words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to move Joeys chair and not having much luck at it as Joey enters.]
Joey: (laughs) Why would you want to do that?
Rachel: So that there will be a decent place for me to sit.
Joey: Rach, there is a decent place to
Joey: The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and its at the perfect angle so you dont get any glare coming of off Stevie.
Rachel: No! (Joey sets his beer and bag of chips down and heads into his room.) Oh what does he know! Come on Rosita, us chichas got to stick together! (She tries pulling on the back of the chair, until the hinge breaks and the back falls off.) You bitch!
Ross: Hey, yknow whats weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people youre gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." Thats weird isnt it?
Phoebe: What? What happened to the window in the attic?!
Phoebe: I cant believe I still dont know what happened to the window in the attic!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is examining the injury to Rosita while Rachel is apologizing to him.]
Joey: I told you not to move it! Rach, how would you feel if say, I wanted to move you mom, and you said dont, and I did it anyway and her head fell off?
Rachel: Okay, come onJoey, Ill buy you a new one! All right? Well go down to the store right now and well-well get you a new chair.
Rachel: But dont you think Rosita wouldve wanted you to move on? I mean yknow, she did always put your comfort first.
Joey: Yeah, I (Shuts off the TV.) I dont want Stevie to see her like this.
Ross: I cant believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some strangers gonna be living in my room.
Monica: Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, its time the velvet ropes came down.
Ross: Hey, yknow if you want to pick up some extra cash? Some friends of mine made good money doing telemarketing.
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is getting shown to her desk by the supervisor.]
Supervisor: So basically this is very easy. You read from the script and try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.
Phoebe: Oh okay. Umm, all right. (Picks up the phone and starts reading from the script.) Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please?
Phoebe: Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Phoebe: Oh okay, well Im sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. (Hangs up the phone.) Yeah youre right, this is easy.
Supervisor: Theyre always going to tell you they dont need toner, but thats okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this script.
Supervisor: So, I think youre ready to sell toner, do you have any last questions?
Chandler: Joey! Joe! (Sees that hes not here and starts investigating. He picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beers still cold. Something terrible mustve happened here! (He decides its not that important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)
[Scene: Ross and Monicas parents garage, Ross and Monica are arriving to go through their things. Mr. Geller is in the garage.]
Mr. Geller: Hi. God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work.
Mr. Geller: Well, its time for a new family to start their memories here and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.
Ross: (To Monica) Lets grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.
Monica: Oh, thats okay, I cant wait to see everything again! All of the memories
Monica: I used to love to play restaurant.
Ross: Yeah, not as much as you used to love to play uncooked batter eater.
Monica: Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies! (She goes to the attic.)
Mr. Geller: So, I think youre boxes are over here. (They walk over to them.)
Mr. Geller: Well, the white seems to be untouched. (He throws it back into the box as Mr. Geller moves a tarp and makes a discovery.) Uh-oh.
Ross: How are you ever going to sell this place?
Mr. Geller: I think I accidentally used Monicas boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche.
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What (He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God everythings ruined! Dad, shes gonna be crushed!
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies Id like to talk to you about your toner needs. (Shes reading from the script.)
[Cut to Earls office, who is played by Jason Alexander, George from Seinfeld. They cut back and forth between Phoebes and Earls offices with each of their lines.]
Earl: Okay, I dont need any toner because Im going to kill myself.
(Phoebe desperately tries to find the scripted response to that line.)
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still talking to Earl.]
Phoebe: No-no wait-wait! I cant just let you hang up! Just please talk to me.
Earl: Well I only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his office that reads, "Todays Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it back.
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself?
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. Ive been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no ones even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, Im gonna kill myself! (Theres no response; no one even looks up.) Ill get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
(Chandler runs to check on them coming up the stairs.)
Joey: Well, I guess youre right. Maybe, maybe Ill take her down to the incinerator. Its gonna be so said, and kinda cool. (He goes to remove the back, but it doesnt come off. So he sits down in it, puts his feet up, stands up, and looks back at it.) Shes heeled!
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, continued from earlier. Ross and Mr. Geller are still deciding what to do.]
Ross: Dad that wont matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and all her is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
Ross: Dad, dad I dont want to hear about it.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting the now heeled Rosita as Rachel is sitting in the newly arrived Francette. Francette is one of those new chairs from La-Z-Boy that has and does everything except cook and go to the bathroom for you. Its got a small refrigerator under one armrest it has phone jacks for the Internet and regular phone, and so much more.]
Rachel: Yeah! You can hook it up to your TV and you get radio!
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]
Phoebe: Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you.
Earl: No! Thats just the "Hey Guy" guy. He says that to everybody! Hes the worst! Id like to take him with me!
Earl: Okay, I should, I should probably be getting back to my thing now. See ya. (Hangs up.)
Supervisor: (walking by and overhearing that) (to the rest of the staff) The new girls good.
