words in movies
Joey: Theres this woman, that I like. A lot. Well, its complicated. Shes with this other guy. For a long time. And I could never do that to the guy, yknow? Ccause were really good friends.
Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh is he a good guy?
Joey: Yeah, but its not a big deal.
Ross: Its not a big deal? Oh, Im sorry I just um, I what about all the stuff you-you just said? I mean how about, I likeyou-you cant stop thinking about her. Like how you cant sleep?
Joey: Im an actor, yknow? As-as a group, we tend to be over dramatic.
(He exits and starts to walk away, passes a window, stops, and says "Rachel?!" again. Joey sighs and turns around to face Gunther.)
Rachel: Wow that was a big one.
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a date with this guy, and I swear to God, he is her other half.
Chandler: A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe!
Rachel: Oh, its so sad they never had a chance to meet.
Phoebe: Well, he may not be my soul mate, but a girls gotta eat.
Ross: Sure, because women never like Joey. Yknow, I think hes a virgin.
Don: Well, we just had a terrible lunch today at Reattica. What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place?
Chandler: Whats wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? (Everyone stares at him.) On a barbecue chicken pizza? (Still theres staring.) No?
Monica: Oh, Id like a latte. Oh yknow what? If youre gonna talk about me, Im gonna go with you.
[Scene: Joeys Apartment, theres a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Ross.]
Joey: Oh nowHey Ross-Ross! Do you wanna-wanna come in for a beer or something?
Joey: (pouring two glasses) Hey look Ross, you need to understand something okay? I uh I am never gonna act on this Rachel thing, okay? I-I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with you. (He hands Ross a glass.)
(They clink glasses and take a drink. Ross likes it, Joey hates it. Then Ross sees Joey hating it, mimics he hates it as well.)
Joey: Anyway, it uh look itll just take me a while to get over her, thats all. Im not even sure how to do that, I mean Ive never been in love before so
Ross: Yeah. Look if-if shes gonna end up with somebody else, the truth is she couldnt find a better guy. So
Chandler: Cheese, its smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too.
Don: Well if you where ever enter the Loire valley let me know, Ive got a great little villa you can stay at.
Don: No. But God, a house made of cheese, wouldnt that be incredible?!
Phoebe: I dont know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I dont know how you fight that.
Joey: Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can tell her how I feel. Just uh, just stand up straight. (Does so.) Take a couple deep breaths. (Does so.) Look confident. (Does so as Rachel opens the door and startles him.)
Rachel: Well honey, Im late for a meeting. So can you just make it quick?
Rachel: Sure! That sounds great! Just leave me a message and tell me where to meet you. Okay? (Walks away.)
Joey: Okay. Thats good. Okay, that give you a couple hours to prepare what youre gonna say. Good. Yeah. (Someone comes out of his apartment and it startles Joey again.) Dont you people ever knock?!
Chandler: Phoebe thinks you and Don are soul mates, and I dont believe in that kind of stuff. But then you two totally get along. So look, I wont stand in your way if you want to run off with Don and live in a house of cheese.
Chandler: So you you dont want to live with Don in a cheese house?
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are having dinner.]
Joey: I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbs.
(A waiter runs over interrupting Joey.)
Waiter: Hah, sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here! We have a couple specials tonight
Joey: Actually uh, could you give us a second?
Rachel: (looking around) Who are you talking too? Oh, youre kidding! Oh, its a joke! (Laughs.) Its funny. Its funny. I dont get it. (Joey doesnt say any thing and Rachel realizes its not a joke.) Oh. (Pause) Okay. Umm I-I uh, wow. Are you uh How did umm When?
Joey: Okay look Rach, I know this is a lot. You dont have to say anything. You-you uh, you take as much time as you need. (Long pause as Rachel says nothing.) Okay, you gotta say something!
Rachel: No! Joey please! Please dont! Please dont leave like this! Now come on, you cannot do this to a pregnant woman! (Starts to cry.)
Rachel: Yeah, that was a real good one.
