words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they're entering to find boxes strewn about the apartment.]
(Just as they're about to leave, Gunther comes out of the back carrying two garbage bags. Larry sees this and stops him.)
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Phoebe: I don't know. They're so perfect for each other; it's crazy.
Rachel: No-no, they're not very nice people.
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
ROSS: Well, ya know, they're a little behind the times in Colonial Williamsburg.
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
JOEY: Hey, hey, they're runnin'
DUNCAN: No, but it'll be OK, they're pretty cool, my brother's straight so. . .
[Scene: Gary and Phoebe's apartment, it's morning and they're both waking up in bed.]
Monica: Ok..You know the old classics you know,You look nice? They're still ok.
Monica: They're all in there! Even these five that I hid in my bra (takes some tickets out of her bra and gives them to Phoebe)...
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck.)
[Scene: Rachel's new job, she's in her new boss's office (Kim's) and with the other assistant (Nancy). Together they're deciding what clothes to buy or something, who knows, let's all watch/read to find out.]
Frank Jr.: Yeah, I really cherish these moments, 'cause before you know it, they're gonna be awake again.
RACHEL: No, I know, they're from me. Look you guys this is not good. I mean we have enough trouble with guys stealing our wind without taking it from each other.
Rachel: Okay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.]
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.]
Rachel: (entering, interrupting them) Hey guys! What's... (sees what they're doing and stops, the guys are stunned)
Monica: Well, I don't care! That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head!
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Phoebe: I had to bring them! We killed their mother, they're our responsibility now. You know, they require constant care. You should know that, Rachel, you're a mother.
CHANDLER: Ok, they're coming, shhh. [Runs into Monica's apartment and grabs one last girl to take to his apartment]
Mike: You can't keep a rat in your appartment! They're extremely unsanitary, and they transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus.
Phoebe: Ohhh. Thanks Chandler they're great!
Joey: Hey! I'm in, they're gonna let me audition!
RACHEL: Ohh, thank you for my beautiul earrings, they're perfect. I love you.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're in the kitchen as Rachel enters.]
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's room, they've pretty much consumed the entire mini-bar. Needless to say, they're feeling no pain and are still playing blackjack.]
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Phoebe: Mate? They're all brothers and sisters.
Joey: We're geniuses! Yeah, look at them, look at them, they're really bonding.
Ross: (yelling to Monica)They're towing your car, they're towing your car!!
Charlie: You know, actually I'm a little surprised to myself. I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral...
MNCA: See? They're as different as night and... later that night.
Ross: Ok, well, uh, I can maybe grab a sleeping bag, or...(There's one of those moments. They're staring at each other, no word uttered, and then she leans toward him in order to kiss him, but he ducks and avoids her more than once.) Oh, oh. (he then hugs her and when she tries to kiss him again, he stands up and she falls down on the bed). No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just don't think this, this, this is a good idea.
Joey: Can you believe they're still not here?
Caitlin: No actually umm, I think that they're umm, gas.
Joey: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!
Ronni: Now, y'see, most people, when their pets pass on, they want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping. But occasionally you get your person who wants them in a pose. Like, chasing their tail, (Demonstrates) or, uh, jumping to catch a frisbee.
RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the morning.
Mike: Yeah - not such a problem with rats. No, they're more of a "love the one you're with" kind of animals.
Rachel: (shouting) Babies don't care if they're slim.
Ross: No, NO! (they're moving to the side of the bed, where they sit down) Look, I need to talk to Joey. I mean, you guys just broke up. Before anything more happens between us, I need to know he's okay with it.
Phoebe: Well, they may be a handful, but they're so cute.
Monica: 'Cause, Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than we are!
[Time lapse, they're still on the ride along and Joey is just sniffing his sandwich.]
Rachel: Oh, they're real!
Monica: (to chandler) Twenty bucks says they're married within the month.
Joey: Yeah, they're great seats too!
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
Monica: Oh! They're late and they're sloppy!
Phoebe: Uhm... well, they're not in the wedding.
