words in movies
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!'
Joey: Yeah. Cushions the blow.
Ross: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- .....Oh my God, Chi Chi!
Joey: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die."
(Joey takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He fumbles and drops the lighter. Then he lights a cigarett, takes a drag, and coughs.)
(Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette.)
Chandler: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.
Monica: No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger.
(The guys stretch out their fingers.)
(The gang swaps all the drinks for what they ordered as Phoebe enters. She sits down without saying hi.)
(Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight.)
Ross: Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit.
Joey: So when do we get to meet the guy?
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.
Paula: Well, you do realise the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy..
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is smoking out on the balcony, Phoebe is absent.]
(Chandler makes a 'Cross my heart' sign. It starts to rain and he taps on the window.)
(Phoebe enters, walks to the couch, sits down, and begins to read a letter without saying hi.)
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: Hey. It's him. (On the intercom) Who is it?
Alan: (on the intercom) It's Alan.
(She opens the door and Alan enters.)
Monica: (to Alan) Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow. (Alan exits, to all) Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?
Ross: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him.
The Guys: (reluctantly) Yeah.
Joey: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.
Phoebe: Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
Ross: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured.
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
Ross: The way he makes me feel about myself.
Monica: Hi.. how was the game?
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Lizzie: Did you pick out the vowels?
Phoebe: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y". Uh, I also have something else for you. (She searches in her purse.)
Lizzie: What? (She opens the envelope Phoebe has given her.) Oh my God, there's really money in here.
[Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler looks around, opens his desk drawer, takes a puff of a cigarette, sprays around some air freshener, and takes some breath spray. He types for a little while, opens the drawer again, and takes another drag of the cigarette. While not paying attention, he sprays the breath spray around the room, takes a squirt of air freshener and gags.]
Lizzie: Keep the change. (To Phoebe) Sure you don't wanna pretzel?
(Phoebe opens the can and reacts.)
Rachel: It's worse than the thumb!
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?
Joey: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?
Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.
Paula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through!
Monica: Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just don't feel the thing. I mean, they feel the thing, I don't feel the thing.
Paula: Honey.. you should always feel the thing. Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy, Monica, dump him!
Monica: No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about.
Chandler: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.
Chandler: Really? He does? (taking the phone) Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks! (He hands the phone back and stubs out his cigarette.)
Rachel: I think he's across the hall.
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?.. Pheebs?
Phoebe: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?
Phoebe: Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb.
Phoebe: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?!
Joey: (dragged in by Monica, he has just gotten out of the shower) What's going on?
Monica: (turns off the TV) Okay..
Ross: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were.
Rachel: (tearful) I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family-
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica is breaking the news to Alan.]
Chandler: (leaving) I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica sits on the couch and Phoebe is pacing up and down the room.]
(Finally, the baby is delivered and starts crying.)
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler comes home.]
Joey: The RossIs that back?!! (Chandler motions no.)
Rachel: Okay, swear you wont tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joannas office. Do you wanna see the list?
(Back at the couch, Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Rosen have concerns of their own.)
Chandler: (handing Monica the wax) Wax the door shut, were never leaving, ever.
Chandler: (laughs, but then moves to Phoebe) And don't get me started on the way that people from Tulsa talk.
Rachel: Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
Ross: Well, if whats in the bottle is actually 30. I mean sometimes you get 30, sometimes its-its get 4, and I swear to God more often than not its just milk.
Ross: Yeah. Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.
Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still. (Phoebe runs to the window and gasps.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
Amy: Its such a slap in the face. I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.
Joey: Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.
Ross: You? You! Want to watch Ben? (in the background Monica mouths Dont worry, Ill be here the whole time. to Ross.) Yes! Thatd be great, no, I just wanted to ask Monica, because I know how empty her life is. (Monica sarcastically mouths Yeah! and holds up her thumb.)
Joey: Oh, ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Wait a minute, I used to get medical experiments down on me all the time!
The Stripper: Wow, I didnt know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets.
Chandler: All right look, if youre not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen and Ross enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is sitting at the counter eating Cocoa Puffs.]
Rachel: I don't wanna stand in the way of true love or anything, but I think a cantaloupe might hurt less.
CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
Frank Jr. (looks at the triplets): Look at them! Aw. I love you so much. (Strokes Leslie's hair, and she moves a little.) Oh crap, don't wake up, don't wake up!
Sonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit...
Rachel: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, Look how much money weve got! Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put money in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little money place settings. And ah, you could start with a money salad! I mean itll be dry, but people will like it.
Monica: I don't know it! I want to have a kid with you because I think you're going to be an amazing dad... at the fun parts and the hard parts.
RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the morning.
Phoebe: Whats the big deal, yknow? Its not like its a real marriage.
Ross: Dont blame the questions!
