words in movies
Monica: Hey Hon, could you help me get the plates down?
Monica: No, I think we should save our china for something really special. Like if the Queen of England comes over.
Chandler: Honey, she keeps canceling on us, take the hint.
Chandler: What is the point of having them if we never use them?
Monica: Ok, but if something gets broken, and then the Queen comes over..
Monica: <laughs> Oh yeah, like I'm going to let you talk to the queen.
Joey: wow, the parade is really good this year. Man those horses can crap.
Chandler: Muskogee! That's like four hours from Tulsa. Woo hoo! TV announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives .
Chandler: Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives?
<Chandler grabs Joey's left arm and pushes the sleeve up>
Joey: I guess I'm going to have to come up with a really good reason why I wasn't there. The producers are going to be so mad at me. They sat us all down yesterday and said "Everyone has to be there at 6:00 AM sharp, that means you Tribbiani." Like.. like I was some kind of idiot.
<Chandler nods and his eyes get big like he's saying 'what the hell'>
Rachel: Oh.. yeah? Well unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, <shakes head no> not the same thing.
Amy: Listen, um about the hair straightener, honey.. I really need one. I'm going to have dinner at my boyfriend's house.
<Ross comes out of the bedrooms>
Amy: No, he was this creepy guy from high school who had this huge crush on her since like the ninth grade.
<Chandler is startled and nearly drops the plates.> Sorry.
Chandler: I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise. <looks at china> hey wait a minute this isn't the china we picked out..
Monica: I know, after you left the store, I chose different ones.
Phoebe: Oh okay. How about the whole "man walking on the moon" thing. You know? You. you could. You could see the strings people!
Phoebe: Oh really. Okay. let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffee house, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my muffin was gone-who took it?
Joey: Somebody opened the door to the coffee house and a raccoon came running in, went straight for your muffin and I said "Hey don't eat that-that's Phoebe's" and he said.. <pause> He said.. "Joey you stink at lying." What am I going to do?
Phoebe: Sure, what.. what was the work thing?
Joey: Uh.. <forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks>
Phoebe: "Pick up grandma at the airport"?
<Ross and Rachel go in the kitchen>
Ross: You know, I think thats a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.
<Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back>
<Monica and Amy turn away and walk into the living room towards the secret closet>
Phoebe: Oh right, ok um. Ok so its not just the lie you tell. but its the way you tell it. . For example if you look down at the ground when you're talking, people know you're lying.
Amy coming out of the bathroom: Hey. Hey where's the baby?
Amy: no, no, then I would get the baby. I mean you know it would be just like a movie. Like at first I wouldn't know what to do with her, then I would rise to the occasion and and then I would get a makeover and then I'd get married.
Rachel: Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but um, if something were to happen to Ross or to myself <Ross and Rachel knock on wood> um you wouldn't get the baby.
Rachel: See look Amy, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully honey, you don't seem very connected to the baby.
Later in the day.
Ross starts playing with a plate: Woah. Woah... <nearly really drops the plate and more seriously> Woah.
Monica: Okay, just to be clear comedy with the plates will not be well recieved. <pinches Ross' arm>
Amy: Its such a slap in the face. I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.
<Amy gets pissed and starts cutting food on the fancy plate very harshly, you can hear the silveware scraping the fancy plate>
Monica about to have a heart attack: Okay, listen I know you're having a little bit of a family crisis, but you don't have to take it out on the plates. I mean, I mean in fact I think that everyone should cut their food like this.
<Monica holds a turkey leg up in the air over the plate trying to cut meat off with a knife>
Monica: Now see, this way you protect the plate.. and lets face it you have fun.
Amy: Okay, how about this, you guys die and the crazy plate lady dies, then do I get the baby?
Chandler: Well what is wrong with me? Am I .. am I incomptent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you!
Rachel: Honey, you're taking this the wrong way. We think you're going to be a wonderful parent. It's just.. you're more the fun parent.
Phoebe while cutting a sweet potatoe in the air: No you're all about the fun.
