words in movies
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now Im here.
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. Im gonna be over here. (She wanders away.)
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Chandler: Your sister Ursula.
Joey: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Joey: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Ursula: (Surprised) Oh.
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?
Phoebe: You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!!
Ursula: Yeah, its a fine line huh?
Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.
Ursula: Yeah, I got a big box of family stuff when my mom died.
(Ursula opens the door and is all dressed up with big hair and lingerie.)
Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
Ursula: Huh. Well, Im supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. Im supposed to be working right now, so who cares.
Phoebe: Huh? (Ursula motions for Phoebe to keep quiet.)
Phoebe: Wait! (Knocks on the door and Ursula opens it.)
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Ursula: Right.
Ursula: Oh!
Ursula: Uh-huh.
Ursula: You have not changed!
Ursula: Who?
Ursula: He is? Why?
Ursula: Yeah! Yeah, its gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. (Phoebe looks at her.) His.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes taking the hippity-hop to Ursulas apartment as a gift. She knocks on the door and Ursula answers it.]
Ursula: Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.
Eric: Uh listen, I justI thought you should know I broke up with Ursula.
Ursula: Right, why do you keep saying that?
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.
Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Guy: One more chance Ursula, please?
Ursula: Oh great! (Opens the door.) (Disappointed) Oh, you. Umm, what's up?
Eric: (entering) Hey. Ursula said she left her purse.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
Ursula: Well they could be true.
Ursula: Hey!
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes telling everyone what she found out at Ursulas while sitting in Central Perk.]
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Ursula: (yelling from downstairs) Eric!! Lets go!!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Hey.
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.
Ursula: Yeah. So how have you been doing?
Ursula: Umm, yeahno thanks.
Phoebe: (walking over) Hey. Ursulas fianc�e is really sweet! Hes a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Yknow normally yknow, I dont like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up!
Ursula: Who is it?
Ursula: (sarcastic) Right! Okay. (Hands Phoebe her births certificate.)
(Ursula turns in surprise.)
Ursula: Right. (Walks down the stairs.)
Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
Ursula: No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.
Ursula: Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
Ursula: Okay, I know that I went to that all ready.
Eric: Sorry, I just saw Ursula. I had to give the engagement ring back.
Ursula: Thanks! Enjoy your funeral.
Ursula: Well, its pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
Eric: Hi, its Eric. From the Halloween party, Ursulas fianc�e.
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.
Ursula: Who is it?
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: Yeah, can I help you with something?
(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)
Ursula: Right, okay, then no.
Ursula: No Im not.
Ursula: Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago?
Ursula: Yes! Phoebe.
Ursula: (sarcastic) Okay.
Ursula: Oh, its you.
Ursula: Yeah, were not thirty, were 31.
Ursula: Yeah.
Ursula: Yes.
Ursula: I dont know. He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun.
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: Umm, nothing. I mean, Im getting married next week.
Eric: Ursula?
Ursula: Oh! Okay, so thats why youre (Motions to what shes wearing.)
Phoebe: You-you you had sex with Ursula?!
Ursula: Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye. (Starts to walk again.)
Ursula: Yknow, wed really better get going.
Ursula: Hurry up I gotta pray!!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?
Ursula: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.
Phoebe: (reading from the note) Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. Ill miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk. You just wrote this!
Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.
Ursula: Yeah, no were not thirty. Were 31. Okay. (She closes the door.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
(Phoebe hands Eric Ursulas purse and he walks away.)
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebes face) Its a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
Phoebe: Peace Corps, really? (Ursula motions, "I dont know.")
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. (Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
Phoebe: Hello handsome. (Sees Ursula over her shoulder) Oh God. (Walks away in shame as they kiss.) Oh look at you two. So when did you guys meet?
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
Ursula: Yknow, twin stuff is always a real big seller.
Phoebe: Ursulas fianc�e?