words in movies
[Scene: A hallway in an apartment building. Phoebe is knocks on a door and it opens.]
Ross: (coming back in with Rachel) Hey, you guys! What do you, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?
Melissa: Oh no, thats-thats an old card. Umm, I wanted to get out of that and-and do something where I can really help people and-and make a difference.
Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.
Monica: Its kind of an important one!
Chandler: An invitation for the At First Sight premiere? Oh my God! Val Kilmer didnt wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity love story where he played a blind guy!
(The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.)
[Flashback to the gang in Central Perk in The One Where Nana Dies Twice, theyre all going through an old photo album.]
Rachel: Come on Ross give me the keys! Monica does not know what shes talking about! I am an excellent driver!
Chandler: Oh! Right. Umm, maybe thats because I didnt send him an invitation.
Helena: Chandler? What an unusual name! You mustve had terribly fascinating parents.
Joey: Yeah you see umm, well, I'm an actor. Right? So I gotta keep my emotions right at the surface y'know? See what I'm saying? I gotta lot of balls in the air. (Makes like he's juggling.) Y'know what I mean? It's tough! Guys like me, y'know, you wander around, you're alone
Joey: Oh! Maybe its because Im on television. Im an actor on Days of Our Lives.
Policeman: Youre an Aquarius, huh?
Joey: Wow! I cant believe this! This is incredible. I mean you just won an Oscar!
The Director: (approaching) Okay! Were about an hour away from getting the scene lit. So uh, if you guys dont mind, can we run it a couple of times?
Joey: Yeah? I just figured yknow, after living with you itd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, yknow? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone whos different than me. And whats more different than me; a guy whos not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? (Points to his head.) Not just a hat rack my friend!
Ross: That is an old, Chinese woman!
[Cut to an office building.]
Monica: (getting up) Im gonna go put my make up on, we have to be at the hotel in an hour! (Starts for the bathroom.)
Phoebe: (entering) Found the vest! I mean were gonna have to keep an eye on it, yknow make sure we dont lose it again
Rachel: Joey! The wedding is in less than an hour!
Phoebe: (hopping off the bike) Wait! This seat is really uncomfortable! Yeah, maybe before we start we should just get another one. Perhaps, like an airplane seator a beanbag chair!
Matthew: Our energy just comes way up when theres an audience here and when that happens, something happens between your brain and your mouth sometimes and it just doesnt, it just doesnt work.
Kathy's Co-Star: Is that an expensive blouse?
Ross: 15? (Joey nods again) Your personal best! (Ross takes an Oreo and Joey mumbles, no!)
Dennis Phillips: Its an all Chinese cast. Can you be Chinese?
Phoebe: A little mirror that when you look into it you see yourself as an old woman.
(Rachel runs up cluching an envelope.)
Joey: Im gonna be an uncle! Come here! (He joins the hug.)
Chandler: Oh no-no Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
Joey: Monicas chicken parm! Ill take care of it. (He picks up the phone) Hey Mr. Treeger, its Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandlers apartment. Its an emergency. (Listens) Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread. (Hangs up.)
The Casting Director: An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be
Ross: I can show you, I have it on videotape! (Stunned silence) Its an expression.
Joey: Well I can promise you, at least one person will be crying. (Points to himself) Im an actor, and any actor worth himself can cry on cue. (snaps fingers)
Monica: I know! Although, you did tell an awful lot of jokes.
Joey: Well youre not selling the story! Its like; its like you dont believe it! Look, I gotta go. I got a date, but try this. Do what I do when Im preparing for an audition. Okay? Ill set you up with my video camera and you can record yourself and-and see what youre doing wrong.
Joey: Uh no Rach, hes gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake.
Joey: Hey! Im an (does the quote-marks thing as well) actor too! Im not sure. I think theyre taking the ferry out to some Italian place on Staten Island.
Rachel: It was an amazing night.
Ross: It was. It was an amazing night.
(Phoebe turns to leave but notices an attractive man.)
Eric: Im an idiot. Uh, is your mother here? Maybe I can give her a little slap on the butt.
Chandler: Youre an actor!
Ross: Why dont they just jump out of an airplane?! Huh?! That-thats a fun date! Or burn each other with matches?! Thats fun too! Whew!!
Phoebe: Wow! What an incredible violationand wonderful surprise.
[Time Lapse: the crowd has left and only Mona, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are still watching to see who will be able to move the others arm first. An event that has yet to happen.]
