words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is packing her belongings to move to Rosss. Shes standing in the kitchen.]
Ross: Of course! It all adds up! I mean you youre obsessed with her. Its always, "Ross, what are you gonna do about Rachel?" "Ross, why-why are you moving in with Rachel?" "When are you gonna confess your secret marriage to Rachel?" You want her!
[Cut to the living room where Monica is helping pack a box.]
Ross: (on phone) No-no-no, thats great! Ill be there Monday. And thank you again! (Listens) Okay. (Hangs up) (To All) Umm, that was the head of the Paleontology department at N uh, Y, uh U!
Ross: I know! Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer! I mean its temporary, but uh, if they like me it could lead to a full time job. How great would that look great on a mailbox, huh? "Professor Geller."
Phoebe: (To Ross) Saved your ass.
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
(They pause to think about it.)
Ross: I-I-I dont even know why I bother to talk to you guys about it. Yknow what? Im just gonna do it on my own with no naked chicks.
Chandler: Im sorry man, theres never a good time to (pauses) stop catching on fire.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe enters to find Rachel still packing.]
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Theatrical Agency, Joey is there to see his agent.]
Estelle: Well! Well! Well! Joey Tribbiani! So you came back huh? They think they can do better but they all come crawling back to Estelle!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
Chandler: This sounds like a hernia. You have toyou-you go to the doctor!
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Joey: Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, Rachel and Monica are arriving to talk to Ross after the lecture, but are there early.]
Rachel: Yeah, we could. Oh hey look! Theres some Kappa Kappa Deltas! I was a Kappa. (to them) Hey sisters! (They ignore her.) (To Monica) Wow, we really are bitches.
(They enter the lecture hall to find Ross speaking in an English accent for some unknown reason.)
Ross: (to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, the scene is continued from earlier, only Ross has dismissed the class and is now talking to Monica and Rachel.]
Ross: Look, I was nervous! You guys had me all worried I was going to be boring! I got up there and they were all like staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out.
The Professor: Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?
Monica: (normal voice) Oh, you can have an accent and I cant?! (To an exiting student in accent.) Top O the morning to ya laddies!
(They turn back to Rachel and Professor Rathman.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.]
Chandler: Hey, will you grab me a cruller? (Joey starts to groan and get up.) Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?!
Chandler: I will loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and lets just get that thing pushed back in.
Joey: Thank you, but it would take me forever to pay you that money back and I dont want that hanging over my head. Okay? Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in I can get all the free operations I want! Yeah, Im thinking Ill probably start with that laser eye surgery too.
Joey: Look, Im telling you if I put my hand on my stomach right here (He puts his hand down his pants, like Al Bundy on Married With Children always used to do.) it doesnt hurt that bad.
Ross: (entering) Look, I really need some help, okay? Why? Why did I have to speak in a British accent?! What do I do?
Monica: Why dont you phase it out? Yeah, fade the accent out and people will think youre, yknow, that youre adjusting to life in America.
Rachel: Of course theyre listening to you! Everybody listens to you.
(Joey pulls his hand out and reverts back to intense pain.)
Joey: So thats why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he wont be able to pick it up.)
Casting Director #2: No, the line is pick a bag, so you need to pick up the bag.
Joey: Or, I could just point to it! Huh? Blah, blah, blah, Purina One, point to a bag today. (She just looks at him.) I didnt get it, did I?
Joey: Hi. Im Joey Tribbiani; Im here to audition for (Groans) man.
Rachel: Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, wed like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: Listen to this! My reading was wrong, Im not going die!
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey has won the part of dying man and is now able to play the role he was injured for. Chandler is helping to carry him in.]
Joey: (to the director) Hiya!
The Director: Hey Joey, were ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex hes going to be playing your son.
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
The Director: Okay. (to Alex) All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, "Take good care of your Momma son," thats your cue to cry. Got it? (Alex nods yes.) All right, lets do this.
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
The Director: Cut! Alex, remember youre supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?
(Chandler decides to help out.)
Russell: Yes, this Russell, Rosss divorce lawyer, just tell him that since I havent heard from him, I assume hes decided to give the marriage a try.
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, Ross is trying to phase out his accent.]
Ross: (in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)
A Student: Whats happening to your accent?
