words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Chandler and Monica enter. Oh, and Joey is wearing a FDNY T-shirt to make this the first nod to the tragedy that Friends have made.]
Joey: Look, Ill come to the party but Im not dressing up.
Joey: Well hey-hey if she needs any idea for costumes, she could be a bikini model, or a slutty nurse, or a sexy cheerleader huhOoh-ooh, Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw MassacreNo-no-no! Slutty Leatherface.
Phoebe: Now wasnt Joey hitting on her at the wedding too?
Ross: Thats right! He was hitting on her, and I got her. I guess the better man won. (To Joey) Please dont take her from me.
Ursula: Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
Phoebe: Yeah. Okay. Umm, yknow, my friends are having a Halloween party tonight at my old apartment so, you could come. Maybe I could meet the guy youre marrying.
Ursula: Huh. Well, Im supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. Im supposed to be working right now, so who cares.
Phoebe: By the way, its a costume party.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, The Halloween party has started. Monica is setting out some food as Rachel enters.]
Monica: Im Catwoman, who wants to borrow the dress when youre too big for it.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Rachel: Oh! Oh! Can I give out the candy? I really want to be with the kids right now. Yknow, ever since I got pregnant I-I have the strongest maternal instincts.
Rachel: (to them) Just a minute!!! (She takes the candy and opens the door to two parents, a witch, a clown, and a cowgirl.) Look at you guys! Wow! You are a very scary witch. (Gives her candy.)
Rachel: (to the cowgirl) And you are so in style right now. Yknow, I work at Ralph Lauren and the whole fall line has got this like equestrian theme going on. I dont suppose you saw the cover of British Vogue, but
Cowgirl: (interrupting) Can I just have the candy?
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom wearing a big, pink bunny costume) Monica! Can I talk to you for a second? Listen, I appreciate you getting me the costume
Monica: What?! I thought hed love it! His favorite kid's book was the Velveteen Rabbit!
Chandler: The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white!
Joey: Okay. Im Chandler (makes a growling/gurgling sound at the end and the girls laugh.)
Joey: When have I ever done that?! (And does the sound again.)
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Rachel: Oh! (Opens the door to reveal a ballerina) Well youre just the prettiest ballerina Ive ever seen.
Rachel: Ohh Oh, honey here. Take it all. (Pours the entire large bowl into her bag and closes the door.) Monica! We need more candy?
Ross: Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik? (They all look at him.) Well, Im a potato or a spud. And these are my antennae. (Points to the colander with an old TV antenna glued on top that hes wearing.) So Sputnik, becomes (Theyre still confused) Spud-nik. Spudnik!
Chandler: Wow! I dont have the worst costume anymore!
(Joey gives him the okay symbol, and Ross rushes towards him to be stopped by Chandler. Meanwhile, Phoebe goes over to the snack table as some guy, which turns out to be Ursula's fianc�e Eric, walks in and smacks her butt.)
Phoebe: Okay, I will. But right after you tell me who the hell you are.
Eric: Oh my God, youre the sister!
Eric: Im an idiot. Uh, is your mother here? Maybe I can give her a little slap on the butt.
Eric: Cause the sweats getting in my eyes and its burning.
Eric: Oh umm, Im the solar system. (Hes wearing a black sweater with the planets glued on around the sun.) Yeah, my students helped me make itI teach the second grade.
Phoebe: I love the second grade!
Phoebe: Yeah! Its so much better than first grade when you dont know whats going on and definitely better than third grade. Yknow with all the politics and mind games.
Eric: Oh I feel very lucky, shes great. I think shes the most beautiful woman Ive ever seen.
Joey: But between you and Phoebe, Id have to give the edge to Phoebe.
Joey: Are you kiddin? Phoebe lived on the street. Okay? Plus, shes got this crazy temper. SheShes not standing right behind me is she?
Joey: (To Monica) Here comes the temper.
(Theres a knock on the door and Rachel opens it to a little girl.)
Mona: And the antennae Oh my God youre Spudnik!
Eric: And we were both in the Peace Corps.
Ross: Thats funny. Yeah. Yknow youre the funniest man here in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear.
Joey: (To Monica) Hey-hey-hey, I think we might find out the answer to our question.
Monica: Ross is really strong! Okay, hes the strongest out of all three of you! (Joey looks at her.) Except for Joey.
(They start to fight with Ross pulling on Chandlers ears and Chandler hitting Ross over the head with his carrot.)
Joey: Hey Monica! (Grabs her and pulls her into the living room.) People came to see a fight, lets give em what they came for!
Joey: Yeah. Listen to the slutty nurse.
Joey: Seriously guys, the trash talk is embarrassing.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the party continues with Rachel leaning on the counter as Gunther walks in carrying candy.]
