words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there as Joey enters]
RACHEL: Hey Joey, how'd the audition go?
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
JOEY: No, as part of the audition. See, I'm up for this part of this guy, who the main guy kisses.
MONICA: Then what's the problem?
JOEY: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.
JOEY: Then I don't know what it is. What's the problem?
ROSS: (entering from Rachel's bedroom) Come on out, honey! I'm telling you look good! (turns around, and under his breath, to the rest of the guys) Tell her she looks good, tell her she looks good.
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
RACHEL: I can not believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when your nauseous.
RACHEL: Look you guys, I have to go, I'm the Maid-of-Honor. And besides you know what I just need to be in a room again with these people and feel good about myself.
(Chandler enters, sees Rachel in the dress and starts laughing)
PHOEBE: Ooh-oh! Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?
CHANDLER: Well, we haven't exactly met, we just stayed up all night talking on the internet.
(Monica stares longingly at the door, after Richard leaves)
MONICA: Nooo! Never! I mean, we're living in the moment. God, it is so nice for once to not have to get all hung up on 'Where is this going?'
CHANDLER: Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing, give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum.
MONICA: (holding up a blanket) Where's Benny? (drops the blanket) There he is! (does it again) Where's Benny, there he is.
MONICA: Did you ever, uh, like, think about the future?
MONICA: Okay, so, uh, we're in France, we're making the toast. Do you see a little bassinet in the corner?
RICHARD: You really need the bassinet?
MONICA: Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off the dog. Do you, uh, do you , do you not see kids in our future.
MONICA: That's Great. You know we don't need to talk about this now. Really, I mean this is, is so way, way, way, in the future, I'm talkin' hovercrafts and apes taking over the planet.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
JOEY: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him).
PHOEBE: So how's your date with your cyberchick going. Ooh, hey, what is all that (points at the computer screen).
CHANDLER: Oh, it's a website, it's the, uh, the Guggenheim (sp?, I'm not an art guy) museum. See, she likes art, and I like funny words.
PHOEBE: Are you the cutest?
JOEY: (entering) Man, I got this close to him (holds up his fingers) and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on?
[Scene: Barry and Mindy's wedding, Monica and Richard are standing in the lobby]
MONICA: So, I read this article in the paper the other day that says you're not supposed to throw rice at weddings, because when pigeons eat rice it kills them.
[Scene: later the bridesmaids and ushers are getting ready to start, Ross is looking for Rachel]
RACHEL: Yeah, when I was in the bathroom I saw the window that I crawled out of at my wedding, and God, I just started thinking that I shouldn't be here, you know I shouldn't, people are going to be looking at me and judging me and, and thinking about the last time.
ROSS: Sweetie, it's be gonna okay, all right. It's a wedding, generally people focus on the bride.
RACHEL: Okay, I'll see you after the thing.
[Starts to walk down the aisle, unfortunately she doesn't realize that her dress is bunched up in her underwear and her butt is showing.]
[Scene: after the wedding, Ross and Rachel are in the lobby]
RACHEL: Why the hell didn't you tell me!
RACHEL: Oh my God this is sooo humiliating. I think the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in front of the entire school. I think I got about two lines into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life is flashing before my eyes.
RACHEL: Okay, now that is the third time someone has said something like that to me today.
BARRY: (entering) Min. Oh Rach, you're still here, at our wedding, they were packing up the chopped liver about now.
MINDY: ...from the syphilis.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there, Joey is on the phone.]
(the computer bing, bongs)
PHOEBE: Aren't you gonna answer her, that's like the tenth bing-bong message she sent. She wants to know what's wrong?
PHOEBE: What if the husband person is the wrong guy, and you are the right guy. I mean you don't get chances like this all the time, if you don't meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself when your 80, which is hard to do, and that's how you break a hip.
PHOEBE: Oh, yeah! Okay! Great! Go, man, go put on your shoes, and, and march out there and meet her! (Chandler runs and picks up his shoes) Oh, wait, no, no you have to take a shower, 'cause, eww. (Chandler runs to the bathroom, as the computer bing-bongs) No, you know what you have to answer her, answer her first. (Chandler runs to the computer) No, no, you know what make some coffee 'cause its too much. (Chandler walks slowly into the kitchen)
RICHARD: Okay, last chance. (Monica throws the candy and hits some woman in the back of the head, Richard turns around and says) Again, I'm sorry.
