words in movies
Ross: Well this uh, this may be a little awkward.
Chandler: Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. Im buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
Monica: Im making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.
Joey: (entering) Hey! You guys! Remember that audition I had a while ago and didnt get the part?
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, Joey is in costume and standing at the craft services table. He checks his pockets and finds some prop coins in a pouch, which he replaces with some cookies.]
The Director: (approaching) Okay! Were about an hour away from getting the scene lit. So uh, if you guys dont mind, can we run it a couple of times?
The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?
Joey: (glances at Richard) No. Nope, I uh I thI thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. Yknow? Hes uh, hes a face toucher. (Behind his back, Richard is nodding no.)
Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his face again.)
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Chandler: Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night.
Monica: (voice on answering machine) Hi! If youre calling before Saturday, youve reached Monica and Chandler. But if youre calling after Saturday, youve reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings!
[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner, Chandler and Monica are greeting guests as they arrive. A woman enters.]
Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (Shes wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)
Mr. Geller: I didnt even have a chance to act as though Im okay with it!
Mr. Bing: Yes! Although, I think we may be seeing a little too much of some people. Arent you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?
Mrs. Bing: Dont you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?
Monica: Oh, Rach! Rach! Umm hey, could you do me a favor and would talk to Chandlers dad and try to keep him away from Chandlers mom?
Rachel: Man in the black dress (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! Im Rachel! Im a friend of Monica and Chandlers!
Rachel: Oh I get it! A man duh!
Ross: (clinking a wine glass) Can I have everyones attention please? Im uh; Im Ross Geller.
Ross: Dad dad, please! As I was saying umm, Im Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and Im the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, shes the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if youd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple were here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings.
Monica: Yknow what? Youre right, Im sorry. Actually you were a big help tonight. Yeah, and thanks for putting my grandmother in the cab and making sure she got to the hotel safely.
Ross: (going up to Rachels closed door) Chandler? (He opens the door and looks inside and doesnt see him.) Chandler? (He checks the bathroom and still doesnt find him. He then finds a note on the counter. He picks it up and reads it.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe and Rachel are in the kitchen as there is a knock on the door. Rachel answers it.]
Richard: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? (Hes holding a script.)
Joey: Okay uh, look I know youre a great actor, okay? And you play all those Shakespeare guys and stuff
Richard: Thats what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t)
[Scene: The Movie Set, Richard and Joey are doing a scene.]
Richard: Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?!
Joey: Thanks a lot.
Monica: (entering from her room, excitedly) Im getting married today!!! (She trips and falls.) (Getting up) I think I just cracked a rib. But I dont care because todays my wedding day! My day is finally here!! (Runs back into her room.)
Phoebe: (looking into the trash can) Sure. (Reaching into the trash can.) Do you need some floss? (Grabs a piece of it.)
Phoebe: Oh heres a whole bunch.
Phoebe: There was a pregnancy test in the garbage, and its positive. Monicas pregnant. (Rachel covers her mouth.) So I guess she wont be totally alone.
Phoebe: I know! Monicas gonna have a baby! Hey, can this count as her something new?
Phoebe: Just for the future, this is hardly a commercial for it.
Ross: Well, cant you at least stall her a little? Ill-Ill go back to some of the places I went last night.
Rachel: No Monica! Im serious! Oh, maybe I should just forget about it. Become a lesbian or something.
Joey: Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasnt supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. Its my best friends, and Im officiating so I really cant work past four.
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
Joey: Hey! Youre here! Great! Great! Great! Lets get going buddy, weve got a scene to shoot!
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Ross are exiting a pizza place.]
Ross: We are never gonna find him! Hes one guy in a huge city!
Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games!
Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Phoebe: But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.
Ross: Yknow, okay. Youre right. It is huge. So why dont we take it just a little bit at a time? Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower?
Ross: (interrupting him) YeahNo-but-but-but-but! Were just gonna go home and take a shower. Now, thats not scary right?
Rachel: I know. At dusk. Thats such a hard time for me.
Monica: Oh wow! Okay. Dont scare me like that okay? I mean for a minute there I was like, "Oh my God! The worst has happened!"
(Monica goes into the bathroom and Phoebe and Rachel breathe a sigh of relief.)
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]
Richard: (To Joey) Are you a little off today? Its going terribly slowly.
Ross: There you go. You put on a tuxedo! Now that wasnt so scary, was it?
Ross: Im telling you, just a little bit at a time.
Chandler: Okay, excuse me for a minute. (Starts to leave)
Chandler: Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh air.
(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)
Rachel: Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding, excellent! {Its a good thing Jennifer Aniston is Greek, because she had to pronounce those names. Luckily for me, they were written on a sign.}(The happy couple emerges.) Congratulations. (To the best man and maid of honor) Mazel Tov! (The rabbi emerges.) Hi! Oh, great hat. (Hes wearing an interesting hat and she takes him over to talk.) Listen umm, I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that?