David: The good thing about the young kids though, theyre completely unpredictable. Which is a lot of fun as an actor to respond with. But there was one story
Rachel: And Im Rachel, an admirer of the building.
Eric: Uhh, I wont take no for an answer.
Monica: I will prove it to you! Okay? About a week ago I was wearing those jeans and I dropped a pen in my lap and it left an ink stain on the crotch. Now when she comes back I will find it and show you that stain!
Joey: But Rachel has an apartment.
Eric: Well if I didnt have sex with you, I had sex with someone that looked an awful lot like
Chandler: I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is hosting an impromptu roundtable discussion with Stephanie, Karin, and Meg about Rosss three divorces.]
Dr. Green: 74?! I ordered the 75! Thats a magnificent wine! The 74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?! (The waiters dumbfounded) Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why youre a waiter?
Ross: Uh thats an eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta.
Chandler: Well, Im upsetfor you. I mean, having sex with an endless line of beautiful women must be very unfulfilling for you. (He cant believe he just sad that.)
Rachel: About an hour ago.
Ross: (finds the word in the book) Ezel! (Reads the translation.) Hey Gunther! Youre an ezel!
Ross: Yeah, right! What was last time he met a submission deadline for an abstract (he and Charlie laugh, then Joey starts laughing too without any reason) Well, why are you laughing?
Monica: All right, youre telling me you can eat an entire turkey in just one sitting?
David: Wa... wa... wait! We can... call them later. Can you just... just stand there f-f-for a moment? Boy! There's an old Russian expression, uhm... it goes: Schto ya ztez vigul... ui! Roughly translated that means uhm... This thing that I'm looking at: wow!
Monica: Hey, what are you doing? You gotta save room, youve got almost an entire turkey to eat.
Rachel: (To Ross) So you were in an I Hate Rachel club?
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
Ross: (laughs) Muriel. Wh-why would he call you Muriel? (Ross realizes something.) Oh my God! Chandler M Bing? Its not just an M, your middle name is Muriel!!
Chandler: Oh yeah. Boy, urine cuts right through an ice sculpture doesnt it?
Phoebe: So how did this happen? Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner?
Rachel: Hey, now wait a minute! I get when you told people at first that you wanted to be an actor they laughed at you! Now come on Bobby, why dont you tell us a little bit about your band?
Dr. Schiff: (entering) Hi Rachel? Im Dr. Schiff. (By the way, hes an attractive man.)
Ross: I dont think you had an open mind about the name Ruth. I mean, come on, little Ruthie Geller, how-how cute is that?
Chandler: Yeah. Hey, here's an idea, why don't we use our wedding china today?
Rachel: And I hope its not an inappropriate time to say this but, youre the best sex I ever had.
Phoebe: You ask an intriguing question Chandler Bing.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing an aluminum can on her stomach as Ross enters.]
Mr. Geller: It is off. Right Ross? (pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache)
Rachel: Yeah, Stevies an old family friend. (Hits Rosss chest)
Chandler: Yeah. (Checks his hair.) Oh no wait, Im not an nine-year-old girl.
Rachel: Oh! Im sorry! Are we having an 89-year-old? How about Dayton?
Ross: Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, Im going to take her to an amazing Valentines dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks Im the best boyfriend in the world, then Im going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.
(He slowly walks to the other side of the couch and sits down at the table, an awkward silence follows.)
Monica: (to the clerk) Ooh, an ink stain! Hey, can I watch how you get this out?
Monica: No, no its going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably dont say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, Im-Im saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she cant because shes dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember shes dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didnt see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesnt get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Heres to mom and dad! Whatever!
Joey: Im an actor, yknow? As-as a group, we tend to be over dramatic.
Rachel: No. (grabs an eggroll) And then I called him, and he wasnt there.
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.
Joey: Wow! You realize that we've been throwing this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour?
Ross: I know, I mean a PhD is just as good as an MD.
Phoebe: Are you sure it wasnt an oyster?
Joey: Actually, you have a little bit of an edge.
Joey: It was so stupid, I said some stuff in an interview that I shouldnt have said. But believe me, thats not gonna happen today.
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
Monica: Well, given that we forgot to invite her it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.
Monica: (on phone) Hi, umm I know this is last minute, but weve decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
Monica: It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official ballplayers can drop the ball!
Monica: Thats right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you dont want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer!
Joey: Okay, its an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.)
Chandler: An hour.
Ross: Look at you! WhatYoure-youre this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I-I have no doubt youre gonna be an incredible mother.