BEST MAN: What, (to Barry) you hired the same band I can't use the same speech. (gets a 'da-doom-chesh' from the drummer) Thank you, thank you very much. Anyway, I wish you both a wonderful life together. And Rachel...
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
ROSS: Ross, uh and uh, I'd just like to say that it did take a lot of courage for Rachel to come here tonight. And, uh, for the record she did not run out on Barry because she had syphilis. (da-doom-chesh) (to drummer) What are you doing I'm serious. Uh, the reason she walked out on, on Barry is simply that she didn't love him, which incidentally worked out pretty well for me (looks for the da-doom-chesh, and doesn't get one) Cheers.
RACHEL: (to Ross) She you in the parking lot.
RACHEL: (after a pause with everyone staring at her, she goes up to the microphone) Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings (da-doom-chesh). See now, tonight, all I really wanted was to make it though this evening with a little bit of grace and dignity. Well (laughing), I guess we can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing really left to say except....(starts singing) "Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers (band joins in), feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She would..."
RACHEL: (singing) "...marenge, thank you honey, and do the cha-cha. And while she like to be a star, Tony always tended bar. At the, wait, wait, everybody.."
RACHEL: At the Copa, Copa Cabana (everyone joins in) The hottest spot north of Havana. At the Copa, Coo-pa Ca-ban-a, music and fashion were always the passion, at the Copa....
RICHARD: If I have to I'll, I'll do all again , I'll do the 4 o'clock feeding thing, I'll go to the P.T.A. meetings, I'll coach the soccer team.
MONICA: You're the most wonderful man. And if you hadn't of said 'if I have to' like seventeen times, then I'd be saying 'okay, let's do it.'
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
JOEY: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
(A guy enters that looks suspiciously like Alec Baldwin from The Hunt for Red October, Pearl Harbor, and Beetlejuice.)
(She has cleaned it, completely redecorated it, removed the carpet, and polished the floor.)
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's class; the class has ended and Phoebe is talking to one of her classmates.]
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
Ross: All right, you know that one was coming, but that doesnt mean you have unagi. (Does the finger thing.)
Chandler: Have you figured out what started the fire Mr. Fireman?
Rachel: Thats it. (She crawls onto the bed) Ow!!!
[Both Chandler and Joey put their feet up against the glass, Monica doesnt and gets thrown up against the glass.]
Joey: Dude, you see right thru me!! (They hug) (Joey heads for the door and pushes Chandler's suitcase on the way out.)
Ross: You know, I think thats a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.
Ross: And what(notices the stenographer is still typing)What are you typing that for? Did you hear what she said? We dont get the annulment. Dont type that! What?! Stop typing! (He goes over to where the stenographer is typing and in the process pushes Rachel out of his way.) Hey! Stop typing! (Hes still typing.) Stop typing! Stop typing!!
Monica: Sweetie, with you its gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great, cause you-you guys are in love.
Joey: How could I not get the part? The play was about a 29-year-old Italian actor from Queens.
Rachel: Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up! (she tries to snatch the bowl from Joey's hands but she can't, so she pinches his nipple and she manages to take it)
Rachel: Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore. I mean you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting. This could be the simple wedding you've always wanted!
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
Monica: Hi. About last night... I know you are under a lot of stress and even though the things you said hurt me a little bit... My point is, uh, well, I'm willing to take my job back.
Phoebe: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is going to be the last time I promise.
Monica: (angry) Ow, what are the chances!
Chandler: All right, we havent had sex yet. Okay, whats the big deal? Yknow? This is special, and I want our love to grow until we move on to the next level.
Ross: Did the TV wake you?
Ross: Nope, just the one. RACH!
(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)
[cut to the living room of the same dwelling, where the funeral guests are mingling. Monica enters.]
Caitlin: (wanting more than anything to get the money and leave this horrible, horrible place) Yeah.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, partys over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parents basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right.
Chandler: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory.
Rachel: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that spill before. (picks up the tip he leaves) Only $98.50 to go.
Ross: I didnt know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didnt finish the whole letter!