Ross: Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)
Monica: Okay. (Starting to go through them) Oh! A coloring book! (Holding it up.)
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I cant believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
Monica: So why-why wasnt Rosss stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel Im going to Easy Bake your head!
Mr. Geller: Well, I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche.
Monica: So wait, Rosss stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Screw it! Im having one. (Takes out and lights a cigarette.)
Rachel: How would you like to sit in a chair that fully reclines, has a rolling massage, and speakers in the head rest?
Chandler: Yeah, Id love to but Ive tried that so many times they wont even let me in the store anymore.
(They enter Joey and Rachels to find that Joey has broken Chandlers chair.)
Joey: (sarcastic) Oh no this is devastating! My faith is shaken. Im so glad I have the new chair to get my through this difficult time in my life.
Rachel: Uh-huh! Nice try, but you dont get that chair anymore! All right? That is my chair now! You can sit on my lap! (Joey starts to get up.) No I take that back!
Chandler: Because you (Points to Joey) broke a chair and you (Points to Rachel) broke a chair! The only one around here that hasnt broke a chair, is me!
Rachel: The logic is, that there are two of us and we are both strong enough to break a chair in half!
(Joey whispers in Rachels ear to confirm his response.)
Phoebe: (to Marge) Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? Hes the supply manager around here.
Phoebe: (goes over to his desk) Earl! Im Phoebe.
Earl: It doesnt really seem like enough to be fate.
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
Phoebe: Yknow, I dont-I dont think its you. This is a freaky place. (To All) Hey! Guys! (Everyone looks up.) (To Earl) Oh no, its you.
Monica: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I dont even know what it is! Ohh, its still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
(Ross gets up to let his dad sit next to Monica.)
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, Im sorry about everything that happened and Id probably never be able to make it up to you, but heres a start. (He hands her a small box.)
Mr. Geller: Its the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche.
Mr. Geller: (To Monica) Why dont we take it for a spin?
Joey: Ahhh (To Rachel) Eh?
Monica: Do you guys know what happened to Chandlers barca lounger?
Rachel: Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.
Rachel: This is Bonnie? (to Phoebe) This is Bonnie? (to Bonnie) Youre Bonnie?
JOEY: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam's apple. It made me nuts.
Ross: All right, lets not jump to any conclusions. All right? There was some sexual chemistry between them.
Rachel: Thank you. (Dr. Long exits.) Well, I guess we have some time to kill.
Chandler: That means nothing to me. (To Ross) Come on!
Monica: Well, I did one time, and-and I want to start doing it more. See thats what this is about.
Ross: Now I cannot wait to see this.
Monica: (comes running out the kitchen to the bedroom) Got it! Got it! Got it! Got it! Got it! Got it!
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasnt as bad as-as
(Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare...)
[Scene: A curbside newsstand, Phoebe is whistling and walking up to it wearing her fur coat. She stops and starts to look through a magazine and notices a squirrel on a nearby tree chirping at her.]
Joey: Yeah-yeah I like that but just to go in another direction
Phoebe: Its me. Its Phoebe. Listen theres something in here I want to eat, what-what smells so good?
Phoebe: (angrily) Bye-bye! (to Ross) Thats why I moved out.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler have trading the entertainment center for the canoe. Joey is sitting in the bow, staring off into space as to envision his future full of possibilities. Chandler is sitting at the stern, staring into space and is looking at an uncertain future.]
Monica: I dont know. (Picks up a big plate from the coffee table.) Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.
Rachel: Thank you! And now if youll excuse me, I have to go to the rest room.
Ross: Well, fine. Fine! If-if Im the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, Ill go up there and defend it myself! (Starts to do so, but stops and to the previous librarian) And dont you follow me!
(The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emilys hand, but she snatches it away from him.)
Ross: (to the woman checking her mail) Who isn't?
Rachel: No, forget it! No way! I am not sending anymore Ralph Lauren clothes to prison. It is a waste.
Rachel: Phoebe, come on! What is the big deal? I thought this was going to be something we could do together! Y'know, I thought it would be fun!
(Rachel goes to hug him but Ross is holding one of her hands and doesnt let go, so she can only put one arm around him.)
Chandler: Yeah, I think that's wrong, but there's a Connect the Dots in here for you later. (To Monica) Hey, how about maroon?
Ross: Do you have a minute? Id like to talk to you about something Im, Im really uncomfortable talking about.
Rachel: I know Mona, just hear me out. First of all, Im so sorry about my father yelling at you, but I heard you totally held your own. Youre gonna have to tell me how you did that.
Monica: I mean, youre the one theyre gonna come to when they wanna run away from home, and the one they talk to about sex.
Ross: Oh, taking my parents back to the hotel.
Phoebe: Fine! Then you tell Roger because he was really looking forward to this! (Phoebe exits.)
