words in movies
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Ursula: Who is it?
(Ursula opens the door and is all dressed up with big hair and lingerie.)
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: No Im not.
Ursula: Yeah, can I help you with something?
Ursula: Yknow, twin stuff is always a real big seller.
Ursula: Yeah, I can talk them into giving you like, 30 dollars.
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Phoebe: (walking over) Hey. Ursulas fianc�e is really sweet! Hes a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Yknow normally yknow, I dont like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up!
Ursula: Who is it?
Ursula: Umm, yeahno thanks.
Ursula: Thanks! Enjoy your funeral.
Ursula: No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.
Joey: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Ursula: (sarcastic) Right! Okay. (Hands Phoebe her births certificate.)
(Ursula turns in surprise.)
Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
Ursula: Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
Ursula: Right. (Walks down the stairs.)
Joey: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Ursula: Okay, I know that I went to that all ready.
Eric: Sorry, I just saw Ursula. I had to give the engagement ring back.
Eric: Hi, its Eric. From the Halloween party, Ursulas fianc�e.
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
Ursula: Well, its pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
Ursula: Oh, its you.
(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Ursula: Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago?
Ursula: Yeah, were not thirty, were 31.
Ursula: Yeah.
Ursula: Yes.
Ursula: Yes! Phoebe.
Ursula: Right, okay, then no.
Ursula: (sarcastic) Okay.
Eric: Ursula?
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
Ursula: I dont know. He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun.
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)
Ursula: Umm, nothing. I mean, Im getting married next week.
Ursula: Yknow, wed really better get going.
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye. (Starts to walk again.)
Ursula: Oh! Okay, so thats why youre (Motions to what shes wearing.)
Phoebe: You-you you had sex with Ursula?!
Ursula: Hurry up I gotta pray!!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?
Ursula: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.
Ursula: Yeah, no were not thirty. Were 31. Okay. (She closes the door.)
Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.
Phoebe: (reading from the note) Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. Ill miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk. You just wrote this!
Phoebe: Peace Corps, really? (Ursula motions, "I dont know.")
(Phoebe hands Eric Ursulas purse and he walks away.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebes face) Its a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. (Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?
Phoebe: Hello handsome. (Sees Ursula over her shoulder) Oh God. (Walks away in shame as they kiss.) Oh look at you two. So when did you guys meet?
Phoebe: Ursulas fianc�e?
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you!
Ursula: No, I umm, I read about her in Moms suicide note.
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her, after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)
Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
Phoebe: There-there was a suicide note?! (Ursula nods Yes.) Well, do you still have it?
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
Eric: No-no its not! I dont want to lose you! Its-its like I was saying to Ursula when I was making love to her and I thought she was youYeah it is too weird.
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking down it and passes Ursula.]
Phoebe: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.
Phoebe: No Im having fun. Im reallyAnd Im really-really excited for you and Ursula.
Phoebe: Ursula! (Ursula turns, smiles, and continues walking.) Wait! Err-err, its me! Phoebe!
Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me?
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]
Eric: Not really. You youre blurry, but you still look like Ursula. Youre Blursula. Okay wait. Maybe If I-if I just dont look at you for a while. (Stands up and turns his back to her.) See? It it works. Im not, Im not angry at all anymore! This is a great date!
Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat) You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!
Phoebe: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. (She grabs Ursulas purse and starts going through it and finds some papers.) Okay. Okay. YeahNot a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. (Holds up her nametag.) Okay, heres the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, heres her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Ursula: Well, then who's been dead for five years?
Ursula: (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her apartment and slams the door in Phoebes face.)
(Ursula resumes eating her lunch..)
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)
Ursula: Yeah. It wasnt a town when I got there, but it was a town when I left. (To Eric) Shall we get me really drunk?
Phoebe: You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!!
Ursula: All right, hang on! (She takes the note, goes back into her apartment and slams the door shut.)
Ursula: Yeah, I got a big box of family stuff when my mom died.
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.
Ursula: Yeah, its a fine line huh?
Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now Im here.
Ursula: Huh. Well, Im supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. Im supposed to be working right now, so who cares.
Phoebe: Huh? (Ursula motions for Phoebe to keep quiet.)
Chandler: Your sister Ursula.
Phoebe: Wait! (Knocks on the door and Ursula opens it.)
Ursula: You have not changed!
Ursula: (Surprised) Oh.
Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?
Ursula: Oh!
Ursula: Uh-huh.