words in movies
Rachel: Well, my eye is a little itchy.
Rachel: (flinches) Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine--Okay, I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please?
Phoebe: Ohh, give him a kiss for me!
Phoebe: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Joey: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a map as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?
Phoebe: Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.}
Phoebe: But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
Phoebe: Oh, I know a way that you can decide! All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you answer as quickly as you can.
Phoebe: Good, but wait. Okay, all right, here we go. Now I want you to relax. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. (Quickly) Which do you like better peanut butter or egg whites?
Phoebe: Which would you rather be a fireman or a swimmer?
Joey: A swimmer!
Ross: Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight?
Phoebe: Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a table previously.)
The Doctor: I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine.
Dr. Miller: This is a glaucoma test.
Dr. Miller: But your chin here. (She does so.) Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.
Monica: A small puff of air, now come on!
Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.
Dr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!
Rachel: Y'know, I-I gotta tell ya, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is a 100% better.
Chandler: Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough? (Holds up 3 of them in different colors.)
Phoebe: Thanks a lot! I just got that jerk out of my mind!
Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
Joey: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.
Chandler: I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot?
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Ross: I just wanna say good-bye to you guys and to see if you guys will place a little bet for me, huh? Twenty bucks on black 15.
Rachel: Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing! (Runs after him.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
Phoebe: Oh no, I am mad at you. I know that much. But, I am sorry about the fat ass thing. You actually have a very sweet little hiney.
Chandler: We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once.
Joey: Don't worry, it's out there! (Just then a horn honks and Joey quickly looks at the road.) I think I just need lunch.
Joey: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!
Joey: You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
Chandler: They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real movie!
Joey: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.
Chandler: All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie.
Rachel: Oh, did you beat him at a board game? He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose.
Chandler: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Monica: Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Okay?
Rachel: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqu� pose, at least for primetime TV.)
Joey: (on a pay phone holding a box) Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
Monica: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. (She hands the phone to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)
Chandler: That's a good idea. I wonder where I could (Pause) get a basket of porn
Phoebe: Y'know what you should send him? A cartoon of cigarettes. 'Cause that why he could trade it for protection. No. That's prison.
Phoebe: Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing chess, you said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz! (Realizes) Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.
[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La la la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]
Stanley: It's a money thing, we don't have any.
Stanley: I don't know. A week? Maybe two? The money will turn up! People will always wanna invest in movies! Hey, you're not rich are ya?
Stanley: Eh, worth a shot. (Gets into his car.) Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay? (The car peels away.)
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
The Grip: These got left for ya. (He hands him a bunch of helium balloons.)
(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. La-la-la. See, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la, la, la )
Monica: Hey Joey! Aww, you remembered even though you're a big star!
Monica: Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it?
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
Joey: Everybody smile! (The picture is taken) Okay, thanks a lot! Enjoy your stay at Caesar's! We hope it's toga-rrific! (The family leaves.) Kill me. Kill me now.
Joey: Ive got a science question.
Rachel: Or. We could put a hat on his head.
Monica: A hat! Yes! We need a hat.
Monica: Because hell know what to do? (Rachel comes out of her room with a bear thats dressed in a rain suit.) Oh my God, youre a genius!
Monica: Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat?
Joey: Id really prefer a mountain bike.
Rachel: We need a hat..
Chandler: Hey! Hold on a minute, hold on a second. Do you think these pearls are nice?
Phoebe: I dont know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I dont know how you fight that.
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
Phoebe: (turning around and picking a cup off of a table) Oh, hey, look, I found coffee! (handing her the cup) Okay, lets skedaddle.
Chandler: Thats a good idea, Dear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday. I would like to get her something serious.
Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) Were gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Bens head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)
Rachel: Oh yeah! Y'know, if its not a headboard, its just not worth it.
Rachel: Come on, its a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasnt smoked since.
Chandler: (giving her a bag) Here.
Phoebe: (in a deep voice, imitating Ross) Um, Rachel Im really sorry. (imitating Rachel) Thats okay, do you wanna get back together? (imitating Ross) Yeah, okay. (in her normal voice) Did anyone else hear that?!
[Ross enters behind Rachel, and look at each other for a moment.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]
Rachel: Well maybe hes just taking a nap.
Joey: Hey uh, whats a matter?
Joey: Well, now we got a reason.
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. Theyre like, theyre like a family, and if, I dont know, theres chance they could make that work, I know I wouldnt want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure its ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, Ive always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.
Ross: Oh, and also, hes, hes walkin kind of funny, his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg, and hes in there just sort of y'know... (walks around in a circle)
Phoebe: (in a coy tone) Oh, you caught me. I am so busted.
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I dont wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know Youre the reason, you are the reason why their not together. and I hated that guy. And it didnt matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
Rachel: Okay. Okay honey, hes fine, hes fine, lets just put him down. Come here, Ben. (sets him on the couch) See thats a good boy. (to Monica) How could you do that to him!! Ross trusted me, what is he going to say?!
Phoebe: Im telling you hes dead. What we are about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.
