words in movies
[Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.]
Rachel: (reading the program) Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!
Phoebe: The exclamation point in the title scares me. (Gesturing) Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud!
(The lights dim.)
(The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to a female patient.)
[Scene: The Theater, the play has ended and everyone is applauding. As soon as the cast leaves, the gang all groan and sit down heavily.]
Monica: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?
Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross, ten o'clock.
Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!
Chandler: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight. (He walks back to the others but she calls him back.)
(Joey enters from behind a curtain. The others all talk at once.)
Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head.
Chandler: (running back) She said yes!! She said yes!! (To Joey) Awful play, man. Whoah. (To All) Her name's Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you. (He fishes a card out of his pocket.)
Joey: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me!
Chandler: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army...
Aurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block. So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've been talking about myself all night long, I'm sorry. What about you? Tell me one of your stories.
Chandler: Alright. Once I got on the subway, right, and it was at night, and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn... just for the hell of it.
Chandler: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?
Chandler: What 'not work out'? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story?
Monica: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?
Chandler: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!
Rachel: Look! I cleaned! I did the windows, I did the floors... I even used all the attachments on the vacuum, except that little round one with the bristles, I don't know what that's for.
Monica: ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman.
Rachel: I dunno.. I-I thought it looked better there. And I- and also, it's an extra seat around the coffee table.
Monica: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. (She moves it.) Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
Chandler: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out.
Ross: Oh c'mon! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy!
Ross: Alright, you madcap gal. Try to imagine this. The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.
Rachel: Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, and I buy laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout.
Chandler: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood...
(Joey enters and he's on the phone.)
Joey: (on phone) Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be there! (He hangs up and to all.) That was my agent. (He tosses and catches the phone.) My agent has just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie!
Monica: Well, what's the part?
Joey: Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason I became an actor! "I'm out of order? Pfeeeh. You're out of order! This whole courtroom's out of order!"
Phoebe: Seriously, what-what's the part?
Ross: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part?
Joey: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt.
Ross: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Monica is getting the door.]
Joey: Whaddya think? Today's the big day!
Monica: Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you want, just don't ever tell me what you did in there.
Joey: Thank you! (He goes into the bathroom.)
(Chandler enters with the phone.)
Chandler: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone.
Monica: He's in the bathroom. I don't think you wanna go in there!
Chandler: C'mon, we're roommates! (He goes into the bathroom, screams, and runs back out.) My eyes!! My eyes!!
Chandler: Oh, that would be Monica. Hey, listen, I wanna borrow a coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really wanna make her breakfast.
Monica: Oh, you got the whole night, huh?
Chandler: Yeah, well, I only have twenty minutes until Ethan, so, y'know.. (He starts to raid the fridge.)
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
(She opens the door and he leaves.)
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the phone.) Okay, everybody ready?
Director: Lose the robe.
Joey: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. (He takes off the robe.) And the robe is lost.
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action.
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on his face.)
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?
Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.
Chandler: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you!
Chandler: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is?
Chandler: Lose the other guys.
Chandler: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!'
Aurora: So... which one of the two guys will you listen to?
Chandler: ...The second guy.
Chandler: Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.
Monica: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?
Joey: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to see me, and...
Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'.
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
Ross: God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, its me. I know you cant stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought Id try and apologize over the phone. All I (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
Monica: Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries Oh my God! I cant believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!
Monica: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, Ill be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe Im sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Mike: Look it's not about who I would marry. And I was certain the first time I got married it would last forever. And I was totally wrong!
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Monica: Ah, the other Jack.
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Ok, great, because I gotta get out of here, the smell of beets is killing me!
[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Monica: The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?
Flight Attendant: Alright. What's the message?
Rachel: Come on you guys! What are doing?! I thought we were the patch sisters!
Rachel: (looking at the bill) Uhh, we still need a tip.
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I dont know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monicas face when I give her my present, and Im sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Chandler: Ooh. (leans against the desk)
Julie: And the spitting?
Joey: Ooh-ooh, Pheebs, you want a strong name? How about, The Hulk?
Jessica Lockhart: Whats the matter Dina? Dont you recognize your own (Does a hair flip) mother?!
CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?
Monica: I cant believe mom and dad are selling the house!
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Phoebe: Oh yeah it is! Im going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes.
Joey: (returning from a deli) Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!
Phoebe: Be cool! (They both pretend to have a nice conversation as the guard walks by, but after he leaves they both start fighting again.) Okay lady, your lurking days are over!
