words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody's sitting on the couch and Monica is eating a chunk of cake.]
Rachel: My God, get a room!
Monica: I would get a room with this cake. I think I could show this cake a good time!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It's like a giant hug.
Phoebe: Oh, she looks just like a little doll!
Rachel: Oh, no, no. That is a doll.
Phoebe: Oh, thank God, 'cause that thing's really creepy! (looking outside the window) Look, there's Chandler. (he's on the street, talking to a woman)
Phoebe: Well, I'm sorry but it's hard to believe that anyone would tell a story that dull just to tell it! (looking outside) See, there's something going on with them. Look, he's getting into the car with her!
Phoebe: (shocked) Oh, well, it's a shame that you-that you miss the movie 'cause we were gonna see, you know, either "Liar, Liar" or "Betrayal", or... "An Affair To Remember".
Rachel: They're in a caaar...
Phoebe: Ok. Quick. We gotta find a cab and follow them.
Chandler: This is bringing out a lovely color in you!
Chandler: We don’t. Not until it's a hundred percent. I mean, why upset everybody over nothing.
Rachel: I’m telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester, the went in for like forty-five minutes and then they came out looking pretty happy!
Ross: (yelling in pain) I know nothing! Mike’s a great guy, it was hypothetical!
Phoebe: All right. (she releases him). He is a good guy. You’re right, he wouldn’t cheat.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Monica is cleaning with a vacuum and then she cleans it with a dust buster. The guys enter the room.]
Monica: If only there were a smaller one to clean this one!
Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
Joey: (to Chandler) You son of a bitch!
Joey: I knew he couldn't be with a woman for 45 minutes!!
Phoebe: Why do you have a realtor?
Monica: When we found out that we're gonna get this baby, Chandler and I started talking and we decided that we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.
Rachel: What is wrong with raising a kid in the city? I'm doing it, Ross is doing it, Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it!
Monica: And that's great for you guys, but we want a lawn and a swingset...
Chandler: ...and a street where our kids can ride their bikes and maybe an ice-cream truck can go by.
Ross: (sarcastic) So you wanna buy a house in the 50's?
Phoebe: Have you thought about what you would be giving up? You can't move out of the city, what if you want Chinese food at 5am? Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?
Ross: You know what, if you wanna look for a house, that's okay.
Chandler: Actually, we already found a house we love.
(All the friends looked shocked and confused. There is a long silence.)
Ross: You put an offer on a house?
Rachel: Well, it is, all right? When we were out there today, all I kept thinking was: I can't believe Chandler is screwing this woman, but MAN this would be a nice place to live!
(from 1.01 - "The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate - The Pilot")
Rachel: (talking on the phone) C'mon Daddy, listen to me! All of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying that I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Phoebe: You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence?
Chandler: Hey, that's...'joincidence' with a 'C'!
Phoebe: [looking outside the window] Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
(Rachel sticks a marshmallow into Monica’s nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
Joey: (he has a turkey on his head) It's stuck!!!
Phoebe: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head inside a turkey's ass!
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Ross: What was Monica’s nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Ross: (to the girls) Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl’s breast?
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, he’s a transponce—transpondster!
Monica: That’s not even a word!
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window)
(There's a brief pause.)
Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y’know, I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y’know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate. She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she’ll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I’d like.
Monica: When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror.
Monica: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket.
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
Monica: Can I ask you a question?
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Rachel: And a crappy New Year.
Chandler: (to Nancy) Okay, thanks... (to Monica) They passed. They said they wouldn't go a penny under the asking price.
Chandler: Yeah... Well, it's a good thing we got it then.
Monica: And a baby...
Rachel: Ooh! Oh wow this is so beautiful. (she got a scarf)
Ross: I love this. (he got a sweater)
Joey: A meatball Sub? Thanks! (he got a meatball sandwich)
Rachel: Oh, oh. (she's holding the present, a transparent bag with a white stick in it). What is this?