Ross: He-he was with me umm, were playing a little game, yknow? Hide and seek.
Ross: Uh Phoebe, can I see you for a second?
Phoebe: Oh my God! Why would you play hide and seek with someone you know is a flight risk?!
Richard: You wouldnt happen to have a very big fork?
Joey: No-no-no! We gotta go! Come on! (Joey picks him up in a firemans carry and carries him out.) Here we go.
(And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door closes and carries it with him.)
Ross: (turning a corner) There he is!!
Chandler: Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and thats when I uh, saw this. (He holds up a little, tiny baby jumper that reads I (heart) New York.) Yeah, yknow what? I thought anything that can fit into this, cant be scary.
Joey: (entering) Thats my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, Im sorry Im a little late. You may be confused by this now, (Hes still in costume) but you wont be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, lets get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. Ive known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as Ive left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
Monica: Chandler, for so long I I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort. And in stead, I found everything that Id ever been looking for my whole life. And now here we are with our future before us and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you dont want to. You go!
Monica: We have a baby?
Monica: I didnt take a pregnancy test.
Phoebe: Oh and theyre gonna have a baby.
(The camera zooms in on Rachel who has a very worried and frightened look on her face and she slowly takes a deep breath.)
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
Phoebe: (seeing Rachel's clothes) What a neat idea. All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this.
Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Ross: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way.
Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross, ten o'clock.
(The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to a female patient.)
Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!
Rachel: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it!
Ross: He could never get a woman like that in a million years.
All: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
All: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
(Joey enters from behind a curtain. The others all talk at once.)
(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is denoted by italics.)
Phoebe: (reading Monica's palm) No, 'cause this line is passion, and this is... just a line.
Monica: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather)
Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. (previously scared Rachel turns away) No, no wait, no-no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird�s aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues as an act of aggression and grabs the baby on its talon. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still up lays (?) are locked in a death grip, swirling around the whirl pool, that fills the apartment.
Monica: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?
Ross: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey-
Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is.
Ross: Because you're a kook! Instead you wait until they send you a notice.
Joey: (on phone) Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be there! (He hangs up and to all.) That was my agent. (He tosses and catches the phone.) My agent has just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie!
Monica: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. (She moves it.) Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while.
Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!
Ross: Well... (realizes, screaming like a little girl, trying to get rid of the spider) Whaa... aaah... aaahhh...
[Scene: A Film Set, Joey is entering for his scene.]
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on his face.)
Phoebe: yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh (takes a deep breath and sits down, knock on the door)
Joey: You can't just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?
Monica: I think it's a great idea. Yeah, we could have a dinner party and just invite her close friends.
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler is inside. The lights go out, and he realizes he is trapped inside.]
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much.
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Phoebe: Its a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type thingy shes wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.) Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?
Chandler: Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile!
Monica: OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pool table.
Monica: Oh my God! What were you doing in a library?
Ross: Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.'
Joey: We have a winner!
Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.
Ross: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to...
Phoebe: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! (Singing) "Daa - raa... When the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."
Ross: You come out there, you're a dead man.
Ross: OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)
Ross: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to, um....
Ross: But is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up?
Phoebe: Wait a minute. What's his name?
Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat.
I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitchin', How was I supposed to know That my mom was dead in the kitchen? (shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la...
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldnt be so hard, now that youre dating. (Imitating men at their worst) "Sweetheart, youre fired, but how bout a quickie before I go to work?"
(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall.)
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.)
Ross: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad.
Ross: Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing.
Ross: So you do know a little English.
Jill: Ready? (she swings the pen around her head in a circle)
Sandy: Oh, no, no, no... That's okay. I got a lot of offers from other families. I just picked you guys because... I liked you the best.
Joey: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.
Jill: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (she kisses him on the cheek) See ya.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.) Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Chandler: He's a he?
Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday?
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
All: Yes. Absolutely. A quality.
Monica: My god, if I had a nickel for every guy I wish I hadn't...(Everyone looks at her), but this is about your horrible mistake.
Ross: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover.
Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours.
Monica: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality.
Rachel: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.
Monica: We checked. A lot.
Rachel: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this? (Gives her a pencil)
Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last.
(He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that; he falls behind the chest of drawers with a shout.)
Phoebe: (stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
Mr. Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a boat, pack a lunch...
Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league.
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.
(They open a cupboard which, amongst other things, contains a chest of drawers)
Ross: (holding a dress out from inside the closet) This one?
Mrs. Geller: That's really a day shoe.
Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back.
Ross: Okay. Um, how about these? (Holds out a pair)
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.
Monica: It was a really beautiful service.
Phoebe: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise!
Rachel: Thats all right. (He goes to get her a soda.) And so it begins.
Mrs. Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different dress?
Mrs. Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my golfing accident. (Hands Ross a bottle of pills. Then turns to Monica and pats her hair over her ears)
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and leave Chandler.)
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Rachel: (still trapped under Ross) Pheebs, could you maybe hand me a cracker?