words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there as Joey enters]
RACHEL: Hey Joey, how'd the audition go?
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
JOEY: No, as part of the audition. See, I'm up for this part of this guy, who the main guy kisses.
MONICA: Then what's the problem?
JOEY: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.
JOEY: Then I don't know what it is. What's the problem?
ROSS: (entering from Rachel's bedroom) Come on out, honey! I'm telling you look good! (turns around, and under his breath, to the rest of the guys) Tell her she looks good, tell her she looks good.
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
RACHEL: I can not believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when your nauseous.
RACHEL: Look you guys, I have to go, I'm the Maid-of-Honor. And besides you know what I just need to be in a room again with these people and feel good about myself.
(Chandler enters, sees Rachel in the dress and starts laughing)
PHOEBE: Ooh-oh! Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?
CHANDLER: Well, we haven't exactly met, we just stayed up all night talking on the internet.
(Monica stares longingly at the door, after Richard leaves)
MONICA: Nooo! Never! I mean, we're living in the moment. God, it is so nice for once to not have to get all hung up on 'Where is this going?'
CHANDLER: Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing, give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum.
MONICA: (holding up a blanket) Where's Benny? (drops the blanket) There he is! (does it again) Where's Benny, there he is.
MONICA: Did you ever, uh, like, think about the future?
MONICA: Okay, so, uh, we're in France, we're making the toast. Do you see a little bassinet in the corner?
RICHARD: You really need the bassinet?
MONICA: Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off the dog. Do you, uh, do you , do you not see kids in our future.
MONICA: That's Great. You know we don't need to talk about this now. Really, I mean this is, is so way, way, way, in the future, I'm talkin' hovercrafts and apes taking over the planet.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
JOEY: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him).
PHOEBE: So how's your date with your cyberchick going. Ooh, hey, what is all that (points at the computer screen).
CHANDLER: Oh, it's a website, it's the, uh, the Guggenheim (sp?, I'm not an art guy) museum. See, she likes art, and I like funny words.
PHOEBE: Are you the cutest?
JOEY: (entering) Man, I got this close to him (holds up his fingers) and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on?
[Scene: Barry and Mindy's wedding, Monica and Richard are standing in the lobby]
MONICA: So, I read this article in the paper the other day that says you're not supposed to throw rice at weddings, because when pigeons eat rice it kills them.
[Scene: later the bridesmaids and ushers are getting ready to start, Ross is looking for Rachel]
RACHEL: Yeah, when I was in the bathroom I saw the window that I crawled out of at my wedding, and God, I just started thinking that I shouldn't be here, you know I shouldn't, people are going to be looking at me and judging me and, and thinking about the last time.
ROSS: Sweetie, it's be gonna okay, all right. It's a wedding, generally people focus on the bride.
RACHEL: Okay, I'll see you after the thing.
[Starts to walk down the aisle, unfortunately she doesn't realize that her dress is bunched up in her underwear and her butt is showing.]
[Scene: after the wedding, Ross and Rachel are in the lobby]
RACHEL: Why the hell didn't you tell me!
RACHEL: Oh my God this is sooo humiliating. I think the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in front of the entire school. I think I got about two lines into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life is flashing before my eyes.
RACHEL: Okay, now that is the third time someone has said something like that to me today.
BARRY: (entering) Min. Oh Rach, you're still here, at our wedding, they were packing up the chopped liver about now.
MINDY: ...from the syphilis.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there, Joey is on the phone.]
(the computer bing, bongs)
PHOEBE: Aren't you gonna answer her, that's like the tenth bing-bong message she sent. She wants to know what's wrong?
PHOEBE: What if the husband person is the wrong guy, and you are the right guy. I mean you don't get chances like this all the time, if you don't meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself when your 80, which is hard to do, and that's how you break a hip.
