words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is getting a cup of coffee as Joey and Phoebe enter and sit down.]
Rachel: Its good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? (to the waitress handing her a cup of coffee) Oh, thank you. Ill see you guys later.
Phoebe: Oh, Gunther, can I get a scone?
Joey: You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentines Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that thats never going to happen!
Ross: Oh, Im actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, shes been away all week visiting her parents, but shell be cool. I mean, shes been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, Fossils are my friends.
Phoebe: Its a video of my friend giving birth. Could you just bring it back to your apartment?
[Scene: Joey and wait just Joeys. Joey is sitting at the counter eating a pizza.]
Phoebe: (knocking and entering) Hey. Look, I know youve been really depressed lately, so I brought someone over to cheer you up. Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate.
(Phoebe goes into the hall and brings a dog inside!)
Joey: Hey! A dog! Hi! Who, you got to admit, looks a lot like Jane.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler enters with a bouquet of roses.]
Monica: (from her bedroom) Okay! Ill be right out. Im slipping into something a little less comfortable, and a little more slutty.
Chandler: (picking up a video from the table) Candy and Cookie. Candy and Cookie? Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!! (Chandler runs over to the TV, puts the tape in, and sits down to enjoy some "porn")
(A woman on TV breaths hard)
(The dog returns with a ball that looks exactly like the same one Joey has.)
Rachel: (talking with a higher voice, and puckered lips kind of like you do to a baby or...well a puppy its hard to explain. Just use your imagination!) Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but Ive got to go to work! I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting, yes I do. Yes I do. (still talking like that) Bye-bye, Joey. Oh, I seriously cant stop it. (exits)
Joey: (to the dog) Cmere. Hey. Cmere. Thats Rachel. Shes the one who used to live here. Might as well be honest with youwe love her. But we cant have her. I really miss her. Well, hey, you understand, right? Youre a guy. (thinks about it and picks up the dog and looks) Well, you used to be.
Monica: Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you porn for Valentines Day (pulls a video out of a basket) you were right! Apparently, its about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sex with a lot of guys! Yeah, it got four starts! (looks closer) Oh, wait a minute. Those arent stars. Anyway, you want to take a look?
Chandler: Well, Im not really in a sexy mood right now.
Monica: Child-birth, its a natural thing! Its beautiful.
Chandler: Oh, beautiful? Really? Beautiful? You think this is beautiful? (picks up the remote and presses a button, and he immediately makes a face that just looks like hes going to throw up!)
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is sitting on the couch reading a magazine as Mona enters.]
Mona: I brought you back a present.
Mona: Huh, could you imagine. I go away for a few days, and come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant! (Mona laughs yes again!)
Ross: (with his mouth full) Just a second! (he fake laughs, but turns his head and starts to break down)
Ross: I dont know, she seemed to think it was such a crazy idea! Um, plus, she, uh, she got me taffy!
Phoebe: If I havent said it before: shes a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going towhat the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which shes been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? Whats the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, its nice! May I try a pink one?
Joey: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isnt going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
Phoebe: Will you excuse us, we need to talk for a moment.
Phoebe: Oh Joey, you bummed him out! This was the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him!
(There is a knock on the door.)
Mona: Change of plans, I made you a special Valentines dinner! Surprise!
Ross: And you thought she was going to be in our way! So, why dont you, uh, open the champagne, and Ill be right back. Ive got a surprise for you.
Ross: (fakes a laugh) Please start drinking! (exits)
Rachel: (as Ross enters with a present) But, but, Mona, I live here.
Monica: Thats better. 90 seconds is a long time not to think about it except all I did was think about it.
(Chandler crawls over to Monica and they move in to kiss, but they cant do it and back up. They move in to kiss again, and kiss very awkwardly for a second, until someone knocks on the door.)
Monica: No, but I will leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you!
Chandler: (with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go.
Ross: Well, with everything thats been going on lately, I havent exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didnt tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?
Ross: Yeah. Wait a minute. What are you doing here? Joey Tribbiani without a date on Valentines Day? Whats going on, huh? Girl trouble?
(Two girls sitting at a table next to them look up in disgust, and Ross and Joey move away)
Joey: Okay, uh sit down. (they do) Um theres this woman that I like. A lot. But, uh it cant happen.
Ross: Shes not a Tribbiani?
Joey: Well, its complicated. Shes with this other guy. For a long time. Someone from work, too. And I could never do that to the guy, because were really good friends.
Ross: Okay. Um is he a good guy?
Gunther: (placing a cup in front of Ross) Heres your warm milk.
(Ross just stands in the doorway, for like a minute Ahh! Whats going to happen next??!!! I cant make it all the way through the Olympics!!!)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels. Rachel is standing in front of the TV holding a video.]
Rachel: (thinking) Youre going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, youre going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it! (Rachel puts the tape in the VCR)
Woman on TV: I came to the big city to become a star! Ill do anything to make that happen!
Rachel: Ross, I didn't think it would that big of a deal.
Ross: Look, that was supposed to be like a private, personal thing between us.
Phoebe: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!
Phoebe: Okay, all right, so, your in a meadow, millions of stars in the sky....
Monica: Do you think breaking up with him was a huge mistake?
Janice: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.
[Cut to a close-up of Rachel, eagerly awaiting Ross's arrival... not knowing he is getting off the plane with another woman.]
Joey: Does it have to be a whole day?
Ross: So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies, and I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing....
Chandler: Okay, you know, you know when your in bed, with a woman.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. She is packing a few tings into boxes.]
Rachel: No no no no no. You wanted me to take them down, so... (she climbs onto the railing to reach the top of a pole) ..Im takin em down. Okay? Whoa! (Screams.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you? You were like, a little, y'know, (psycho) Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'.
