words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is at the sink and Chandler is looking at a ring brochure.]
Phoebe: Yeah well, once again not knocking pays off. I only wish you hadnt been on the toilet.
(Joey and Ross enter causing Chandler to quickly hide the brochure behind his back.)
Joey: Hey. (Heads straight for the fridge.)
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?
Chandler: Oh well, we dont because we got the other pl-place.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: No thats what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.
(Ross turns his back on Paul and makes a I hate that guy face. Paul does the same thing.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what-what was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before?
Ross: Well, if hes angry, he really shouldnt just cover it up. I-I wish he would just tell me the truth.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul and Rachel are getting ready to go out. Paul is entering from the bathroom.]
Rachel: Well, youre lucky you never met that bitch Sharon Majesky. Anyway, umm The rest of you life, yknow? Any regrets?
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, I-I-I see the scare. Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that-that yknow, you shared your feelings. Its really, its beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food?
Chandler: Nothin! This is the nine millionth ring store weve been too and I cant find the perfect ring! (Goes over to another display counter and starts pointing at rings.) Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! (Notices that one of the jewelers is watching him.) Its a beautiful selection. (The jeweler walks away slowly.)
Phoebe: Okay, so maybe you dont get her a ring. Maybe you-maybe you do something different. Yknow? Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, yknow? Or an engagement tiara? Orooh! An engagement Revolutionary War musket! (Picks one up from the display in the corner.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Phoebe: (coming over after returning the musket) Wait a minute, no, this is, this is the reason you brought me. Okay? I know how to haggle. So let me handle this from here on out.
Male Jeweler: This ring is from the 1920s, its a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires on either side.
Male Jeweler: Okay. (Holds out the ring, deadpan.) Will you marry me?
Chandler: (choking up) Oh my God thats it, thats the ring! How much is it?
Phoebe: Chandler, I-I will handle this! (To the jeweler) How much is it?
Chandler: Uh, credit card. (Reaches for it then realizes) Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. (To Phoebe) Okay, Ill go get it. You guard the ring.
Phoebe: Okay. (To the jeweler) Listen, Im sorry about before. Do you have anything her for $10.
Gunther: (handing them the bill) Here you go.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-ho-ho, I got this one. Here you go. (Hands Gunther Chandlers card.) Yknow I gotta tell ya, sometimes I justI dont get Chandler. Yknow, me and him do stuff all the time without you and you dont get all upset.
Ross: All the time?
Joey: All the time!
Rachel: Whats the other one?
Monica: I dont know, Ive never had to use the other one. Im just saying yknow, if were having sex, hes not gonna be talking.
Rachel: Oh thats right. Youre the talker. (They both reflect on that briefly) Anyway uh, great idea! Umm, I gotta go to the store; I told him that I would buy him some more tissues.
[Scene: The Jewelry Store, Phoebe is busy trying on virtually everything in the store. Shes got earrings, rings, bracelets, and enough necklaces to put Mr. T to shame on.]
Phoebe: Okay umm, Id also like to try on the tiara. (The male jeweler hands it to her.) Oh yeah. Okay. (Puts it on.) (To the jeweler) What do you think, too much?
Phoebe: Okay. Then, take the tiara back and let me hold the musket again. (He hands it to her and Phoebe poses in front of one of those small mirrors.) Somethings missing. Its not Okay oh, let me see the ring my friend picked out.
Male Jeweler: (to the female jeweler) Wheres the 1920s princess cut ring.
Female Jeweler: I just sold it to that gentleman. (Points to the one walking out the store.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She runs after him, but sets of the security system, which locks the stores door and brings down a set of bars behind her, caging her in.) No! What?! Help me! Let me out! Now! (Points the musket at them.)
Chandler: Okay, a quick one. Come on hug it out. (Paul rushes over and hugs Chandler tightly.) Oh hey! There you go. (The hug continues.) Okay. (The hug continues.)
[Scene: The Jewelry Store, Chandler is entering with his credit card and Phoebe is holding out another ring for him.]
Phoebe: Chandler, I found the perfect ring. (Holding it out for her.)
Chandler: Oh, thats uh, thats pretty nice but Im gonna go with the one I picked first.
Phoebe: Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. Its over!
Phoebe: Some guy bought it. Im sorry. I tired to stop it but they (points to the jeweler) put me in jail!
Phoebe: The little jail between the doors!
Chandler: Phoebe, I asked you to guard the ring!
Phoebe: I know, Im sorry! But yknow, this ring is better! Monica never even saw the other ring.
Chandler: Yeah but when he proposed to me with the ring I got goose bumps.
Phoebe: Maybe it was the guy.
