap opera award there is!
Joey: Thank you! Well, I guess now I know who Im taking to the awards. (Points to Rachel.)
Rachel: Oh, stop that! Dont kid about that! (Gasps) Will all the stars be there?
Ross: and it was Ernst Muhlbrat who first hypothesized that the Velociraptor would expand its collar and emit a high pitched noise to frighten its predator. (A student raises his hand.) Yes Mr. Lewis?
Ross: Well that brings me in the loop a little.
Morse: You see, thats why I did so bad on this test. Im having a hard time concentrating. When youre up there (Points to the podium) and youre teaching and your face gets all serious you look so good. (In a sexy voice) You wear that tight little turtleneck sweater
Ross: Okay! (Walks away from him.) Umm, I uh, Im your teacher. Im sorry, youre-youre a student and I-and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs.
Phoebe: Oh my God! That guy at the counter is totally checking you out!
Phoebe: Im just saying, get his number just in case. But no Chandler is in an accident and cant perform sexually and he would want you to take a lover to satisfy the needs that he can no longer fulfill.
The Cute Guy: (To Monica) Hi!
The Cute Guy: Wow! Uh, this is kind of embarrassing. I was actually coming over to talk to your friend.
The Cute Guy: (To Phoebe) I thought you knew I was looking at you.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting in the chair.]
Joey: (pretending to be an announcer) And the winner is Joey Tribbiani! (He then gets excited and goes over to the counter to practice his acceptance speech using a bottle of maple syrup as the award.) Oh Wow! I honestly never expected this. I uh, I didnt prepare a speech. But umm, Id like to thank (Rachel enters quietly) my parents, whove always been there for me. Id also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel
Joey: Oh, hey listen! The Soapies called today and I also get to present an award.
Rachel: Well of course I do! But yknow, favorite returning character is a tough category Joey. I mean youre up against the guy who survived his own cremation.
Rachel: Well Joey, youll probably get it. But you should probably your-your gracious loser face. Yknow when like the cameras are on you and you wanna look disappointed but also that your colleague deserved to win. Yknow? So its sorta like (Does it, youll have to see it.)
Joey: You practice losing the Grammies too?
Rachel: Oh no, at the Grammies I always win.
Monica: No, a guy would be saying, "Im never gonna get to sleep with anyone else." Oh my God! Im never gonna get to sleep with anyone else! Ive been so busy planning the wedding that I forgot about all the things that Id be giving up! I mean, I Im never gonna have a first kiss again.
Ross: It-itThe point is my natural charisma has made him fail his midterm.
Rachel: Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! Yknow youI couldnt concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember whats its like to be 19 and in love.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is saying good-bye to her boyfriend Jake at the door to Central Perk.]
Jake: All right. Bye. (Backs out the door.)
Phoebe: Bye! (Phoebe goes over and joins Monica on the couch.) We said good-bye at the door so as not to flaunt our new love.
Jake: (yelling through the window to Phoebe) I miss you already!!
Monica: See? Thats what I mean. I mean that, thats great! But I wouldnt trade in what I have for that. I mean Im gonna be with Chandler for the rest of my life, and thats what makes me happy. (Chandler approaches.) Hey sweetie, come here! Come sit down. Hey Phoebe and I were just talking about how our relationship is deep and meaningful. It really is dont you think?
[Scene: The 2001 Soapie Awards, Joeys category is up next and the presenter walks to the podium.]
Announcer: Presenting the award for Favorite Returning Male Character is McKensize
[Cut to the presenter.]
The Presenter: in the category of Favorite Returning Male Character the nominees are: John Wheeler from General Hospital (Applause), Gavin Grant from The Young and the Restless (Applause), Dunkin Harrington from Passions (Applause), and Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives (Applause). And the Soapie goes to (She opens the envelope) Gavin Grant from The Young and the Restless!
Joey: What the?! (Joey pounds the table and starts yelling at Rachel, and which is drowned out by applause. Rachel is desperately trying to tell Joey that hes on TV right now. He finally notices and he does his gracious loser face.)
[Scene: The 2001 Soapie Awards, the announcer is introducing the next presenter.]
Announcer: Presenting the award for Favorite Supporting Actress is Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives. (Applause as Joey angrily walks to the podium and eyes the trophy.)
Joey: (angrily and monotone) Any one of the brilliant actresses nominated for this award tonight deserves to take it home. Unfortunately only one can. (Shakes his head in disgust.) The nominees for Best Supporting Actress are from Passions Erin Goff. (There is applause, which Joey disgustedly waits to dye out.) From One Life to Live Mary Loren Bishop (They start to applaud again, but Joey interrupts in with the rest of the nominees), from All My Children Sarah Mchann, and from Days of Our Lives Jessica Ashley. And the winner is (Opens the envelope) Jessica Ashley from Days of Our Lives. (Applause) Uh, unfortunately Jessica couldnt be with us tonight so Ill be accepting this award on her behalf. (Realizes something) And Im sure that Jessica would like to thank my parents who always believed in me. Shed also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel whos sittin right there! (Points at Rachel.) (The music starts and his microphone is turned off, this angers Joey again and he disgustedly exits.)
