words in movies
Monica: Two thousand dollars?
Joey: Two thousand dollars!? What do you think I am? I soap opera star!?
Phoebe: Uh huh...we're playing you two.
Joey: Oh! Sure! How much? Two thousand dollars?
Chandler: Yes! Two thousand dollars exactly! How do you know that! (Joey begins writing a cheque)
Chandler (Stands up and walks to Joey): Listen...this is really nice. Do you... (sees his chequebook) Did you write a cheque to Monica for two thousand dollars? Did Monica borrow money from you?
Chandler: What would she get for herself for two thousand dollars that she wouldn't tell me about?
Chandler: Oh no..don't thank me. Thank you. You know there's not one thing I would change about you? Not one single thing! And definitely not... two... single things.
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
Chandler: I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! Im right. I'm right. Am I right?
Ross: Okay, okay, awkward question. The hospital knows you took two, right?
Rachel: Ross! Your honor, rest assured relationship ended like two years ago! (To the stenographer) And could you strike "Consummated like bunnies" from the record?
ERICA: Sabrina. I know about you two. I saw you today kissing in the doctor's lounge.
Phoebe: Dont be so corny Ross, its not an after-school special. (She rides off and the camera pans down to reveal two shiny, silver training wheels firmly attached.)
Ross: (covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there) (to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.
Joey: (Reading the scene set up.) Okay, it's a typical New York City apartment. Two girls are just hanging out.
Rachel: Ohh I mean two best friends falling in love, how often does that happen?
Sarah: (laughing) No. If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert. This is a two way street.
Ross: Oh hey, hey, huh, how about this weekend we have a laser disc marathon okay, and maybe a tournament on my new dart board? Huh, huh, what do you think? (in an Irish accent) Two days of darts, itll be great!
Joey: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars.
Phoebe: But yknow what? It just seems that you two belong together.
Joey: Hey! It is unacceptable that you two would have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
Phoebe: Oh no, no. I can't choose between you two! I love you both so much!
Phoebe: Well maybe he was just nervous, yknow you can be very intimidating. And besides Ive met your pastry chef and she can stand to be taken down a peg or two.
[Scene: The bar.� Two men are chatting with Rachel and Phoebe.]
Chandler: (looking at the answering machine) Hey, there's two messages. These could be from work!
Ross: Oh. (He takes the notepad she was using and looks at it.) Wow! (Flips to another page.) Huh. (Flips another page.) Boy! (Flips another page.) Well, someones been doing their homework. (Flips two more pages.)
MR. BOYLE: All right, there was none. Let's talk signing. You be noisy girl number one, you be noisy girl number two.
Chandler: Yeah. It's a shame you two didn't get to spend more time together.
MR. GELLER: Of course not. With you it's like I've got two 25-year-olds.
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is entering from the bedroom carrying two bags of luggage.]
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
Rachel: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction.
Ross: It took two people to break up this relationship!!
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like-like Fourth of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!
Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
Joey: A handsome man enters. (Playing the part of the handsome man.) Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, (Ross) you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you (Chandler) well you co-created Fireball. The end.
Ross: (a little suprised) Two? Wha...? Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart
Joey: (entering) Thats my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, Im sorry Im a little late. You may be confused by this now, (Hes still in costume) but you wont be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, lets get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. Ive known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as Ive left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Chandler: (pause) No, were still together. Yeah we went out for two summers, and then I broke up with her.
Rachel: Oh that's so great, now Emma has two Hugsy's.
PHOEBE: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see two black leather recliners and a big screen TV]
Monica: Yeah, it takes two incomes.
[Time Lapse, Ross and the woman are now in a state of partial undress and are standing in front of the head librarian with two security guards watching them.]
Chandler: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!'
Ross: No-no, one daddy, two mommies. All right, its all yours. (Ross pushes him off.)
Mr. Zelner: Umm, no. Thanks, but Ill give these to Betty. (Rachel glances at Tag to say, "See?") So I read your evaluation of Tag, or to use his full name, Tag Sweetcheeks Jones. Is something going on with you two?
Joey: (pause) Because Vincent, we were lovers. (Pause) For two years!
CAROLINE: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?
[Scene:� Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Monica is wearing a sexy negligee.� She pours two glasses of wine as Chandler enters with a carry-on suitcase.� He sets the case by the door.)
Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, cause my Grandma doesnt know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.
Monica: Yknow, I only know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.
