words in movies
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Ursula: Who is it?
(Ursula opens the door and is all dressed up with big hair and lingerie.)
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: No Im not.
Ursula: Yeah, can I help you with something?
Ursula: Yknow, twin stuff is always a real big seller.
Ursula: Yeah, I can talk them into giving you like, 30 dollars.
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you!
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
Ursula: No, I umm, I read about her in Moms suicide note.
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her, after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)
Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
Phoebe: There-there was a suicide note?! (Ursula nods Yes.) Well, do you still have it?
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!
Eric: No-no its not! I dont want to lose you! Its-its like I was saying to Ursula when I was making love to her and I thought she was youYeah it is too weird.
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
Phoebe: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.
Phoebe: No Im having fun. Im reallyAnd Im really-really excited for you and Ursula.
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking down it and passes Ursula.]
Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me?
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
Phoebe: Ursula! (Ursula turns, smiles, and continues walking.) Wait! Err-err, its me! Phoebe!
Phoebe: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. (She grabs Ursulas purse and starts going through it and finds some papers.) Okay. Okay. YeahNot a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. (Holds up her nametag.) Okay, heres the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, heres her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?
Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat) You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]
Eric: Not really. You youre blurry, but you still look like Ursula. Youre Blursula. Okay wait. Maybe If I-if I just dont look at you for a while. (Stands up and turns his back to her.) See? It it works. Im not, Im not angry at all anymore! This is a great date!
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Ursula: Yeah, its a fine line huh?
Ursula: (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her apartment and slams the door in Phoebes face.)
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Ursula: All right, hang on! (She takes the note, goes back into her apartment and slams the door shut.)
Phoebe: You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!!
Ursula: Well, then who's been dead for five years?
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)
(Ursula resumes eating her lunch..)
Ursula: Yeah. It wasnt a town when I got there, but it was a town when I left. (To Eric) Shall we get me really drunk?
Ursula: Huh. Well, Im supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. Im supposed to be working right now, so who cares.
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.
Ursula: Yeah, I got a big box of family stuff when my mom died.
Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now Im here.
Phoebe: Huh? (Ursula motions for Phoebe to keep quiet.)
Ursula: (Surprised) Oh.
Chandler: Your sister Ursula.
Phoebe: Wait! (Knocks on the door and Ursula opens it.)
Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?
Ursula: Oh!
Ursula: Right.
Ursula: Who?
Ursula: He is? Why?
Ursula: Uh-huh.
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes taking the hippity-hop to Ursulas apartment as a gift. She knocks on the door and Ursula answers it.]
Ursula: You have not changed!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
Ursula: Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.
Eric: Uh listen, I justI thought you should know I broke up with Ursula.
Ursula: Right, why do you keep saying that?
Ursula: Yeah! Yeah, its gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. (Phoebe looks at her.) His.
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
Guy: One more chance Ursula, please?
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?
Ursula: Oh great! (Opens the door.) (Disappointed) Oh, you. Umm, what's up?
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.
Eric: (entering) Hey. Ursula said she left her purse.
Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. Im gonna be over here. (She wanders away.)
Ursula: Well they could be true.
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes telling everyone what she found out at Ursulas while sitting in Central Perk.]
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Ursula: Hey!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Hey.
Ursula: Yeah. So how have you been doing?
Ursula: (yelling from downstairs) Eric!! Lets go!!
Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!
Ursula: Umm, yeahno thanks.
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.
Phoebe: (walking over) Hey. Ursulas fianc�e is really sweet! Hes a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Yknow normally yknow, I dont like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up!
Ursula: Who is it?
Joey: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Ursula: (sarcastic) Right! Okay. (Hands Phoebe her births certificate.)
(Ursula turns in surprise.)
Ursula: No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
Joey: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Ursula: Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
Ursula: Thanks! Enjoy your funeral.
Ursula: Right. (Walks down the stairs.)
Ursula: Okay, I know that I went to that all ready.
Eric: Sorry, I just saw Ursula. I had to give the engagement ring back.
Ursula: Well, its pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
Ursula: Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago?
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
Eric: Hi, its Eric. From the Halloween party, Ursulas fianc�e.
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)
Ursula: Yes! Phoebe.
Ursula: (sarcastic) Okay.