Ross: Can we please focus here, a naked mans life hangs in the balance!
[The video is a very dramatic episode with an obviously dubbed voice for Phoebe. Everyone watches in disbeliefe]
Chandler and Phoebe: Ill be a fool for you. Im sure, you know I dont mind.
The Guys: (reacting to a play) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Awww!
Joey: Hey, who wants to ah, throw the ball around a little, maybe get a little three on three going?
(Monica enters, wearing a walkman, so she doesn't hear what the others say)
Monica: Well, every, every Thanksgiving um, we used to have a touch football game called the Geller Bowl.
Rachel: Um, there was a Geller Cup?
Monica: Well yknow, Im just-Im just worried that bosses will see them and think they pay you too much money. Or! Or your assistant will see them and-and want a raise!
Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, its been twelve years.
(they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment)
Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, because my Mom wont let me cross the street.
Ross: Can I see you for a second?
PHOEBE: (singing angrily) Terry's a jerk, and he won't let me work, and I hate Central Perk!
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey. So what happened? A forest tick you off?
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
Ross: Oww!! Son of a...!! Ow! Come on!
Monica: (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I-I dialed your number by mistake. (listens) Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss him. Well, you know how it is, it's that....
Woman: (in a foreign accent) You are playing American football?
(Monica throws the ball over Joeys head, its stopped from rolling away by a very beautiful woman.)
Joey: Yeah! Wow, your like from a whole other country.
Chandler: Whoa-ho, whoa! No, I was thinking about y'know for me, as a part of that whole getting over Janice thing you were talking about.
RACHEL: Ok Ross, just so you know, calling it a poopie diaper doesn't make this process any cuter.
Chandler: Thanks. What, let me have her?! What do mean? Like if you didnt I wouldnt have a shot?
Phoebe: Oh hi Rita! Good! (to Mike) Oh, Rita's a massage client.
Phoebe: Well, okay, I made a touchdown. It was my first touchdown. So?
(Phoebe runs and scores a touchdown.)
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..
Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?
(A long football sequence follows.)
[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandlers head to Joey who catches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he starts to dance in celebration.]
[Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches it. Phoebe starts screaming and runs up to him and tries to tackle him. But all she ends up doing is running around his waist and screaming.]
[cut to Ross who walks up to Rachel who is eating a baked pretzel.]
Phoebe: (on phone, in 'Katelynn's' voice) 'Hi, I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page. Okay, well, um, she's in her car I'll have to patch you through.'
Joey: A dreamless sleep.
Joey: Somehow they got the idea that you only invited them because of me. They feel a little unwanted.
[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she yells...]
[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.]
(Ross makes a Yeah. Right. sound.)
Monica: Oh, then bring it on! Oh, unless of course your afraid you might lose to a bunch of girls.
Monica: Come on Rach, come on. Lets see whats it like to be on a winning team for a change.
Chandler: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from?
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! She obviously didnt understand the question.
Joey: Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.
Phoebe: Oh my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?!
[Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe flashes him again, but Chandler covers his eyes, and keeps running. He then runs into a tree at the end of the field.]
Monica: Honey, theres a reason.
Rachel: (in triumph) I got a touchdown! We did it!!
Phoebe: Here. (gives him a fire extinguisher) Y'know, just in case.
Rachel: We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe theres a like league we could join or something.
Frank: Yeah, I was thinking that maybe we could go down to Time Square and pick up some ninja stars. And, oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.
Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
Monica: Let go! Im a tiny little woman!!
[Scene: The hallway of Rosss building, there is a Brown Bird girl selling cookies, as Ross and Chandler come up the stairs.]
MONICA: Joey, you know, maybe your just not used to kissing men, maybe you just tensed up a little, maybe that's what you need to work on.
Chandler: Excuse me little one, I have a very solid backhand.
Monica: Maybe a Hello Kitty doll, the ability to walk...
Monica: You broke a little girls leg?!!
Joey: What? Me having a job?
Rachel: Gunther, Gunther, please, Ive worked here for two and a half years, I know the empty trays go over there. (points to the counter.)
Rachel: Gee, I always heard them talk about that, I just always thought that it was a club they went to. Oh God, Im, Im sorry. (walks away)
Monica: Used to work with her. Used to! Im a relative and I didnt get invited! A blood relative! Blood!!
[Scene: Sarahs bedroom, her room is decorated with a space motif.]
Ross: So, this must be kinda neat for ya, huh? I mean, your Dad tells me that you get a couple of days off school, and you, you ah, dont have to sell those cookies anymore.
Sarah: Well, I kinda wanted to sell the cookies. The girl who sells the most wins a trip to Spacecamp, and gets to sit in a real space shuttle.
Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrows not so good, Im supposed to um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
Margha: I now find you shallow and um, a dork. All right, bye.
Sarah: Five dollars a box.
Sarah: A ten speed bike. But, Id rather have something my Dad couldnt sell.
Ross: Shielding your face and shrieking like a girl... is not a backhand.
[Scene: A hallway, Ross is selling Brown Bird cookies for Sarah, he stops and knocks on a door.]