words in movies
Ross: Oh, on a date. Yeah, I met this girl on the train going to a museum upstate.
Ross: No, Im getting back down cause she lives in Poughkeepsie. She seems really great, but shes like totally great, but she lives two and a half hours away.
Chandler: Hey, look at this! (Holding a newspaper) Theyre lighting the big Christmas tree tonight.
Rachel: Hey, yknow, at least you have somebody to miss that stuff with! I hate being alone this time of year! Next thing you know itll be Valentines Day, then my birthday, then bang!before you know it, theyre lighting that damn tree again. Ohh, I want somebody! (hearing this, Gunther moves in) Yknow, I want a man!! (Gunther leaves depressed) I mean, it doesnt even have to be a big relationship, yknow, just like a fling would be great.
Chandler: Really?! I didnt think girls ever just wanted a fling.
Rachel: Well, believe me, its been a long time since Ive been flung.
Rachel: Yeah! Wait a minute, its been a long time that Ive been single. How come you never offered this before?
Chandler: Well, I have a girlfriend, Im-Im happy. So, I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to stop others from being happy.
Chandler: Oh and Ross was like what? A lion tamer?
Rachel: Well, wait a minute, youre the boss! Why dont you just yell at them? Or, fire them?
Monica: Thats a good idea! Wait, do you know how to waiter?
Chandler: (he glares at him for a while) Yes.
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is trying to find Rachel a date.]
Drew: Ahh, I just got out of a big relationship, Im not looking for any thing serious.
Chandler: Oh, yknow what, that might be okay even if it was just kind of a fling, that might be all right with Rachel.
Drew: Oh, wait a second! I didnt say I wasnt free!
Drew: Hold on, yknow I just got a box of Cubans, maybe I bring them by your office around uh, five?
Chandler: Oh well, thats uh, a little later than I uh, generally care to stay, but sure!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is working on a new song.]
Phoebe: Hey! You guys, Im writing a holiday song for everyone. Do you want to hear it?
Phoebe: All good, thanks. (to Rachel) Do you maybe have a nickname have like a nickname thats easier to rhyme?
Chandler: Oh yeah, I just showed this a picture of you and guys were throwing themselves at me! Theyre buying me drinks! Theyre giving me stuff! (to Joey) Knicks tonight?
Chandler: Yknow what, Im gonna uh, play the field just a little more.
Chandler: (pause) Yes. (to Rachel) Okay, theres this one guy, Patrick, I think youre gonna like him, hes really nice, hes funny, hes a swimmer.
Rachel: Your company has a fine foods division?
Chandler: Its a big company, I dontif youI
Joey: Now, wait a second! You make food and robots?
Monica: (getting up) All right, Im gonna go to work. Does anybody have a problem with that?
Joey: Yeah, lady, I do! I got a problem with that!
Monica: You want a problem? Ill give you a problem!
Ross: Oh, wow! I should get going. I-I got a date tonight.
Ross: Not her. Yeah, this is someone else I meet, and I-I cant decide between the two of them. Yknow the one from Poughkeepsie, even though shes a two hour train ride away, is really pretty, really smart, and-and a lot of fun. But this other girl, well, she lives right uptown. Yknow shes, well shes-shes just as pretty, I guess shes smart, shes not fun.
Ross: Well, I-I want to give her another chance, yknow? She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that wasif she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasnt kidding, shes not fun, shes stupid, and kind of a racist.
Joey: Hey, what happened to your fancy chefs jacket? (sees theres a burn spot on it)
Monica: They baked it. I cant take this anymore. Im gonna call a meeting tonight, Im gonna fire you tonight.
Joey: Its still a tiny bit on fire there.
Rachel: Patrick and I had such a great time last night! I mean I think this could maybe turn into something serious.
Chandler: Really?! I-I thought you werent looking for something serious? I thought you were looking for some kind of a fling.
Rachel: You told this guy that I was looking for a fling?! You dont tell the guy that!