Janice: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler. (laughs)
Monica: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's Richard doing?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, theyre all eating the wax, Chandler and Phoebe, dont like it. Joey tries some and makes a face like: Hey, thats not so bad.]
Chandler: Well, you know, I appreciate you giving it a shot.
Mr. Geller: No, the man is a mess.
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
Monica: Uh, huh. (to Ross) Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away. (Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe leave)
Rachel: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What?
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, everyone is getting ready to go to a banquet]
Joey: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider. (takes a glass from the fridge.)
Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)
Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.
Joey: We have a half hour.
Ross: Well, you know, I'd feel a whole lot better if you got dressed now.
Ross: 'Cause, I'm a stupid, stupid man.
Ross: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.
Joey: What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech?
Chandler: All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. (yells at Joey) GET UP!!
Monica: Hang on a second I just got in.
Chandler: Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called: Get Up.
Joey: You think I need a new walk?
Monica: If it is a new message, what is he calling to say?
Joey: Yeah, yeah. We went to a Mets game, we got Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman. You have got competition buddy.
Rachel: (entering from her room) Is this a little too... (sees Phoebe) Pheebs, what happened?
Chandler: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves)
Joey: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.
Phoebe: Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a breezy place.
Joey: Well y'know, Ive been walking the same way since high school. Y'know, y'know how some guys they walk into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a take notice walk.
Ross: Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik? (They all look at him.) Well, Im a potato or a spud. And these are my antennae. (Points to the colander with an old TV antenna glued on top that hes wearing.) So Sputnik, becomes (Theyre still confused) Spud-nik. Spudnik!
PHOEBE: [cutting Mrs. Greene off] Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. [they go in the bathroom]
(Chandler enters, and Joey is standing near the chair, they have a show down to see who gets the chair and Joey wins)
Ross: Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it easy to get a cab.
Phoebe: Oh Rach, good, listen isn't this perfect for me! (she's wearing another dress on a hanger around her neck)
CHANDLER: Oh, it's a website, it's the, uh, the Guggenheim (sp?, I'm not an art guy) museum. See, she likes art, and I like funny words.
Chandler: Oh just great. He beeps me now with codes. One is, "Bring me food." Two is, "Im with a girl, bring us food." Three is, "Im lost and I cant find food."
Ross: Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you so much! (He grabs the ring, kisses it, and then does a double-take realising where its been.)
Phoebe: I'll get it, okay. (answers phone) Hi, Monica and Rachel's. (listens) Yeah, just a second, can I ask who's calling. (to Monica) Oh, ew, it's Michelle! Ew! She, she must have that Caller Id thing. You should get that.
MONICA: One hour? You are such a leaf blower.
Chandler: They got a phone in there, right?
(Rachel comes out from her room wearing sweat pants and a sweatshirt)
Ross: They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?
Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)
(Joey enters wearing a lot of clothes)
Rachel: No, no, no, now wait, wa, wa, waa-it a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That actually, uh, that sounds interesting.
Chandler: Jeez, what a baby.
Joey: Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. (They both squint at each other.) I never noticed that before.
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
Ross: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just before he starts drinking)
[Cut to Ross at the kiddie table. He reaches for something and a fart noise emanates which causes the kids to laugh.]
Chandler: You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in front of Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! (Joey flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress)
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
Machine: Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone.
Phoebe: Ross, went to get a cab so we can all... No, wh-what are you doing! No, Monica, no!
Ross: Wow! What a pleasure.
Ross: So we're a little late.
Joey: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple weeks. (points to the sling he is wearing)
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
[Scene: Street, Phoebe is being followed by some guy, as they pass a flower vendor. Phoebe turns around and the guy quickly picks up some flowers and continues following her.]
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
Phoebe: Oh, you're not a dingus.
Guy: Oh, that's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I am such a dingus!
Phoebe: Oh, thanks a lot. Do you want to get a cup of coffee?
Phoebe: Um, well, get over it. So, I mean you, you just seem to be a really nice guy, you know. Don't be so hard on yourself okay.
CHANDLER: Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.
Ross: Wait a minute, look.
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Ross: (blows her a kiss) Okay the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Ross: Oh my God, you've got a crush on your sister's stalker.
PHOEBE: No, it's just like, ya know, it's a whole mess of stuff, ya know. It's like, yesterday, ya know, my dad was this, like, famous Burma tree surgeon guy and, ya know, now he's a, a pharmacist guy and. . .
Ross: Okay, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1 she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
Chandler: (enters the room wearing an "I love New York" t-shirt, a "Statue of Liberty" hat and carrying bags) New York is awesome!
Rachel: Well, ever since I was humiliated and yelled at in front of my friends, I'm just, I don't know, not in a museum benefitty kind of mood.
Monica: I'm talking about me having a baby.
Phoebe: Ooh! No, no, no, no, he's not like a kook, no. He's just like this, this very passionate, incredibly romantic guy, that got like a tinsy bit carried away, you know. And we just get along really well, and he's so cute.
Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya.
Monica: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid.
Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. What's this? (picks up a book)
Phoebe: Um, not even a little bit.
Malcom: (reading) I met Phoebe today. She was really nice to me eventhough I'm such a loser. And, then when I was walking home I thought about her a lot, it was weird, but kinda cool.
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Rachel: When did you go to a sperm bank?
Phoebe: Thats fair! Thank you so much. Thanks. Oops, it looks like when he got the pastry chef he got you a little bit too.
Joey: Maybe, I should call this place and get them to put my 'Days of Our Lives' on here. You know, juice this puppy up a little.