words in movies
Ross: Wow! You look nice. What's the occasion?
Chandler: Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert.
(There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it. It's the pizza delivery girl.)
Chandler: Oh, okay. (Hands her the money.) Here you go.
(The duck starts quacking.)
Caitlin: Hey, where's the chicken?
Chandler: Oh, he's in the back. The duck pissed him off, said that eggs came first.
(He closes the door and turns to see Ross glaring at him.)
Ross: What the hell was that?!
Ross: The flirting! Aren't you supposed to be going out with, I don't know hmm, let's say my sister?!
Chandler: Okay first of all, the impression, uncanny. And second, that was not flirting, that was just casual conversation between two people. That is all.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are in the kitchen.]
Rachel: No because first they arrest the guy and then they try him.
(Ross and Chandler enter with the pizzas.)
Ross: Chandler was hitting on the hot delivery girl!
Ross: Well I'm sorry but you were! Okay? And besides if anyone should be hitting on her it's the guy who's single, the guy that who-who-who can do something about it.
Ross: Well, I-I was watching her the other day at the pizza place.
Ross: And she's just so sexy and funny and has the cutest little
Phoebe: (looking through the pizzas) Okay pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, okay Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Joey: She's my biggest fan. Yeah, she's the only one in the family that's believed in me.
(They both start speaking Italian to each other, and since I'm not Italian and don't understand one word, we'll move on to the English portion of the show. Not, that I'm English. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I'm not. Y'know I think I should shut-up now and move on. Anyhoo, she says something about Joey being fat I think based on this line.)
Monica: (entering from the bathroom) Hey! Happy Anniversary!
Monica: So umm, when I was in the shower I was thinking about our first night in London
Monica: Is that the one that speaks English or the one that doesn't?
Chandler: The one that doesn't.
Monica: You gotta go home and get the earrings that you borrowed from me okay? Chandler wants me to wear them tonight.
Phoebe: I guess so. (See, the brief possession didn't affect her at all, like we could really tell.)
Rachel: (She enters and hands Phoebe the earring) Here you go. Thank you!
Phoebe: Wait, Rach! Where's the other one?
Phoebe: Rachel Karen Green, where's the other earring?!
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, look, just don't freak out, but I kinda lost it. I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it.
[Time Lapse, the gang is now watching Law & Order. By the way, the entire rest of the episode takes place in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? Something to think about.]
Chandler: If you said, "Big lima bean, bubbling up." Would she understand the difference?
Monica: (noticing Rachel crawling behind the couch) Rach? What are you doing?
(There's a knock on the door.)
Ross: I'll get it! I will get that! (Runs over and opens the door.)
Ross: Oh. Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better. I happen to like 8-year-old boys.
Ross: (I can't make it out.) The uh, your hair, before, your hair, you said you thought your looks like an 8-year-old's, and I'm just saying I like it. The hair.
Caitlin: Y'know, all I'm looking for is the money.
Chandler: Here you go. (Hands her the money.) Now stop bringing us pizzas you.
Caitlin: I'm gonna try. (Walks away and Ross closes the door.)
Ross: Chandler was totally flirting with the hot delivery girl!
Monica: It's no big deal, I do it all the time.
Chandler: (starts to laugh, but then gets serious) So umm, you-you flirt with guys all the time?
Rachel: But y'know, I never really had anything to worry about. Ross was never very good at the flirting thing.
Ross: All right, all right. You-you-you know what I'm going to do? I am going to order another pizza and when Caitlin gets here, you-you--I will show how well I flirt. Yeah! I will, I will get her phone number! (To Chandler) And not the one on the menu!
Rachel: Okay that is the one we already have!
Joey: Okay, here's my big scene. My big scene's here! (They have two of the cops on the street, then they cut to where they're entering an apartment.) Oh my God.
Joey: (smiling) Oh, they cut me out of the show.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's continued from before the commercial break.]
Joey: Soon, soon, I'm gonna be on soon. There I am! (Points to the screen, of course it isn't him.)