Chandler: So.. let me get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma. Then my wife dies, then Emma the one tiny ray of hope left in my life gets taken away from me?
Monica opens her front door. Chandler is sitting in the hallway.
Monica: I don't know it! I want to have a kid with you because I think you're going to be an amazing dad... at the fun parts and the hard parts.
Monica: How hard is it? No shoes on the furniture.
Amy is sitting on a chair by the bay window looking mad.
Joey groans and gets off the phone: The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me.. <whiny voice> And they all got to meet Santa!
Phoebe: It's ok. I thought of the perfect lie for you. It's easy to remember and doesn't invite a lot of questions. You weren't at the parade because you had a family emergency.
Joey: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.
Joey: Arg... Alright, I'll take care of it. <throws hands out in the air>
Monica and Chandler come through the front door.
Joey: Setting the table.
Phoebe: Yeah we thought it would be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too.
Ross comes out of the guest bedroom with the diaper bag and the car seat carrying thingy.. yeah.. thats the techinal term.. He goes to Chandler.
Amy walks over to the couch and sits down next to Rachel: Ucch. <pauses> Uchh <louder this time> In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you.
Rachel: Ok. You decorate dad's office and so now you're a decorator. Okay! I went to the zoo yesterday and now I'm a koala bear.
Rachel: Sup.. You want to talk supportive? You didn't even come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby.
Amy: Oh. Yeah. Well.. You didn't come see me when I was in the hospital when I was getting my lips done.
Rachel: I did the first time! Oh. Oh.. <gets up and walks into the kitchen> And you know what. You want to know why I'm not giving Emily to you.
Rachel turns to Ross: Oh whose side are you on? <back to Amy> I'm not giving you Emma because there is no way you could handle the responibility of a child.
Amy: Do you want to know why you don't want me to have the baby?
Amy: You bitch. You just think you're so perfect. With your new baby and your, your small apartment. <directs this to Ross who in turns throws the towel in his hand down on the table> Well let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute.
<Amy pushes Rachel and Monica goes berserk and runs around the table>
Monica: Put the plates in the boxes!! Put the plates in the boxes!
Monica screaming at Ross: Forget the bubblewrap! There isn't time!
<Amy runs towards Rachel and Rachel puts her arm out, hand on Amy's head and Amy starts trying to hit her but is missing, Rachel is moving backwards towards the table when her hand swipes the one plate left on the table on to the floor>
Chandler: Alright! That is it. This is our apartment and you can not behave this way. Now if you can't act your age then you shouldn't be here at all. Now those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones I picked out, but they're very important to Monica. I want you to apologize to her right now.
Chandler: By the way, that fight was totally arousing.
Monica starts crying: Thank you. It was so beautiful. <gets up and walks towards the front door> I'm going to go to Joeys and get the pies.
Monica: I don't care. <pauses and realizes...> Oh my god. I've lost the will to scold.
Amy: So you're going to give me the baby?
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
[Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.]
Chandler: Nope... (Monica walks in) Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time.
Monica: Like only if the queen comes?
Phoebe: No problem! Next week: stealing... (Chandler walks away to store the box of broken china.)
Joey: Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh? (Chandler walks back, looking angrily at Joey)
Monica: What? Something happened with the plates?
Rachel: Oh no, at the Grammies I always win.
Chloe: Relax. Its just Issacs D.J.-ing at the Philly. You should come.
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Monica: Then you two can, can sneak into the cockpit, and things will start to heat up, and then a stewardess comes in (Ross looks at her.) Ive been watching too much porn.
(They reach the desk. The bored nurse thinks she's heard it all before.)
(Monica starts wiping down the stools, as Julio follows along behind her replacing the napkin holders.)
[From the background we hear a crash and Gunther comes running out of the back room, pushing people aside, reaching for Rachel.]
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]
Ross: Uh, uh... Sure! Uhm... "Dear..." (he takes the notepad)
Rachel: Oh, stop that! Dont kid about that! (Gasps) Will all the stars be there?
(Rachel enters with the "cat" and the chick and the duck start to get riled up.)
