words in movies
Rachel: Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?
Phoebe: (running out) Wait! Wait! Hi! Listen, Ross can I just talk to you for just a second?
(A cab pulls up.)
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
Phoebe: So okay what? Youre gonna be married to a girl who doesnt even know about it?!Op, woman! Sorry.
{Transcibers note: In case youre wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show }
Chandler: Yknow when we move in together, can I get a gumball machine?
Monica: Hey, have you figured out a way to tell him youre moving out?
Joey: (To Monica) Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if youre gonna be moving in with him I feel its my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? Hes a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm Oh-oh he always, he always ummOh, who am I kidding! Hes the best roommate ever! (Hugs Chandler.)
Phoebe: Ross, its not that big a deal! So youll been divorced three times, youll still have a life, youll go on dates
(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, Im going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so Ill have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, well cross that bridge when we come to it.)
Rachel: I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!
Monica: Have a seat. (They sit at the table.) Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here.
Rachel: And that was so sweet of you to ask! Oh my God, the three of us are gonna have such a good time living together!
Ross: once you know the stories, its not that bad. First marriage, wifes hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldnt allow you to get married when youre that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevadas fault.
Phoebe: Okay, what about you? (Points to Karin) Wouldnt you want a date?
Phoebe: Hey! You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!!
Meg: Okay now I wouldnt date you because you seem a little creepy.
Chandler: Okay. (She grabs a tin of freshly baked cookies) Oh yes. (He reaches for one.)
Monica: No! But, Im throwing this shirt away! I think there was a little misunderstanding before.
Monica: Okay. Dont you want a cookie?
Monica: Maybe, do you need a tissue?
Monica: I mean, all Im asking for is just a little emotion! Is that too much to ask after six years?! I mean what? Are-are-are Rachel and I not as close as you guys?! I mean do we not have as much fun?! Dont I deserve a few tears?!! I mean we-we told Joey, he cried his eyes out!
Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why dont you tell me what happened.
Ross: This was just a drunken mistake and I need to get it annulled.
Russell: There are a couple of forms to fill out.
Russell: And well need you and Rachel to testify before a judge.
Monica: Hey Rach, what about this? (She holds up a chrome 5-point star.) Huh? Who-who gets this? See, I dont know if I want it because it might be yknow, too many memories!
Monica: I dont know. (Picks up a big plate from the coffee table.) Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.
Monica: But still, its a big change. The end of an era, you might say!
Monica: An era is defined as a significant period of time. Now, it was significant to me, maybe it wasnt significant to you!
Rachel: All right, fine, but dont get mad at me. Its-its just a little hard to believe.
Chandler: It's a four.
[Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.]
Monica: That could be a four or a five. It's your call.
Phoebe: Oh well, lost again. (She gets up and slowly moves away. The lurker scurries in and takes her spot, only this time Phoebe set a trap for her and catches her in the act.) That's it! You and me, outside!
The Lurker: I don't want to see you lose a chunk of that pretty blond hair!
Phoebe: What time? Maybe we can share a cab!
(They both start laughing. There's a knock on the door.)
Young Ethan: All right, look. I've gotta tell you something. I'm not 17. I only said so that you'd think I was cute and vunerable. I'm actually 30, I have a wife, I have a job, I'm your Congressman. Monica, this is ridiculous, we're great together. We can talk, we make each other laugh, and the sex. Oh, man, okay i have no frame of graft, but I thought that was great.
Rachel: Ohh, I love Joey! Joey lives with a duck! (Goes and hugs Joey.)
Phoebe: (singing) I found you in my bed! Howd you whined up there? You are a mystery! Little black curly hair! Little black curly hair! Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair
Ross: Excuse me sir, you've got a little something right here. (He points to the corner of his mouth and they both laugh.)
Chandler: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.
Monica: (shaking the dice) A new pair of shoes for the Chan-Chan man! (Rolls the dice.) Yes!
Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.)
Joey: No, no, no, dont get up, I got a cooler right here.
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.
[Scene: A Little White Chapel, Chandler and Monica are entering.]
Chandler: (entering, happily, with a bottle of champagne, thinking that Monica is the only one there) Ha-ha-ha-(sees everyone)-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!
Joey: Uhh, Ms. Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at-at this table?
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
Phoebe: Ooo, a crossword! Can I help?
[That's all folks, no teaser; just the big cliffhanger for season 6. Yes, there will be a season 6, and it'll start again in September. Have a good summer everyone!]
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
Phoebe: Whats the big deal, yknow? Its not like its a real marriage.
Ross: (reading the newspaper) Hey, heres a question; where did you guys get the finest oak East of the Mississippi?
Joey: Ross and Rachel left us a message saying they were getting married! Isnt that why you guys are here?
[Scene: Rachels hotel room, shes waking up with a horrendous hangover.]
Rachel: Oh! I remember laughing! I laughed a lot.
Phoebe: Um-hmm, yeah. They left me a message; they should be here any minute.
Phoebe: I dont know, its such a long trip.
Gary: Yeah, we took a little stroll in the park and no one was around, so
Chandler: Its a buffet man.
Joey: Oh my God! Thats huge! (Hugs him.) Wait a minute, why come I wasnt invited? And who was going to be your best man? Dont say, "Ross." Do not say, "Ross."
Rachel: Yeah, and also we need more umm, drinks. Hold on a second. (Gets up but stumbles a little bit.) Whup, okay. (She makes it to the phone and picks it up, without dialing.) Hello! Vegas? Yeah, we would like some more alcohol, and y'know what else? We would like some more beers. Hello? Ohh, I forgot to dial!