Ross: (British) Come again? Whats-whats this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, Im-Im not English. Im from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. Im sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because Im-Im hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression
(At this moment Rachel bursts through the door. Needless to say, shes not in the best of moods having just found out Rosss dirty little secret.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, dont hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
(Decided that they are less than human as well, Chandler picks up a golf club and Monica a frying pan, to join in on the fun of beating their good friend to within an inch of his life!)
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Chandler: I can tell from your expressions that that's the good news you were hoping for... Well, I'm gonna go continue to... spread the joy.(Chandler leaves the apartment. Joey sighs)
Monica: Okay. (she gets ready to go) Can you give me a little push?
Chandler: (To Joey) We didnt get to the audition. Im gonna take her to coffee and then well do it then.
Joey: Wait a minute, you can't go to Tulsa. Maybe you forgot, but we've got tickets to the Jets game next week.
Chandler: No, no, but they are going to lease us a Ford Focus. (Monicas not impressed.) Ill get out of it.
Monica: I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me.
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! Great news, I was able to get you and one guest tickets to your premiere.
[cut to Ross in Vermont, talking on the phone.]
(The nurses take Erica to the recovery room. Monica and Chandler smile at each other.)
Ross: And to love. Ah, love. L-O-V-E, love. L is for life. And what is life without love?
Will: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, Im in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? (Starts looking.) No Will no!
Joey: Umm, can you do me a favor? I was talkin to my sister and she knows you work at Ralph Lauren
Frank Sr.: Well then I guess then I-I would I would have to say C.
Monica: Okay, look, I-I have enough stuff for one more sandwich, I mean I was going to eat it myself, but (motions that he can have it.)
(He starts to play music.)
Phoebe: (to Joey and Chandler) Okay, bye!
Monica: Kinda. (She hugs Phoebe and looks out the window. She moves closer to it to get a better look.) Oh my God!
Phoebe: Yeah! Ooh, you should come with me! Oh yeah, then I'd have someone to sit with!
(Pete and Monica kiss, and Monica mouths I love you. to him.)
Ross: I loved this place! To tell you the truth, I wish I didn't have to move.
Monica: Okay, I have to get that. Now when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The Vein has spoken.
Joey: (To the pledge volunteers) How ya doin'? Welcome. Good to see ya!
Chandler: Look, weve always talked about having babies someday. Im not saying it has to be right now, but Im starting to think that we can handle it. Were good. Were really good.
ROSS: On behalf of everyone, I'd just like to say behuh.
Ross: Look. Look, my mom gave me that ring because she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but all I wanted to do is if she maybe kinda wanted ah start things up again.
Rachel: (checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes. (Pause) So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You dont have to share stuff.
Joey: Uh, if I may? Umm-umm look, Cliff, you told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right? And maybe-maybe it would if-if would help if-if you knew some personal stuff about her. Uh, she was married to a gay ice dancer. Uh, she gave birth to her brothers triplets. Oh! Oh! Her-her twin sister used to do porn!
Rachel: Oh, yeah! Real fun. (She makes a decision.) Yknow, this bra Really, bothers me. (She starts taking off her bra.) Yknow, this used to be my bedroom. Yeah. A lot of memories in here, a lot of memories. If these walls could talk, yknow what theyd say? Wanna hear some memories? (She is now violently pulling on her bra in order to remove it, but it isnt co-operating.)
Rachel: Well, I will go to the hospital tomorrow, itll still be broken then.
Joey: Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in (Joey, Chandler and David leave)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, now its Phoebes turn to erase Chandler from the board.]
Monica: Fair? Please dont even talk to me about fair! Fair wouldve been you wanting to marry me back then! Or fair wouldve been Chandler wanting to marry me now! Believe me, nothing about this is fair! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
Rachel: Is Monica around? I-I have to ask her something.
Rachel: Oh, I know... I still have my old key! (She goes in to get it and comes back with her keys) We can just unlock the door.
Joey: Yeah, but for a one-year-old. What's the point... the other day she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow and the cow says "El-moo"! (Joey starts laughing) Yeah... that's a funny cup!
[Scene: The Arena, after the fight. Monica is walking up to a defeated Pete.]
Phoebe: All right, well, I just can't think about that right now. I just wanna say good-bye to my Grandma.
Phoebe: Thats all right, thats well, I figured.... (they start to leave as Joey enters.)
Gunther: Oh, I was going to offer you my apartment.
