words in movies
Ursula: No, I umm, I read about her in Moms suicide note.
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her, after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
Eric: No-no its not! I dont want to lose you! Its-its like I was saying to Ursula when I was making love to her and I thought she was youYeah it is too weird.
Phoebe: There-there was a suicide note?! (Ursula nods Yes.) Well, do you still have it?
Ursula: Yknow, twin stuff is always a real big seller.
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
Phoebe: No Im having fun. Im reallyAnd Im really-really excited for you and Ursula.
Phoebe: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.
Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me?
Phoebe: Ursula! (Ursula turns, smiles, and continues walking.) Wait! Err-err, its me! Phoebe!
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking down it and passes Ursula.]
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!
Phoebe: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. (She grabs Ursulas purse and starts going through it and finds some papers.) Okay. Okay. YeahNot a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. (Holds up her nametag.) Okay, heres the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, heres her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?
Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat) You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]
Eric: Not really. You youre blurry, but you still look like Ursula. Youre Blursula. Okay wait. Maybe If I-if I just dont look at you for a while. (Stands up and turns his back to her.) See? It it works. Im not, Im not angry at all anymore! This is a great date!
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Ursula: Well, then who's been dead for five years?
Ursula: (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her apartment and slams the door in Phoebes face.)
Ursula: Yeah, I can talk them into giving you like, 30 dollars.
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)
Ursula: Yeah, its a fine line huh?
(Ursula resumes eating her lunch..)
Ursula: Yeah. It wasnt a town when I got there, but it was a town when I left. (To Eric) Shall we get me really drunk?
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Phoebe: You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!!
Ursula: All right, hang on! (She takes the note, goes back into her apartment and slams the door shut.)
Ursula: Huh. Well, Im supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. Im supposed to be working right now, so who cares.
Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.
Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Ursula: Yeah, I got a big box of family stuff when my mom died.
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now Im here.
(Ursula opens the door and is all dressed up with big hair and lingerie.)
Phoebe: Huh? (Ursula motions for Phoebe to keep quiet.)
Chandler: Your sister Ursula.
Phoebe: Wait! (Knocks on the door and Ursula opens it.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Ursula: Right.
Ursula: Who?
Ursula: He is? Why?
Ursula: (Surprised) Oh.
Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?
Ursula: Oh!
Ursula: Uh-huh.
Ursula: You have not changed!
Ursula: Right, why do you keep saying that?
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes taking the hippity-hop to Ursulas apartment as a gift. She knocks on the door and Ursula answers it.]
Ursula: Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.
Eric: Uh listen, I justI thought you should know I broke up with Ursula.
Ursula: Yeah! Yeah, its gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. (Phoebe looks at her.) His.
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.
Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Ursula: Oh great! (Opens the door.) (Disappointed) Oh, you. Umm, what's up?
Guy: One more chance Ursula, please?
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.
Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. Im gonna be over here. (She wanders away.)
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Eric: (entering) Hey. Ursula said she left her purse.
Ursula: Well they could be true.
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: Yeah. So how have you been doing?
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes telling everyone what she found out at Ursulas while sitting in Central Perk.]
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Hey.
Ursula: (yelling from downstairs) Eric!! Lets go!!
Ursula: Who is it?
Phoebe: (walking over) Hey. Ursulas fianc�e is really sweet! Hes a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Yknow normally yknow, I dont like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up!
Ursula: (sarcastic) Right! Okay. (Hands Phoebe her births certificate.)
Ursula: Umm, yeahno thanks.
Joey: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.
(Ursula turns in surprise.)
Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!
Ursula: No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
Ursula: Right. (Walks down the stairs.)
Ursula: Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
Joey: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Ursula: Okay, I know that I went to that all ready.
Ursula: Thanks! Enjoy your funeral.
Eric: Sorry, I just saw Ursula. I had to give the engagement ring back.
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Ursula: Well, its pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
Eric: Hi, its Eric. From the Halloween party, Ursulas fianc�e.
Ursula: Who is it?
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.