Joey: Rach we had to get out of there because, look what I won! (He whips out the award for Best Supporting Actress that he accepted for Jessica.)
Joey: No-no! No, Im accepting it on her behalf. (He puts it up above the TV to display it.)
Joey: But why?! I shouldve won one and I really want it and she didnt even care enough to come to the thing! It could also be a Grammy.
Rachel: (looking at the award) No! Joey!
Joey: No! I want an award I did win! But nobodys giving me any of those! PlusHey Rach, if-if I put it up there (Points to the TV) right? When people come over theyll see it and theyll think I won it.
Rachel: All right? (He sets the award down.) Thank you.
(He goes into his room and closes the door. Rachel goes to pick it up and )
[Scene: Rosss Classroom, he is writing on the board and Alan is coming in to see him.]
Ross: And why exactly would I do that? (Goes back to writing on the board.)
Ross: (turning around and dragging the chalk down the board) What?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Monica enters.]
Phoebe: No that is the last thing you want to do!
Monica: So Im not supposed to share my doubts and fears with the guy Im gonna spend the rest of my life with?
Monica: The woman that got married a bunch of times and killed herself when you were 13?
Rachel: Okay, Im totally cool! (She coolly knocks on the door)
(The enter.)
Jessica Ashley: (shocked) Oh my God! I won! Do you have any idea what this means?! (She rolls her eyes and throws it onto the couch.)
Monica: Honey, as we get closer to the wedding, is there anything that you would like to talk about or share?
Chandler: Okay. Well, I think the centerpieces are too big
Monica: Youre wrong! The centerpieces are fine! Do you ever get scared at all?
Monica: Just, I love you so much. Just Its just sometimes it bothers me that Im never gonna have that feeling. Yknow when you meet someone for the first time and its new and exciting? Yknow that rush?
Chandler: I was dangerously dehydrated during the first six months of our relationship. (Monica laughs.) Look, for me the rush is knowing that we are gonna be together for the rest of our lives.
Monica: Come here! Come here! (They hug.) Sweetie you dont have to worry. No, besides yknow what? Im gonna have a lot of new things with you. The first time we buy a house. Our first kid. Our first grandkid
[Scene: Rosss classroom, he has just finished his lecture and the students are filing out.]
Ross: Yknow what? I-Im not even gonna talk about this. Okay? This little thing is over. I know you have a girlfriend! Okay(Ned looks shocked)Yeah! And I know about the other professors! How do you think that makes me feel Ned?! You used me! You dont love me and you never did! (Ross turns around to make a grand exit but runs into two colleagues.) Ah Professor Winston, Professor Fredrickson, Ill be right with you. (To Ned) Dont make this worse and Ill give you a C. (To the professors) Shall we? (They leave.)
(Phoebe notices the Soapie on the counter.)
Phoebe: in Reservations at 8:00 by Neil Simon. (To an imaginary Neil Simon) Thank-thank you Neil. Thank you for the words. (Blows him a kiss.)
Phoebe: Please, dont play the music. Just uh one more. LIVE FROM NEW YORK! ITS SATURDAY NIGHT!!
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
ROSS: Yeah. Hey, remember the time I jammed that pencil into your hand?
Monica: Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is done!
(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Rosss forehead and Chandler catches the rebound.)
Monica: Ok..You know the old classics you know,You look nice? They're still ok.
Ross: Oh-oh, youre-youre fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, (Grabs a book from the shelf behind him) perhaps Dr. Chester Stocks musings on the Smiledon Californicus?
Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realizes that shes in her gown.) Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. Its bad luck.
Monica: Dead leg!! (kicks him in the thigh.)
Phoebe: So uh, now look at the picture
Phoebe: Oh, you guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together (takes the bowl from Ross and puts it on the table)
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
Chandler: (to Rachel, whos entering) Hey! Howd the interview go?
(phone starts ringing and Chandler comes running out of the bathroom)
Chandler: Let me get this straight. I called yesterday trying to cancel my reservation and I was told it was not refundable, then we drove six hours all the way up here and now you tell me that we don't have a reservation?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are playing with the duck and the chick.]
[The stereo system booms out 'Billions of years ago. . .'. Ross gets up and changes it to music.]
Joey: Wha-a how about this: Another table leaves, right? But there�s still some food left on their place, okay, what�s the restaurant�s policy about people eatin� that?
Ross: Gimme the this!
Rachel: I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl and he had his arm around her.
(Rachel sits on the window seat, and knocks against it)
Rachel: (angrily) No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!
Chandler: Okay. Uh, well dim the lights, dim the lights. (He goes to the light switch and finds its not a dimmer switch when he flips the lights off.) Or turn them out all together. Uh, no scented candles. Okay here. Here we go. (He sprays an aerosol air freshener above her.)
Chandler: Okay, thats like the least fun game ever.
The Bass Barber: Omm-pah, omm-pah, omm-pah.
Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are living here and Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle when Rachel opens the door causing the door knob to hit his hand.]
[Cut to The Philly.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler are waiting for Ross and Rachel to come home and Monica is looking at the sign Phoebe bought that says, "Its a Boy!"]