Monica:: Oh well this is the only one they had at our video store, but they did have something called crocodile killers. Or does it always have to be sharks?
(The phone rings.)
Monica: Hes got something plastic lodged in his throat, weve got to go to the hospital.
Monica: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it has been weeks!
Joey: Okay, may I see the comics?
Ross: (Doing the spinning) Okay, Monica: Right foot red.
Joey: Where are you going? The vicar wont be home for hours.
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
The Doctor: But, youre not identical twins.
Rachel: Ok. Oh God. (To Ross) Get the camera, it’s in the diaper bag.
[Scene: The guest bedroom. Rachel and Monica are talking to each other.]
Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.
Monica: If the school finds out youre fired.
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Chandler: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.
ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are having their party. All the guests are stripped down because of the heat.]
Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
Ross: Space is filled with orbiting children. (pause) Look, please, just come on, you know, when you’ll see the look on Emma’s face, I swear you won’t regret it.
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Monica is lugging one of those floor polishing machines through the hallway. Rachel comes up the steps and stops when she sees Monica.]
Mrs. Geller: I certainly see what the girls like coming here.
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
[Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the table, looking at the Geller siblings like theyre weirdos.]
[Out on the balcony]
Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that youre just kinda high maintenanceOkay lets go to lunch!
Rachel: All right, believe me.If you win the lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us!
Ross: Oh, just this woman that I met last night at the party.
Phoebe: Sven I don't understand what you're saying! What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins?
Joey: Ho-ho-ho, (pausing for a rest next to the fridge) fried stuff with cheese!
JOEY: Well, I can't use these forever. I mean, let's face it, they're no friend to the environment.
Phoebe: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
(Theres a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)
Monica: G'bye, Nana. (She kisses her on the forehead.)
CHANDLER: Wait, wait, wait. [Opens the top of the dish soap he's holding]
Monica: Really, Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time. Look, I'm sorry, all right. I never meant for you to find out!
RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.]
Ross: Hello to the rest.
Joey: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.
Rachel: Oh. Do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me?
Rachel: Oh god what am I gonna do you guys, I cant even comfort my own baby! Im the worst mother ever!
Monica: Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the first and second floor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.
Joey: I dont know, it looks the same.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's having his party, only he's the only guest. He gets up and puts on a nametag that says Ross, but doesn't quite like it. So he takes it off and puts on one that says Dr. Geller and he puts the Ross one underneath the Dr. Geller one. Then as he turns off the music, we hear the party for Howard raging in the apartment across the hall.]
David: The good thing about the young kids though, theyre completely unpredictable. Which is a lot of fun as an actor to respond with. But there was one story
Joey: Chandler... hey... (he goes towards his room but he stops near Emma's cot) Rach... what's Hugsy doin' in the crib with Emma? (he looks puzzled)
(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)
Mr. Geller: Youre right, youre right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good.
Jack: I know what you're thinking Judy, the resemblance is uncanny!
Phoebe: Would you say your pesto is the best-o?
Chandler: Oh, tons, I'm quite the woodsman.
Joey: Oh! Yeah, look there's this play all right? And I'm up for the part of this real cool like suave international guy. A real clothes horse. So I figure that everyone at the audition is gonna be wearing this kinda y'know, ultra-hip, high fashion stuff.
Monica: Do you want to go to the bathroom, or do you wanna play poker?
Chandler: Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!
Rachel: Hi. Thanks for the party, honey. Should I help you clean up?
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is all there.]
Rachel: I'm on the phone! (On the phone) Dr. Wiener? (Ross and Rachel walk away)
Ross: You want me to take some girl Ive never met to the opera so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy, hmm, that-that is a toughie.
[Scene: The New School, Monica, carrying her dish, and Joey are confronting the food critic.]
Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm....
Amy: So you're going to give me the baby?
Ross: Oh okay, lift it straight up over your head! Straight up over your head! You can do it! You can do it! (She gets it lifted up and they make the first turn.) Okay. You got it?
Joey: Oh, let me get this. (He takes out his wallet, but the panties come with it. The woman and waitress are shocked.) (Realizing) (To the woman) These are for you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Joey enters strutting.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
[Scene: The Reception Hall, the party is in full swing.]
Monica: Ross, he's got the remote again.
Joey (staring at the cake): Uh.. is it ok that I still think it looks delicious?
Monica: Hey, how long are you in the city?