Monica: Who's Gladys? (Phoebe shows her a horrific painting with a half-a-body girl dummy coming out of the frame. Monica's frightened and she gasps.) Oh! What a tragic loss!
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-
Ross: I I do, I do not love Rachel. Im gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?
Rachel: Taking advantage? I'm giving you the advantage, enjoy!
(from 4.12 - "The one With the Embryos")
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Chandler: (picking up a plastic cup similar to the one he deposited his specimen in) It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.
Joey: (sitting in a chair) Hey guys, so I just called the Powerball hotline, can you believe it? Nobody won.
PHOEBE: Ok, ok, she's taking the trash out so I can get you out of here but it has to be now, she'll be back any minute.
Joey: Hey, now youre the one who wet his pants. (He throws another handful on him and runs out)
Chandler: So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too?
(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)
Chandler: That is the exact same thing.
Ross: Yeah, um, okay see, you were, you were on the list but my friend, Chandler (Chandler waves) brought up the very good point that you are international, so I bumped you for Wynona Rider, local.
Chandler: Which is why Asteroids is perfect! Its the oldest game!
Rachel: I don't know all the words.
Richards Date: Oh, thats real pretty. Wait a minute, dont I get to see the bedroom?
Phoebe: But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks.
(Ross stops the clock, signifying the end of the lightning round.)
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
Phoebe: Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)
Rachel: Well umm, maybe we could uhh (Grabs the phone) Ah-ha! Too slow!!
Ross: (to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, a post-coital Monica and Chandler are recovering on the couch.]
Monica: Okay, lets start with the free messages outside the UN.
Monica: The thing we never do.
(They all go down the stairs, but Ross turns around, looking like his in a coma. The others also turns around to get him.)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, thats him! Thats him!
(The shop assistant sprays the perfume on Phoebe's neck)
(Mike puts the ring on her finger)
(The director looks at Joey and he nods.)
Ross: Emma's down for the night.
CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
Ross: (on the phone) No-no-no, it's just a bit sudden. (Listens) No, it's great. Okay? I'm totally on board. I love you too, all righty. Bye. (Hangs up.)
THE END
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Joey: Fake? Excuse me? Hello? (Taps the TV screen.)
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Mike: (walks to the couch with coffee for Phoebe) Here you go.
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women wont see the face she pulls, and sits down.)
Ross: You too! What are the odds?
PHOEBE: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry?
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Rachel: Oh, it was great! We got everything that we needed! Oh and Ross, almost got something that wasnt on the list. A whore.
[Scene: Erics Apartment, hes opening the door to reveal Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Why? The only person my playing is bothering is you!
Cecilia: No, he already knows that he owns everything in the room! Hes not finding it out for the first time! So, try it again.
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
[Scene: Petes Restaurants Kitchen, Pete is showing Monica around the kitchen.]
Monica: Thank you for letting us see the house again.
Ross: Okay, I�ll have the fixed salad and the duck.
[Scene: The "Pyramid" Studio.]
Rachel: That-that is your make out buddy. Dont you recognize him? (Holding up the magazine in front of her face.) Oh wait. Ohh, Phoebe I love you. Kiss me please.
Joey: (turns the card around, obviously had the wrong answer) Ow!
Joey: Will you let the lady talk?!
Ross: Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?
(Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel.)
Eric: And we were both in the Peace Corps.
Chandler: Because, if Santa and the Holiday Armadillo? (Ross nods) ...are ever in the same room for too long the universe will implode. Merry Christmas!
Joey: Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me?
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel at the Spa. Phoebe is still massaging Rachel]
Phoebe: (sets the cup down) Oh! (Grabs her stomach in pain.)
Rachel: Yknow, I never thought Id say this about a movie, but I really hope this dog dies. (Joey brings over a stool at sits on it next to Rachel whos in the big chair.) What are you doing over there? Come sit here, you protect me.
Joey: Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! (Checks his pants.) Yeah, my pants are a little loose!
Joey: (acting sad) NO! I waited a long time, I can't wait anymore... (and closes the door behind him)
Ross: (To Monica) Lets grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.
Chandler: All right, look, if you insist on wearing that, in public, yknow, youre gonna spend the rest of the afternoon all by yourself.
The Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)
Joey: We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out.