Phoebe: (angrily) Thats like the tenth time Ive peed since Ive been here!
Receptionist: Welcome to the Chestnut Inn Mr. Bing, so where are you joining from?
Mike: Great! Come on in! (Mike kisses her on the cheek. A butler walks in and takes Phoebe's coat.)
Alice: None. But if there was something you wanted to tell us, were just gonna be right over there (points to the counter) having coffee.
Mike's mom: No... It's lovely. The lights and the snow. I could look at them forever.
Emily: Ross, are you there? Ross, I dont know if you can hear this but (Ross has moved to the window, apparently so that he can hear better.) Im gonna talk anyway, uh, Im in the States with you sister and your friends and its all over with Colin. I came here to tell you that, and to tell youYes, Joey you can have all the chocolate you want, just take it! Uh, I came here to tell you that I love you.
Chandler: Youre arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!!
Alice: Uhh, we were just in the neighbourhood, so
Teacher: Well that's all right, you can come up to the front and dance with me.
Chandler: I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now. (She tries to whistle and blows little chunks of cheesecake out of her mouth.) How can you eat the cheesecake without me?!
Rachel: Oh my god. Ok you guys, theres Danny. Watch. Just watch this. (He walks past the couch to the counter.) See?! Still pretending hes not interested. Ohh, hes coming over. Just pretend like we dont know him. Weve forgotten who he is.
Rachel: So Joey I just hooked Ross and Chandler up with some tuxedos for the wedding, do you need one?
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebes pulling in.]
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
(Chandler throws the ball to kick-off.)
Monica: Hows the big anniversary dinner?
Joey: Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? (Pause) Youre the other one right? (She thinks about it for a second and nods yes.)
Ross: We are four short of a bush-o (pause). God I feel so alive, I love being in the country!
Janice: The receipt.
(The clerk enters the video into the computer.)
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
[Scene: The Philly, Chandler and Joey are talking to Chloe.]
Joey: Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen.
Ross: So, how was the honeymoon?
Joey: Its all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls apartment.)
Monica: Thats it. Im done. I dont care when the baby comes, no more betting.
Annabelle: Hey, Joey. So did you hear about the new guy?
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, no, I dont, I dont know. But, y'know what, maybe its just all for the best?
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Rachel: (to the flight attendant who appears in record time. It was only seconds after Rachel pushed the call button was she there. Once again, more proof that TV isn't real, IRL she would've been waiting for the rest of the flight and by then Ross's pants would be dry.) Hi!
Monica: Well, it's the thought. Hey, doesn't Ross's flight get in in a couple hours? At gate 27-B?
Phoebe: Oh let me guess, and you wanna have them all at the same time and you wanna have them for your brother.
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Joey: I don't get it. What happened? What about everything you said under the bridge?
JOEY: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him.
Ross: We were on a break!!! Okay!! (grabs the phone) We were, we were..., (calms down) yeah. Where are you? Ill find you. (hangs up)
ROSS: Excuse me, I'm seizing. Mr. Treeger, here's another 50, happy Hanukkah. Will uh, will this help with the knob getting?
Monica: Is it the Italian guy?
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
RACH: Closure, that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel's surprise party. The apartment is festooned with cups. There are cups everywhere! Cup centerpiece, cup garland, etc., etc]
RACHEL: Oh, that's OK, it's just the shoulder, it's not my dress.
Chandler: Okay. Then I guess its just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.
EDDIE: I uh, I gotta tell you man, I mean, that's uh, it's kinda out of the blue, I mean don't you think?
Charlie: Wow, that's great! So, tell me about the grant!
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)
The Director: Joe. Hows it going?
Mr. Treeger: Then I made the mistake of turning off the TV, I never got it back again. And Im sad. (Exits.)
Ross: How's the maniac?
Rachel: (uncovers the dog) Hi!
Joey: You know, on the one hand you're happy for them, but on the other hand it's hard to let go.
(Monica goes into the bathroom and Phoebe and Rachel breathe a sigh of relief.)
Phoebe: Wait okay, if this game is gonna cause problems between the two of you, then maybe I should just keep it.
Monica: Joey, where are the Jell-o shots?
Ross: Yes, yes it is. Its uh (Aunt Millie uses this opportunity to grab Ross and kiss him on the lips. After she leaves Ross quickly wipes his mouth with a napkin.) Every time on the lips! Why?! Why on lips?!
JOEY: Hey, here's a thought, Ross. [reaches for the computer]
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
The Director: Yes?
Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! (catches her in the hallway)
Phoebe: Okay. But the question is whos gonna go first. Cause whoever goes second is the bitch.
The Stripper: Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk? (Sees Joey.) Hey, Joey?
Monica: (hearing that) Thats it big girl! (Hits Janine in the butt with the garbage bag) Come on!
[Ross holds up the blouse. It is extremely tacky, with sewn-on medals hanging off of it.]
JOEY: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We live in the building by the uh sidewalk.
Rachel: Look, Im fine. Watch. (She picks up an aspirin between her toes) Look at that. (She lifts her leg to grab the aspirin with her hand and almost falls over.) Whoa-whoa!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table staring at the phone as Monica enters.]