Phoebe-Estelle: It’s a little coincidental, but believable. (Joey nods in agreement). Listen, I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t get you an audition for that TV movie.
Monica: That would be a terrible punishment. But, I'm serious, I've never seen these before.
Rachel: Can you come here with me for a minute?
Ross: How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants. (Mr. Zellner looks shocked). I just heard it as you must have heard it and that’s not good. Let me start again. I’m a paleontologist, you’ll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones… fossils!
MIKE: (Holds up a six pack of Foster's Lager) I got beer.
Monica: I know what you mean. You're like a sister to me too.
Rachel: Mon... Okay... I've gotta... just say what it is I'm gonna say... None of the amazing things that have happened to me in the last ten years, would have happened if it wasn't for you. No-one has been more like a sister to me...
Phoebe: (still mimicking a heartbeat, only faster) Phoebe-Phoebe-Phoebe-PhoebeBurrrrr! (Mimics the sound of a cardiac monitor going off.)
Phoebe: These are not mine... Look how flimsy they are, come on! Good God! You try to hang a guy from a waterpipe with these, they'll snap like a piece of licorice.
Rachel: (to Chandler) Can I talk to you alone for a minute?
Ross: What? I don't get a goodbye?
Ross: (picks up a skull of some carnivore from his side table and puts it in the same bag in which he brought the pterodactyl egg to Zelner) I'm sure he'll understand.
Chandler: Mine was a humdinger
Ross: (annoyed) O-kay... I mean, don't I deserve anything? I mean, a few tears, a cursory hug? (Joey gives Ross a hug) NOT FROM YOU! (Joey lets go)
Monica: And say what? "You owe me a goodbye", I mean, he's got more pride than that.
Ross: (talking agitated and angry) Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What have I got to do to get a goodbye, huh? Be best friends with you? Uh, go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things.
Ross: I don't get a goodbye?
Chandler: Well, you can't say we don't know how to throw a party.
Monica: We're moving in a couple of days and we've got a lot of packing to do. It would be great if you guys could pitch in.
Joey: Uh, why, it’s a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) “Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression” eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) “Love you forever”. Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”. (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”.
Erica: Oh, it was okay. I went to a movie with my cousin and then out for dinner. We went to this place that had... Ooh... (she looks likes she is in pain, holding her belly) Hoo... ooh... Anyway, they had these really amazing cheeseburgers.
Joey: Come on here, have a seat.
Chandler: Great, at a hundred dollars an apple, we're there!
Monica: She doesn't have a stomach ache, she's in labor.
Monica: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh! (she's hyperventilating)
(there's a lot of supportive cheers from all. Erica, Monica and Chandler leave.)
Joey: If you get a second, find out where she got that cheeseburger.
Monica: Okay, okay... Okay, I feel a little better.
Joey: A little more.
(Ross walks over to her and starts to kiss her passionately. After a while Rachel backs out. She thinks a while and starts kissing him back.)
Estelle: Theres just one thing. Do you have a problem with full frontal nudity?
(she knees him in the crotch. He jumps up a bit)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. It's a scene from 1016 TOW Rachel's Going Away Party.]
Monica: She doesn't have a stomach-ache. She's in labor!
Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters. Joey is holding a baby duck.]
Joey: Yeah. It's a shame people can't visit there.
Phoebe: It's a baby chick and duck!
Ross: Phoebe, you were sure Ben was gonna be a girl.
Phoebe: Have you seen him throw a ball?
Monica: Well, I thought this would be a great opportunity to use up all the food that I don't want to move to the new house with me! So, enjoy: smoke oyster casserole with a breakfast cereal crust, kidney beans in their own juices, and for dessert, a questionable orange.
Phoebe: It's a cotton swab with a bit of my saliva on it, so that if they perfect the cloning process while you are over there, you can use the DNA to create your own Pheebs!
Ross: Uh. Would you guys mind giving us a minute?
Monica: It's just a little bit more, honey.