Grandma Tribbiani: (pointing at the screen) No! Sam Waterston!
Monica: (following her) Phoebe! I have to have those earrings, we're going to leave as soon as the show is over.
Rachel: It's not here Pheebs, it's not here. Ohh, I went to Joey and Chandler's last night! Okay! (Goes to the door.)
(Rachel heads for Joey and Chandler's and Phoebe heads for the kitchen to find Ross.)
[Cut to Chandler and Monica on the couch.]
Chandler: So uh Monica, do you, do you like the Law & Order?
Chandler: See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!
Chandler: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Chandler: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.
Joey: (To Ross in the kitchen) All right, it's another commercial; I still haven't told her!
Ross: Joey! This is like the last commercial. You've got like (checks his watch) ten minutes left!
Rachel: The earring? No. But look, I found my sunglasses under the couch! I've been looking for these since like last summer. (Puts 'em on.)
Rachel: Okay, calm down, here they are. (Gives back the sunglasses.)
Monica: (entering from her room) Phoebe! (Motions for the earrings. Phoebe gives her the one-minute sign.)
Phoebe: Yeah! You're the best!
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I-I-I, I can't do this. Listen honey, this is, it's not Phoebe's fault. She lent me the earrings, and I lost it. I'm so sorry. Honey, I feel terrible too. (Holds out her arms for a hug.)
Ross: (running to the door) Oh, mine! Mine! Mine! (to everyone) Okay, here goes. Prepare yourselves for some Class A flirting.
Rachel: Honey, you have nothing to prove. And if you really like this girl, I don't flirting is the right thing to (Ross interrupts and shushes her.)
Ross: (He opens the door while faking a laugh.) Hey! Oh, we-we can't keep eating like this. (Monica turns her head in shame.)
Ross: Okay, (gets the money) so, do you make the pizzas in one of those uh, wood-burning ovens?
Chandler: (To Monica) If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.
Caitlin: (wanting more than anything to get the money and leave this horrible, horrible place) Yeah.
Ross: The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.
Chandler: Oh the humanity.
(Ross closes the door slowly.)
Ross: Look, no-no, hey, hey, don't worry about it! In nine years, she and I will be right there. (Goes and sits on the couch dejectedly.)
Rachel: Okay, well, I'm gonna clear out some of these boxes. (She grabs a couple of the old pizza boxes and exits.)
[Scene: The street outside the building, Rachel is running to catch up with Caitlin.]
Rachel: Hey! Hey! (Stops Caitlin) Hi! Hey-hey-hey, I'm Rachel! From upstairs? The ones with all the pizza?
Caitlin: The guy with the gas?!
Rachel: (entering) Hey Ross? Umm, I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway and-and uh, you must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought.
Rachel: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number. (Hands him the slip of paper with the phone number on it.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is the show still on?
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
(Joey has made a little home movie that's his big scene. He braces himself against the door to his apartment and while holding a plastic gun and wearing the same sweater says )
Joey: (on the tape) All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!
Joey: (on the tape) Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. (The duck quacks, to the duck) Choo! Choo! Choo! (To the imaginary cops) Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it (the duck quacks louder) Choo!! And if I don't get it, (pause, picks up the duck) I'm gonna shoot this duck!
Joey: (on the tape) I'm comin' out! (He opens the door and hops out pointing the gun in all directions and then runs out of view.)
(Suddenly, the tape cuts away from Joey's impromptu scene, to Chandler standing really, really close to the camera.)
(Joey and Chandler both run to shut off the tape.)
Monica: What about these? These look the same?
Chandler: You look amazing. I'm the luckiest man in the world.
Chandler: Let me see the earrings.
Monica: Oh, honey, the earrings
Chandler: (looking at them) They look great! Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what?
Chandler: (To Ross) Thanks for picking out the earrings man.
Joey: Dude, are you okay? And when are the fajitas gonna be ready?
Phoebe: The coins have finally forgiven me!
Monica: Umm. (Looks at Chandler who is using the phone.) Umm. Umm. I don't think so.
