words in movies
(She throws them into the kitchen and Rachel picks them up with the handle of a large spoon. Chandler and Monica have horrified looks on their faces.)
Rachel: (waving them in his face) Take 'em! (Joey makes a noise and jumps out of the way.) Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
Joey: (reluctantly taking them) Chandler? A word.
Joey: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! (Realizes he still has the underwear in his hand.) Ahh! (Throws them towards Chandler's room.) And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?
Phoebe: Okay, this will keep them away from your stuff. (Writes him a note and the gang reads it.)
(Chandler silently pleads with Joey to cover for them.)
Chandler: No-no, wait! There's got to be a better explanation. You can tell them you had to make an adult film for your (Thinks) adult film class.
Rachel: Yes! He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them!
Joey: Right-right up here. (Starts looking at them through a piece of pipe.)
Phoebe: Good. It's just so hard, it's hard for me to ... let them go. I guess it just brings back memories, you know, from ... when I gave birth to my brother's triplets and I had to give them up. (Mike is shocked) I haven't told you about that yet, have I?
Katie: No, you make them funny. You're the funny one! (She punches him again and he retreats to the arm of the couch.)
(She motions for them to come closer, they lean in and she whispers what Rachel told her. The guys both lean back laughing.]
Phoebe: Hello, tiny embryos. Well, Im-Im Phoebe Buffay, hi! Im-Im-Im hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know, that were doing this for Frank and Alice, who you know, youve been there! Umm, yknow they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on. Okay, and-and I promise that Ill keep you safe and warm until youre ready to have them take you home, so Oh! And also, umm next time you see me, Im screaming, dont worry, thats whats supposed to happen.
Chandler: Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? (Does his work laugh.) (To Monica) Please let them win!
CHANDLER: Look at this. Pictures of all the women that Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them. Vivian, too tall. Madge, big gums. Too loud, too smart, makes noise when she eats. This is, this is me. This is what I do. I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.
Monica: The guy who made these hates feet and wants to see them die!
Rachel: Oops. Sorry! Well, good thing you number all of them, huh?
Chandler: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them?
Phoebe: Thats right, exactly. (sees them) All right, its a good bye kiss, thats good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what Im saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, Ive decided Im gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves).
Richard: Ill just throw them out.
Monica: Is that that couple on the first floor? Because we should get a baby before them. Yeah! That guy tried to sell me drugs. (Laura looks shocked)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Phoebe: Oh, I-I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided Im gonna carry their baby.
Chandler: No, no, no... They're really yours. We... found them in your old room.
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
Rachel: Oh, what is wrong with me lately? I mean its like every guy I seeI mean look here. (Points behind them) Look at that guy for example, I mean normally thats not someone I would-would be attracted to, but right now, with the way Im feeling, all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack.
Janine: I cant handle two nights in a row with them.
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
(She does Ross's little gesture. In response Ross puts his hands behind his neck with his arms sticking straight out and starts flapping them together.)
Rachel: Ooh, lets open them!
Joey: Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen (Phoebe returns and interrupts them.)
Rachel: Come on! They rushed into this thing so fast its ridiculous! I mean, theyre gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realise what theyve done and theyre call the whole thing off. Im telling ya, youre gonna be dancing at my wedding before youre dancing at theres.
Ross: No, I mean its okay, I mean, theyre-theyre my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them.
The Instructor: Well, she would take her keys and try to jam them
Ross: Ah, were out. I sold them all.
[Scene: The Cooking Class, everyone has finished baking a batch of cookies and the teacher is going around tasting them.]
(Monica enters, and they throw the gifts behind them.)
Phoebe: Well, I'm sorry but it's hard to believe that anyone would tell a story that dull just to tell it! (looking outside) See, there's something going on with them. Look, he's getting into the car with her!
MR. GELLER: Well, I can't say any of us were surprised. Your parents have been unhappy ever since we've known them. Especially after that incident in Hawaii.
Ross: (a little embarassed by their conversation) I'm good, I have dinner plans (moves away from them).
Dr. Long: Actually, theyre things you can do. Just some home remedies, but in my experience Ive found that some of them are quite effective.
Phoebe: Yeah, you never heard of them?
Monica: Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and its always really moving, and always makes them cry. Well this year Im going to make them cry.
Chandler: Those are my gifts, I got them for you.
Joey: But you got to be with both of them, right?
Ross: Not her. Yeah, this is someone else I meet, and I-I cant decide between the two of them. Yknow the one from Poughkeepsie, even though shes a two hour train ride away, is really pretty, really smart, and-and a lot of fun. But this other girl, well, she lives right uptown. Yknow shes, well shes-shes just as pretty, I guess shes smart, shes not fun.
Rachel: (on the answering machine) I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I need to get off the plane, okay? I need to tell someone that I love love them.
Joey: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!
Rachel: Oh no wait Pheebs, I think for something like that you just ask them to move in with you. But I'm not sure, Chandler?