[Scene: The Hospital. Erica is moaning and about to give birth. Monica, Chandler, a nurse and a doctor are there with her.]
(Monica gives Chandler a look.)
Monica: It's a... It's a boy!
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Chandler: (emotional) It's a baby! A beautiful little baby! And some other stuff I'm gonna pretend I don't see.
Monica: Oh! Oh my God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!
Nurse: We'll just get him cleaned up a bit.
Doctor: The next baby should be along in a minute.
Monica: I... I'm sorry, who should be along in a what now?
Doctor: Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.
Chandler: Interesting! (To Monica) Can I see you for a second?
Chandler: Why not? We could give each of them half a medallion, and then years later, they'll find each other and be reunited. I mean, that's a great day for everybody.
Chandler: What if they're not? What if it's adopted by a king?
Chandler: (shocked) She? It's a girl?
Phoebe: Can't a girl finish a song around here?
Joey: Could you get me a muffin?
Ross: I'm not getting you a muffin!
Monica: Son of a gun, it is!
Monica: Well, I'm sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away. You know, to reconnect... emotionally.
Joey: It's a... It's a "welcome home" sign for the baby.
(Ross enters with a gift for the baby.)
Mike: Oh, I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but..
Ross: Uh, you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway, so... (laughs stupidly)
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)
Erica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
Chandler: (sarcasticly) Thanks Joey, that's a good idea.
Monica: (points at the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby Chandler is holding) and that's a girl.
Chandler: Yeah. It's a shame you two didn't get to spend more time together.
Phoebe: One? How about a whole bunch?
(A guy comes up and gets into the backseat of the cab.)
Ross: No, you don't understand. This isn't a real cab.
(The man jumps out, obviously a little scared. Phoebe drives off.)
[Scene: Phoebe's cab. Phoebe is driving very fast, and a terrified Ross has closed his eyes.]
(They drive up to a toll-booth.)
Chandler: Really? You got us a chick and a duck?
Joey: Okay, I wanted to surprise you, but for your house-warming gift, I got you a baby-chick and a baby-duck!
This is a special out takes episode. The cast and Conan are sitting around the set of Central Perk, talking about the stuff weve never seen.
Joey: Just put it on a plate and leave.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment. Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]
Roy: Ok, ok, ladies! Can I have your attention, please? (pause) Did someone call for the long arm of the law? (He extends his arm from around his crotch and then upward and outward, towards Phoebe) I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon! (Puts his hands over his crotch) I hope you're familiar with the States penal code, ok, ok, enough teasing. Now for some pleasing!
Joey: Well, maybe we can just tip the table a little.
Phoebe: You have to get a ticket to get past security.
(They run to the ticket counter, but they get stuck behind a group of old people who are walking very slowly.)
Gate attendant #1: (with a French accent) Madame, your passport please?
Ross: Hey, I need a ticket.
Ross: Ohh, God, nobody likes him, and hes so cheap, hed never fly to London in a million years. Yeah, invite him? Hey, did I do these neat enough? (Hands her some envelopes.)
Rachel: Hah! I found it! I told you I would find it! In your face! You're a different person.
(Joey picks up a hammer and a crowbar and gets ready to destroy the table.)
Rachel: She climbs out of the frame, and then drags her half-a-body across the floor, just looking for legs to steal. (in a spooky, slow voice) And then with her one good hand, she slo-o-owly re-e-a-aches up and turns your doorknob.
Rachel: Oh, that was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the plane, because she had a feeling that there was something wrong with the left Philange.
Passenger #1: Oh my God. This plane doesn't even have a Philange!
Chandler: You gonna buy a new one?
Chandler: Yeah, I mean we've got a lot going on right now. And, plus, here they'd have their own room.
Joey: I could get a goose!
Joey: Thanks man. Did you hear that, you guys? You're gonna get to stay here! And, and it's good, you know, 'cause, 'cause now you have a reason to come visit.