Rachel: Well, I guess we just find a divorce lawyer? (Looks at Ross.)
[Scene: The slot machines, we see some guy not having any luck. Both Phoebe and the Lurker are lurking him and each stick their heads around the corner at different times This is all set to that Pink Panther song. Finally the guy gives up and walks past the lurker's position, thus giving her the advantage. She scurries in and quickly drops a coin in the slot before Phoebe gets there. Phoebe arrives slightly later and pulls the arm just after the lurker deposits the coin and wins.]
Monica: Thats a good question. Look umm, last night we let the dice decide. Maybe we should leave it up to fate again. I love you!
Chandler: Yes, we dont get married unless theres a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight (motions to the craps table) then theres a definite sign that we should get married.
Monica: Wait a minute. That wasnt a hard eight! Last night I rolled a hard eight.
Phoebe: Yeah! And until then you are going to sing to me because the radios broken and you are selfish but have a nice voice.
Joey: (to himself) Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No! (He opens his eyes and sees a hitchhiker.)
[Time lapse, Phoebe is asleep, Joeys driving and having a hard time staying awake.]
Rachel: Oh thanks, but listen, I was just at Monicas and she and Chandler had a big fight and theyre not moving in.
Rachel: Ohh, okay, Im sorry. Youre right. Yknow what? We absolutely can stay married, because I was under the impression that the boxes were far away from each other. All right, look, just please, take a moment here and think about what youre asking of me.
Ross: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! Its right next to it!
Ross: Im asking you to do me a favor.
Ross: We-we-weI remember being in a chapel.
Phoebe: It's a tarantula! (Joey almost falls down from his drum-stool jumping up) Oh! God! Rachel, look, I'm sorry. What was I thinking giving Joey this big, gross, scary spider in such a poorly constructed cage?
Phoebe: Yknow what? Im not talking to you! You go back to sleep! (To the hitchhiker) And you, are you a rapist?!
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Ross: What?! Over a stupid room!
Frank: No, its okay. Were-were gonna have three kids! And thats-thats a different kind of dream. Three kids and no money.
Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the worlds worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will!
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
Ross: No! But we-we didnt have sex-uh, did we? I mean, I dont remember much about last night, it was such a blur.
Phoebe: Okay. Is it a kind of hot sandwich?
Joey: Well, thank you. So, can we play 20 Questions now? Ive got a really good one! Ive been thinking about it since Kansas.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel is just entering. She takes off her coat and heads for the kitchen. As she does, she knocks something off of a bookcase next to the kitchen door with her coat and it breaks.]
Chandler: Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I cant get in!
Phoebe: (To Joey) How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape(She holds her hand in front of the hitchhikers face), a rapist or a killer or something!
Chandler: Me asking is kind of a sign.
Monica: No, its not a sign! Its a very old key!
Chandler: This is not a sign!
Rachel: Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?
Ross: Whats all this about you guys fighting?! Is this really over a room?! I mean, that is so silly!
The Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready. (Some dude puts down a couple bowls of soup in front of them.)
Phoebe: But there's a whole table of mini-muffin baskets. Which one did you send?
[Scene: The Craps Table, Monica is still on her roll, only this time Chandler's with her and she has a huge crowd of people around.]
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
Phoebe: Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.}
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is there. Monica is watching stock prices on a business channel.]
JANITOR: Oh, yeah, right. There was a break-in, few months back, inside job. Your monkey was taken.
Chandler: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.
Phoebe: But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
Phoebe: Are you asking me to have a frenaissance?
Joey: (waving) Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. (Notices that a woman is waving back.) Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. (She just stares at him.) (Joey sees how beautiful she is.) Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.
MR. GELLER: You know, that Steffi Graf has quite a tush. I'm just saying, it's right there.
Chandler: Pheebs, I dont understand. How can you have a roommate that none of us know anything about?
Rachel: You have a roommate?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading a magazine, eating a cookie, and drinking some coffee as Phoebe enters.]
Ross: I am not in love with her. She was very upset about having to move out so I eh, didnt tell her we were still married because she would only get more upset. I-I just comforted her, as a friend.
Ross: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
Ross: (grabs back his cookie) It was a hug!
Ross: Its nothing, I just gave her a hug.
Phoebe: Ah-ha! A classic sign of love, the hug!
Chandler: No, Im not mocking you, (in a mocking voice) or you beautiful guest room. (Exits.)
Monica: Phoebe, your face is fine! Come on, none of this stuff is going to happen to you! Stop being such a baby!
RACHEL: No.� No, because I know exactly how the conversation's gonna go.� "Hey Ross, you know, I think we had a moment before."
Chandler: Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.
Gunther: So I understand youre looking for a place.
Joey: Okay you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready?
Joey: Yeah? I just figured yknow, after living with you itd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, yknow? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone whos different than me. And whats more different than me; a guy whos not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? (Points to his head.) Not just a hat rack my friend!
Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and " And then I cant think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not talking about Chuckles University?!
Joey: Well, Ive just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didnt have naked chicks on it.
Ross: Open with a joke? Its a university, not a comedy club!
Chandler: Why dont you open with a joke?
Chandler: Okay, its not a check. Theyre saying your health insurance expired because, you didnt work enough last year.
Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.
Joey: Hmm thats weird. I dont remember being in a move called benefits lapsed.