words in movies
[Scene: The Buildings Roof, the entire gang plus Tag are there to look for a comet. Theyre looking for a comet on a roof of a New York apartment building. Yeah, thats realistic. You might as well look for the moon on a bright sunny day.]
Ross: Well, technically it seven billion years ago (Well, technically youd be able to see it for days, well nights; that is if you could see it with all of the bright lights of New York.)
All: (groaning) Oh no! Oh no! (They all start to get up a leave.)
All: Okay! Okay! (They start to leave again.)
Joey: Check out the rack on this chick! (Turns around to point it out to Ross and finds that Ross is glaring at him. So he quickly puts his binoculars to his eyes and starts looking for the comet.)
Monica: Okay, weve been out here for two hours and we havent seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandlers getting chilly. (She walks over to where Chandler is bundled up in a big coat and shivering.)
Phoebe: Oh! I wont say, no to a movie!
Rachel: Uh Pheebs, we just actually kinda wanted to be alone.
Ross: What? Is it the comet? (Runs over to where Joeys standing.)
Joey: No! No-no. Look, theres a bug stuck in tar right here. (Bends down to get a closer look.)
Ross: Joey comeI cant believeI bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet, one of natures most spectacular phenomenon, and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar and-and some woman!
Joey: (annoyed) I dont know! (Goes back to looking through the pipe.) (Pause) Yeah, I do.
Joey: What?! All rightHey! Dont look at me! Youre the one who wanted to come up and look for some stupid Burger King comet!
Ross: Its called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? (Joey starts to groan.) Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer!
Monica: Deep Impact was the one with Robert Duval, Armageddon is whats going to happen to you if you wake me up.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, there is a beeping noise coming from the living room and Phoebe sleepily goes to investigate.]
Phoebe: (crossing her fingers and closing her eyes) Please dont be a space ship. Please dont be a space ship. (She turns on the light and looks around and finds that its the smoke detector thats beeping.) Oh thank God! (She moves a chair over and starts to investigate how to make the beeping turn off, in frustration she yanks the thing off of the wall. She sets it down and heads for bed, just as she gets there it beeps again. She opens the cover and removes the battery, but it still beeps.) How could you be beeping?! I just disconnected you! I took out your battery! How can
Joey: All right well, yknow I guess we know what we have to do to get down.
Ross: (standing at the edge of the roof) Yeah, I guess we dont have a choice. (Screaming to the street) Help us! Please help us! Were stuck up on the roof and we cant get down!!!
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's kitchen, Chandler has a jug of milk in his hands and decides to make some warm milk. He opens up the cabinet to get a pot and manages to knock several other pots onto the floor making a lot of noise.]
Monica: With a wok? (Chandlers holding a wok.) I thought you were going to read my boring book to put you asleep.
Chandler: Hey, yknow what we can do? Yknow, now that we are up? We can just like talk to each other all night long, yknow like we did when we were first going out. Itd be fun!
Rachel: Okay. (They start to head for the bedroom) Oh wait! Umm, did you send those contracts to Milan?
Rachel: Yknow, like the thing when you put the phone in your pants? (He starts laughing.) Tag! Im serious! This isnt funny! Those contracts absolutely had to go out today!
Rachel: Yes I did! And I put a little Post-It on it that said, "Must go out today," and underlined today three times and, and then I put a little heart in the corner because I didnt want to seem to bossy.
Tag: Im telling you, you never gave them to me.
Rachel: Yknow what Tag, if we went down to the office you would see those contracts sitting on your desk.
Tag: You wanna go down to the office right now?
Rachel: No! Come on its late, were not gonna go down to the office.
Tag: Okay I understand. (Sits down.) I wouldnt want to be proved wrong either.
Rachel: Okay get your coat! (They get their coats and start to leave. Rachel suddenly stops and sticks the hand up the back of her shirt.) Oh! When did you unhook this? (Her bra.) Nice work!
[Scene: The Fire Escape, Joey and Ross have reached the last landing. Joey is tugging on the ladder that extends to the ground, but it wont budge.]
Ross: Ugh. Well, were just gonna have to jump. (Joey looks at him.) Yeah. Now, were gonna have to make sure to land to the right of that patch of ice, okay? Not hit the dumpster on the other side and uh, and try to avoid that-that weird brownish red stuff in the middle. So, when you get down there you go up to the roof and you let me in.
Joey: Oh whoa-whoa wait a minute! I have to do it?!
Ross: Well, Im gonna lie to you Joey, its a possibility.
Joey: (looks at the ground and at Ross) I dont know Ross! I-I tell you what, lets flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right?
