words in movies
Written by: Doty Abrams Transcribed by: Eric Aasen With Scenes Taken From Episodes Transcribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips, guineapig, Ruth Curran, Josh Hodge, and Me.
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
[And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low lights of Joeys acting career. The first flashback is from The One With The Lesbian Wedding.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Butt. The gang is watching Joey in Freud!]
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...
[The next flashback is also from The One With The Butt and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
Phoebe: (overacting with a song this time) (singing) Gooood luck! Gooood luck! We all wish you good luuuuuuuuck!!!
Ross: Yeah, none of us have to deal with pressure at our jobs.
[Thus starts another series of flashbacks all dealing with the pressure the rest of the Friends have to deal with in their jobs. The first flashback is from The One With The Stoned Guy.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Rachel's Crush.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, Phoebe is telling everyone but Rachel about the pass Paulo made on her.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Ross's Sandwich, Ross his confronting his boss about him eating Ross's sandwich.]
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Candy Hearts. Joey and Chandler are waiting at a restaurant as Lorraine and her friend arrive.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Ross's New Girlfriend. Chandler is telling Ross and Joey that Joey's tailor took advantage of him.]
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
[We then go into another set of flashbacks of famous fights. The first is the second breakup of Ross and Rachel from The One With The Jellyfish.]
Monica: You had no right to go out with him.
(They wrestle on the couch for a little while until Monica gets the upper hand and pulls Rachel off of the couch by her sock. Monica removes Rachel's sock and starts beating her with it.)This leads to wrestling on the floor. This finally angers Phoebe.)
Joey: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering with a peace offering of a Joey Special, two pizzas.]
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, hes overacting too.)
Ross: Yeah. Look if-if shes gonna end up with somebody else, the truth is she couldnt find a better guy. So
Chandler: Let me see what you wrote about yourself: "Doctor Paleontology, two kids... " (pause) You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest!
Joey: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges)
Rachel: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it. (Ross comes by, smoching with Julie on the phone.) I gotta get out of here. (Exits)
Joey: Sure! Whats up? (He grabs a plate and proceeds to load it with a huge pile of scrambled eggs. Chandler just stares at him and Joey reluctantly gives him a spoonful.)
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Rachel: So umm, youre gonna stay with me as long as I need you?
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
Director: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.
Rachel: With my sister Jill and my ex-boyfriend Ross?
Phoebe: Well, umm, not much. But, I was just thinking that since those guys just got engaged that maybe it would be nice if they had some privacy, yknow? So, could I just move in with you for a couple days?
Tag: Then we went to this bar and he hooked us up with all these women!
Tall Guy: Look, are you dating this girl you came with?
Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!
Rachel: Well, apparently she caught him cheating on her with someone else. Isnt that sad? (Giggles.) God, could you imagine if I actually married him?! I mean how different would my life be?
Mona: I mean I love spending time with you, yknow I justI hope were moving forward. I mean, we should probably talk about that. Dont you think?
Mona: Joey cracks me up! Its like, Yeah, why dont you have your ex-wife move in with you? That wouldnt be awkward at all! (she laughs again)
Director: (to Joey) Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part.
MONICA: DON'T...be too long with the phone.
ROSS: So you guys, who else did you tip with cookies?
Ross: It's I just know they're gonna be a couple of windbags wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches.
Ross: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?
[Rachel enters with laundry and starts folding]
Phoebe: (leaning to him) She said, "Hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl." (He glares at her.)
Ross: (to Joey) So? What do you think? (Shows himself - Joey observes him with a strange look on his face.)
Rachel: I do not know what's wrong with us, I mean, we have kissed before and that's been great! But this time it was leading somewhere and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me.
[Cut to the other side of the apartment, Ross has gone over to straighten things out with Paolo.]
Chandler: Sleeping with somebody new, anxiety, panic, and Im afraid even more sweating.
Ross: It was hard... I remember... I was in my bedroom... playing with my dinosaurs... playing and learning... and my father walks in and says... he says... "What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you, why aren't you... why aren't you outside playing like a... like a real boy?
Joey: So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh?
Rachel: Um, ok, uh, oh god, um, when you and uh Ross first started going out, it was really hard for me, um, for many reasons, which I'm not gonna bore you with now, but um, I just, I see how happy he is, you know, and how good you guys are together, and um, Monica's always saying how nice you are, and god I hate it when she's right.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Anyway, Im going out with Sergei again tonight, and um, could you come and be the translators date? So that when we, its time for our alone time, you two could split off. Y'know, hes really, hes kinda cute.
Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.
Mr. Treeger: Because by the time I find it on this thing (Holds up a huge key ring with a thousand keys on it), the whole place might have exploded. If that happens at another building that I manage, people are gonna start asking questions. (To the fireman) Come on! Hurry up.
Monica: Chandler theres nothing wrong with crying! I mean you dont have to be so macho all the time.
Joey: What about her? They've only been going out for two weeks. Ross has been in love with you for like 10 years.
Joey: But you got to be with both of them, right?
Monica: Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?
CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.