Ross: Oh! Wow! Uh, yeah! That sounds great. Im just gonna put this (The money) back in my pocket, pretend that didnt happen. Uh yeah, actually Im free now. Do you wanna grab some coffee or
Chandler: Its not all juice! (Rachel quickly gets out of the way.)
[Phoebe and Rachel are at the counter talking.]
Monica about to have a heart attack: Okay, listen I know you're having a little bit of a family crisis, but you don't have to take it out on the plates. I mean, I mean in fact I think that everyone should cut their food like this.
Phoebe: And so engaged. (Points to the ring that Rachel is wearing.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel and Phoebe are having dinner with Dr. Green, and everyone is looking at the menu.]
Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. (There's a knock on the door.)
ERICA: Oh my God. Do the people at the hospital know about this?
Gunther: Maybe nobody won the jackpot, but there was this guy in here earlier, and he found the ticket on the street, right outside, and won $10,000 (goes to the counter).
Chandler: Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ.
Joey: You know, uh... [Joey moves the pen case out onto the counter.] Chandler got you a gift, too.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.]
Joey: All right. Hey, but it better make me look really, really good. (Starts for his room.) Oh, and another thing, the video camera? Nice!!
Chandler: Yeah, I think that's wrong, but there's a Connect the Dots in here for you later. (To Monica) Hey, how about maroon?
Phoebe: You know what Amanda said to me when she got me on the phone? (apes Amanda in a british accent) "Oh, so sorry to catch you on your Mo-Bile!" If-if you don't wanna get me on my mo-Bile, don't call me on my mo-Bile!"
MONICA: Exactly. Oh, I love that I can be totally neurotic around you now. Tell me the truth. Don't you like it better now that everything on your desk is perpendicular?
[Scene: A Street, Rachel is throwing her coat into the Porsche and getting in.]
Monica: You can spill. In the sink.
(As Joey goes to the bathroom, Corporate Phoebe enters. Shes wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase.)
Monica: What one? You wanted him to invite you to the party and he did it!
Monica: I dont know. (Picks up a big plate from the coffee table.) Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.
Joey: Is this because I come over here without knocking and eat your food? (Walks towards the fridge) Because I can stop doing that, (looks at the fridge) I really, really think I can!
Ross: Well, fine. Fine! If-if Im the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, Ill go up there and defend it myself! (Starts to do so, but stops and to the previous librarian) And dont you follow me!
Rachel: Thank you! And now if youll excuse me, I have to go to the rest room.
Ross: Hey! I just got uh, my teacher evaluations! Check out what this one student wrote, "I loved Dr. Gellers class. Mind blowing lectures! Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the paleontology department!"
Rachel: Im sorry, as I was saying the store number is wrong, and Im sorry but thats... (notices a fire that Rosss candle has started) Oh my God!!
(She goes into the freezer to get it herself, and leaves the door open. The waiter from earlier comes by and closes the door.)
Amy: Yeah! Hey, sure! The "Days of Our Lives" guy!
CHANDLER: What? [realizes it was the bracelet] Oh this is excellent. You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the eyesore from the Liberace house of crap.
Monica: Yeah! Thats why Im sleeping with him on the side.
Ross: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean... watch! (he mimics the groommens way of walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid) Huh?
[Cut to outside, theyre going to talk to Phoebe about walking the bike.]
Joey: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Med School with some... research.
Monica: I mean, youre the one theyre gonna come to when they wanna run away from home, and the one they talk to about sex.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Joey: Well, I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step.
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler have trading the entertainment center for the canoe. Joey is sitting in the bow, staring off into space as to envision his future full of possibilities. Chandler is sitting at the stern, staring into space and is looking at an uncertain future.]
Monica: I swear you said you had the keys.
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Chandler: Fine! (goes into his room and slams the door, then he slams the bottom half of the door.)
Chandler: Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?
(Rachel opens it. Inside is the money she needed.)
Monica: Okay if Mike were here what would the two of you be doing?
