words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is at the counter eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is sitting on the couch watching TV as Monica comes out of the bathroom.]
Monica: I just had the most amazing bath.
Chandler: Honey, its not the bath I enjoy, its the wet, naked lady.
Joey: It was different for you guys! I mean, I mean, you were both in the same place, right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Ross sits down.]
Phoebe: Hey, are you going to find out the sex of the baby?
Phoebe: Are you two talking about the same baby? Hey! Have you started off thinking of names yet?
Rachel: Wow, oh my God, our child will be beaten to death in the schoolyard.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Monica comes from the bathroom as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Sex on the balcony?
Chandler: Honey, I dont like baths! Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony?
Chandler: All right, if I do this, can we at least discuss sex on the balcony?
(Chandler runs into the bathroom)
[Cut to Chandler laying in the bathtub. "Only Time," is playing in the background.]
Chandler: (thinking) All right, this isnt so bad. I like the flower smell! Which is okay, because Ive got my boat.
[Scene: The Doctors Office, the doctor is writing something as Rachel is on the table, and Ross is standing.]
Ross: I dont think you had an open mind about the name Ruth. I mean, come on, little Ruthie Geller, how-how cute is that?
Rachel: Oh, oh my God! I can practically hear the mahjong tiles!
Dr. Long: Okay! All your tests look fine. Now, are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby?
Rachel: (looking at the bulletin board with baby pictures) So, which of these babies do you think is the ugliest?
Rachel: Third one from the left?
Ross: Yeah, why is it staring at me? I think it knows Im talking about it. (Rachel starts to peek at the file) Dont-dont youWhWhaHey!!
Rachel: (holding stomach) Okay, a couple months late on the lecture, Ross.
Chandler: Im in the bathroom, can you come in here? I think theres something wrong.
Chandler: Im in the bathtub.
Monica: Oh. (She goes into the bathroom.) Whats wrong?
Chandler: I drew my own bath, but I did it wrong! The waters tepid. The salt didnt dissolve and is now lodged places. And the scents I used dont compliment each other. Eucalyptus and chamomileOh!
Chandler: The bath salts! Theyre starting to effervesce! Its different. (Pause) Its interesting.
Monica: Well, I actually had the weirdest conversation with Joey. He was talking about rules and right and wrong and
Chandler: I had the exact same conversation.
Chandler: He was asking all these questions about you, me, and London. And, of course the glue that holds this all together, the rules.
Monica: Wait a minute! He stopped talking the minute Phoebe came in!
Monica: And Phoebe is his friend, so he thinks that would be breaking the rules!
Phoebe: (from outside the bathroom) You guys?
Monica: Why would I say anything? That two of our best friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives! And they would have me to thank, and we could all start having babies?
Monica: You just stay here! (Dumps a jar of bath salts in the bathtub)
(Monica runs out to Phoebe, who is in the kitchen)
Phoebe: I dont know, I dont know, I dont know. You know, I mean, on the one hand, Mother may I? But yknow on the other hand No. No, I cant. Were friends. No, oh, no. I dont want to risk what we have.
[Scene: Central perk, Ross is sitting on the chair as Rachel walks in.]
Rachel: You know what? Ive been thinking about it. Im really coming around on the name Ruth. I think I would actually consider naming our child that.
Ross: Rach, I-I cant tell you how-how much that means to me! Ohh Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You-you hated the name Ruth! Why-why would you change your mind? Unless, you know were never going to have to use it. You did see the folder. You know its a boy!
Rachel: I didnt see anything! I actually changed my mind about the name.
Ross: Unless (Rachel groans.) You anticipated that I would figure all this out and you know that it actually is a girl, and you really do want her to be named Ruth! Well, Im not falling for that! Okay? Ruth is off the table!
Rachel: But Ross, you want the name Ruth!
Phoebe: Yeah thats Rachel. (To herself) Beat me over the head with it.
Joey: She made me switch to light Mayo. Thats it! Thats all I got! And, you know what? It tastes the same and my pants fit better!
Phoebe: Thats right, there you go! Crushes happen all the time! I know Ive had them for all you guys. Well, except for Ross and Chandler. And Im sure youve had them for us.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Ross: So, I uh I called the doctor and now we both know the sex of the baby.
Ross: Thats right. The student has become the master.
Ross: I know! I know. You know what? Im putting Ruth back on the table!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler enters as Monica comes from the bathroom.]
(As soon as Monica leaves the room, Chandler takes off his jacket and runs to the bathroom. Monica enters the bathroom to find Chandler in the bathtub.)
Monica: Fine, you can have the bath, but I am taking your boat. Now youre just a girl in a tub!
(Phoebe enters the bathroom)
Joey: (from outside the bathroom) Hello?
Phoebe: Were in the bathroom!
Joey: (entering the bathroom) What are you guys doing in here?