Ross: Oh, all right. (Joey flips the coin.) Tails! (The coin bounces off of the landing above them and falls to the ground.) Can you-can you see what it is?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe is still investigating the smoke detector trying to figure out how to stop the beeping.]
Phoebe: Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. (She points at each as she says it.) Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do (She picks up a shoe and proceeds to pummel the smoke detector. She then gets up and heads to bed, stops, quickly turns around, and is satisfied that the beeping has stopped.) Well done, Pheebs. (She resumes her trek to bed, but is stopped at the entrance to the hallway by the now steady and extremely loud tone emanating from the smoke detector.) (Yelling.) What do you want from me?!!!!!!!
Monica: Okay, heres your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.)
Monica: Ohh! Ohhhh! Were you sleeping sweetie? Im sorry. Here. (Hands the mug of milk to him.)
Tag: Okay! Feel free to look, but Im telling you those contracts are not on this desk.
Rachel: Oh how can you possibly know? Look at this mess, Tag! I mean, this is what Im talking about! You have to be organized! Youve got newspapers! Youve got magazines! You gotOhh! (Finds a picture.) And who is this chippy? A little young for you Tag, but whatever.
Rachel: Okay, very cute braces. Anyway yknow what, the point is Tag, start looking because you are going to find those contracts on your desk. (She goes into her office.)
Tag: So when do you imagine you gave them to me? In the morning or in the afternoon?
[Scene: Rachels outer office, Tag has finished searching his desk and Rachel comes out to try to plant the folder on the desk.]
Rachel: Thank you. (He leaves and she proceeds to plant the folder in his bottom drawer. She then picks up the phone and holds it to her breasts.) Hello? (Hangs up the phone.) I still dont get it.
[Scene: The fire escape, Joey and Ross are still trying to figure out how to get down.]
Ross: I dont think so. Hello? (Knocks on the glass, which angers the big, large, angry dog behind the glass and causes them to jump to the other side of the landing.) When you get in there (Joey nods his disapproval.)
[Scene: Phoebes apartment building, in desperation she has wrapped up the smoke detector in a blanket and is going to throw it into the trash chute.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Chandler is turning on the light to awaken a now sleeping Monica.]
Monica: Nooo! No, thats not true. No, best time ever! Yeah, you rocked me world! (She turns out the light to go back to sleep.)
Chandler: Yeah! (Monica falls asleep) No! No! No! Dont fall asleep! Okay, I am going to make you some coffee. (Monica doesnt move as he gets out of bed and as hes heading for the door.) And I probably wont spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor.
[Scene: Rachels outer office, shes returning with two coffee cups in hand to find Tag sitting there.]
Rachel: Hi! I got you some coffee. To, uh (She looks for a place to set it on his messy desk and he clears a spot for her to set it down.) fair enough. So! Do you got anything for me?
Tag: Do you want me to check again?
Rachel: Well yeah, I wish that you would. (He opens the top drawer.) Well, no its not in there! (Closes it.) How about that drawer? (She points to the bottom one and he opens it. She doesnt see the folder she planted and bends over to check.)
Tag: (entering) Yeah? (She holds up the folder) You found them!! (Rachel is not amused, because shes still going to try to blame him for her mistake like every good boss.) Yknow what? Im not even going to gloat. Im just really relived this whole thing is over.
Rachel: Oh really? So youre saying they just slid out of your bottom drawer, crawled across the floor, then jumped on to my desk?! (I think Dogbert should have a line here.)
Rachel: (pause as she realizes her lame attempt to shift the blame has failed) I am so hot for you right now.
Phoebe: (scared) Fire alarm? (She opens the door to reveal a fireman holding the blanket with the smoke detector.) Oh! Hi, officerfireman, can-can I help you?
The Fireman: The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in a trash chute, dont wrap it in a blanket that says, "Property of Phoebe Buffay not Monica."
The Fireman: Please reattach this, its against the law to disconnect them.
Phoebe: Fine! (She takes the blanket.) But please God; tell me how to stop them from going off!
Phoebe: Theres a reset button?! Ugh, thank you! Thank you! (He exits and she goes to shut it off.) Theres a reset button! My God! Why didnt I see that! (She takes off the plastic cover and looks for the button.) Reset button, reset button, where is there a reset button? (Finds it.) Oh here it is! (Picks it up off of the floor.) Oh! (She presses it hard, but of course it would help if the button was still attached to the detector. In frustration she presses it so hard it causes pain in her thumb.) Ohh, God!
Ross: Okay, Im going to start climb down you now.
Ross: Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so were face to face or-or should I climb down your back so were-were butt to face.
Joey: I think face to face.
Joey: Face to face, yeah!