PHOEBE: Oh, yeah! Okay! Great! Go, man, go put on your shoes, and, and march out there and meet her! (Chandler runs and picks up his shoes) Oh, wait, no, no you have to take a shower, 'cause, eww. (Chandler runs to the bathroom, as the computer bing-bongs) No, you know what you have to answer her, answer her first. (Chandler runs to the computer) No, no, you know what make some coffee 'cause its too much. (Chandler walks slowly into the kitchen)
RICHARD: Okay, last chance. (Monica throws the candy and hits some woman in the back of the head, Richard turns around and says) Again, I'm sorry.
BEST MAN: What, (to Barry) you hired the same band I can't use the same speech. (gets a 'da-doom-chesh' from the drummer) Thank you, thank you very much. Anyway, I wish you both a wonderful life together. And Rachel...
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
ROSS: Ross, uh and uh, I'd just like to say that it did take a lot of courage for Rachel to come here tonight. And, uh, for the record she did not run out on Barry because she had syphilis. (da-doom-chesh) (to drummer) What are you doing I'm serious. Uh, the reason she walked out on, on Barry is simply that she didn't love him, which incidentally worked out pretty well for me (looks for the da-doom-chesh, and doesn't get one) Cheers.
RACHEL: (to Ross) She you in the parking lot.
RACHEL: (after a pause with everyone staring at her, she goes up to the microphone) Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings (da-doom-chesh). See now, tonight, all I really wanted was to make it though this evening with a little bit of grace and dignity. Well (laughing), I guess we can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing really left to say except....(starts singing) "Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers (band joins in), feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She would..."
RACHEL: (singing) "...marenge, thank you honey, and do the cha-cha. And while she like to be a star, Tony always tended bar. At the, wait, wait, everybody.."
RACHEL: At the Copa, Copa Cabana (everyone joins in) The hottest spot north of Havana. At the Copa, Coo-pa Ca-ban-a, music and fashion were always the passion, at the Copa....
RICHARD: If I have to I'll, I'll do all again , I'll do the 4 o'clock feeding thing, I'll go to the P.T.A. meetings, I'll coach the soccer team.
MONICA: You're the most wonderful man. And if you hadn't of said 'if I have to' like seventeen times, then I'd be saying 'okay, let's do it.'
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
JOEY: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
Joey: Thats okay. Chandlers the one Im mad at.
Monica: Great. So the ball is in his court?
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Rachel: You are right there with Emily. And its yknow, its kinda like . its a tie! Well, I gotta get, I gotta get back to the dishes.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her babies.)
Chandler: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!
(They start to kiss, and Ross rushes into the office to break it up.)
Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.
(Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.)
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I dont have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
Estelle: (Looks confused) Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theatre and you need to have a monologue prepared.
Ross: Okay here, have one of these peppers. Oh ha Oh God! So so hot! (Rubs his eyes.) Oh my(Laughs.) By the way, you dont want to touch the pepper and then touch your eye.
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
Ross: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is
(There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr. Heckles)
Pete: Look, the only who stands to get hurt is me. And Im okay with that.
[Cut to the hallway, Janine is entering as Monica is taking out the garbage.]
Ross: (in the same low voice) Answer better, answer better!
Joey: (to Chandler) Hey, that is so great about the job.
Monica: (closing the door) Its unbelievable! I-I cant believe that sign didnt work!
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Monica: Okay, come here! (Phoebe joins them in the hug.)
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch.]
(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)
Monica: Hes retiling my floor. (they both run to the bathroom)
Joey: I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?!
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done.
Phoebe: No, youre too late!!! She already took out the trash!!!
Chandler: Great! Okay, here. (Holds the ring up for him.)
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is on the phone and Phoebe is watching him.]
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
(The chain breaks loose from the wall, and because Joey was pushing with all his might, he propells into the kitchen, towards the table with all the food. This table has wheels underneath it, and when Joey falls on this table, he rides into the living room, with all the food falling off, until finally Joey also falls off... Joey gets up quickly, a bit agitated, and acting as nothing happened. He is covered in food stains.)
Joey: (To Monica) Hey, so what is the big surprise?
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you know I'm i'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.