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Ross and I were looking for you! What are we all doing in here? (Looks at Chandler) Oh, my! (Covers the spot where Joey wants bubbles to be replaced.)
Monica: Honey, cover it up with the boat!
Ross: (from outside the bathroom) Hello?
Ross: (entering) Well hey! Whats going on? Ooh, cool boat(Sees why the boats there)Oh, no. (Averts his eyes by looking around the room) (To Rachel) Hey, did you, did you tell them?
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is sitting at the counter eating Cocoa Puffs.]
Joey: (thinking) All right. Its a new day, and its just a crush, thats all! Just a little crush! All that worrying I was doing, that was crazy. Crazy! Like my friend here the bird would say, "it was cuckoo!" Everythings going to be fine. Its just a crush.
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas bathroom. Both are sitting on opposite ends of the bathtub.]
Monica: Its the salts.
Monica: (To herself) Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy!
Marc: I am so sorry. The doctor insisted on closing the curtain for the exam.
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.
Phoebe: See, I-I think that one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on Who's The Boss.
Ray: And this is Duncan (points to the cameraman) and Erin, theyre gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, lets get the camera rolling.
Joey: No-no-no-no, hes not! No! Why are you trying to ruin the game? Come on!
[Scene: The Hallway, Ross comes out and hugs Mrs. Geller.]
Monica: Here, let me make the milk, Im up anyway.
(She is still yanking on the bra, but it is stuck in her sleeve. Finally, she gives up.)
Phoebe: Okay. (on phone) Ooh, Im setting the phone down. (does so) But Im still here! Just dont go anywhere Im still here. (starts to put on the sweater) Dont-dont switch or anything, cause Im, Im right here. (She has pulled the sweater over her head, but her head is stuck in a sleeve.) Just one sec. One sec! One second!! (She is now frantically trying to get the sweater on, as Monica returns from the bathroom.) Wait! One second! Just
(Rachel decides not to give up that easily and follows him to his apartment and bangs on the door, which he opens.)
Ross: Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head.
(and another bell for the correct answer. "3 to win" and "What a dog might say")
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when youll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And Im ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, hes got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me Im stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
Spokeswoman: ...has become the penicillin of the twenty-first century. And so today, this hospital is about to take major steps toward leading that revolution. It is truly ironic, on one hand consider the size...
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, who is filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in. Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled in Ross's arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]
Ross: Well, ok, it's for 25 thousand dollars. And if I get it, I'll finally be able to complete my field research! And there will be an article about me in the "Paleontology Review"! Yeah! That'll be the first time my name is in there, without people raising serious questions about my work!
Monica: (interrupting) Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
Rachel: Yeah but how do I start? I mean, whats-whats the first thing that I say? (They all pause to think.) Okay great! Thanks. (She starts to leave.)
Chandler: I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! Im right. I'm right. Am I right?
Monica: (sits next to him) Phoebe, its okay that you dont want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend.
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
(She motions for them to come closer, they lean in and she whispers what Rachel told her. The guys both lean back laughing.]
(All the friends looked shocked and confused. There is a long silence.)
Rachel: It's impossible to find a good doctor. I mean, how do you know the good ones from the ones who are gonna push their penis against your knee?
CHANDLER: Alrighty. [we see Chandler's pants drop from under the stall door]
Joey: Me?! Oh come on, man! You can't do this! Come on! (Being dragged out by the guard) I'm your hand twin!!
Ross: (from across the wall) Walls are pretty thin, guys!
RACHEL: Ok, we can do this now, can't we Ben? Yes we can, yes we can. [finishes the diaper] There. I did it. I did it. Look at that, oh, stays on and everything. Hi.
Ross: Well yeah, but she doesnt know that. I mean, the last time she saw you-you wouldve turned one of those little wedding chairs into kindling.
Phoebe: Okay, is this the day of good news or what? I got us a job! The wedding reception.
JOEY: Really, hey, you mind if I turn the heat down?
Pete: I told you, were adding new operators all the time. Could we concentrate on my training?
Phoebe: Oh. (Joey flips the pancake and Phoebe catches it and throws it on her plate.)
Ross: Hey, yknow what nickname never caught on? The Ross-A-Tron! (Monica shakes her head in disgust.)
Dr. Green: Who is the father? Oh no! Please dont tell me its her! (Points at Phoebe.)
Joey: What if I smack my head on the concrete?
Mike: I don't know, I mean I'm not sure (they hear cracking voice from somewhere else in the kitchen, probably a rat caught in a trap) ...
Chandler: See, maybe thats the one we shouldve actually hidden.
Ross: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says "duty free".
Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7, 7.. 7 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7 (mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
Doug: Say uh, Bing, did you hear about the new law firm we got working for us?
Joey: Ahaha, he might as well just give us the points.