Ross: I prefer not to answer that right now, Im still carrying a little holiday weight.
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Joey: Yknow, when we talked about face to face, I dont think we thought it all the way through.
Ross: So what do you want me to do?
(Ross continues his trek south, and when they get face to face.)
Joey: Ross, you should know that my pants are startin to come down and Im not wearing any underwear!
(Ross panics and falls off, dropping to the ground with a huge crash.)
Monica: I have to be up in seven minutes.
The Waiter: (To Joey) And for you sir?
Rachel: Yeah, if youre going to do the ears, you might as well take a pass at the nosal area.
Ross: I have been down in your store for twenty minutes trying to get a tie! What do I have to do to get some service?! (turns to Rachel) Hi Rach. (He's puts his hand on her shoulder and she knocks it away.)
Ross: (drags Chandler over to buffet table) Im telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viscously screamed at total strangers! I think hes baaad news!
Phoebe: ThatIts not the same thing! This is totally different! This is with David! Remember David, the scientist guy? Okay, hes very special to me.
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Rachel: I have so got it. Theres gonna be rumours about this, theres no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
ROSS: So don't, I don't see why we have to go to this thing anyway, it's your ex-fiancee's wedding.
Phoebe: There you go! (She continues to work him over with her elbows and he continues to yell in pain.)
Chandler: Guys, I'd listen to her. The vein is bigger than I've ever seen it. (Monica looks at Chandler)
Monica: Phoebe, hes gotta be in the room for that to work.
Ross: (to Frannie) Hi Frannie, congratulations.
Phoebe: Thats good. I got to admit, I thought it was something else.
Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, baby, that's nice but, you know what, I think I'm ok. Why don't you give it to one of your other single girlfriends?
Joey: Yeah, like a moth to a flame, Im telling ya. Okay all right, so now you go.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! So, I walk in the door and make the right (and he bends his arm to the left. Ross then bends Joey's arm to the right and Joey nods)
Rachel: Honey, honey, Im sorry, I know its our anniversary but I told you on the phone I dont have time to stop.
Phoebe: Ok well, before you do, I know we weren't supposed to get you going away presents, (she takes something out from her pocket) but I do have something for you.
Ross: And so what if I like to go home, throw on some Kenny G, and take a bath!
Phoebe: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.
Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing?
Joey: Hey! Youre here! Great! Great! Great! Lets get going buddy, weve got a scene to shoot!
Ross: I cant ask people to do that? Would you ask people to do that? (Holds out his pants)
(Ross and Rachel are, needless to say, stunned at the arrival of Janice.)
Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.
Monica: Well umm, we were just talking about the yknow, the Swing Kings and just wondering whether yknow, they were the right way to go.
(Everyone starts to dance in unison. Monica flounders)
Ross: (To Rachel, standing by her feet) I dont know why you cant admit that you need me.
Robin: Why is this happening to me?! I dont know, maybe its my wound.
Danny: so we finally get to the top of the mountain and airhead here (His sister) forgets the camera!
Phoebe: Hes just trying to show Joey how much he means to him.
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has used a broom to open the air vent in the ceiling. Phoebe is wearing a janitor's uniform, ready to go up in the vent.]
MONICA: This is so wild. Ya know, I gotta admit, I was kinda surprised that you agreed to go on a blind date.
Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.
Chandler: Okay, its just weird! Okay? I dont want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need I dont know what I need. I need a walk.
Rachel: Okay. Oh wait! One more thing umm, do-do we still need to uh settle the question of "us?"
Phoebe: Yknow what? Im not talking to you! You go back to sleep! (To the hitchhiker) And you, are you a rapist?!
Joey: No-no-no-no-no, it's-it's uh, you just uh, uh reminded me that uh, I need to do my stretches too. (Starts to stretch, groans painfully)
Male Jeweler: (ignoring her) How would you like to pay?
Rachel: Oh yeah, now everybody wants to be under this hat!
Joey: Im missin picture time?! (Jumps over to look, Ross glares at him and he retreats.)
JOEY: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him).
RICHARD: Well, uh, sometimes I think about selling my practice, we could move to France, make French toast.
Chandler: I dont want to say.
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
Phoebe: Oh yeah, okay. I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child halloween costume! (turns to look at Monica and Rachel who look like they feel very sorry for the stripper)
Rachel: Well you have to because maybe its stupid.
(The security guard from before approaches and Phoebe tries to turn her back on him.)
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
Ross: Well maybe she wouldnt have to be selfish in bed if someone else knew where everything was!
Chandler: (To Monica) So you came to the room looking for Joey? Did you ever in-intend on telling me about this?