Joey: They're ribbed for *your* pleasure.
DR. BURKE: Drops. Here, they're free.
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Steve: (from kitchen) Ah, cool! Taco shells! (Rachel motions, "You see!") You know, these are... they're like a little corn envelope.
Joey: Yeah, they're stuck inside the table!
Ross: Hey, what do you think they're doing in there?
Phoebe: We're so stupid! Do you know what's going on in there? They're trying to take Joey!
Joey: Oh! They're in the table!
CAROL: I mean, I knew they were having trouble with this whole thing, but they're my parents. They're supposed to give me away and everything.
Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
RICHARD: Oh, no, honey, I mean, don't worry, I like hanging out with those guys. It's fun for me. They're different than my other friends, they don't start sentences with, 'You know who just died shoveling snow?'
DR. BURKE: But they're so dull, they're all opthamologists.
Phoebe: Oh my God! May I just say that you two gentlemen have the exact same hands! They're identical! Now, I've never seen anything like that in the business world.
Rachel: Yeah, you know what we should all do? We should play that game where everyone says one thing that they're thankful for.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone except Chandler is there; they're opening their presents]
Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know?
Ross: It's I just know they're gonna be a couple of windbags wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches.
[as they're walking off, little bully grabs Chandlers hat from behind and puts it on himself]
(She opens the door to reveal Chandler and Ross. Unfortunately, they seem to have their holidays mixed up. They think it's Halloween and they're going as Crockett and Tubbs from that legendary TV show of the late 80's, Miami Vice. God, we looked silly back then!)
PHOEBE: I can see that, 'cause they both have those big brown eyes and, ya know, the little pouty chin. MONICA: And the fact that they're both monkeys.
[Time Lapse, the gang is now watching Law & Order. By the way, the entire rest of the episode takes place in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? Something to think about.]
Party Guests: (chanting) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (Ross goes to investigate the noise) Howard! Howard! Howard! (They're holding Howard above their heads.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (He sees Phoebe chanting along with them.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!!
Ross: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but there's a.... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out all.... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish?
Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
Phoebe: Well, you know what, they're our responsibility now.
Paula: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing. I mean, they're your friends, they're just looking out after you.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, they must have jumped off the table, 'cause now they're gone!
Phoebe: Just pretend they're not even here! It's OK Monica, when that spotlight hits you it so bright you won't see anyoneanyway.
JOEY: Ok, let's start with the cons, 'cause they're more fun. All right, Rachel first.
Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.)
Ross: I don't know, you don't wanna mess with corn nuts. They're craaazy.
Ross: Then I'm happy too. (They're still hugging - fade out)
Rachel: Allright. Well thank you so much for coming... (they're standing up and make their way to the door)
Ross: (panting)They're towing a car. And I am seeing...spots.
Monica: And, and, and they wear those little water wings, you know. And they're, they're running around on the deck. Then Hoyt wraps this big towel around all three of them.
Ross: Totally insane. Dude, let's drive home, we'll hit all the maple candy stores on the way back and if...if they're closed maybe we'll tap a tree and make some ourselves.
Monica: They're in the kitchen getting something to eat. Can you believe how nice they are?
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
Rachel: They're waiting for me, Ross. I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Rachel: They're in a caaar...
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, but sometimes they need help. That's fine. Go ahead and scoff. You know, there're a lot of things that I don't believe in, but that doesn't mean they're not true.
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.
Chandler: Yeah but they're right. I mean, I'm not a strong father figure and I never will be.
[Scene: Central Perk. They're all sitting there as usual, except Joey. Gunther is serving a nearby table.]
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Chandler is looking for Monica while Tom Jones's signature song is playing in the background (Getting the theme yet? Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, casinos They're in Vegas people! Catch up!) It's Not Unusual, y'know, "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone! It's not unusual to have fun with anyone! But when I see you hanging about with anyone, it's not unusual to see me cry! I wanna die." Well, while that's playing he spots Monica playing craps and in victory hug the guy next to her. Chandler turns and walks out.]