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
Cassie: Oh my God! You do a great Chandler!
Ross: Uh-huh. Yeah I-I have a knack for impressions.
Ross: Well Im, Im a little slow. (To himself) Just as our children would be.
(Ross resumes playing, this time accompanied by Phoebe screeching out Es in tune with Ross. While Phoebe is singing along, Rachel is having a very difficult time keeping a straight face. Thankfully, Ross gives up after a little while.)
(A woman approaches.)
Rachel: (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didnt tell her to come?!
Joey: (glaring at her) Is there a problem?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Rachel: Yes! And please tell her to bring a cake!
Monica: Yeah! Okay, this one is a mushroom cap. (Points to it.) Umm, this one is made of bologna. (Points.)
Monica: Okay? (To a different group) Over here we have pink suede, which is nice. But umm, if it gets wet then you know its gonna shrink.
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We have a winner!
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Rachel: Well first, for forgetting to throw you a bridal shower.
Rachel: Yeah, we wanted to throw you a big surprise and a great shower, and now you dont have either.
Tommy: Oh, you thought, huh? Yeah, well that didnt really work out too well for you did it you idiot!! What are you?! A moron!! Huh?! It says D-13! Okay?! Look youre surrounded by even numbers!! Did that give you some clue?!
Monica: Well no wait a minute thats not true! No, what did, that was really sweet. And it kinda works out for the best.
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
Ross: So its really a question of who could you have possibly done.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Joey: Look, I dont know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Yknow? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine!
(A woman walks up to Gunther in the background.)
Melissa: Oh no, thats-thats an old card. Umm, I wanted to get out of that and-and do something where I can really help people and-and make a difference.
[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is humming the Star Wars theme. Rachel enters, with her hair done up like Princess Leia's, and wearing a belly dancer's outfit, to simulate the gold bikini thing.]
Rachel: Its not a big deal!
Monica: Wait a minute, she isnt Shes not the one who you
Rachel: Hi! I got you some coffee. To, uh (She looks for a place to set it on his messy desk and he clears a spot for her to set it down.) fair enough. So! Do you got anything for me?
Monica: Okay, we have a lot of options here, a number of prototypes for you to try on.
Joey: (leaning down to her) Maybe youll order a little sangria?
Rachel: That is not a problem.
Rachel: Honey, might I suggest watching a little more ESPN and a little less E!?
Rachel: (reading a tag) This one is uh Paul ONeil.
Phoebe: I like our way. Oh! (Grabs a piece and jumps a bunch of Joeys like in Checkers.) Chess!
Rachel: Its a pretty cool tux.
Joey: No, Im performing the ceremony. Im not wearing a tux.
Rachel: Hey, come on! I had this friend from college and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey that one time she and I yknow kissed a little bit.
Phoebe: Hey oh, Rach wait! Do you want to go to a movie tonight?
Monica: I knew you didn't get a 1400!
Rachel: Im not saying that Im a lesbian! Im just saying that this happened!
Phoebe: Okay! I justI didnt know that you are a lesbian. (Joey smiles and nods lewdly.)
Ross: No. Rachel hooked me up with a tux! But not just any tux, Batmans tux!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch reading as Ross enters carrying a garment bag.]
Chandler: A freakish thin date with a hanger for her head?
Ross: I have shown you everything we have. Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the burgundy.
Joey: Come on! Look just-just telllet her know that you really want them to be there. Lets not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
Rachel: Oh wow. Why dont we just take me (Grabs her pin) and put me with a Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. (Puts her pin at the bar and laughs. Monica just glares at her.) These pins arent for playing are they?
Joey: This is the unit for you my friend. Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments, some big enough to fit a grown man.
[Scene: A restaurant, Melissa, Rachel, and Phoebe are talking.]
Melissa: Hmm Phoebe, were you ever in a sorority?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie and Ross are watching a movie and Cassie is pouring Ross some more wine as Ross has his hands full with the glass and holding the bowl of popcorn in his lap.]