Rachel: Oh, between you telling him that I wanted to have a fling and me putting out on the first dateoh, hes so gonna get the wrong idea.
Joey: Yeah. Listen uh, Id prefer it if you didnt call me Joey. Since I dont know anyone here, I thought itd be cool to try out a cool work nickname.
A Waiter: (entering) Hey, dragon! Heres your tips from Monday and Tuesday. (hands him two envelopes)
Monica: Okay. Could the waiters gather around to hear tonights specials? Okay, first there is a Chilean Sea Bass prepared with a Mango relish on a bagWhy is nobody writing these down?
Monica: Okay, forget the specials for a minute. Umm, all right heres the thing, for the last two weeks I have umm, (quietly) tried really hard to create a positive atmosphere
Monica: (louder) A positive atmosphere! But I-I-I have had it up to here. (She holds her hand over her head as an afterthought.) From now on, it is gonna be my way, or the highway! All right? Does anybody have a problem with that?!! (Joey looks at the money hes holding, and doesnt speak up.) Hey new guy! I said, does anybody have a problem with that?!
The Waiter: Hey! He has a name, its Dragon. Do you wanna know your name? Check your hat. (to another waiter) We did the hat right? (The other waiter nods yes.)
Joey: I am so-so-so sorry. I was gonna do it! Really! But I was standing there with 327 dollars in one hand and 238 dollars in the other hand, and I was thinking, "Wow! Its been a long time since I had (tries to do the math in his head, but cant) 327 + 238 dollars!"
Monica: Joey, we had a deal. That-thats why youre here! Ive got to fire you!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is working on her holiday song, Chandler is sitting on the couch reading a magazine, and Ross is sleeping on the couch.]
Phoebe: So! Ross doesnt really decorate his tree with floss, but you dont hear him complaining do you? God! (Phoebe hits her guitar which wakes up Ross with a start.)
Ross: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thoughtit wasnt that funny. So Im still torn.
Phoebe: Well look, you dont really like the one from uptown and youre too exhausted from dating the one up in Poughkeepsie, so I say you just end them both. Okay? You take a train up to Poughkeepsie and break up with her, and on your way back you break up with uptown. And then by the time you get home tonight, youre done!
Phoebe: Umm, well I had a similar problem when I lived in Prague.
Rachel: Chandler! Patrick just uh, ended things with me. Did you or did you not tell him that I was looking for a serious relationship?
Rachel: You dont tell a guy that youre looking for a serious relationship! You dont tell the guy that! Now you scared him away!
Chandler: Well, yknow, youre-youre gonna meet somebody! Youre a great catch! Yknow when I was telling all those guys about you, I didnt have to lie once. (He sits down on the arm of her chair)
Chandler: Well, actually its a hockey team, so its angry Canadians with no teeth.
Chandler: Have you ever been with a woman?
[Scene: A train to Poughkeepsie, Ross is asleep against the window.]
Monica: You did a minute ago!
Monica: (starting to cry) Im a good person. And Im a good chef, and I dont deserve to have marinara sauce all over me! Yknow what, if you want me to quit this bad, then all you have to do is
Joey: (interrupting) Hey! Chef Geller! Yknow that little speech you made the other day? Well I got a problem with it!
Monica: Well if you want a problem? Ill give you a problem!
Monica: You bet your ass Im gonna fire you! Get out of my kitchen! Get out!! (Joey leaves) All right! Anybody else got a problem? How bout you Chuckles? You think this is funny now?
Monica: Good! Now, take those salads to table 4, (to the kitchen worker from earlier) And you! Get the swordfish! (to another assistant chef) And you! Get a haircut!
[Scene: The train, its pulling into a station.]
Ross: (waking up) What? (notices that there is now a beautiful woman sitting next to him)
Woman On Train: I made a bet with myself that you have beautiful eyes. Now that I see them, I win.
Woman On Train: Oh, no. But its just a two hour ferry ride to Nova Scotia.
