words in movies
Charlie: (while Joey's giving her a massage) Oh! That feels sooo good!
Rachel: (speaking to herself and reading Cosmopolitan) Oh, lucky me! Coffee and a live sex show!
Phoebe: Oh... Mike's sister just invited me to a party tonight, he's gonna be there. And she was like "Oh, don't worry! I asked him. He's totally ok with seeing you!". So now I have to go so he'll think that I'm totally ok with seeing him!
Phoebe: (after a short pause) I didn't even think about that! (pause) Aaargh, sexual politics!!
Chandler: (looking at the picture of the female reproductive system) Wow! Fortunately she has a very pretty face!
Monica: Oh, I so can't believe this! My uterus is an inhospitable environment? I was trying so hard to be a good hostess!
Chandler: Oh, I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up they sure seem to be in a hurry to get places!!
Doctor Connelly: Above all, even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know! So, keep having sex on a regular basis.
Monica: Don't worry, after a while he'll tune it out.
Doctor Connelly: Ok, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be surrogacy, or insemination using a sperm donor.
Chandler: Is that a hint? Because we love you Doctor Connelly but we don't think we'd want you to be our child! (Dr. Connelly glares at him) Wow, talking about an inhospitable environment!
Joey: (to Charlie) Alright, have a good time. (they kiss)
Ross: Yeah, right! What was last time he met a submission deadline for an abstract (he and Charlie laugh, then Joey starts laughing too without any reason) Well, why are you laughing?
Joey: Just... seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist... it's fun, yeah!
Ross: Professor Sherman, yeah. I've a meeting with him today.
Charlie: He's a pretty tough guy to impress.
Rachel: Oh... you're not gonna do a magic trick, are ya?
Ross: Tsz... NO! (he goes to sit down, dropping a multicoloured silk streamer off his sleeve).
Ross: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.
Chandler: Not as much fun as last time. Apparently you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample.
Chandler: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her.
Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one.
Joey: Come on Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it!
Ross: (reading from a notepad) I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's dates as a given, but if they're off by even a hundred thousand years or so then you can - you can just throw most of our assumptions, you know, right in the trash. (he throws the notepad in the waste bin) So-so what I am saying is - is is that (he picks the notepad back from the waste bin) is that the repercussions could be huge! I mean, not just in palaeontology, but if-if you think about it, in evolutionary biology, uh, genetics, geology, uh, I mean, truly the mind boggles!
Shop assistant: (to a girl) Incentive For Men?
Phoebe: Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. (to the shop assistant). Seriously does anyone buy this? I smell like beets!
Charlie: See, I told you I needed someone! Oh, you know, by the way, as a "thank you", I would really love to take you out.
Rachel: Yeah! I'm a big fan! Of the movies, you know. Motion pictures. The Talkies!
Phoebe: (picks up a dress) Hey Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room?
Rachel: You know that depends on what it is! I've done a lot of stuff.
Rachel: She's ok, I just don't get a really good vibe from her!
Rachel: I don't know, you know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart, and tall! You know, and just swept Joey off his feet... I mean, nobody else has a chance!
Rachel: Shhhhh! Phoebe! All right, look. I have a little thing for him.
Rachel: It's just physical and I have it totally under control! Ok? It's just, when I see them together, sometimes I just get a little jealous!
Phoebe: Oh well, as long as it is under control, you know, you can't do anything about it, he's already dating her, and she is a nice person, that wouldn't be right.
Rachel: I know, I know, so it is just not a big deal.
Phoebe: Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Chandler: Hey! Look I brought a friend for dinner, this is Zack, from work!
Chandler: You guys haven't actually met before, but, boy! You're both polite! (pause) Go to have a seat Zack, and I'll get you a beer.
Chandler: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his!
Chandler: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out.
Monica: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor!
Zack: Thanks! Do you have a coaster? I don't wanna make a ring.
Rachel: Oh, thank God I can't hear a word that you're saying!
Phoebe: Ooh! We have a problem.
(A strange woman sticks her head out from a third changing cubicle to the far right)
Joey: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive...! Ross, you have to get that job!
Joey: Uh! That's a tough one. Oh! Wait a minute, this happened to me before! Yeah, I was auditioning for a play and the producer fell asleep and... (pause) no wait a minute... it was me who fell asleep... Yeah I mean hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase scene once in a while!?
Zack: You guys have such a great place here.
Chandler: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
Zack: (after a pause, very confused) No...
Zack: You guys don't have people for dinner a lot, huh?
Zack: Ok. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny...
