words in movies
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel at their table.]
[Cut to Monica and Rachel at their table.]
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
[Scene: An airplane cabin, Ross and Rachel are both reading as a guy stops by their row.]
(She throws them into the kitchen and Rachel picks them up with the handle of a large spoon. Chandler and Monica have horrified looks on their faces.)
Joey: In my spare time I uh, read to the blind. And Im also a mento for the kids.(The gang shake their heads.) Yknow a mento, a role model. (Chandler bites his fist to keep from talking.)
Monica: Why would I say anything? That two of our best friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives! And they would have me to thank, and we could all start having babies?
The Teacher: Oh, their number is on the contact sheet.
[Thus starts another series of flashbacks all dealing with the pressure the rest of the Friends have to deal with in their jobs. The first flashback is from The One With The Stoned Guy.]
Phoebe: All in good time my love. All in good time. Oh shoot! I left my guitar in their apartment. Well you can let me in later.
PHOEBE: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws like. . .
Joey: But I-I-I cant stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. Im supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. (Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this.) What?
(Joey, Monica, and Ross all point to their lips to get Rachel to once again notice the ink on her lip.)
Ross: (a little embarassed by their conversation) I'm good, I have dinner plans (moves away from them).
Monica: I guess theyre back from their date.
Phoebe: Ewww! And "Oh no!" Itsthey just want me to be the surrogate. Its her-its her egg and her sperm, and Im-Im just the oven, its totally their bun.
(Rachel, Ross and Phoebe have their hands full and are stuffing all kinds of things down Joeys pants.)
(They start trying to trade babies while holding one each. They have no idea how to do it, so they just shift the babies around in their arms. They give up pretty quickly.)
PHOEBE: Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.
(Ross and Chandler have stunned looks on their faces as Kathy and her co-star start making out.)
Joey: All right, all right. (he comes out from their apartment with a huge sandwich in his hand)
Rachel: Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, thats four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! Im next! Its my turn! Its only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me Im going to sue you! Not this hospital, Im going to sue you! And my husband (Points at Ross) hes a lawyer!
(Joey and Richard both wipe their faces and are given towels.)
(Monica and Rachel both cover their eyes)
(They both go into their rooms and after a little while Rachel pokes her head into the living room.)
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross and Carol are waiting anxiously for their new partner to arrive.]
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandlers hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their pants down around their ankles.]
(Monica enters from their apartment, crying)
(They open their eyes and are stunned at the van.)
Joey: (entering) Hey guys! (Sees their state of undress) What 'cha been doin'? (Has a silly grin.)
(Ross and Joey both reach down and pull up their pants.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is greeting her Father for their brunch.]
[Cut to Chloe and Ross dancing, and their kiss.]
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs away from the table.)
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
[Scene: Rachels birthday, everyone is presenting their presents to Rachel.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are telling everyone about their coma guy.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're done and come out of their bedroom. Emma is still gone.]
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
Rachel: What?! Wait! What are you talking about?! You love their Kung Pao Chicken!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Monica: No, they were really cool. They were on their honeymoon too!
Ross: Uh, they don't like it when you correct their grammar.
Janice: (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.
[Scene: Ross and his date walk into a lobby. They are both wearing their jackets]
Chandler: ...Take off their hats!
(Seeing Rachels apparently okay with this, the rest of the gang jumps up to congratulate Ross and Emily on their pending nuptials.)
Chandler: He's not right for the part. So if I suggest him, my bosses are gonna think I'm an idiot! And that's something they should learn on their own!
[Scene: Grammercy Bistero, Ross and Kristen are waiting for their table to be ready. Ross is returning from talking to the matired.]
(They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.)
(Monica and Chandler's room. Phoebe, Monica and Chandler have their ears pressed against the wall, and Joey looks at them)
[Scene: Hillarys apartment, Hillary and Ross are finishing up their date.]
Monica: (gets up) OK, how does everybody like their burgers?
[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table.]
(The guys stretch out their fingers.)
(They all get their wallets out and give generous tips.)
(Monica goes over and dials their number.)
Joey: Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear..
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk. Rachel and Steve are walking home from their date. Steve is sobbing.]
Janine: Cant wait! (They each go into their respective apartments.)
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didnt seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
Ross: Uh, yeah, you sure you want to after what happened at their 20th?
Rachel: Dr. Long, Ive been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
(They all throw their pieces back as there is a knock on the door.)
Monica: Nooo! (Giggles) Okay. (She tries to pull herself up by Rachel and Joeys doorknob, but the door opens and she almost falls into the their apartment. She manages to catch herself.) Whoa! (Stands up, unsteadily) Okay. See I was, I was a little nervous about turning (whispering) thirty. (Giggles.) So the bus boys took me out for some drinks. (Pause) I wanna puke on you later!
Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... (They don't know what to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) STAT!
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
[Ross and Rachel look at each other and then at Phoebe, realizing the song is about their situation.]
[Scene: Outside Danny's apartment, Danny and Rachel are returning from their date.]
(Ross quickly directs the families to their tables.)
(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is denoted by italics.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are getting ready to go on their honeymoon. Monica is entering from the bedroom.]
Rachel: No, I know I dont either, but ya know what, its their party, and its just one night. And we dont even have to lie; we just wont say anything. If it comes up again, well just smile. Well nod along.
[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels new apartment, Rachel and Phoebe are making their answering machine message.]
(The waitress brings their coffee.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are still giving away all of their secrets.]
Phoebe: Oh, it's so romantic to send people off on their honeymoon.
Joey: No, no no no no. See. Each woman is different.You have to appreciate their uniqueness.
Joey: Well, Im pretty tired from lugging the trees around all day. Hey, Phoebe listen, you got this all wrong. Those trees were born to be Christmas trees, their fulfilling their life purpose, by, by making people happy.
Monica and Rachel: (Wistfully, shaking their heads) No.
Joey: Oh. Okay. Ooh! Ooh! Okay, maybe Ill talk about London! Yknow when you two hooked up! Only, only I wont say hooked up. Ill say, "Began their beautiful journey "
(Rachel goes up to the door of their bathroom)
Rachel: Yes! Great! Give me those cigs! Give it! Give it! (She grabs their cigarettes and lighters and throws them in the trash.)
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
[Chandler and Joey are watching, Rachel turns their heads away from Monica.]
Phoebe: Ok, well, alright, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll taking? (all raise their hands).
[Russ and Julie look at each other with love in their eyes. The music builds...]
(They all make happy faces as they are unable to express their feelings verbally. Finally, the phone rings and the race to answer it is won by Monica.)
Chandler: Okay, but let's do it now though, because Chopper 5 just lost it's feed! (He grabs their bags and sprints out.)
Phoebe: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table)
MONICA: This is for the scratchy twins out there. I taped oven mits to their hands.
Ross: And that's just the herbivores. I'm not even gonna discuss the carnivores, their heads are already too big. Which is ironic considering their stunted cerebral development.
[Scene: Rachels office, Chandler and Joanna are returning from their lunch date. He is telling her about her mascara problem. Rachel is already there.]
[Cut to the rest of the gang sitting low on the couch and craning their necks to watch the interview.]
Chandler: Can you people not see me?! (He waves his arms around to get their attention.)
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are trying to find their seats.]
[Scene: An aircraft cabin, Ross and Rachel are on their way to Vegas.]
Rachel: Yeah. And yknow who shouldve shut their drapes? Is that perverted old couple two doors over.
Ross: Hey! There are some men who will do whatever it takes to make their marriage work! Okay? There are some men who will stand by and-and watch as their wives engage in-in what only can be described as a twosome with some-some woman she barely knows from the gym!