Phoebe: No! Rachel, thats what they want me to do. My warranty expires tomorrow, if I dont get through, theyre not gonna fix my crappy, broken phone for free! We cannot let them win! Its us versus them!
Waiter: I know! I havent even read them the specials yet!
Phoebe: And tell them that in 2 weeks I will once again be a masseuse in good standing!
Rachel: Yeah. So yknow, I have all of these feelings and I dont know what to do about them, because I cant date like a normal person, which is fine because I dont need a relationship, I mean all I really want is one great night. Just sex, yknow? No strings attached, no relationship, just with someone that I feel comfortable with and who knows what hes doing. For just one great night, I mean is that really so hard to find. (Looks at Joey.) So how was your day?
Monica: No-no, I-I just, I liked them so much that I went out and bought some for myself.
Chandler: Guys? (They ignore him.) Ive got something important to tell ya. (Still nothing so he walks over and stands in front of the TV.) Guys? (They lean over to try and watch the TV, Chandler mimics them.) Guys?! (Pause) Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Chandler: It's "Ride of the Valkyries" from "Apocalypse Now"... See, here's the thing: The corn rose were really a solution to your frizzy hair problem. And now that we're home, we don't have that problem anymore, so if you think about it... I hate them!
Chandler: Yes, every single one of them.
Monica: I'm so glad you liked them!
Phoebe: What?! You can't separate them! That's terrible. Which one?
Ross: Thats, thats pretty. (They start to dance and Gert tries to step on Rosss feet, but he pulls them out of harms way.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing there Gert?
MONICA: No, I don't even know how serious he is about me. Until I do, I'm not telling them anything.
Chandler: Yeah well, too bad were gonna have to return them.
Ross: (to the rest of them) Yeah-yeah you guys. Get out of here!
Chandler: (looking at them) They look great! Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what?
Monica (to Ross): Okay, well, stop staring at them.
Monica: That doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! I don't care if the entire cast of "Eight is Enough" comes out of there! We are taking them home, because they are our children!
(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at them)
Joey: Well, there were a couple of calls last night, but ah, I dont think any of them are gonna work out.
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but hes really into the game so I dont want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Joey: I know! I know! And Im going to talk to them about it. They mean so much to me. They Theyre like my family. If you guys are gonna be fighting all the time, I-I I dont think we can be together. It just, it just cant work. It cant. (Starts to break up) Im very upset.
(Matt turns back and looks and them, but instead of his next line he starts laughing.)
Monica: Okay, come here! (Phoebe joins them in the hug.)
Phoebe: So, what are we gonna do? Are we just gonna go ahead and set them up with people?
Phoebe: No! You don't have to do anything! Just don't tell them that we know!
Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isnt moving.
Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
Monica: Right, you only go for them 5 minutes before they get married.
Ross: Yeah, I know, I uh, I tried them on.
Rachel: Well yknow, some people make deals with a friend, like if neither of them are married by the time theyre 40, they marry each other.
(Chandler and Monica both turn, take the rings from Ross and Rachel respectively, and place them on each others fingers.)
Monica: Yeah, I changed them. I-I sent you a fax about it!
Joey: Come on! Look just-just telllet her know that you really want them to be there. Lets not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
Woman: Thatd be great, thanks. (Gunther goes and gets them.)
Ross: Well we haven't offically asked them yet, but we would want Monica and Chandler.
Ross: All right, lets not jump to any conclusions. All right? There was some sexual chemistry between them.
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a womens pheromones come out the top of her head! Thats why, thats why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, youre a scientist.
Rachel: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok?
Phoebe: Ok, ok, you start preparing the formula and I start changing the box and then we gotta put them straight to bed.
Melissa: I-Ive got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Heres my card. (Hands the card over.)
Joey: I left them at the park.
Monica: Okay. (She gets off him.) God well, we gotta go back and get them!
(Neither of them turns around from watching the chick and the duck look for the tasty treat.)
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
MONICA: No, but that's probably 'cause I haven't asked them yet.
Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.
Mr. Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up this pamphlets on how to get pregnant. (He slides them under the door.)
Monica: (joining them) Hey.
(Two girls sitting at a table next to them look up in disgust, and Ross and Joey move away)
Rachel: (on tape) I-I knowI had put them in in-in my desk at work and I completely forgot about them until today.
Monica: It was so wild. We told them we were the Gunnersens in room six fifteen. Only to find out the Boston Celtics had taken over the entire sixth floor!
Rachel: (joining them) Well, I just checked our messages and Joshua didnt call. I mean youd think hed be worried about me not showing up at his club. Ugh, you know what makes it so much worse, Ross is all happy in Vermont!
Rachel: Yeah that seems fair. We never use them.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Ross: Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball.
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
Chandler: You gave them one day's notice, not everyone in our class checks the web site everyday and Monica... it's probably the way you stand!
Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The guys pause to stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.)