words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are having a diner party with Phoebe and Mike.]
Ross: Oh, well, er, I already ate, but sure...! (they all look at each other when Ross grabs a plate) Guess what happened at work today...
Chandler: A dinosaur died a million years ago?
Rachel: Ooh, Italian! (she also grabs a plate)
Rachel: Hey you guys... You're never gonna believe it. This headhunter called me. I have a meeting tomorrow with Gucci. Gucci wants me.
Chandler: Hey Joe! We've got a couple of things we've got to check out at the new house. You want to come with us?
Mike: You're a strange kind of grown-up.
[Scene: A restaurant. Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Hi... I'm on a date...
Rachel: Wha... My resumé? I wouldn't... I wouldn't call my online dating profile a resumé.
[Scene: A counter at a government building. Phoebe's waiting in line.]
Phoebe: Oh, this could take a while.
Chandler: That is a bad interview.
Rachel: Well, my boss was at the same restaurant where I was having my interview and he heard everything. So later he calls me to his office and he tells me that he's gonna have to let me go, because I'm not a team player. And I said "Wait a minute! Yes I am." and I had to sit there for 45 minutes while he proved that that in fact... was true.
(Ross enters with a bottle in his hand)
Ross: Hey! Wha-hoo! What's this? (showing the bottle) Well it's a, it's a bottle of champagne. Why is this here?
Ross: Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five is good. (Gunther leaves, hurt) Well, I'm gonna have a loogie in my coffee tomorrow.
Rachel: Oh it... good! Yeah, but I'm not gonna hear from that for a couple of days.
Ross: But also knowing it means a lot.
Joey: Okay. Then I guess I have dry eyes and a scratchy throat for no reason.
Monica: Maybe because it's you hung your head out of the window like a dog the whole ride here.
Joey: Maybe. So this is the living room huh? Ooh, it's pretty dark. (starts feeling around him like he's in a completely dark room, touching Chandler, who backs out and hits him)
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
Chandler: When your head was hanging out the window, it didn't hit a mailbox, did it?
Joey: (glares at him for a moment, then admits grudgingly) Maybe. Well, I just think you guys can do better than this house, you know? Or any other house for that matter.
Monica: Oh Joey, look, we know you're having a hard time with this, but we really, we love it here.
Phoebe: Why? It's fun, it's different, no-one else has a name like it.
Mike: Yeah, I'm serious. (sarcastic) It's fun, it's different and no-one else has a name like that!
[Scene: Joey is in Monica and Chandler's future house, sitting in a child's bedroom, looking at a quiz card which has "5+10=" printed on one side.]
(A young girl enters)
Joey: I hate my friends. (They shake on it as if they just made a pact) Alright, look. There's gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
Mackenzie: I read a lot.
[Scene: Outside Ralph Lauren building. Rachel just walked out carrying a box of her stuff, and a strange man approaches her.]
Rachel: (Is embarrassed for a moment, but it quickly passes) Well, now I don't have to. (The man leaves instantly)
(In the meantime, Ross is trying to squeeze and push a rather large chair through the revolving doors of the Ralph Lauren building.)
Ross: (stares at her through the door and starts pushing the chair harder, looking very annoyed. He finally manages) (sarcastic) I'm sorry, it's almost as if this wasn't built for a quick getaway!
Ross: Uh, you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway, so... (laughs stupidly)
Mark: Yeah, a box full of your desk stuff doesn't exactly say big promotion.
Rachel: What? You don't want me to get a job?
Ross: Oh yeah, I'm sure he's gonna give you a job. Maybe make you his SEXretary.
Rachel: Ross, you know what? (looks over to the door and sees security staring at them) Okay, let's talk about it later, there comes security. (Takes her box and leaves. Ross follows her and then returns for the chair. He stands for a moment, then pushes it quickly in the general direction Rachel went into, and out of the camera's view, and then nonchalantly walks away)
Joey: Oh well, the little girl who lives here made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.
Chandler: Joey, there was a little girl who lived here, but she died like 30 years ago.
Chandler: You don't think we'd buy a house and not have a Joey room do you?
