words in movies
[Scene: A Video Store, Monica is running in to return a video.]
Monica: Y'know in a weird way, you have too much power. Look, youre gonna have to help me out here, cause I only have three.
(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monicas back, which he removes for her.)
Richard: So, you wanna get a hamburger or something?
Monica: Oh, um, I dont know if thats a good idea.
Richard: No its not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Ross. Joey, and Rachel are eating breakfast. Chandler is holding a bottle of Herseys Syrup.]
Rachel: I know. Im sorry. Look, Ill make a deal with you all right? Okay?
Rachel: I will wake you up in a way thats proved very popular in the past.
Phoebe: (entering, holding a pair of Roller Blades) Hi.
Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal thats hes going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.
Monica: Oh, um, around 8:02. We ah, talked for a little while, and then um, we went out for an innocent burger.
Chandler: Well, she spent the last six months getting over him, and now shes celebrating that by going on a date with him.
Monica: Its not a date, okay. Im just gonna teach him how to make lasagne for some pot luck dinner he has.
Joey: Well, you might wanna make a little extra, y'know youll probably be hungry after the sex.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day though, I got to sit in on the meeting with the reps from Calvin Klien. I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it. How was your day?
Rachel: Hmm. (she opens the freezer) Umm, why do you have a copy of The Shining in your freezer?
Rachel: Well, umm, I guess I read Little Women more than once. But I mean thats a classic, whats so great about The Shining?
Chandler: (to Robert) So ah, isnt a bit cold out for shorts?
Ross: Are you sure? (Chandler nods: Yes!) Hold on. (walks over behind the couch) Im sorry you guys, that was a coffee and a....
(Richard squishes a little too hard and some lands on his shirt.)
Monica: Hold on a second, just put a little club soda on it (does so) and it should umm, be.....
(She is rubbing his chest and her voice trails off into silence, a long pause follows.)
Ross: Umm, Jos a girl, its short for Josephine.
Joey: But Jos got a crush on Laurie. (Ross nods his head) Oh. You mean its like a girl-girl thing? Cause that is the one thing missing from The Shining.
Chandler: No, actually Lauries a boy.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I learned how to shoot a lay-up, a foul shot, and a twenty-three pointer.
Chandler: You mean a three pointer?
Robert: So um, is there a phone here, I can check my messages?
Phoebe: Yeah, in the back. You want a quarter?
Monica: So, howd the lasagne go over? (listens) Really?! Good. So you owe me three pretty things. (listens) Yeah, Ive been thinking a lot about you too. (listens) I know. Its hard this whole platonic thing. (listens) Its a word!
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Richard: Just your dad. (pause) Although thats actually racquetball. You know I-I do have a blind date with my sisters neighbour next Tuesday.
[Scene: Central Perk, Robert is picking up Phoebe for a date.]
Phoebe: Yeah. And, first heres a gift.
Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, makes blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!
(He bends over to pick them up, right in front of Rachel, who then gets a free peep show.)
Rachel: (screams and grabs a potato masher to defend herself) Sorry. Im sorry.
Monica: You would not believe my day! I had to work two shifts, and then to top it off, I lost one of my fake boobs, (opens her coat revealing a large burn mark over her left breast.) in a grill fire.
(She goes into her bedroom, and sees Richard who has covered the room in roses and has two glasses of wine and a rose between his lips.)
Chandler: We cant tell him, you cant go up to a guy you barely know and talk about his.... stuff.
Gunther: (cleaning up the table) (to Robert) Hey buddy, this is a family place, put the mouse back in the house.
[Scene: Richards bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
Richards Date: Oh, thats real pretty. Wait a minute, dont I get to see the bedroom?
Richard: Oh shoot! Maybe next time. (yawns) Thanks for a lovely evening. (shows her out)
Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) Did you like her? And Im just asking as a friend, because I am totally fine with this.
Monica: Thats not true, you dont have a moustache.
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you know I'm i'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.
Chandler: Oh, I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up they sure seem to be in a hurry to get places!!
Doctor Connelly: Above all, even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know! So, keep having sex on a regular basis.
Ross: Yeah, right! What was last time he met a submission deadline for an abstract (he and Charlie laugh, then Joey starts laughing too without any reason) Well, why are you laughing?
Joey: (to Charlie) Alright, have a good time. (they kiss)
Chandler: Is that a hint? Because we love you Doctor Connelly but we don't think we'd want you to be our child! (Dr. Connelly glares at him) Wow, talking about an inhospitable environment!
Ross: Professor Sherman, yeah. I've a meeting with him today.
Rachel: Oh... you're not gonna do a magic trick, are ya?
Charlie: He's a pretty tough guy to impress.
Joey: Just... seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist... it's fun, yeah!
Monica: Well then somebodys snoozing. Joey, not that this uh should affect you at all, but if you were to pick me, I was planning on wearing a sequined dress, cut down to here. (Points to her stomach just above her belly button.)
Ross: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.
Chandler: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her.
Chandler: Not as much fun as last time. Apparently you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample.
Joey: Come on Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it!
Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one.
Phoebe: Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. (to the shop assistant). Seriously does anyone buy this? I smell like beets!
Shop assistant: (to a girl) Incentive For Men?
Rachel: You know that depends on what it is! I've done a lot of stuff.
Charlie: See, I told you I needed someone! Oh, you know, by the way, as a "thank you", I would really love to take you out.