Ross: I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to make this kind of a decision? (They're all quiet.) I'm actually asking you!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, theres a knock on the door and he opens it to Mona.]
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, thats the word I use when I cant remember the real thing.
Joey: Oh, ooh the food smells great, Mon!
Monica: Its coming from the living room.
(He walks up onto the altar and notices the rabbi.)
(Monica goes over and grabs the pesto.)
Monica: (in the kitchen with Chandler) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!
Rachel: Hi. What are you doing here? Isn't this against the rules?
Ross: Heres your girlfriends button. (Holding the button.)
Gary: Listen Chandler, the way I see it is that I was lucky enough to find someone that I really love. I justI wanna be around her as much as I can.
[Ross comes out of Rachel's bedroom in her bathrobe and heads for the bathroom. On his way back, Richard comes out of Monica's bedroom in her bathrobe.]
Phoebe: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.
Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
Joey: Yes we do! Now look, that was the best nap I ever had!!
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think thats shes becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) Were getting a second opinion.
(Monica Enters. Chandler is in the kitchen with his laptop)
Ross: I want to go to the bathroom. (exits)
Rachel: Well, y'know, the reason I didn't wanna go running with you is because um, well y'know the way that you run is a little...(Starts flapping her arms)
Ross: Whats that on the bottom?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Phoebe: Okay. (The car moves a few feet and sputters to a stop.) Oh, no!
Ross: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.
Spokeswoman: And the man who made all this possible... Mr. Peter Becker.
Chandler: It's okay. Go take the test and see if we're okay.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Monica are standing in the kitchen.]
Ross: No! No! Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?
Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, its Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, dont you apologize. (listens) Yeah, Ill hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
MONICA: All right, get your coat, we're going to the hospital.
The Teacher: Oh, their number is on the contact sheet.
Chandler: Forget it! Okay, Im not giving up the apartment.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, I had too. There was never any parking by the Psychology building.
Ross: Listen man, uh, I'm sorry the audition didn't go so well.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to London and Monica comes running in.]
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After shes gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the Does it? part.)
Phoebe: Oh... then I overpaid. (she goes to the bathroom)
Chandler: Fine, I'll give the suit back.
Chandler: (jumps back and points at the cigarette) Oh my God!
Rachel: (stopping him) Wh-whoa! All right, okay-okay, I see, I see what's going on here! Now listen, look-look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead! Now even though I (He tries to interrupt and tell her about the ink), hey-hey-hey, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want, this job that bad. Good day, sir. (She storms out of his office.)
Ross: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know Im looking for him?
Rachel: Oh, you're not gonna tell the whole story about how your parents got divorced again are you?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters.]
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
Monica: Yeah. I guess. (She puts more money in the bucket.)
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
[Scene: The Airport, Carol and Ross are waiting for Emily and Susan to deplane. A gorgeous woman walks by and they both turn to watch her go.]
Joey: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.
Ross: Okay, Ill be up in, (looks at the letter) 18 pages. Front and back. Very exciting.
Monica: I love the "I forgot the present" fake out!
Rachel: And now, y'know, I'm like... I'm like the other woman! I feel so..
Tour Guide: Thats just the way it is.
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.
Rachel: (Joey walks to the door) Although...
Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yelling) Hey, that's not for you, bitch! (Phoebe covers her mouth with her hand walks away from the window.)
Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, how was your first day working at the restaurant?
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe and Mrs. Burkart go into the other room, leaving Monica with everyone staring at her.)
Monica: (takes the phone from Ross) Come on. (Answering phone) Hello? (Listens) Im sorry you have the wrong number. (Listens) (Whispering) Okay, Ill call you later dad. I love you. (Hangs up.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, (And thats the last time for that line, no more Chandler and Joeys or Monica and Rachels, ever!) Joey and Ross are carrying the last table of Rachels. Rachel follows slowly, but is stopped by Monica.]
Chandler: Maybe, she doesnt hit him all the time.
Joey: (To Phoebe) Hey, is uh the rest of my candy bar around here?