Rachel: Honey, someday you are gonna make some man the luckiest guy in the world.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Rachel: Gotta go! (Opens the door to a boy in a cape.) Hi! Wow! There you go! (Hands him some candy.)
Boy in the Cape: My friend Lewis told me you were giving out money.
Boy in the Cape: Id rather have the money.
Boy in the Cape: This isnt fair.
Boy in the Cape: Shut up!
(The gang gets interested now.)
Boy in the Cape: You cant tell me to shut up!
Rachel: (To Joey) Yeah I knowIm goodI got it! (Joey slowly backs away.) (To the boy) Now wait a minute, Ive got one more thing I have to say to you oh right! Shut up!
Boy in the Cape: Youre a mean old woman. (Runs away.)
[Cut to Mona and Joey clearing the dining room table for the grudge match between Chandler and Ross.]
Monica: (To Chandler) Look honey, you dont have to do this, okay? Its the strength you have inside that means the most to me. Youre loyal, youre honest, and you have integrity! Thats the kind of strength that I want in the man that I love!
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
Phoebe: Yknow the only reason hes marrying you is because he thinks all the things you were saying about yourself were true.
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebes face) Its a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
Ursula: Right. (Walks down the stairs.)
Joey: (entering) Pheebs come on! Bunny vs. Doody! Were waiting! (They go inside.) (To Chandler and Ross.) Okay. Okay guys, one match, winner take all. (They grasp each others hand in preparation for battle.) Oh wait-wait! What does the winner get?
[Time Lapse: the crowd has left and only Mona, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are still watching to see who will be able to move the others arm first. An event that has yet to happen.]
(Basically Chandlers face looks like hes not all there and is staring off into the distance )
Eric: (finds it) What a relief. It has all the numbers of the people in her prayer chain.
Eric: Well, I guess Ill see you at the wedding. (Exits and Phoebe follows him into the hall.)
Phoebe: Umm listen, I dont think I dont think Im gonna make it to the wedding. So I just want to wish you all the luck in the world.
Phoebe: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. (She grabs Ursulas purse and starts going through it and finds some papers.) Okay. Okay. YeahNot a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. (Holds up her nametag.) Okay, heres the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, heres her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?
Eric: I am so stupid. Of course she was lying! Shes not a teacher. Theres not such a thing as the top secret elementary school for the children of spies.
Phoebe: Thats good, you should be impulsive and you should be romantic. Just you did it with the wrong person. (He looks at her.) What?
[Time Lapse: Rachel is returning from chasing down the boy in the cape.]
Rachel: Hey! Well, I had to give the kid fifty bucks to stop crying.
Joey: Absolutely! Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas and their birthdays. Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And anytime theyre hungry or sleepy. Yknow, kids are tough. Good luck with that. (Walks away.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Monica are standing in the kitchen.]
Chandler: I am strong! Ill show you! (He sits down at the table.)
Chandler: Oh whats the matter? Are you scared?
(They assume the starting position.)
Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)
Chandler: Nope... (Monica walks in) Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time.
Joey: (desperate) What the hell are you doin'???
[Cut to Rosss apartment, hes watching TV and eating some popcorn as the phone rings.]
Air stewardess: (on the answering machine) Miss, I can't let you off the plane.
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)
Joey: CURIOUS GEORGE (see link)! You know, the monkey, and the guy with the yellow hat!
Monica: Yeah. Hey, that was nice of you guys to back off and let Joey get the girl for once.
CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.
Phoebe: Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know, Chandlers your friend... (hops onto the bed) Oh! Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other friends.
Monica: (to Mike) Serve the ball, chump!
Sandy: I realise how it's... a bit unorthodox for some people, but I really believe, the most satisfying thing you can do with your life, is take care of a child.
Rachel: No, it's all right, you can just drop the act Tommy. I know what's going on here. Your Danny's wingman right? You guys are best buds. Frat bros!
Chandler: What about the obsessive cleaning?
Jill: Cant have?! Excuse me, the only thing I cant have is dairy! (Starts to storm out.)
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
(They walk over to the playpen.)
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.
Ross: Okay, I have a problem I have to go into work for a few hours, some kids messed up the Homo Sapien display.
Chandler: And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but uh, I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. (An awkward silence ensues.) Oh my god!!
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]
(they start to get ready, but then Phoebe enters through the door from Ross's room)
Rachel: Ooh! You guys are so lucky you are here with people, you known it's such a romantic place. That's all, I just wish I could (looks at Joey who is at the check in desk) share that with a guy.
Joey: (He starts looking longingly at the sandwich.) Oh mama! Uh when-when is the baby due?
