words in movies
Chandler: (to Bonnie) So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.]
Phoebe: Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house.
Monica: Whats with all this sand? (picking a handful of sand off of the floor, which is covered in sand)
(They get into a wrestling match, that ends with Ross making Rachel paint her forehead with the nail polish. They both end up lying next to each other, stop, and look at each other for a moment.)
Phoebe: All right, Im gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it.
Monica: Hes totally flirting with you too.
(Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.)
Ross: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, thats right, thats right, it was you!
Rachel: All right! Ross, do you think its easy for me to see you with somebody else?
Rachel: Noo! Maybe! I, I dont know. Ross, I still cant forgive you for what you did, I cant, I just, but sometimes when Im with you I just, I feel so...
Chandler: (to Joey) Noo!! I dont care! Im not, Im not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!
(She starts walking across the darkened room and hits her head on a wind chime hanging from the ceiling, to stop it from making a noise she grabs it and Shhhs it. She goes into the kitchen and finds Phoebe Sr.s appointment book, to read it she opens the freezer. Just as she starts to read, Phoebe Sr. jumps out from her bedroom with a coat hanger, startling Phoebe.)
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Joey: So let me get this straight. If you go with Bonnie tonight, youre doing the smart, healthy thing and moving on.
Joey: Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnies free tonight?
Chandler: Yes, yes, its just that we ah, we kinda all ready, made plans with Ross.
Monica: Oh thats my doodle of a ladybug, with a top hat. (to Phoebe) Shes fancy.
Ross: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey youre with me.
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]
[The next one is from Episode 619: The One With Joeys Fridge.]
Chandler: You slept with the stripper?
Monica: Y'know what? Y'know when I said that I want you to deal with this relationship stuff all on your own? Well, you're not ready for that.
Rachel: Sure, you know what? Come on, well just tell them that there was like a problem with like the "engine".
Chandler: Had the money in the wrong hand. (Shows her his left hand with the money in it)
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Monica: No! You dont know the system! Therell be nobody messing with the system!
Rachel: Well, ultimately, I was trying y'know, I-I wanted tell him y'know, that I'm still in love with him.
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.
Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
[The next flashback is from The One With Ross's Sandwich, Ross his confronting his boss about him eating Ross's sandwich.]
Joey: Sure. What? About uh, you showering with your mom?
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is helping Joey with his tie.]
Monica: I cannot believe you broke up with her just like that.
Monica: Phoebe, don't worry about it. I'm sure she wants to live with you.
Monica: Im actually with her on this one.
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
Ross: No, but, it's, you know, it's just a funny image, you know, the two of you, in this restaurant, with... (laughs nervously)tzz-zzz, mmm.
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Monica: Doesnt it ever just freak you out that-that youre never gonna be with anybody new again?
Monica: Man, I feel like Im coming down with something.
Rachel: Well maybe, maybe she's with us right now?
Amy: no, no, then I would get the baby. I mean you know it would be just like a movie. Like at first I wouldn't know what to do with her, then I would rise to the occasion and and then I would get a makeover and then I'd get married.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]
Agency guy: Please, make yourself comfortable and I will back in a moment with Erica.
Ross: Hey, both you guys should be up there with me. I mean, you two are-are my I mean, Im lucky to have just one good (They all start getting emotional.)
Phoebe: Yeah. (Pause) Why arent you with Rachel?
Phoebe: Right. And with who again? (Ross exits.)
(With a final swing the door gives way.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?
(The chain breaks loose from the wall, and because Joey was pushing with all his might, he propells into the kitchen, towards the table with all the food. This table has wheels underneath it, and when Joey falls on this table, he rides into the living room, with all the food falling off, until finally Joey also falls off... Joey gets up quickly, a bit agitated, and acting as nothing happened. He is covered in food stains.)
Man: Really? Ive been dealing with Dr. Wells.
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Chandler: Oh, not with my combination of ice cubes, aloe Vera and my gentle self-loathing touch.
Rachel: Um look I was thinking.. If its ok with Monica I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving.
Phoebe: (overacting with a song this time) (singing) Gooood luck! Gooood luck! We all wish you good luuuuuuuuck!!!
Ross: With my child.
Joey: Well, before, with the wishbone... I didn't wish we would win the lottery, I wished you'd get the job.
Monica: Okay. Could the waiters gather around to hear tonights specials? Okay, first there is a Chilean Sea Bass prepared with a Mango relish on a bagWhy is nobody writing these down?
Charlie: Ooh... Is it because of what might be on the bedspread, because I saw that news report too, with the infra red and the ... I could just...