Chandler: It was the ring!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch and Joey is entering.]
Ross: Hey! So uh, was he excited about the tickets?
Joey: From now on, its gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends. (They shake hands.) Okay! Were gonna be the new Joey and Chandler.
Paul: I wanted to be one with the waves, yknow?
Rachel: Okay, hold on real quick, hold on a second let me just uh, (sits on the counter and buttons her sweater to show some cleavage) get a little more comfortable here. Wait, now wait a second, this isnt too revealing is it?
Rachel: I dont care about the little dude! I cant! I cannot listen to anymore of this! Yknow, the only person who would want to listen to this is a mental health professional! And then its only because they get paid $100 an hour! Do you know how much money I couldve made listening to you? $2,000! And do you know when I figured that out? While you were talking!
Rachel: Im so glad, Im so glad you shared. (Feeling his shoulder.) And Im glad that youre done. What do you say we umm (Nods in the direction of the bedroom.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the ring he bought and not liking it.]
Chandler: No, its not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monicas face when I gave it to her, yknow? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. (Does so and laughs.) Look, this is the most important thing Im gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure its perfect.
Phoebe: Okay. There may be a way that we can get the other ring back. Cause I heard the guy tell the jeweler where he was going to propose. So maybe we can get him to trade rings or something.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler and Phoebe are entering. This is the place where the guy who bought Chandlers ring is going to propose.]
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Phoebe: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if Im not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity
Customer: I dont know. (Pause) Let me see the ring.
Chandler: Great! Okay, here. (Holds the ring up for him.)
Chandler: Guys? (They ignore him.) Ive got something important to tell ya. (Still nothing so he walks over and stands in front of the TV.) Guys? (They lean over to try and watch the TV, Chandler mimics them.) Guys?! (Pause) Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Joey: (To Ross) I think we gotta end the freeze out.
Chandler: Yeah, check out the ring. (Shows it to them.)
Joey: Oh its water under the bridge, forget it!
Joey: (holding an empty tissue box) Wheres all the tissues?! (Throws the box down in disgust.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Chandler is showing Rachel the ring.]
Chandler: Check out the ring.
Phoebe: Oh I know, I helped pick out the ring.
Chandler: Well, she walked in when I was looking at the ring brochures. You can understand that, right? (Ross and Joey look at each other and go back to watching the game on TV.) Guys? Guys? (Walks in front of them again.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica sits on the couch and Phoebe is pacing up and down the room.]
(Finally, the baby is delivered and starts crying.)
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler comes home.]
Joey: The RossIs that back?!! (Chandler motions no.)
Rachel: Okay, swear you wont tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joannas office. Do you wanna see the list?
(Back at the couch, Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Rosen have concerns of their own.)
Chandler: (handing Monica the wax) Wax the door shut, were never leaving, ever.
Chandler: (laughs, but then moves to Phoebe) And don't get me started on the way that people from Tulsa talk.
Rachel: Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
Ross: Well, if whats in the bottle is actually 30. I mean sometimes you get 30, sometimes its-its get 4, and I swear to God more often than not its just milk.
Ross: Yeah. Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.
Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still. (Phoebe runs to the window and gasps.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
Amy: Its such a slap in the face. I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.
Joey: Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.
Ross: You? You! Want to watch Ben? (in the background Monica mouths Dont worry, Ill be here the whole time. to Ross.) Yes! Thatd be great, no, I just wanted to ask Monica, because I know how empty her life is. (Monica sarcastically mouths Yeah! and holds up her thumb.)
Joey: Oh, ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Wait a minute, I used to get medical experiments down on me all the time!
The Stripper: Wow, I didnt know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets.
Chandler: All right look, if youre not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen and Ross enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is sitting at the counter eating Cocoa Puffs.]
Rachel: I don't wanna stand in the way of true love or anything, but I think a cantaloupe might hurt less.
CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
Frank Jr. (looks at the triplets): Look at them! Aw. I love you so much. (Strokes Leslie's hair, and she moves a little.) Oh crap, don't wake up, don't wake up!
Sonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit...
Rachel: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, Look how much money weve got! Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put money in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little money place settings. And ah, you could start with a money salad! I mean itll be dry, but people will like it.
Monica: I don't know it! I want to have a kid with you because I think you're going to be an amazing dad... at the fun parts and the hard parts.
RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the morning.
Phoebe: Whats the big deal, yknow? Its not like its a real marriage.
Ross: Dont blame the questions!
Chandler: I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money.
Rachel: (motioning to a rack) So now, these are all the tuxedos that we make and if theres anything that you like, we can make you a deal. Anything at all. (Grabs a few) But these are the three that Monica pre-approved.