Rachel: (taking the phone and hanging it up) Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
Chandler: (still helium voice) Right behind you, big guy! (they both head for the door)
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. (He starts to sit down on the bed. There's one problem though, he's about two feet to the left of it. Needless to say, he misses and falls on his butt.) (Looking up at Joey.) Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when youre on a date and youre getting along really great but the guys translator keeps getting in the way.
RACH: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
Ross: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box shed made.
Chandler: I can see the headline now: "Lottery winners' friend filled with regret eats own arm".
Monica: (also hugs the wall) Yeah, we had a great time, thank you! (walks to Phoebe)
Jamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... (shuddering at the memory) ..bringing swordfish. (Indicating the ladies bathroom) are you gonna go to the, um?
Amanda: (noticing the bottle of wine he has) Oh, I don't mean to be a square, but I'd really appreciate it if you wait and drink your wine after the kids are asleep? Oh uh, thanks for this, I hope I can do the same for you sometime. (She leaves)
Chandler: I had the exact same conversation.
Phoebe: Shhh... This is the listening side of the wall.
(Ross leaves the room)
Charlie: Yeah, can you guys just throw him in the pool later?
Joey: Come on! Look just-just telllet her know that you really want them to be there. Lets not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
Joey: Right, of course. Hey, did you guys finish the speech?
Monica: (holding her hand in front of her face) When you were little you slept through-through the Grand Canyon.
Bob: I just had a meeting, I was actually hoping to get transferred up here, but I just found out its not gonna happen. Apparently somebody thinks Im not eleventh floor material. Say uh, who the hell is this Chandler?
Receptionist: Through the glass doors.
Joey: All right, watch me! (he takes a full container of milk from the fridge) Okay, you time me. Ready?
Phoebe: Well, I told you I had to spend all the day clearing out stuff, so Mike could move in.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has a box of keys and is trying them on the secret closet when someone enters.]
Woman: (the same one from before approaches) Hi Joey.
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. (Indicating a dish on the table) Why don't you try the hummus?
The Interviewer: But therell be perhaps 30 people under you so you can dump a certain amount on them.
Rachel: Okay, very cute braces. Anyway yknow what, the point is Tag, start looking because you are going to find those contracts on your desk. (She goes into her office.)
Chandler: The reason we havent told them were together is because they hate me, okay? So will you fix this?
(there's knocking on the door which Phoebe opens)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a drink as Phoebe enters with the fur coat.]
Ross: (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!
Monica: Okay, heres your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.)
[Time lapse, they're still on the ride along and Joey is just sniffing his sandwich.]
Monica: And the eye!
Rachel: Okay, uhm... alright, here's the deal.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, well Yeah, no use wasting this baby, just lyin around the house.
Waitress: Hey Monica, theres a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?
Ross: Duh, you think? (enters the kitchen)
Phoebe: Great! Okay, good for you! (as they leave she slaps Rachel on the butt)
(Mike enters the apartment.)
Phoebe: Okay, not a fan of the tough love.
Joey: Oh, thats, thats ah, one of the old ones, hes just taking it to the back.
Ross: My God. Rachel! (He walks towards her, grasps her hands and kisses her on the cheek.) Your here. I cant believe it. (She giggles.) What happen? Why are you here?
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesnt matter, cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Ross: (Thinking it over) Sure! (Takes one) Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.
Phoebe: Well, one of you has to take the first step! And it should be you, because shes the one whos leaving. Its harder for her!
Chandler: Hit yourself in the tooth?
Phoebe: Im sorry, but I just wrote the best dance song for your wedding. Check this out. (Gets ready to play.)
THE END
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are entering after the play. Phoebe and Joey are already there.]
Tag: How could I have left them in the copy room?
(Chandler enters from the bathroom)
Ross: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, cause thats not where you want to skimp.
Eric: Just seeing her brought it all back. All the lies, the way she used me. I just I got so angry just looking at her (Looks at Phoebe) face.
(Larry goes to leave but heads the wrong way and makes a quick sidestep to go out the right door.)
Girl: Why dont you look in the mirror, scrud.
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Rachel: (now looking up at the ceiling) That is hard to say, Ross. That is hard to say.
Rachel: In the afternoon. Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch. He put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-It on it (Looks down onto her desk and finds the folder with the Post-It on it that contains the contracts she imagined she gave Tag) that said, "Must go out today." So you just keep looking in there! All right?
Joey: A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his "dramatic reading") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
Ross: Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. Im sorry.
Monica: Hi! Umm, Im Monica Geller, Im the chef at Alessandros.
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
Joey: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Joey's Co-Star: Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the brain.
The Security Guard: I'm just taking you outside!
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Colleen: The bathroom is down the hall, to your left.
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Rachel: Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some.
(The oven timer pings in the kitchen.)
(He runs off to the kitchen.)
All: Oh! (They stop hugging her to let her out and resume the hug without her.)