Zack: Ok listen, you guys have shown a lot of interest in me tonight and I'm flattered and... and quite frankly a little frightened. Can we just talk about something else?
Chandler: I noticed you were enjoying that Ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. Did you have braces as a child?
Rachel: (pretends to be stunned) Oh! Wi... in the dres... in the dressing room!? Well, that's so weird! Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. God it's just such a small world!
Rachel: (after a pause) Yeah.
Charlie: It's just that... I don't understand it... I mean, Phoebe likes Joey and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy...?
Rachel: Yeah! That's Phoebe. That's Phoebe. You know, she just wants them all! It's like she's a nympho!
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the sofa, eating a cookie.]
(Phoebe walks in wearing a fancy, revealing dress, and stands before Joey)
Phoebe: Mike knows I'm coming, and if I don't show up he'll think it's because of him! And I don't want to lose face! That's a very serious thing in my culture.
(Joey gives Phoebe a thumbs up. Phoebe walks out)
David: She's also a scientist, so she's very smart and pretty and... well, it's actually because of you, really, that we're together, I mean, I saw what you had with that Mike guy, and I just said "Boy, I want that".
David: Yeah, I know. Well... this is probably a stupid question, seeing that you look like that, but do you have some place that you need to be right now?
David: Do you wanna get a drink?
Charlie: There's a third guy?
Chandler: You sure you don't wanna stick around a little longer?
Chandler: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, 'cause that could be a sign of clinical depression.
Chandler: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.
Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
Chandler: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are having brunch.]
Rachel: Yeah thats actually a pretty good idea.
Monica: Well umm, I was thinking that maybe we could come up with a system where we trade of being maid of honor for each other. Like hypothetically, if Phoebe were mine
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Phoebe: Aww, and good luck to you too! (To Monica and Rachel) What a nice lady!
Joey: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!
Joey: Yep. Hey, what do you say we make it a double feature?
The Guys: Ohhhh! (They all look up in a moment of reflection.)
Ross: (takes a drink) Damn, this coffees cold! Hey Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins? (Joey and he both laugh.)
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Monica: No, its more like a (sarcastically) good luck.
Chandler: Well, is there any chance you were looking into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror?
Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive (Thinks a little while.) Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.
Chandler: Yeah. Yeah, but it was a really, really long time ago! Does she still feel bad?
Monica: You broke up with a girl because she was fat?!
Joey: Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if Im the best of the people they see, they give me the part.
Rachel: Oh, come on! This is crazy! Cant we just flip a coin?!
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when youre on a date and youre getting along really great but the guys translator keeps getting in the way.
Chandler: Okay, I will do it. But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you feel in love with!
Phoebe: Ugh, what a kiss ass.
Ross: (To Phoebe) Im sorry. Ugh, Pheebs, you were, you were right about her. Yknow, she did try to use sex as a weapon! Yeah, I hurt my back a little.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is interviewing a potential roommate. And yes, shes a female, non-smoker and very non-ugly.]
Ross: (playing the drunk uncle) When Monica was a little girl, I remember that(Phoebe screams and tackles him)Ooh!! Ow! Very good!
Phoebe: Hey! Do you want do you want a little taste of Pheebs?!
Rachel: Wait a minute! She just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony!
Receptionist: We already got the results back on that on, and theyre not good. (Joey beats a hasty retreat.)
(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time, in formation.)
Chandler: (To Monica) Its a nickname, Ill explain later.
[Scene: A random apartment building, Chandler and Monica are knocking on the door of the woman from the beginning.]
Rachel: Well then I demand a recount! (Hmm, I wonder where Ive heard that before.)
Rachel: No! Yknow what? No! No! You thing was so stupid anyway, this was ridiculousWere gonna flip a coin! (Phoebe gasps.) All right?! (She flips the coin.) Heads! (Looks at the coin and grunts in disgust.)
Gary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)
Joey: Boy I tell ya, that judging stuff took a lot out of me.
(Joey gets up and heads for the door. After a pause Ross decides to join him.)
Joey: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. (Raises his eyebrows, questioning Ross to see if he wants to join him.)
Chandler: Look I know it was a stupid reason to break up with somebody, but I was 15!
Chandler: Okay. Okay, now wait a minute that was totally different.
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Elizabeth: Ross, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I just wanted to tell you that Im going to Florida for a couple weeks.
Rachel: Hi! I just want to apologize. Im really sorry I was a baby.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a shopping bag.]
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Chandler: Skidmarks still got a way with the ladies.
Joey: Huh. What if I was sweeping a chimney?