Chandler: I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money.
Rachel: (motioning to a rack) So now, these are all the tuxedos that we make and if theres anything that you like, we can make you a deal. Anything at all. (Grabs a few) But these are the three that Monica pre-approved.
Joey: Okay, now the Mastodon is from the semi-late Jurassic period.
The Cooking Teacher: Were all beginners here. Nobody knows what theyre doing.
Ross: How about the place settings?
Amy is sitting on a chair by the bay window looking mad.
Rachel: You know, this happens all the time to my computer at work.
Phoebe: Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see if we can get back together. Thats the twentieth time today! And good luck Leslie!
Monica: Ok, I dont wanna be negative so Ill say that most of the signs you bought are good.
Rachel: Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?!
JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.
Chandler: See ya! (he leaves the apartment)
Chandler: Really...? See... that's the thing: you gotta keep it smart, people!
Ross: Umm, jealous! (He drops the cherry and it turns on.)
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Rachel: (from behind the bedroom door) YOU! You feel!
Joey: All right, ladies and gentlemen, lets poke. (they start to advance the giant poking device) Steady. Steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay, were approaching the window (as he says this the camera cuts to their view of Ugly Naked Guy, so that we actually see him!) Thread the needle. Thread the needle.
Rachel: (from the bedroom) Huh ha ha!
Rachel: And remember how you always said you were afraid the landlord would find out and then tear it down?
Phoebe: No no no, Ill be nice, I swear!!! Could you just give me the number for where they are?
Dedicated to the great work of Eric Aasen, Guineapig and many, many more.
Mona: No, nine. (Shows him the card again.)
Monica: Well, shes not going to find them lying in the grass like that.
ROSS: (pauses, then crunches up the note and stuffs it in his pocket.)� Never mind.
Joey: (To Ross) Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out. (He hangs up the phone and strands Ross in the bathroom.)
Monica and Chandler come through the front door.
Joey: Setting the table.
Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) Did you like her? And Im just asking as a friend, because I am totally fine with this.
Ross: Come on, man! Just-just take the sweats off. Okay? Just take em off and well have some fun.
Chandler: The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat.
The Waiter: Actually were out of the lobster ravioli. (Putting Joeys menu under his arm.)
Doug: Tomorrow night it is then, I should be out of court by six. They keep throwing these sexual harassment cases at me and I keep knocking them out of the park!
Amy: Do you want to know why you don't want me to have the baby?
Phoebe: Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. (She bends down, picks up the dog, and waves with one of its paws) Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?
Phoebe: This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can only keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up!
<Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back>
Monica: Put the plates in the boxes!! Put the plates in the boxes!
Ross: Okay, here we go! Emma's first birthday cake... Well hey... well, blow out the candle. Come on Emma.
Monica: Ok who thinks the food is delicious and a little pretention never hurt anyone? (a few raise their hands)
Chandler: Hey, I didnt make up the rules. Now, after you receive the doubling bonus, you get uh, one card. Now that one card could be worth $100 bringing your total to 1,500. (Joey gets excited.) Dont get to excited because thats not gonna happen unless you getNo way! (He takes the top card, which is the two of clubs. Of course, any card wouldve won. Chandler pays him.)
Monica: (To herself) Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy!
Monica: What? Something happened with the plates?
Monica: Like only if the queen comes?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
(Phone rings.� Chandler answers using the speaker phone.)
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
Phoebe: Wait a second! This is about the fourth month of your pregnancy, right?
CHANDLER: Braid each other's hair and ride horseback on the beach?
(Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]
(Rachel nods.� There is a knock on the door.)
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
MIKE: Eh, why don't we start with the beer?
Ross: Well, cant you at least stall her a little? Ill-Ill go back to some of the places I went last night.
JOEY: Hey!� Open the door.� What's going on?� (He knocks.)
Monica: They've elected me to talk to you about the baby talk - it's not so good.
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).
Joey: Maybe. So this is the living room huh? Ooh, it's pretty dark. (starts feeling around him like he's in a completely dark room, touching Chandler, who backs out and hits him)
Monica: Yeah, sure... uhm, I'm devastated, obviously... (to the rest) Did you think the neighborhood was homey? (Chandler enters)
JOEY: (outside the apartment door) I just heard him!
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Joey: Is to have a long, long talk. Yknow? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up.
Rachel: (goes over and hits her head on the post) Look at that! (repeats) Look at that! (repeats) We all do it. (repeats) Okay, Im stopping now.
Chandler: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination.
Rachel: Uh, its from yore. Like the days of yore. Yknow?
Chandler: Well, at least the perfume is not mine, be thankful for that!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler and Joey are there as Rachel returns from her interview.]
Rachel: Yes! Shes gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. (Sees that Ross isnt happy.)