Joey: We figured we could be late because you guys were gonna be on time (he points the foam finger at the girls)
[cut to Chandler and Joeys apartment, Tommy is using the phone]
Chandler: (to Gunther) Y'know what Gunther, go ah, go ahead, Im-Im talking to ah, (tries to get her to say her name). (to her) This is the part where you say your name.
Rachel: Well, let's see. There was a really big guy that I was talking to, with the really nice breasts...
The Saleswoman: I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars.
Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Ross: Yeah! And! And, it was the easiest 400 bucks Ive ever made.
Phoebe: (reading the recipe on the back of the bag) Yes!! (Realizes.) Ohh.
Woman At The Wedding: It didnt click.
Chandler: Isnt that what happened with you and the brides maid?
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are there when the phone starts ringing.]
Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?
Joey: (sounding very proud of himself) Some of the words are a little too sophisticated for ya?
Monica: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
(Walks out and after he closes the door Phoebe turns around and takes a bite out of what is left of his candy bar.)
Rachel: Well, then I get to give him the cell phone.
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.
Joey: Oh, Bob, get off the guy!
Phoebe: Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. Its over!
Rachel: Joey, you cant let him get away with that. Ya know what, Im not going to let him get away with that. Im going to say something to himNo, I really shouldnt say anythingNo, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him
Chandler: He said...he said, he said that they're having a great time. I'm sorry. But, the silver lining, if you wanna see it, is that he made the decision all by himself! Without any outside help whatsoever.
(They kiss each other on the cheek, and Rachel leaves.)
[Rachel exits into the hallway just as Ross is coming up the stairs.]
Phoebe: Ok, ok, you start preparing the formula and I start changing the box and then we gotta put them straight to bed.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.]
Joey: Its kind of embarrassing, yknow. I mean, I was an actor and now Im a waiter. Its supposed to go in the other direction.
Monica: I dont know, Ive never had to use the other one. Im just saying yknow, if were having sex, hes not gonna be talking.
Joey: Because! Youre mean on the boat!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch playing cards, and Phoebe is working on a new song.]
Chandler: Yeah, and not that you would, but I wouldnt hang out with all the guys in my office.
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
MNCA: So, Mr. Rastatter, what exactly does this job entail? The ad wasn't too clear.
Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, its on the counter in your apartment.
Chandler: I'd keep an eye on him! We have to find out which one the father is.
ROSS: Y-ello. No, Rachel's not here right now, can I take a message? Alright, and how do we spell Casey, is it like at the bat or and the Sunshine Band? OK, bye-bye. Hey, who's this uh, this Casey?
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
Rachel: Yeah! Its weird. But the thing is need to find a date.
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
(Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom)
Ross: Fine! Its your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last time.) I just dont want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, (Monica and Chandler just stare at him.) but thats what you want, theres nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) DONT DO IT!!!!! (Finally leaves.)
Phoebe: No, no, no, I wouldnt do you myself, I mean that would be weird. Yeah, no, Ill get one of the other girls to do it. Oh, this will be so much fun! Hey! Are you excited?
Phoebe: All right, we'll se you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours.
Rachel: Come on, just answer the question!
Rachel: So just bring it back downstairs, whats the problem?
MONICA: Yes, I will start with the carpaccio, and then I'll have the grilled prawns.
Phoebe: No Im not okay. The only guy Ive ever been crazy about has gone to Minsk and I may never I may never see him again. (Crying.)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. There's a knock on the door, and Phoebe opens it.]
Phoebe: Well, Im going to the dentist, so listen, okay, just be on the look out for anything that, that, that you can fall into, or, or that can fall on you, or... All right, just look out! Okay, And um, I also just wanna, I just wanna tell you all that um...... (starts to cry and runs out)
Chandler: Oh, dont thank me, thank the jerk that never showed up. Okay, I gotta get to get to work.
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Chandler: (showing her the pictures) Heres a picture of Ross. (Shows another one.) And thats me. (Another one.) And thats me and Ross. (Another one.) Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple.
The Smoking Woman: I am not going to apologize to a tree!