Rachel: Oh good. (She walks to the closed bathroom door, opens it, and finds a naked woman wrapped in a towel.) Ahhh! My God, sorry! (She closes the door and confronts Joey.)
Joey: YeahHey, dont worry, shes a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that Im not looking for a serious relationship; thatd be great.
Rachel: Yknow what? Thats a lot to remember, cant I just tell her youre a pig?
Ross: Okay, okay take a guess.
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is cooking as a waitress enters carrying a plate of food that has been sent back.]
Monica: Well, she actually has a boyfriend yknow herself, named Clark. Uh, she also kinda invited herself to our wedding. Clark too.
Phoebe: Ooh, I cant do this. My mom was right. If I cant-if I cant give him up, then theres no way I can give up a baby. Ohh, God, Frank and Alice are gonna be so crushed. What-what else, what else can I give ema kidney!
Chandler: No! That was a lie! See how easy that was?
Rachel: Yeah, we ended up spending the day together and had such a great time!
Joey: My beers?! Look you guys, shes a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I justI dont see it going anywhere.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Ross: Let me ask you something, at your school was there a like uh a place on campus where students went to uh, fool around.
Rachel: Yeah, maybe if you gave this girl a chance it would go somewhere.
Ross: (jumping up) Good! A verbal contract is binding in the state of New York! (Storms out.)
Phoebe: Thats easy! You just have to think of him as a-as a jar of pickles that wont open.
Rachel: Hi! Well, we were just about to take off and see a movie. Oh no!
Phoebe and Rachel: A birthday party.
Rachel: (does a retching sound) Wait a minute! Why dont you guys do something?!
Ross: Excuse me. Hi, Im a professor here. Do you know the Paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437?
Joey: Now hold on a second, fifth floor against that back wall?
Ross: Okay, okay. This can go on for a while.
Chandler: Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, its going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! Were not even sure why were having it.
Erin: Look, hes a really great guy and I know that you really want this to work out, but I just dont see this having a future.
Ross: Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier, yknow-yknow for fun, and I typed mine in and guess what came up? My doctoral dissertation! Its here! Yeah, its right-its right down here! In the biggest library in the university! (They start heading that way, towards a secluded section behind the racks.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you mean like that youre kind of a loner.
Phoebe: No, just a regular old flying dwarf.
Phoebe: Yeah, and maybe that youre a real (She says something in Italian, and it doesnt matter what she said. Its not important so I dont need everyone who speaks Italian telling me what she said.)
Ross: Im a professor here uh, Ross Geller.
Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: You speak Dutch? (In Dutch) Zeer vereerd een vriend van mijn moeder te ontmoeten. (Translation: Im very honored to meet a friend of my mother.)
Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still And guess what, Im thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no! Its a surprise, but its gonna be tricky thought because she said she was gonna be pretty busy at work for a while.
Rachel: Well, she told me. She said shes kinda a loner.
(Theres a knock on the door and Janice enters.)
Rachel: Yeah and honey I promise next time that I will just say good-bye and tell em youre not looking for a relationship.
Janice: Oh my Gawd, I-I understand. I-I am so sorry, Ill go. (Starts for the door.) Good-bye Monica (hugs her), I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him. Chandler, (hugs him) you call me when this goes in the pooper. (Hurries out.)
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.
Monica: It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing against other people, so technically I didn't lose.
Chandler: A hundred and forty-five pounds.
Chandler: Oooh that may be a New World's record (Looks at his watch and picks up Ross' pad)
Joey: (gets up) All right. Don't look at my list, Ross, 'cause there's a lot on there that you don't have.
[Chandler and Monica head out with some stuff. Phoebe comes out of her room with a bag.]
Monica: Chandler? Can you give me a hand? (Grabs her jacket)
Phoebe: Hey you guys I'm gonna go out and take a walk.
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm?
Monica: Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch!
Monica: Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment?
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...
Chandler: Extremely allergic, okay? If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than 5 minutes, my throat will just close up!
Phoebe's Assistant: We've got a couple changes in your schedule. Your 4:00 herbal massage has been pushed back to 4:30 and Miss Somerfield canceled her 5:30 shiatsu.
Chandler: (scared) Is there a puppy here?
Ross: Right, they are scary. (He jumps up, screaming) Ahh, she just ate a treat out of my hand!!!
Rachel: Wait a minute. Do you not like all dogs? I mean, not even puppies?
Monica: Chandler, if that dog's been here that long, and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog?
Ross: How can I not get this? I'm a college professor; I got 1450 on my S.A.T.s.