Ross: No! No! I didnt do that. Its just Okay, honestly no. I dont, I dont see a big future with her.
Mr. Geller: Beautiful! (Turns to watch with him)
Phoebe: Yknow you, you just stop being such a wuss and get those off and you come with us and watch naked girls dance around!!
Ross: No, no, thats funny. But maybe its time to move on, let it go, yknow? Stop it! Besides, Rachel is going out with Elizabeths father, so ah, hes much older than she is. Looks like Im not the only one interested in fossils, huh?
Monica: Y'know what, you can play with my dollhouse.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a drink as Phoebe enters with the fur coat.]
SUSIE: Well um, why don't you call me in 20 years and tell me if you're still upset about this. [she leaves with his clothes]
Rachel: "Oh my God, I cant find a boyfriend! So I guess Ill just stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find in there!"
[Scene: The Set, the girl is still dancing with Joey.]
Chandler: Why dont you open with a joke?
Chandler: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with. Yeah, thanks. (takes phone)
Joey: May I have a word with you, please?
Monica: And Nancy said that it's really under price, because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents!
RACHEL: Look you guys, I have to go, I'm the Maid-of-Honor. And besides you know what I just need to be in a room again with these people and feel good about myself.
Written by: Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider Transcribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips With Minor Adjustments by: Eric Aasen
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Ross: (stands up) Thats great! Are you happy now? Look what you did with your funny, funny form!
Joey: All right, all right. (he comes out from their apartment with a huge sandwich in his hand)
Rachel: I woke up today with the biggest smile on my face.
Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet. I think Im falling in love with you all over again.
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
Chandler: I know. Gooooood luck with it.
Janice: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me. (She runs off)
Ross: Professor Sherman, yeah. I've a meeting with him today.
Rachel: (sarcastic) Wow, this is a tough one. I think I'm gonna have to go with the dog.
Chandler: Oh, it doesnt matter. (Kisses her on the top of her head.) Hey, yknow what, Ive got two tickets to tonights Rangers game, you wanna come with me?
Monica: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket.
Rachel: Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, thats four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! Im next! Its my turn! Its only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me Im going to sue you! Not this hospital, Im going to sue you! And my husband (Points at Ross) hes a lawyer!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
Phoebe: You guys make a very attractive couple. (The camera cuts to a shot of the picture and we see that Monica is posing with Joey instead of Chandler.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, (although its really just Monicas now with Matthew Perry in rehab) Monica is folding her laundry with Ross reading the paper and Phoebe standing in the kitchen.]
Joey: Hey, for what its worth, with Rachel I dont think youll ever be just (Makes quote marks.) "anybody."
Mona: Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we cant. Its too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just It just wasnt meant to be.
Joey: Ooh. I-I don't know Chan. I'm not so good with remembering lines.
Chandler: Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs.
Tag: Gotcha. Thanks again for meeting with me. (Starts to leave.)
Phoebe: I know. Its just yknow usually when youre, when youre done with the pregnant thing, yknow, then you get to do the mom thing. Im gonna be yknow, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.
Phoebe: No. No. Its just I was umm, I was with Ross and Jill after you left and umm, Im pretty sure I saw a little spark between them.
Monica: (laughing with Ross) We don't, we don't wrestle now.
[Rachel enters with a laundry basket]
MONICA: But I need it. Otherwords I'm gonna have to take that horrible diner job. You know, with the dancing and the costumes. I don't wanna have to wear flame retardant boobs.
Joey: Hey uh, whats with the candy?
JOEY: You guys are messin' with me, right?
Ross: Because whats going on with Rachel has nothing to do with how I feel about you.
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Joey: You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentines Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that thats never going to happen!
Rachel: Well it happened about six weeks ago, and uh I had just got home from work and Ross was already there cause I guess he had been hanging out with Joey.
Chandler: Oh great, food with hair on it.
Phoebe: Oh, you didnt have to come in with me.
Joey: Im sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and its either this or a bathrobe! Look, whats more important, the way Im dressed or me being with you on your special day?
Phoebe: Okay, first of all, breathe. Second of all, I dont get it. Arent you the one that decided that you didnt want to be with Ross?
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley.
Joey: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that.
Doug: The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?
Ross: (on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! (Listens) Yes were surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?
Mr Zelner: (looks at Ross, for a long moment, confused) I meant with my son.
Joey: Ooh! A tape with a girls name on it. It's probably a sex tape... (realises) Wait a minute... This says Monica... (looks around) And this is Richard's apartment... (realises some more)
Mr. Geller: It is off. Right Ross? (pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache)
Donny: Joey describe these things associated with the United States congress. (Joey goes form looking very confident to looking very shocked the instant the word congress is said) Give me 20 seconds on the clock please. Ready? Go!
Mark: Ive kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. (Rachel is shocked) But since you were with Ross, I-I didnt do anything about it. But, now that youre not, Id really like to ask you out sometime. So-so thats-thats what Im doing, now.
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Umm, maybe you can start with, "Chandler, even though we were friends; there was a part of me that always knew I wanted more."