Ross: Well, I was just playing with him, and y'know we were doing the alphabet song, which he used to be really good at, but suddenly hes leaving out e and f. Its like they just ah, I dont know, fell out of his head.
[The video is a very dramatic episode with an obviously dubbed voice for Phoebe. Everyone watches in disbeliefe]
(Joey and Rachel reach the landing just as Chandler closes the door.)
Ross: (entering from the bathrooms) Hey Chandler, what are you doing tonight?
Ben: (running to the bathroom) Thanks Phoebe!
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is wiping down the counter as Ross rushes in.]
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
Monica: Yeah and you better watch the flirting too, cause you know, in such close quarters, it could be trouble.
[Scene: The Museum of Prehistoric History (Ross's work); Ross is in the break room eating lunch as his boss, Dr. Leedbetter walks in.]
(they continue to play ping pong and then Mike scores, winning the game)
Ross: Okay, okay, awkward question. The hospital knows you took two, right?
Monica: No, too late. You can't give it back! (she pushes the painting back to Rachel)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, the next morning, Rachel is passed out on the couch.]
Frank Sr.: (Seeing the look on her face) Y'know what? Strike that. My name uh, actually is-is Joe. Uh, Joe umm, Hill.
Ross: Uhm, ministers don't ride the subway for free.
Monica: Good. (To Chandler) Uh honey, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, fine, I'm gonna look it up (she goes and picks up the dictionary).
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is still looking out the window as Joey enters.]
Monica: Oh umm, how about your mom dying, or having to live on the streets when you were 14?
Ross: You're taking the word of a guy who has night vision goggles?
Phoebe: It's really crazy! The hall, the dress, the food... I-I had no idea how expensive this stuff was!
[Scene: We cut back to the present. The reunion where Chandler and Ross are talking.]
Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.)
Rachel: (on the verge of tears) Yeah, Im fine.
Annabelle: (seeing the end result) My god, what happened?
Joey: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right, now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs. (Offers it to everyone.)
Ross: You guys, just please.. a little bit longer. I promise, Rachel will be back with the cake any minute. Monica, remember.. the frosting? huh?
Ross: Hey, you gotta get Mom on the phone. Call Mom! Call Mom!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is preparing for the party with Ross questioning her.]
Chandler: How long it took to go back in the water?
Rachel: Ok, look, Ross. I do not want Emma going to the playground.
The Salesman: (Entering before Joey can say anything) Good afternoon, are you the decision maker of the house?
Phoebe: Im curious about the human body.
Monica: She's this girl who used to live in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and she picked up this fake British accent. On the machine this is her message. (she apes Amanda using an awful British accent) "Monica, darling! It's Amanda calling!"
Ross: What-what-what thehow da-how did-what the-how did-what?!
Ross: Oh, I see, somebody is afraid of a little competition with the ladies?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is knocking on Rachels door, whose door frame is decorated with balloons. The rest of the gang is there as well. Rachel opens the door and the gang blow on noisemakers.]
Rachel: No Yeah, all the time, constantly. It's terrifying. But you know that I figure it it has to work out.
Joey: Oh well, that changes everything! (Grabs his menu and starts looking at it again. The waiter leaves.) Yknow what Pheebs?
Ross: Hi! Listen uhh, this cat belongs to a little girl. There are flyers all over the place.
Joey: Hey, hey, uh, who did you miss the most?
Chandler: Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes!
Rachel: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Chandler: Yeah, y'know what I got a better idea. How-how bout it blocks none of mine door and a lot of yours? (throws his shoulder into the center to try and move it, but it doesnt move.)
Joey: Uh-huh look, the only reason I can over here was to settle things between us! Okay? Youve done a lot for me and my career, I wanted to pay you back so I took you to the premiere but you missed it! Okay, so how much do I owe you?
[The next clip is from The One At The Beach.]
Joey: (on the screen there's the word "Supermarket") Uhm... ok. It's a store, like a supermarket. (there is a sound indicating he made a mistake as he shouldn't have said 'supermarket'. The next word appears, "notebook") Oh! I see-I see what I did. Yeah, ok, ok, uhm... I'm writing in my...
Monica: Really? The scientist guy?
(Monica sets something on the table and removes the cover. It kinda looks like turkey.)
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler and Monica are there with Phoebe as Ross enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Ross enters.]
The Dry Cleaner: (picking up a TV Guide) Show me in the table.
Monica: No! Wait! I think I can figure out the recipe from this cookie! I do stuff like this at work all the time.
[Scene: Rachels office, Tag and her are planning how to get the review back.]
Mike: Stop! (The butler serves dinner)
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (they all stare at each other)
Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)
Phoebe: Of course, yeah.(they hug and Phoebe sighs... a little after that also David sighs and makes his way to the door) You know, a kiss on the cheek wouldn't be totally inappropriate...