Joey: Yep! Looks like its gonna be a leeeeean Christmas at the Dragon house this year.
Phoebe: (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along. No, don't sing along.
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Chanukah. Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And plese tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
[Scene: A Restaurant, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are having brunch.]
Rachel: Yeah thats actually a pretty good idea.
Monica: Well umm, I was thinking that maybe we could come up with a system where we trade of being maid of honor for each other. Like hypothetically, if Phoebe were mine
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Phoebe: Aww, and good luck to you too! (To Monica and Rachel) What a nice lady!
Joey: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!
Joey: Yep. Hey, what do you say we make it a double feature?
The Guys: Ohhhh! (They all look up in a moment of reflection.)
Ross: (takes a drink) Damn, this coffees cold! Hey Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins? (Joey and he both laugh.)
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Monica: No, its more like a (sarcastically) good luck.
Chandler: Well, is there any chance you were looking into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror?
Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive (Thinks a little while.) Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.
Chandler: Yeah. Yeah, but it was a really, really long time ago! Does she still feel bad?
Monica: You broke up with a girl because she was fat?!
Joey: Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if Im the best of the people they see, they give me the part.
Rachel: Oh, come on! This is crazy! Cant we just flip a coin?!
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when youre on a date and youre getting along really great but the guys translator keeps getting in the way.
Chandler: Okay, I will do it. But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you feel in love with!
Phoebe: Ugh, what a kiss ass.
Ross: (To Phoebe) Im sorry. Ugh, Pheebs, you were, you were right about her. Yknow, she did try to use sex as a weapon! Yeah, I hurt my back a little.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is interviewing a potential roommate. And yes, shes a female, non-smoker and very non-ugly.]
Ross: (playing the drunk uncle) When Monica was a little girl, I remember that(Phoebe screams and tackles him)Ooh!! Ow! Very good!
Phoebe: Hey! Do you want do you want a little taste of Pheebs?!
Rachel: Wait a minute! She just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony!
Receptionist: We already got the results back on that on, and theyre not good. (Joey beats a hasty retreat.)
(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time, in formation.)
Chandler: (To Monica) Its a nickname, Ill explain later.
[Scene: A random apartment building, Chandler and Monica are knocking on the door of the woman from the beginning.]
Rachel: Well then I demand a recount! (Hmm, I wonder where Ive heard that before.)
Rachel: No! Yknow what? No! No! You thing was so stupid anyway, this was ridiculousWere gonna flip a coin! (Phoebe gasps.) All right?! (She flips the coin.) Heads! (Looks at the coin and grunts in disgust.)
Gary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)
Joey: Boy I tell ya, that judging stuff took a lot out of me.
(Joey gets up and heads for the door. After a pause Ross decides to join him.)
Joey: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. (Raises his eyebrows, questioning Ross to see if he wants to join him.)
Chandler: Look I know it was a stupid reason to break up with somebody, but I was 15!
Chandler: Okay. Okay, now wait a minute that was totally different.
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Elizabeth: Ross, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I just wanted to tell you that Im going to Florida for a couple weeks.
Rachel: Hi! I just want to apologize. Im really sorry I was a baby.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a shopping bag.]
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Chandler: Skidmarks still got a way with the ladies.
Joey: Huh. What if I was sweeping a chimney?
Rachel: Oh good. (She walks to the closed bathroom door, opens it, and finds a naked woman wrapped in a towel.) Ahhh! My God, sorry! (She closes the door and confronts Joey.)
Joey: YeahHey, dont worry, shes a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that Im not looking for a serious relationship; thatd be great.
Rachel: Yknow what? Thats a lot to remember, cant I just tell her youre a pig?
Ross: Okay, okay take a guess.
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is cooking as a waitress enters carrying a plate of food that has been sent back.]
Monica: Well, she actually has a boyfriend yknow herself, named Clark. Uh, she also kinda invited herself to our wedding. Clark too.