Joey: Oh my God! (they all hug) Oh! Hey, can I have an aquarium? And a sex swing?
(a woman enters and recognizes Phoebe)
Phoebe: Oh hi Rita! Good! (to Mike) Oh, Rita's a massage client.
Phoebe: (without moving her lips, wearing a fake smile) Okay, I will. (to Rita) This is my husband Crap Bag.
Mike: If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.
Mike: Do you even know what a banana hammock is?
Phoebe: It's a funny word.
Mike: It's a Speedo.
Ross: We ran into him on the street today and he said he might have a job for her. But I know he just wants to get into her pants.
(She looks at Ross, a bit ashamed. Chandler mimes "big breasts" to Ross and lip syncs "Wow". Ross looks at him, astonished and then Monica looks at Chandler again. A little too late he changes the "big breasts" mime into "rocking a baby". When he realizes Monica might have seen it he also strokes his imaginary baby's head.)
Ross: Can we, can we just stop for a second? Who said something better would come along, huh? You didn't believe me. I told you everything was gonna work out. (gasps) You know what? This calls for a bottle of Israels finest.
Joey: I mean, this soap opera is a great gig, but... am I missing opportunities? You know, I've always thought of myself as a serious actor. I mean, should I be trying to do more independent movies?
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you know I'm i'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.
Chandler: Oh, I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up they sure seem to be in a hurry to get places!!
Doctor Connelly: Above all, even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know! So, keep having sex on a regular basis.
Ross: Yeah, right! What was last time he met a submission deadline for an abstract (he and Charlie laugh, then Joey starts laughing too without any reason) Well, why are you laughing?
Joey: (to Charlie) Alright, have a good time. (they kiss)
Chandler: Is that a hint? Because we love you Doctor Connelly but we don't think we'd want you to be our child! (Dr. Connelly glares at him) Wow, talking about an inhospitable environment!
Ross: Professor Sherman, yeah. I've a meeting with him today.
Rachel: Oh... you're not gonna do a magic trick, are ya?
Charlie: He's a pretty tough guy to impress.
Joey: Just... seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist... it's fun, yeah!
Monica: Well then somebodys snoozing. Joey, not that this uh should affect you at all, but if you were to pick me, I was planning on wearing a sequined dress, cut down to here. (Points to her stomach just above her belly button.)
Ross: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.
Chandler: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her.
Chandler: Not as much fun as last time. Apparently you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample.
Joey: Come on Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it!
Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one.
Phoebe: Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. (to the shop assistant). Seriously does anyone buy this? I smell like beets!
Shop assistant: (to a girl) Incentive For Men?
Rachel: You know that depends on what it is! I've done a lot of stuff.
Charlie: See, I told you I needed someone! Oh, you know, by the way, as a "thank you", I would really love to take you out.
Phoebe: (picks up a dress) Hey Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room?
Chandler: Hey! Look I brought a friend for dinner, this is Zack, from work!
Phoebe: Oh well, as long as it is under control, you know, you can't do anything about it, he's already dating her, and she is a nice person, that wouldn't be right.
Rachel: It's just physical and I have it totally under control! Ok? It's just, when I see them together, sometimes I just get a little jealous!
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Rachel: I know, I know, so it is just not a big deal.
Chandler: You guys haven't actually met before, but, boy! You're both polite! (pause) Go to have a seat Zack, and I'll get you a beer.
Phoebe: Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?
Chandler: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his!
Chandler: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out.
Monica: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor!
Zack: Thanks! Do you have a coaster? I don't wanna make a ring.
Rachel: Oh, thank God I can't hear a word that you're saying!
Monica: Im fine-d. Im fine-d! Yknow, its a really hard word to say.
(A strange woman sticks her head out from a third changing cubicle to the far right)
Phoebe: Ooh! We have a problem.
Joey: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive...! Ross, you have to get that job!
Chandler: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
Zack: You guys have such a great place here.
Zack: You guys don't have people for dinner a lot, huh?
Zack: Ok. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny...
Zack: (after a pause, very confused) No...