Phoebe: Yknow, birds have a very good sense of direction, and I thought maybe they could help us find where the presents are hidden.
Monica: Oh Im working on my toast for the party, or as I like to call it. Sob fest 2002. Hey check this out. (Hands him a picture.)
ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
Chandler: If you listen very carefully, I think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang.
Chandler: (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.
Rachel: Oh My God, Phoebe, thats not Ralph Lauren. Thats Kenny the copy guy.
[Scene: The Hotel, Monicas room, Mr. and Mrs. Bing are staring at each other while Phoebe looks on.]
[Scene: Las Vegas, we have the typical glamour shots of Vegas and the strip before we arrive at 4 Queens bar, where Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table waiting for the show to start.
Monica: Okay, Im sorry. I think I can walk the rest of the way now. Just-just give me my boots.
[Scene: The Doctors Office, the doctor is writing something as Rachel is on the table, and Ross is standing.]
PHOEBE: Aren't you gonna answer her, that's like the tenth bing-bong message she sent. She wants to know what's wrong?
[Scene: Westminster Abbey, Joey and Chandler have successfully navigated the streets of London and are approaching the Abbey.]
The Flight Attendant: (To Rachel) Thank you! (Not sure of herself) Enjoy your flight?
Joey: Hey! Let me ask you guys something. I have a new headshot taken tomorrow right and the photographer said she thinks Ishould have my eyebrows waxed. Is that weird for a guy?
Monica: I cant do that either! The soles are already a little scuffed up and the insides are filled with my blood.
Joey: No thats not it. They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town.
Joey: I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?
Chandler: (The room is filled with flowers and a floral print sheet on the bed.) Oh my God. What is th its like a guy never lived in here. Look, youve got to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. (Looking around the living room.) Its spreading already.
Ross: What's going on?! (throws the love bug at him) That's what's going on!!
Bonnie: Oh, the water was sooo great! We jumped off this pier and my suit came off.
Monica: All right. (Looking through a box.) Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?
[The next one is from Episode 401: The One With The Jellyfish, where Monica, Joey, and Chandler are relating that tragic day they spent on the beach.]
Jill: (on phone) Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck at the bank, in an ATM vestibule.
(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, lets just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)
Chandler: Oh, yeah! Absolutely! Anything you need man! But you have to promise me the second you are feeling better so that we can make fun of your hair!
(She looks at Ross, a bit ashamed. Chandler mimes "big breasts" to Ross and lip syncs "Wow". Ross looks at him, astonished and then Monica looks at Chandler again. A little too late he changes the "big breasts" mime into "rocking a baby". When he realizes Monica might have seen it he also strokes his imaginary baby's head.)
[they all run off after the guy]
(She holds down the phone to the twins again.)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
[Scene: Phoebe's grandmother's place. Phoebe's grandmother is sitting at the table, reading the obituaries, and crossing out names in the phonebook.]
(Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.)
Ross: Im telling you, this looks exactly like your wedding! Arent these the same flowers?
Phoebe: No, I mean, I mean, when you're at the fifteenth date, y'know, you're already in a very relationshippy place. Y'know, it's... you're committed.
Rachel: (starts laughing, Ross stares at her) Im sorry. Im sorry. Youre right, you are a tough guy. Youre the toughest palaeontologist I know.
Ross: Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.
CHANDLER: [to an attractive woman] I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line, right? [The woman walks away]
Pete: I bought a restaurant and I would like you to be the head chef.
Monica: Wh-wh-what are you doing here? (She tries to pull her shirt down to cover the fact that she's wearing men's boxers.]
Joey: Let me know about that coconut phone, it might great for the boat.
Joey: Wait a minute, you can't go to Tulsa. Maybe you forgot, but we've got tickets to the Jets game next week.
Ross: That doesn't matter! We're talking about the foundation of our friendship.
Ray: Uh well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didnt follow it.
Phoebe: Well, if you must know I have written 14 books. And as I am the only one who has read them, I can tell you that they all have been very well received.
Meg: Well, I dont care about the divorces either, but I wouldnt date him. Its just that hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl.