Ross: So I'm a pimp huh? It's okay! Look, I know that sometimes I can be a pain in the ass, but you just have to talk to me. Tell me if something is bothering you. Okay? And for my part I will do everything I can to keep my annoying habits just (Does the 'quiet down' maneuver).
Melissa: Oh, isnt a shame when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch? (Phoebe agrees by grunting.)
Monica: 007 has a fancy car!
Monica: Well, he did manage to keep his identity secret for a long time.
Chandler: Batman has a utility belt!
Monica: How about a Youhoo with a funny straw?
Joey: Right. Right. The wedding, gotcha. But I mean, its gonna start a little late right? I mean, weddings start late. Right?
Melissa: I dont know. I dont remember a lot of things that never happened.
Ross: Yes. I find it to be something of a conversation piece.
Ross: Gunther. (To Chandler) Hey-hey! Why dont we put them on? Yknow get a picture of Batman and James Bond together.
Chandler: I would but mine doesnt fit. The pants are a little tight.
Monica: A little tight? I could see double-oh and seven in those pants.
Monica: All right thats it, I give up! Whatever you want you can have it! You wanna sing a song? You wanna do a dance? You want your mom stand at the Alter and scream racial slurs? I dont care!
Joey: (entering) Hey! Uh, Monica? Chandler? Can I talk to you guys for a second?
Joey: No! No, I-I just wanna thank you guys for what you did for my parents, that was really sweet. Theyre so happy they get to be a part of your special day.
Melissa: Okay. (To Phoebe) Well, it was great meeting you. And uh Rachel, I-I dont think Ill be calling you (hails a cab) because umm, yknow youve gotten weird. (The cab pulls up.) Take care you guys.
Rachel: What?! Wait a minute! No wait a minute! (She does so.) Okay? Look, that night was the one wild thing I have ever done in my entire life, and Im not gonna let you take that away from me! Okay, so if you dont remember that, maybe you will remember this! (She grabs Melissa and kisses her on the lips.)
Phoebe: Yeah, yknow what I noticed Rachel? He scares easy. Is that the kind of guy youd like to take to a ball? "Hey Sebastian, would you like to dance?" (Imitates him.) "Uhh, okayI gotta go!"
Monica: (handing him a pad of paper and a pen) Lets just do it right now. Okay? It wont be hard. Just say whats in your heart. (She goes back, sits down, and starts feverishly writing.)
Chandler: I figured Id buy those. Pat, Id like to buy a vow. (Laughs)
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Umm, maybe you can start with, "Chandler, even though we were friends; there was a part of me that always knew I wanted more."
Chandler: All right, theres a nuclear holocaust, Im the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?
Phoebe: (speaking louder and articulating) That's she's like the daughter she never had. (Phoebe points at her ears) Listen! (Monica looks at Phoebe in a duh! way)
Chandler: An invitation for the At First Sight premiere? Oh my God! Val Kilmer didnt wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity love story where he played a blind guy!
Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7 7.. 7 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7 (mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
[This starts a series of flashbacks beginning with Monica and Chandler in the waiting room in The One With the Birth.]
Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, youre going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.
Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
[Cut to Chandler opening the door to his and Joeys apartment to reveal Monica standing there with a turkey on her head in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
[Cut to Chandler entering his and Monicas apartment alight with a thousand candles in The One With The Proposal.]
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
Mr. Zelner: Its kind of a risky joke Tag, and what is-what is this drawing I cant figure out what this is?
(Everyone screams and has a group hug.)
Phoebe: Well lets just say its shes lucky she has a sweet ass, cause shes not so good at the writing.
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
[Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.]
(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)
Joey: I dont know. Just uh, just tell em it was a mix-up with the invitations, orNo-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They hate the post office. And the Irish! But I dont think you can blame it on them so (He dials the phone and hands it to Monica.)
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
[Cut to later in that episode in Central Perk, a meeting with Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey where they discuss Chandler and Monica.]
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandlers, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own
Joey: (nervously backing away) I-I-I-I did? (He puts a stool in front of her.)