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!
Monica: No you didnt. Oh and honey just so you know, now that youre marrying me, you dont get to win anymore.
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Ross: Well we-we dont know for sure. But in my head it-it sounded something like this. (He makes a high pitched noise and Alan doesnt know what to make of it.) Of course, this is just conjecture. Okay, thats uh, thats all for today. (Everyone starts to get up.) Uh Mr. Morse, can I see you for a moment?
Monica: When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to get your nose fixed, I swam into the lake and fished it out.
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
Joey: (Jumping out of his way) See ya!! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.]
(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)
Ross: What you dont think Id go up to her?
Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, youre going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.
Monica: Okay, but wouldnt it be easier if you had to tell me something that you could tell me.
Frank: So gross! (He runs back to the delivery room.)
RICHARD: [walks out of the bathroom and runs into Mrs. Geller who is going to the bathroom] Judy, going to the bathroom, good for you.
Cynthia: God, this was really fun! I've been wondering if you were going to ask me out.
Rachel: You seem to really like her.
Monica: Oh, thanks! We'll try to stop by.
RACHEL: Oh, yeah, well hey, welcome to our sauna.
Morse: You see, thats why I did so bad on this test. Im having a hard time concentrating. When youre up there (Points to the podium) and youre teaching and your face gets all serious you look so good. (In a sexy voice) You wear that tight little turtleneck sweater
The Interviewer: I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.
Monica: You know how much I love listening to your music, you know, but...
Chandler: I dont want to look.
Paul: Hey! I have so much more to tell ya, Ive written it all down!
Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks shes like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
Rachel: I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey.
Phoebe: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the muscle's in spasm...huh.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
Monica: So why-why wasnt Rosss stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel Im going to Easy Bake your head!
Chandler: Oh, its so hard to care when youre this relaxed.
Phoebe: Wait, no, look at this! (Points to one.) (Reading) "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay " Oh, yeah, but its on the ground floor.
Chandler: Let me finish ... (to everyone else) however, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles, so screw you, the tickets are ours!! (takes tickets from Rachel)
Monica: (To Ross) Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year?
Monica: (Entering from her bedroom, talking on the phone) Yeah, once again, I am sorry. Thank you. Bye. (To the gang) I just had to turn down a job catering a funeral for sixty people.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.]
Kate: Hi, nice to meet you. Kate Miller.
Joey: Yeah, hes the reason I didnt get that big Minute Maid commercial a couple of years ago remember? We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed it up.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Rachel: Okay, well then how about puberty! Come on, thats always a painful time! Yknow your friends invite you to a slumber party and then they stick your hand in warm water while youre sleeping so that you pee in your sleeping bag.
Joey: No, no, no more! I cannot lose another dime! Im serious this time! In-in fact, look, theres aI wanna give you something. And let me give it too you know before I pawn it for Cups money. (He rolls the big white dog over) Now, I want you to have the big white dog as a kinda of a, yknow, thank you for being such a great roommate.
Phoebe: I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Well, everyone seems to be enjoying your dish.
Ross: Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!
Monica: Sorry, lets go back! Cause youve got more to say.
(Joey looks at him, Phoebe tries not to smile, and Chandler is shocked.)
Monica: So, do you want me to watch Ben for you?
(Monica turns around and is about to leave when she steps on something.)
Rachel: (gasps) Emma! (Looks at the baby and starts to cry.) See? I dont want it.
[Cut to the hospital, later. Everyone is talking about Nana.]
Ross: Oh, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing. I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.
PHOEBE: Maybe that's because you haven't taken the time to get to know him. Let's remedy that, shall we?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are there. Monica is suggesting Mockolate recipes to Phoebe.]
Ross: (To Joey) Thanks man.
Phoebe: Umm, Wethering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the New School and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.
ROSS: (on phone) Yeah, yeah, everybody's here. Hey, everybody, say hi to Julie in New Mexico.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
The Flight Attendant: (to another passenger) Welcome to Las Vegas.
Joey: Yeah! All rightLook, I know sometimes itll be hard, okay? But, itll also be really really great. Please Rachel! I-I-I really want you to stay.
Rachel: Sure! That sounds great! Just leave me a message and tell me where to meet you. Okay? (Walks away.)
ROSS: I talked to Rachel's sisters, neither of them can come.