Phoebe: (picks up a dress) Hey Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room?
Chandler: Hey! Look I brought a friend for dinner, this is Zack, from work!
Phoebe: Oh well, as long as it is under control, you know, you can't do anything about it, he's already dating her, and she is a nice person, that wouldn't be right.
Rachel: It's just physical and I have it totally under control! Ok? It's just, when I see them together, sometimes I just get a little jealous!
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Rachel: I know, I know, so it is just not a big deal.
Chandler: You guys haven't actually met before, but, boy! You're both polite! (pause) Go to have a seat Zack, and I'll get you a beer.
Phoebe: Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?
Chandler: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his!
Chandler: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out.
Monica: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor!
Zack: Thanks! Do you have a coaster? I don't wanna make a ring.
Rachel: Oh, thank God I can't hear a word that you're saying!
Monica: Im fine-d. Im fine-d! Yknow, its a really hard word to say.
(A strange woman sticks her head out from a third changing cubicle to the far right)
Phoebe: Ooh! We have a problem.
Joey: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive...! Ross, you have to get that job!
Chandler: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
Zack: You guys have such a great place here.
Zack: You guys don't have people for dinner a lot, huh?
Zack: Ok. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny...
Zack: (after a pause, very confused) No...
Zack: Ok listen, you guys have shown a lot of interest in me tonight and I'm flattered and... and quite frankly a little frightened. Can we just talk about something else?
Chandler: I noticed you were enjoying that Ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. Did you have braces as a child?
Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
Rachel: (after a pause) Yeah.
Rachel: (pretends to be stunned) Oh! Wi... in the dres... in the dressing room!? Well, that's so weird! Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. God it's just such a small world!
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
Charlie: It's just that... I don't understand it... I mean, Phoebe likes Joey and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy...?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the sofa, eating a cookie.]
(Phoebe walks in wearing a fancy, revealing dress, and stands before Joey)
Molly: There is a man behind your curtain. I have a mace in my purse.
Phoebe: Mike knows I'm coming, and if I don't show up he'll think it's because of him! And I don't want to lose face! That's a very serious thing in my culture.
(Joey gives Phoebe a thumbs up. Phoebe walks out)
Chandler: Yeah. I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey.
David: She's also a scientist, so she's very smart and pretty and... well, it's actually because of you, really, that we're together, I mean, I saw what you had with that Mike guy, and I just said "Boy, I want that".
David: Yeah, I know. Well... this is probably a stupid question, seeing that you look like that, but do you have some place that you need to be right now?
David: Do you wanna get a drink?
Charlie: There's a third guy?
Chandler: You sure you don't wanna stick around a little longer?
Chandler: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, 'cause that could be a sign of clinical depression.
Monica: Don't worry, after a while he'll tune it out.
Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
Chandler: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable.
Ross: Ok, I gotta say. I mean, it means so much to me that you guys are coming all the way over there to hear me do my speech! UH! And I've a surprise, uh... I had to pull some strings but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference! That's right! (he gives them their passes) This babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars.
Ross: Oh, that's right! (to Emma) Daddy and uncle Joey are going on a trip today. We're going to a conference in Barbados, right?
Joey: Im a doctor Cliff, not a mathematician.
Phoebe: I think David would probably wanna hear a few lectures.
Ross: Oh, right, because he's a scientist!
Woman: I would love your autograph. (hands him a notepad)
Joey: All right, let's do it! 5 hour flight with Charlie, have a couple of drinks, get under that blanket and do what comes naturally.
Joey: I know, there are gonna be some pasty folks by the pool tomorrow! (A woman goes towards them)
Woman: Doctor Geller, I'm such a huge fan!
Sarah: (to Joey) Are you a paleontologist?
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, Ive never been able to cry as an actor, so if Im in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, lets say I wanna convey that Ive just done something evil. That would be the basic I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, lets say Ive just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And thats how its done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Joey: No, God, no! No! No no, I'm an actor. You'd probably recognize me from a little show called "The Days of Our Lives".
Monica: Alright, I'm gonna go pick up a few things for the trip.
Sarah: I'm sorry, I don't own a TV.
Monica: David, can you help me?! I'm trying to explain to Chandler how a plane stays in the air.
Phoebe: That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!
Phoebe: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
Chandler: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who everdid something over here last night did what they did or didn't do ...I mean come on!!
(Trying on a hat and talking to his own reflection in the mirror)
David: (after a while) How do you think I should propose?
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
Phoebe: Mm-hmm. (To herself) Throw me a bone here.
Monica: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true. (Phone rings)
Joey: Hey, hey! You said you're gonna wear a thong, where's the thong?
Joey: (smiling) Will you wear a thong?
Joey: Oh... you got yourself a very weird deal!
Ross: (a little embarassed by their conversation) I'm good, I have dinner plans (moves away from them).
David: Still you know, a girl calls you by your ex-boyfriend's name, that-that's not a good thing, right?
Chandler: I did! A penis one! Look, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching a basketball game, Ross is staring out the peephole.]
Monica: Ok! When I go places with high humidity, it gets a little extra body, ok?!
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Phoebe: If I havent said it before: shes a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going towhat the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which shes been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? Whats the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, its nice! May I try a pink one?
Phoebe: (shouts after David) Oh! David, get one for us too! Oh, oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one! And with mirrors on the ceiling!
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)