Joey: Okay, now the Mastodon is from the semi-late Jurassic period.
The Cooking Teacher: Were all beginners here. Nobody knows what theyre doing.
Ross: How about the place settings?
Amy is sitting on a chair by the bay window looking mad.
Rachel: You know, this happens all the time to my computer at work.
Phoebe: Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see if we can get back together. Thats the twentieth time today! And good luck Leslie!
Monica: Ok, I dont wanna be negative so Ill say that most of the signs you bought are good.
Rachel: Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?!
JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.
Chandler: See ya! (he leaves the apartment)
Chandler: Really...? See... that's the thing: you gotta keep it smart, people!
Ross: Umm, jealous! (He drops the cherry and it turns on.)
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Rachel: (from behind the bedroom door) YOU! You feel!
Joey: All right, ladies and gentlemen, lets poke. (they start to advance the giant poking device) Steady. Steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay, were approaching the window (as he says this the camera cuts to their view of Ugly Naked Guy, so that we actually see him!) Thread the needle. Thread the needle.
Rachel: (from the bedroom) Huh ha ha!
Rachel: And remember how you always said you were afraid the landlord would find out and then tear it down?
Phoebe: No no no, Ill be nice, I swear!!! Could you just give me the number for where they are?
Dedicated to the great work of Eric Aasen, Guineapig and many, many more.
Mona: No, nine. (Shows him the card again.)
Monica: Well, shes not going to find them lying in the grass like that.
ROSS: (pauses, then crunches up the note and stuffs it in his pocket.)� Never mind.
Joey: (To Ross) Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out. (He hangs up the phone and strands Ross in the bathroom.)
Monica and Chandler come through the front door.
Joey: Setting the table.
Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) Did you like her? And Im just asking as a friend, because I am totally fine with this.
Ross: Come on, man! Just-just take the sweats off. Okay? Just take em off and well have some fun.
Chandler: The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat.
The Waiter: Actually were out of the lobster ravioli. (Putting Joeys menu under his arm.)
Doug: Tomorrow night it is then, I should be out of court by six. They keep throwing these sexual harassment cases at me and I keep knocking them out of the park!
Amy: Do you want to know why you don't want me to have the baby?
Phoebe: Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. (She bends down, picks up the dog, and waves with one of its paws) Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?
Phoebe: This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can only keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up!
<Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back>
Monica: Put the plates in the boxes!! Put the plates in the boxes!
Ross: Okay, here we go! Emma's first birthday cake... Well hey... well, blow out the candle. Come on Emma.
Monica: Ok who thinks the food is delicious and a little pretention never hurt anyone? (a few raise their hands)
Chandler: Hey, I didnt make up the rules. Now, after you receive the doubling bonus, you get uh, one card. Now that one card could be worth $100 bringing your total to 1,500. (Joey gets excited.) Dont get to excited because thats not gonna happen unless you getNo way! (He takes the top card, which is the two of clubs. Of course, any card wouldve won. Chandler pays him.)
Monica: (To herself) Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy!
Monica: What? Something happened with the plates?
Monica: Like only if the queen comes?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
(Phone rings.� Chandler answers using the speaker phone.)
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
Phoebe: Wait a second! This is about the fourth month of your pregnancy, right?
CHANDLER: Braid each other's hair and ride horseback on the beach?
(Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]
(Rachel nods.� There is a knock on the door.)
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
MIKE: Eh, why don't we start with the beer?
Ross: Well, cant you at least stall her a little? Ill-Ill go back to some of the places I went last night.
JOEY: Hey!� Open the door.� What's going on?� (He knocks.)
Monica: They've elected me to talk to you about the baby talk - it's not so good.
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).
Joey: Maybe. So this is the living room huh? Ooh, it's pretty dark. (starts feeling around him like he's in a completely dark room, touching Chandler, who backs out and hits him)
Monica: Yeah, sure... uhm, I'm devastated, obviously... (to the rest) Did you think the neighborhood was homey? (Chandler enters)
JOEY: (outside the apartment door) I just heard him!
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Joey: Is to have a long, long talk. Yknow? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up.
Rachel: (goes over and hits her head on the post) Look at that! (repeats) Look at that! (repeats) We all do it. (repeats) Okay, Im stopping now.
Chandler: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination.
Rachel: Uh, its from yore. Like the days of yore. Yknow?
Chandler: Well, at least the perfume is not mine, be thankful for that!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler and Joey are there as Rachel returns from her interview.]
Rachel: Yes! Shes gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. (Sees that Ross isnt happy.)