Chandler: Well its just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was the first time I knew that you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.
Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait! You can put your sad little muffin back in its drawer. If you must know the truth, I didnt want to lose a perfectly good assistant.
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, theyre gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again its gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybodys excitement.
(Notices Ross looking at him and stops. Ross gives him his 'quiet down' maneuver. Okay, this may take a while to explain, so center this on you screen and place your hands about a foot apart with your fingers together and pointing straight up. Now take you fingers and point them at the other hand and making a 90-degree angle with each of your hands and the first knuckle counting up from the wrist. Now take your right hand, no your other right (that was for the dyslexics), and lower it a couple of inches, so that the fingers are pointing at your wrist. Now take your arms and keeping the elbows bent and your hands in front of you spread out your arms, kinda like making a bird's wing. Now hunch your shoulders over and move you hands up and down as if you are trying to tell some one to turn it down. That's Ross 'quiet down' maneuver. Well, there is an accompanying face, but I don't want to try and describe it as well.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are sitting there and not talking to each other.]
Joey: (laughs) Why would you want to do that?
Joey: Rach, there is a decent place to
Phoebe: What? What happened to the window in the attic?!
Chandler: Hang on, she’s right here. (he enters the living room and hands the phone to Monica) Someone's on the phone, for ya.
Melissa: (laughs) Oh you dont have to be (Laughs again) sorry. Im Im obviously kidding. Im not in love with you. (To Phoebe) Im not in love with her. I dont hear coconuts banging together. Yeah, I dont picture your face when I make love to my boyfriend. Anyway, I gotta go. Eh kiss good-bye? (Rachel stares at her stunned.) No? Okay. (Hurries into the cab and drives off.)
Chandler: Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.
Ross: Thank you, but I want to remove it Pheebs. I dont want to make it savory.
Monica: Even if I shrink down to two inches tall?
JOEY: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife?� Huh?� Do you think I'm like, "Duh."� (He strikes himself in the head with the bat.� He stands dazed for a moment.)
Ross: (to the panel) Look, Im sorry, but you guys are wrong. I just dont want to be divorced three times.
Phoebe: Oh no! (She runs to see.) (Running back, excitedly) Oh! Wow!!!
Ross: No. No. You-you can't help. I mean, I kinda have to do this without your help.
Rachel: I don't know. It's so complicated. I work with this guy, you know, I have the baby, and I have Ross, and I just...I don'tknow what to do and I have to be at the office and see Gavin in ten minutes.
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Ross: Oh, I've got to go pick up Ben, we've got a play date this afternoon.
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
(They start wrestling, only they are unable to move either ones arm despite a huge strain on their faces and a cheering crowd.)
[Cut to Rosss second wedding reception, Joey has just told him the band is ready with Rachel looking on.]
Rachel: (screams and grabs a potato masher to defend herself) Sorry. Im sorry.
Monica: Oh my God, that place has the creamiest frosting! I use to hitchhike there when I was a kid.
Rachel: Honey, its going to be okay. Hes been incredibly supportive of me, and if he gets a little upset; thats what the meatball sub is for. (She gives Dina a sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil.)
Phoebe: Look, Precious... Mike's not worth this. You're an attractive, intelligent woman and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you... He was gonna break-up with you on your birthday? And, I don't like to kiss-and-tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend.
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself?
Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?
Rachel: Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music and uh, two months later the couple got divorced. And now Im not saying that theres any connection here yknow, but they did tell me thats why they got divorced.
[Scene: Outside Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is running back to the cab.]
Charlie: Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ryan is walks up to the door and knocks.]
Ross: Yes, thats what I was going to ask, thank you.
Joey: All right, and over there is Bradys Pub where I like to unwind after a long day of surgeoning.
Chandler: Monica, I think you've gone over to the bad place.
Earl: It doesnt really seem like enough to be fate.
Chandler: Well, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea. (Gets up to leave.)
Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)
Phoebe: (smiles) Okay! (Goes to answer the phone.)
Phoebe: (To Ross) Kyles ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her not date her!
Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Monica: (to the mask) I missed you-you ugly, flat faced old freak!
Bobby: You bet I am! (To Joey) And to answer your earlier question, were straight-up gangster rap. (Joey shakes his head as if hes about to lose it.)
Phoebe: Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you.
Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
(Chandler motions to Monica that hell give her two babies.)
[Scene: A Brown Bird meeting, Ross is there with the other Brown Birds to see who won the contest.]
Phoebe: No! Rachel, thats what they want me to do. My warranty expires tomorrow, if I dont get through, theyre not gonna fix my crappy, broken phone for free! We cannot let them win! Its us versus them!