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows:
[Scene: Rachel's hotel room. She is watching the Weather Channel on TV.]
Rachel: Hey! Hey, you guys, I finished the crossword all by myself! Hug me!
Phoebe: Oh no, I know! I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head!
Phoebe: That woman at the game didn't know what she was talking about. Mike, obviously you have balls.
Rachel: Oh uh-huh, uh-huh, coffee, a little rub-rub-rub under the table.
[Scene: The Morgan Chase Museum, the girls are entering.]
[Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. Its time for Monica and Chandlers wedding. Weve got violins playing Every Breath You Take, weve got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents on either arm.]
Ross: Well, then, I think, I think the guy is scum. I hate him. I mean I actuallyI-I physically hate him. I always have. You are way too good to be with a guy like that.
Ross: No, I get to teach one of his advanced classes! (Pause) Why didnt I get head of the department? (Goes and gets some coffee.)
Ross: (finds the word in the book) Ezel! (Reads the translation.) Hey Gunther! Youre an ezel!
Chandler: And, ah, you know, your fooling around with her. And you get all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or that girl at the Xerox place....
RACH: [near tears] No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.
Monica: No, it is me! Y'know, I'm not just the person who needs to fluff the pillows and pay the bills as soon as they come in! Y'know, when I'm with her, I am so much more than that. I'm- I'm Monana!
Ross: The Divorcer, to the rescue!
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
ROSS: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her room] Oh, were you takin' a nap?
Chandler: (looks afraid, but at the same time, knows she's right) Well, we have to do something. We can't have her living next door. (Janice's laughs loudly outside) Oh, that does it too. (Motions with his index finger like Monica did)
Phoebe: Oh, god, the last time I babysat them, they did the funniest thing..
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV as Joey and Kathy are laughing in Joey's bedroom. They get to be pretty loud so Chandler turns the TV way up.]
Monica: If that falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the worst thing.
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
[Scene: The Fire Escape, Joey and Ross have reached the last landing. Joey is tugging on the ladder that extends to the ground, but it wont budge.]
Ross: (loudly so that everyone can hear) Hey lady! I don't care how much you want it! Okay?! I am not gonna to have sex with you in the bathroom! (Rachel sinks lower on her chair trying to hide.)
Phoebe: Okay, I just thought of the perfect guy for Rachel to take to her thing.
Chandler: (looking at the picture of the female reproductive system) Wow! Fortunately she has a very pretty face!
Ross: Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap. (In the other room Emma starts to cry.)
The Saleswoman: You wanna return this couch? (Ross nods yes.) It's cut in half!
[Ross is sitting on the stairs with a laptop keyboard playing 'Axel-F']
Phoebe: Are you kidding? The woman has the nose of a bloodhound � and the breasts of a Greek goddess.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the guys are teaching the girls how to play poker.]
Rachel: Oh, well. Everything that I need (she takes her bag) is in here and my travel documents are on the counter organized in the order that I will be needing them.
Mike: (takes the check from Phoebe) Ok, look! Enough! Alright? I'm stepping in. I'm putting my foot down! As your future husband I'm going to make this decision for us. (thinking) Now... what do you think we should do?
The Fan: Can-can I get your autograph, Im your biggest fan. (Holds out a napkin and a pen.)
Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are there. Rachel is writing something on a pad, and then crumples it up and throws it on the floor.]
Rachel: (entering) Im just going to grab the phone.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a fruit drink in the blender, Rachel has just finished her shower and is coming out of the bathroom.]
(They start to fight with Ross pulling on Chandlers ears and Chandler hitting Ross over the head with his carrot.)
Rachel: (tossing things in the fire) Ok, Barry's letters. Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.
(And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door closes and carries it with him.)
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Ross and I were looking for you! What are we all doing in here? (Looks at Chandler) Oh, my! (Covers the spot where Joey wants bubbles to be replaced.)
Ross: Well, well I am married. Even though I haven't spoken to my wife since the wedding.
Joey: Okay. Okay. (He looks at the card.) Ace!