Joey: How come you have two? Chandler: Well this one's for you. Joey: Get out. Chandler: No, I can't. No-no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, (Puts bracelet on Joey) it's about you and me and the fact that we're (Reading bracelet) best buds. Joey: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies. Chandler: That's what they'll call us. [The next one is from Episode 618: The One Where Ross Dates A Student.]
Ross: Oh, what were the other two?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading a magazine and has two tissues stuck up her nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding and as she hears Ross enter, she quickly hides her face behind the magazine and removes the tissues.]
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Joey: I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Phoebe: Are you two talking about the same baby? Hey! Have you started off thinking of names yet?
Amy: She was. Carbs found her... See, this is what I wanted. Two sisters, talking about real stuff.
Ross: You don't have to do anything. It will just be easier if it is the two of us, like college, remember? You...you break theice with some kind of jokes so that they know you're the funny one and I swoop in with some interesting conversation, sothey'll see that I'm the brilliant, brooding, sexy one...
Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and thats when we get married. Well have Chandlers money and Rachels kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachels drinking problem.
[Two guys walk over and interrupt her. Theyre both names youve already heard. Ones Billy Crystal. Yes, that Billy Crystal from City Slickers. The other one is Robin Williams. Yes, that Robin Williams from Mrs. Doubtfire.]
Chandler: Now, theres two reasons.
[Scene: Interview room. Ross and two other professors (one man, one woman) are sitting on one side of a long desk. Benjamin Hobart is sitting on the other side]
Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)
Danny: (To Gunther) Two pounds of Moca Java please.
Ross: Well, looks like it's just the two of us tonight, huh old buddy?
Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive (Thinks a little while.) Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.
Roy: Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. I climbed ... I dunno... like a billion stairs... It's not like I can take them two at a time!
Janice: Ooh, that decides it then. I was on the fence. But knowing that you two would be our neighbors? Ah! now we have to get it! (Chandler and Monica are utterly shocked) Ellen, we're going to talk numbers. (Grabs Ellen by her elbow and pulls her outside)
Chandler: Yes, here it comes! Im stuck here all day, and then you come in and spend two seconds with us and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends? Well I dont think so mister!
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
Rachel: Dealer takes two. (she deals herself two cards) What do you bet?
Monica: Two in a row! Youve got to use your tongues now! (They kiss again.)
Rachel: Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And you've just gotten her one great present? I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?
Woman On Train: Oh, no. But its just a two hour ferry ride to Nova Scotia.
Man: (being joined by the rest of the barbershop quartet) One, two, three...
(Joey holds his fist up, and Chandler gives him two thumbs up.)
Ross: Which is fine! Because you just turned(Removes two candles from the cake)twenty-eight!
Chandler: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
PHOEBE: Can you believe this. In, like, two hours I'm gonna have a dad. Eeeshk.
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
Rachel: Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music and uh, two months later the couple got divorced. And now Im not saying that theres any connection here yknow, but they did tell me thats why they got divorced.
[Scene: Class of '91 reunion. Ross is walking angrily towards Chandler, who is talking to two other guys.]
Rachel: But, theyre across the hall! I mean thats two doors away, it would take them a long time to peck their way back over here.
Monica: Two guys in one night? Wow, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed.
Joey: (pouring two glasses) Hey look Ross, you need to understand something okay? I uh I am never gonna act on this Rachel thing, okay? I-I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with you. (He hands Ross a glass.)
Chandler: Okay, here you go. (He deals out two cards each.) I have two queens, what do you have?
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Janine: I cant handle two nights in a row with them.
Joey: (standing up) Yknow, theres two women dude.
Rachel: I uh, I have two tickets to the Knicks game tonight if youre interested, just as a thank you for this week.
Monica: Why would I say anything? That two of our best friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives! And they would have me to thank, and we could all start having babies?
Ross: Oh, Emily that is, that is so great. It's gonna be so great! We're gonna be like-like-like two idiots in love!
Chandler: (following Monica) We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didnt think we could make it. (He goes to put his hands on Monicas shoulders but for some reason can quite complete the action and pulls back.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandros? Sure, but Id have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Ross: Hey, I'm more cop than you two!
Ross: Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve minutes.... Wha, my watch stopped. My watch. (shows Chandler) Okay, see, the, the dinosaur tail isn't going around any more. (grabs Chandler's watch) What time is it? It's 7:33, I have seven minutes. I have seven minutes!!
Chandler: Let me see what you wrote about yourself: "Doctor Paleontology, two kids... " (pause) You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest!
Estelle: How do you do. (to Rachel and Monica) Ooh, you two girls were outstanding! (to Joey) Did they have representation?
JOEY: So how you two gettin' along?
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting below the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them. Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.]