Joanna: Because if you feel uncomfortable with your friend dating someone you work for, there are always ways to fix...that.
Phoebe: Okay! All right, let's start with the handshake. Hi.
PHOEBE: [Standing in living room with Chandler and Joey. She pulls a huge bathing suit out of a box] Hey, Mon, what is this?
Joey: Interesting. all right I'll go out with her again and try to get past it (reaches for the chips) OH SALT BLOATY!
Gunther: (approaching with a tray with an order on it) Joey!
Joey: Y-y-yeah! (As they start to leave, Rachel pauses and steals a vase with flowers in it.) Yeah you do. (They exit.)
Chandler: Sure, I'll do it with ya.
Ross starts playing with a plate: Woah. Woah... <nearly really drops the plate and more seriously> Woah.
Phoebe: Wait a second! So, whats new with you?
Ross: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
JOEY: (pause) Yeah, you could go to the game with me, ah, even though I know you said you couldn't.� But then you lied to me and tricked me and gave me a bump on the head.
Rachel: (enters with Emma) Hi!
ROSS: You know what, this is ridiculous, ok. This is your birthday, this is your party. I say we just put 'em all together and if they can't deal with it, who cares.
Joey: Well, ah, Im an actor. Im fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and dont worry Im totally okay with the gay thing.
Monica: With good news? (very quickly and wringing hands) Of course it is not good news, you just said (deadpan) "Doctor Connelly just called". If it was good news you would have said (excitedly) "Doctor Connelly just called! " But so what is it? Is there a problem, uh? Is there a problem with me or with you?
Ross: What is the matter with you?!?
Chandler: (hears Emma crying) What is wrong with Emma?
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Lewis: No hes not! Hes totally yanking your chain! Hes done this with three other teachers!
Joey: And youre Okay with that?
Monica: You may be okay about getting hurt, but I am not okay with being the one who hurts you. Thats why I cant take this job.
Chandler: No, no I just ah, didnt do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly dont deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
Ross: (entering with a pizza and beer) Hey!
Chandler: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, its probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women So, as of 4 oclock tomorrow, Im either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.
Monica: (looking out of the window) Oh my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!
Joey: (gets very angry) Damnit Carl! (Carl goes to say something more, and Joey silences him with a grunt.)
Ross: Was there anything you did wrong with Emma?
Rachel: No!! No! Hes not married, or involved, with anyone!
Chandler: Dont try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff!
[Cut to later in that episode. Chandler is in his bathroom with Monica, and hes panicking on how far Phoebe is pushing him.]
Ross: Look guys, when Im with her its-its-its like she brings this-this-this great side out of me. I mean I-I-I love her, yknow?
Joey: (sitting at the kitchen table with his back to the TV) You sick bastards!
Melissa: You do now. Youre having dinner with me.
Chandler: Look, Im sorry! But theres nothing I can do, I think Im in love with her!
(Ross and Rachel enter with Emma.)
Phoebe: Why did you go along with that?
Girl: Mommy, what's wrong with that man?
Phoebe: She untied his G-string with her teeth. (Pause) Somebody stop me!
Phoebe: Oh sure! (She goes to take her feet off, but drags the sheet with her which spills the wine.) Noo!
Phoebe: Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it.
Chandler: (looking up with her) Thats a plane!
Phoebe: What?! He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look, (reading) 'My vessel so empty with nothing inside. Now that I've touched you, you seem emptier still.' He thinks Monica is empty, she is the empty vase!
Hayley: I would love to go out with you.
Monica: Look, I'm not happy about this either, but y'know if-if Ross says he's happy then we're just gonna have to keep our feelings about Emily to ourselves. Are you cool with that?
PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
Ross: Good yeah just be honest with him.
Rachel: Oh no no no no no, Gavin can't, he already has plans, most likely with his mother.
[Scene: Phoebe is sitting with Mike, explaining about Vicrum.]
CHANDLER: Well, it's sharp, it's metal, I think I can do some, you know, serious damage with it.
Phoebe: (picks up a dress) Hey Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room?
Monica: Yeah, but I love you more. Besides yknow, nothing goes with Bing. So Im screwed. I mean (Rachel hands Emma to Monica.) Oh, hi Emma. Yeah, thats you. Youre our little Em. Oh whats that honey? What? Oh, you want a little cousin? (To Chandler) You want a cousin right now?!
Chandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.
[Scene: The Laundromat, Rachel is fighting with that old, annoying woman for a cart.]