Phoebe: Ooh, I cant do this. My mom was right. If I cant-if I cant give him up, then theres no way I can give up a baby. Ohh, God, Frank and Alice are gonna be so crushed. What-what else, what else can I give ema kidney!
Chandler: No! That was a lie! See how easy that was?
Rachel: Yeah, we ended up spending the day together and had such a great time!
Joey: My beers?! Look you guys, shes a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I justI dont see it going anywhere.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Ross: Let me ask you something, at your school was there a like uh a place on campus where students went to uh, fool around.
Rachel: Yeah, maybe if you gave this girl a chance it would go somewhere.
Ross: (jumping up) Good! A verbal contract is binding in the state of New York! (Storms out.)
Phoebe: Thats easy! You just have to think of him as a-as a jar of pickles that wont open.
Rachel: Hi! Well, we were just about to take off and see a movie. Oh no!
Phoebe and Rachel: A birthday party.
Rachel: (does a retching sound) Wait a minute! Why dont you guys do something?!
Ross: Excuse me. Hi, Im a professor here. Do you know the Paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437?
Joey: Now hold on a second, fifth floor against that back wall?
Ross: Okay, okay. This can go on for a while.
Chandler: Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, its going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! Were not even sure why were having it.
Erin: Look, hes a really great guy and I know that you really want this to work out, but I just dont see this having a future.
Ross: Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier, yknow-yknow for fun, and I typed mine in and guess what came up? My doctoral dissertation! Its here! Yeah, its right-its right down here! In the biggest library in the university! (They start heading that way, towards a secluded section behind the racks.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you mean like that youre kind of a loner.
Phoebe: No, just a regular old flying dwarf.
Phoebe: Yeah, and maybe that youre a real (She says something in Italian, and it doesnt matter what she said. Its not important so I dont need everyone who speaks Italian telling me what she said.)
Ross: Im a professor here uh, Ross Geller.
Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: You speak Dutch? (In Dutch) Zeer vereerd een vriend van mijn moeder te ontmoeten. (Translation: Im very honored to meet a friend of my mother.)
Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still And guess what, Im thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no! Its a surprise, but its gonna be tricky thought because she said she was gonna be pretty busy at work for a while.
Rachel: Well, she told me. She said shes kinda a loner.
(Theres a knock on the door and Janice enters.)
Rachel: Yeah and honey I promise next time that I will just say good-bye and tell em youre not looking for a relationship.
Janice: Oh my Gawd, I-I understand. I-I am so sorry, Ill go. (Starts for the door.) Good-bye Monica (hugs her), I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him. Chandler, (hugs him) you call me when this goes in the pooper. (Hurries out.)
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.
Monica: It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing against other people, so technically I didn't lose.
Chandler: A hundred and forty-five pounds.
Chandler: Oooh that may be a New World's record (Looks at his watch and picks up Ross' pad)
Joey: (gets up) All right. Don't look at my list, Ross, 'cause there's a lot on there that you don't have.
[Chandler and Monica head out with some stuff. Phoebe comes out of her room with a bag.]
Monica: Chandler? Can you give me a hand? (Grabs her jacket)
Phoebe: Hey you guys I'm gonna go out and take a walk.
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm?
Monica: Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch!
Monica: Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment?
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...
Chandler: Extremely allergic, okay? If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than 5 minutes, my throat will just close up!
Phoebe's Assistant: We've got a couple changes in your schedule. Your 4:00 herbal massage has been pushed back to 4:30 and Miss Somerfield canceled her 5:30 shiatsu.
Chandler: (scared) Is there a puppy here?
Ross: Right, they are scary. (He jumps up, screaming) Ahh, she just ate a treat out of my hand!!!
Rachel: Wait a minute. Do you not like all dogs? I mean, not even puppies?
Monica: Chandler, if that dog's been here that long, and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog?
Ross: How can I not get this? I'm a college professor; I got 1450 on my S.A.T.s.