Monica: No-no, its not okay! Its not! I mean you were just Youre so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Yknow Im just gonnaI, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Mackenzie: Well, if moving here is gonna make them happy, don't you want them to do it?
Chandler: (In a loving voice) Yes, I do. Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you then it's important to me, because I love you.
Phoebe: Do you wanna get to Rachel in time?
Monica: Ohh, sweetie! (Goes to comfort her.) Hey, I bet you anything that hes gonna call you again.
Gary: Y'know I really want to move this relationship forward.
Rachel: No, Im just kidding I would never do that to you! Okay, everybody, its trifle time!
Monica: (looking very serious) I need to talk to you.
Joey: your right! I love my life! (He gets up to go and speak to the girl and he turns back and sits down) I actually did sleep with her.
Phoebe: Great, okay, what are you gonna change it to?
Ross: What a weird way to kick me when Im down.
Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?
Monica: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
Rachel: Well, Chandler, youre gonna have to tell him.
Rachel: Well, then I get to give him the cell phone.
Phoebe: We were at the game, and this guy proposed to his girlfriend on the big screen thing...
Receptionist: Well, heres a schedule of whats coming up. (Hands it to him.)
Rachel: Okay great, hold on a sec! (She runs to her room and returns carrying a huge bag of laundry.) Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out a lot! Thanks!
Rachel: Joey, you cant let him get away with that. Ya know what, Im not going to let him get away with that. Im going to say something to himNo, I really shouldnt say anythingNo, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I havent talked to her in ten years! You cant just call up somebody you havent talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, yknow? You gotta, you got to put in some time.
Phoebe: Oh, well what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? (Gasps) Is it Gunther?
Chandler: All right. I will go out and I will try to find something for her, okay?
Ross: (To Rachel) I wasnt talking to you.
Ross: Why...Why should I? I mean if she wants to move on, that's fine!
SUSIE: Um, so listen, how many times am I gonna have to touch you on the arm before you ask me on a date.
Ross: Did you tell your sister to ask me out?
Phoebe: Wow! See, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.
ROSS: No, you, ya know there's no need to make it u. . . how?
Joey: Oh Monica, listen, I ah, I saw down at the hardware store, they got those designer tiles on sale. If you ever want to redo the bathroom floor.
Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.
Monica: (To Erica) Oh my God, he's beautiful. Thank you so much.
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
Joey: Aww, I don't want to see that!
Mr. Treeger: Yeah, it happened to me once. I was just flipping through the channels and bam! It was like finding money.
Joey: No way! I've been going to the guy for 12 years.
Ross: No, I barely even got to three Mississippi.
Monica: Thanks. (Goes to fetch him.)
Phoebe: Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Monica) Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so....
Phoebe: (running out) Wait! Wait! Hi! Listen, Ross can I just talk to you for just a second?
Joey: (Looking around) Uhh do you happen to have a hot girl in there?
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.)
Joey's Hand Twin: Please, please take him too. (Motions to Joey.)
Chandler: I'd keep an eye on him! We have to find out which one the father is.
Mike: OK, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but I think I just saw a rat in your cupboard.
Rachel: Ok, well this is like that...in no way. I had a...I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
Rachel: Yeah! Its weird. But the thing is need to find a date.
(Rachel comes back to the gate.)
Phoebe: Okay, dont give me a reason to get mad, okay
(Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom)
Rachel: Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with me. (Ross has a worried look on his face) What?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler is trying to listen through the door.]
Ross: Fine! Its your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last time.) I just dont want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, (Monica and Chandler just stare at him.) but thats what you want, theres nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) DONT DO IT!!!!! (Finally leaves.)
Bonnie: (getting up and leaving) (to Ross) Okay, Ill see you in our room.
Monica: I dont want things to change! Do you?
Chandler: I know you probably dont want to go out with me, yknow because I make too many jokes and Ive never been in a serious relationship and I guess Im not technically a "doctor "
Monica: See, this is why I told you never get involved with your assistant! And here is no such thing as keeping secrets when it comes to affairs. (To Chandler) Did you hear that Chandler? No such thing!
Joey: All right, turn around, I got to get a look at this thing.
Chandler: Oh, dont thank me, thank the jerk that never showed up. Okay, I gotta get to get to work.
Frank: Yeah, y'know I feel like I can really talk to you cause y'know youre my sister, y'know.
Rachel: Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.
Rachel: (in disbelief) You WHAT? And I missed it? Because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
Monica: Yeah sure, nature called, she wanted to see who else did.
Chandler: But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Chandler: Oh, uhm... I have to work too. Yeah, I'm stuck at the office all day.
Mrs. Green: No. Sweetie, youre gonna be fine. (Starts to get up.)
Rachel: (To Ross) Fine! (To the salesman) We went out.
Phoebe: (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a huge bow to cover the stain) Okay, I'm ready.
Phoebe: Oh yeah well, Im sorry about that too, but what are you going to do?