Zack: Ok listen, you guys have shown a lot of interest in me tonight and I'm flattered and... and quite frankly a little frightened. Can we just talk about something else?
Chandler: I noticed you were enjoying that Ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. Did you have braces as a child?
Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
Rachel: (after a pause) Yeah.
Rachel: (pretends to be stunned) Oh! Wi... in the dres... in the dressing room!? Well, that's so weird! Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. God it's just such a small world!
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
Charlie: It's just that... I don't understand it... I mean, Phoebe likes Joey and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy...?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the sofa, eating a cookie.]
(Phoebe walks in wearing a fancy, revealing dress, and stands before Joey)
Molly: There is a man behind your curtain. I have a mace in my purse.
Phoebe: Mike knows I'm coming, and if I don't show up he'll think it's because of him! And I don't want to lose face! That's a very serious thing in my culture.
(Joey gives Phoebe a thumbs up. Phoebe walks out)
Chandler: Yeah. I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey.
David: She's also a scientist, so she's very smart and pretty and... well, it's actually because of you, really, that we're together, I mean, I saw what you had with that Mike guy, and I just said "Boy, I want that".
David: Yeah, I know. Well... this is probably a stupid question, seeing that you look like that, but do you have some place that you need to be right now?
David: Do you wanna get a drink?
Charlie: There's a third guy?
Chandler: You sure you don't wanna stick around a little longer?
Chandler: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, 'cause that could be a sign of clinical depression.
Monica: Don't worry, after a while he'll tune it out.
Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
Chandler: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable.
Ross: Ok, I gotta say. I mean, it means so much to me that you guys are coming all the way over there to hear me do my speech! UH! And I've a surprise, uh... I had to pull some strings but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference! That's right! (he gives them their passes) This babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars.
Ross: Oh, that's right! (to Emma) Daddy and uncle Joey are going on a trip today. We're going to a conference in Barbados, right?
Joey: Im a doctor Cliff, not a mathematician.
Phoebe: I think David would probably wanna hear a few lectures.
Ross: Oh, right, because he's a scientist!
Woman: I would love your autograph. (hands him a notepad)
Joey: All right, let's do it! 5 hour flight with Charlie, have a couple of drinks, get under that blanket and do what comes naturally.
Joey: I know, there are gonna be some pasty folks by the pool tomorrow! (A woman goes towards them)
Woman: Doctor Geller, I'm such a huge fan!
Sarah: (to Joey) Are you a paleontologist?
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, Ive never been able to cry as an actor, so if Im in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, lets say I wanna convey that Ive just done something evil. That would be the basic I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, lets say Ive just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And thats how its done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Joey: No, God, no! No! No no, I'm an actor. You'd probably recognize me from a little show called "The Days of Our Lives".
Monica: Alright, I'm gonna go pick up a few things for the trip.
Sarah: I'm sorry, I don't own a TV.
Monica: David, can you help me?! I'm trying to explain to Chandler how a plane stays in the air.
Phoebe: That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!
Phoebe: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
Chandler: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who everdid something over here last night did what they did or didn't do ...I mean come on!!
(Trying on a hat and talking to his own reflection in the mirror)
David: (after a while) How do you think I should propose?
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
Phoebe: Mm-hmm. (To herself) Throw me a bone here.
Monica: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true. (Phone rings)
Joey: Hey, hey! You said you're gonna wear a thong, where's the thong?
Joey: (smiling) Will you wear a thong?
Joey: Oh... you got yourself a very weird deal!
Ross: (a little embarassed by their conversation) I'm good, I have dinner plans (moves away from them).
David: Still you know, a girl calls you by your ex-boyfriend's name, that-that's not a good thing, right?
Chandler: I did! A penis one! Look, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching a basketball game, Ross is staring out the peephole.]
Monica: Ok! When I go places with high humidity, it gets a little extra body, ok?!
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Phoebe: If I havent said it before: shes a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going towhat the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which shes been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? Whats the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, its nice! May I try a pink one?
Phoebe: (shouts after David) Oh! David, get one for us too! Oh, oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one! And with mirrors on the ceiling!
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)