words in movies
Rachel: Ross is on a date with my sister and they shut the drapes two and a-half-hours ago.
Chandler: (looking) Is that a swing?
Rachel: (to Gunther) Ill take a coffee. (To Ross) So how was your big date last night?
Rachel: Right. Was it the, "Please dont show me another picture of a trilobite vibe?"
Chandler: (totally not crying) Well see now that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon!
Chandler: No, I guess I just never really cried. Yknow? Im not a crying kind of guy.
Joey: Come on man theres gotta be something that gets you choked up! Like uh, uh oh, what if you saw a three-legged puppy?
Chandler: Cry?! I just found a talking puppy, Im rich!
Phoebe: All right, whats going on there? (Points to a picture.)
Chandler: No! Look, I dont cry! Its not a big deal! Okay?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is putting away her guitar as a man approaches.]
The Fan: Can-can I get your autograph, Im your biggest fan. (Holds out a napkin and a pen.)
The Fan: Wow! Wow, thanks a lot! I just wanna say, I think youre really talented.
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
Joey: (to the fan) So, you saw me on Days Of Our Lives huh? Want me to, want me to do a little Dr. Drake Remoray for ya?
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
Gunther: Well, I wouldnt call her a star, but shes really good. You should check out Inspecther Gadget.
Rachel: Ohhh well. Yknow what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! Hes a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
Rachel: Look, this is not that big of a deal! You just dont date Ross! Theres a million other guys out there, you just
Rachel: Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you cant have!
Monica: (noticing the bag Joeys carrying) Oh great! Did you get a movie?
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Monica: This is so bizarre. I guess it kinda makes sense though, yknow she had such a terrible childhood.
Chandler: Hey, I had a terrible childhood and I dont do porn.
Monica: (hands the tape back to Joey, but doesnt let him grab it) Yknow maybe a little bit!
(Ross stands next to him for a second, then goes and watches the movie.)
(The movie starts, its a vampires lair and Buffay, The Vampire Layer enters dressed in leather and carrying a wooden stake. Suddenly, the vampire opens his coffin and sits up.
Monica: Hold on a second! What is that on her ankle?
Rachel: Well its hard to tell (Rachel gets up to get a closer look, only shes having some trouble.) Oh God, if she would just stop moving.
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
Chandler: Yeah I know, but I figured a shot yknow? Maybe one of those stories would make me cry and then you wouldnt think I was yknow, all dead inside.
Chandler: No, I mean, come on, seriously think about it, we get married, were up at the altar and Im like this. (Makes a bored face.)
Monica: Yeah! And if, and if we have a baby one-day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room and you dont cry, so what! And-and-and, and if we take him to college and come home and see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing, it wont matter to me.
Monica: And-and-and if I die, from a long illness. And youre writing out my eulogy and you open a desk drawer and you find a note from me that says, "I will always be with you," and you still cant shed one tiny tear, I know youll be crying a river inside.
Monica: What?! You cant shed a tear for your dead wife!! Now, I left you a note from the beyond!
Ross: You damn kids! You ring my bell one more time, I swear to (Opens the door to find Jill standing there.) Ohh, uh Jill. Umm, that-thats just a little game I play with the kids down the hall. Umm, theyve really taken a liking to me. (Quickly looks out to see if theyre watching.) Uhh whats-whats-whats the matter?
Jill: Rachel and I had a really big fight, can I come in? I-I mean I know were not supposed to see each other anymore and Im okay with that, its just that I dont know anybody in the city and I really need somebody to talk to about it.
Jill: Oh great! Thanks Ross, youre such a good friend!
Ursula: Yknow, twin stuff is always a real big seller.
Ross: So thats the only reason she could be here huh? It couldnt have anything to do with the fact that-that maybe Im a good listener and I uh I put on a great slide show!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
Joey: Thats great, but isnt it gonna bother that people still think youre a porn star?
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
Chandler: (starts crying) I-I cant believe Jills gone. (They all look at him.) I cant help it, I opened a gate.
SUSIE: I can't do Chris's makeup. She refuses to acknowledge that she has a moustasche.
JOEY: Yeah, unless you hook up with a bunch of pigeons.
CHANDLER: Like, when you're cooking a steak.
SUSIE: Oh, shoot, we gotta go, got a reservation in 30 minutes.
PHOEBE: Yeah, it's just so strange. I mean, she probably woke up today and thought, "ok, I'll have some breakfast, and then I'll take a little walk, and then I'll have my massage." Little did she know God was thinking, "Ok, but that's it." Oh, but the weirdest thing was, ok, I was cleansing her aura when she died, and when the spirit left her body, I don't think it went very far.
ROSS: Hello. Oh hi, are you on your way ove-. Oh. No, no, I, I understand, I mean a monkey's gotta work. No it, it's no big deal, it' not like I uh, had anything special planned. Yeah OK, OK. OK, OK, bye.
[Scene: A fancy restraunt (Marcel's). Joey, Ross, Chandler, Susie, and the Director's Assistant are there.]
CHANDLER: I'm hangin in. . . and a little out.
[In the bathroom Susie and Chandler are kissing. She backs into a stall.]
RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is watching a rabbi play an electric guitar on TV. Phoebe enters.]
MONICA: This is so wild. Ya know, I gotta admit, I was kinda surprised that you agreed to go on a blind date.
RACHEL: OK, you wanna play? OK, let's play, let's play. [She grabs a jar of tomato sauce and Monica's purse]
David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a
VAN DAMME: 'Cause Rachel told me uh, you were dying to have a threesome with me and uh, Drew Barrymore. By the way, Drew has some groundrules and...
ROSS: [to Joey who's looking over a toilet stall] Joey, some people don't like that.
Rachel: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for (Ross starts making a lot of noise with a handheld pepper grinder) this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I...(stops and looks at Ross)
VAN DAMME: Are you sure, I can crush a walnut with my butt.
PHOEBE: You know, I think I want to write a song about all this.
[Marcel is driven off in a limo]
MONICA: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple.
[Scene: Filming a scene from the movie. Joey is dying on a gurney, Van Damme is looking over him.]
JOEY: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know, always bein' there for me. [hands Chandler a jewelry box]
CHANDLER: I don't know. It's a bracelet.
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer]
INTERVIEWER: No, just a salad will be fine.
[Scene: A kitchen somewhere. Monica is interviewing for a job]
INTERVIEWER: Alright, lets see if you're as good in person as you are on paper. Make me a salad.
MONICA: A salad? Really I, I could do something a little more complicated if you like.
INTERVIEWER: And if I want to call for a reference on your last job?
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.
[Monica enters from bathroom after taking a shower]
PHOEBE: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws like. . .
CHANDLER: That thing, it's a uhh. . . yeah it's, it's a little flashy.
Dr. Green: What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a library.
MRS. GELLER: Well sweetie, we have a surprise for you. We're turning your room into a gym.
MONICA: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh, why not Ross's room?
[Rachel enters with a laundry basket]
PHOEBE: Do you want a refill?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on couches. A beautiful woman is looking at Chandler.]
Rachel: Aw what are you?! A detective?
Monica: Ok, for my next song I think I�ll sing something a little more upbeat. All right? Oh, how about the PointerSisters �I am so excited�. And make it bouncy!
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first well start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesnt work we can go back to
David: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling. (Sits down)
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
PHOEBE: Stick a fork what?
MONICA: Man, man that is sharp. It must have cost you quite a few debloons.
MONICA: Oh, why does this bother me so much? I mean I don't wanna be one of those people who tells their boyfriend they wanna spend 24 hours a day with them.
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
ROSS: You were in a porno?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Ross are standing in the kitchen. Ross is filling out a check]
ROSS: Yeah, yeah I mean, you get your money and you learn a little something, what's wrong with that?
PHOEBE: [Standing in living room with Chandler and Joey. She pulls a huge bathing suit out of a box] Hey, Mon, what is this?
MONICA: Oh, um, that was my bathing suit from high school. I was uh, a little bigger then.
JOEY: [pulls out a VCR tape] Hey Monica, what's on this video tape?
CHANDLER: Hey. Hold on a second. [shoots a goal] Huh?
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
MRS. GELLER: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica.
MONICA: Over here dad. [he pans over and we see a torso taking up the whole screen]
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)
RACHEL: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late.
Joey: Oh yeah, sure, no problem, Ill justhold on one second. (He turns around and puts his hand in his pants and groans in relief.) (In a relaxed voice.) "Hey Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you!"
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
Rachel: Oh, its a Macys bag!
MR. GELLER: Of course she would, you're a college man.
Ross: Oh whats the big deal?! I wasnt even invited to the ceremony, just the reception. And-and yknow what? If it makes you feel any better, Joan and I will just make an appearance and then, and then well-well leave early as a sign of protest.
MR A: Everything.
PHOEBE: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a waitress.
Monica: Yknow, lets face it, Im not a kid anymore! I-I need to be with someone who-who wants the same things that I do! I mean coming to my place of work and telling me that you love me, I want that! Talking about pig sex over lunch, I dont want that!
[Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler looks around, opens his desk drawer, takes a puff of a cigarette, sprays around some air freshener, and takes some breath spray. He types for a little while, opens the drawer again, and takes another drag of the cigarette. While not paying attention, he sprays the breath spray around the room, takes a squirt of air freshener and gags.]
(There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy emerges from the bathroom)
DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.
MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.
MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]
ROSS: Hey, someone order a coat?
MONICA: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me.
RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross and Mike are sitting on the sofa.� Ross is fidgeting with the cuff of his sweater while Mike blows his cheeks out.� Ross blows a piece of fuzz from his finger.)
RACHEL: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're crossing that line, sort of a big thing.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]
CHANDLER: So, you uh, you think that Speed Racer guy gets a lot of tickets er?
JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?
RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert.
[there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers?
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with?
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.]
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
MONICA: Oh, you're a grandpa.
MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in.
Joey: Yeah, we know, but there's a baby suckin' on it.
JOEY: Alright, well next time you take a shower, think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
PHOEBE: Um, I'm getting a lily for my Mom. 'Cause her name's Lily.