words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Chandler are sitting on the couch and chair as Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Rachel: Cause I know hes gonna flip out and I hate it when hes angry.
Phoebe: Gosh. Im not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. (They both sit down by the rest of the gang and Phoebe recognizes a man by the window.) Oh. Hey! Who is that guy? I think I know him.
Monica: (recognizing him and panicking) No you dont!
Chandler: I cant believe you didnt tell me! You know that the two pillars of marriage are openness and honesty!
Monica: Ugh, I knew giving you that book was gonna come back and bite me in the ass!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel and Phoebe are having dinner with Dr. Green, and everyone is looking at the menu.]
Rachel: No its okay, this is whats gonna happen. Im gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
Rachel: Well uh, yes and no. Except not no. So to sum it up, yeah.
Dr. Green: The wedding! Theres going to be a wedding. Young lady, dont you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! (Rachel pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are reading a magazine and Ross is chatting with Mona.]
Mona: Oh no-no, I-I had my eyes closed so I could concentrate and yknow take it all in.
(They kiss and she starts to leave.)
Joey: So uh, you and Mona, been a while now. Hows it going?
Chandler: Shes okay with Rachel and the baby?
Joey: Im gonna take that book and beat you to death with it.
Monica: Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!
Chandler: And Joey.
Chandler: Ah, no-no-no just Ross. Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough.
[Scene: The Restaurant, dinner has ended and Phoebe and Rachel are talking. Dr. Green is not at the table.]
Phoebe: Im sorry I wont be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but Im really busy that day. Yeah, I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.
Rachel: Really?! The Plaza?!! Oh daddy!! (Hugs him and Phoebe glares at her.) Right. Daddy, I need to talk to you. Please, sit down.
Rachel: Theres not gonna be a wedding. Ross and I are not getting married.
Dr. Green: Stay calm?!! How do you expect me to stay calm?! This is unacceptable Rachel! And I wanna know why?!! Is it because that punk Ross wont marry you?! Thats it! Is that it?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandlers bachelor party has begun, what there is of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to be a Burger King paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of Budweisers on ice.]
Joey: Thats her! Okay, come on! (They go over and open the door.)
(They both slowly enter the bedroom and quickly walk back out.)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross and Mona are sitting on the couch.]
(They start making out and she kicks the eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta off of his apothecary table from the days of yore and the magical city of White Plains.)
Ross: Aw forget it, its from Pier One. (Theres an angry knock on the door.) Sorry. (Goes and opens the door to an irate Dr. Green.)
Dr. Green: You think you can knock up my daughter and then not marry her?! Im gonna kill you!!
Dr. Green: Oh really? Thats how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are discussing what to do about the now naked hooker in the guestroom.]
Joey: Wait! Wait! Maybe shes a hooker and a stripper, but she got confused about what shes supposed to do.
Hooker: Uh, no. But I could pretend to strip, but thats gonna cost extra. Okay, heres the extras, handcuffs, spanking (Chandler grunts for her not to continue and Joey pulls him back into the kitchen.)
Dr. Green: But what?! You figured youd get what you wanted and then dump her like you dumped Rachel!
Ross: Hey! I did not dump Rachel! (To Mona) Nor are we still together. (The phone rings and Ross goes to answer it, only hes trapped behind the apothecary table by Dr. Green.) Can I just (Dr. Green glares at him.) Why dont we just let the machine get that?
Joey: (on machine) Hey Ross. Its Joey. Theres a hooker over here and we thought maybe youd know something about it.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still deciding what to do about the hooker.]
Joey: Not like we used to. Remember? You and me used to be inseparable. Yknow now its like things are different.
Joey: Oh sureAnd hey, dont get me wrong, I am so happy for you guys. I just I miss hanging out just-just us, yknow?
Joey: You got it. Come here. (They hug and are observed by the hooker.)
Monica: (entering quickly) Shes a hooker! Shes a hooker! Shes a (Stops as she sees her.) Hi! Uh, we spoke on the phone. (Goes and shakes the hookers hand.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are at the counter as Ross enters.]
Phoebe: Id better go. (She goes and sits down in the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000, the chair that Sit magazine called chair of the year, and they both look at her.) Just over here: I dont want to miss the fight.
Ross: I dont care about your dad! I care about Mona! She was there and now shes totally freaked out!
Mona: Oh good, youre here. Yeah, and I was worried that it was going to be uncomfortable.
Rachel: Okay. Um ButOkay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together.
Rachel: Right! But, none of that compared to how kind and-and how gentle and thoughtful he is. (Rubbing his shoulder.)
Rachel: I know, I get it, but Mona, what relationship is not complicated? I mean we all have our baggage! You must too! Why else would you still be single? (Mona looks at her.) I am so gonna leave right now. (Ross opens the door for her and she leaves.)
Ross: I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachels father. Look I I made a mistake, but its only because I really, really like you. Really!
Mona: Okay, I guess you can close the door now. (He does so and they kiss.)
Rachel: (entering) Forgot my purse! (Sees them kissing.) Oh, you guys made up. (To Mona) Hes a good kisser isnt he? (Ross goes to close the door on her.) Im going! (Quickly leaves and Ross locks the door.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the bachelor party has ended and Monica is trying to explain herself to Chandler.]
Monica: Yknow what? Im gonna make this up to you. I promised you a stripper (turns on the radio), and youre gonna get a stripper. (She starts to strip.)
(She does so by taking off her jacket seductively, only she has trouble getting one hand out and slams the jacket on the chair angrily to remove it.)
Monica: Gotcha sailor. (Kicks one of her shoes off and it lands in the kitchen knocking something down, but she continues to strip.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is being yelled at by her dad over the phone, and hes been going on for so long Rachel is holding the phone away from her ear and reading a book.]
Rachel: Yes! (She gets up and sets the phone on the counter without hanging it up.) Bye daddy. (Phoebe and her leave.)
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
Joey: (on phone) Hey! I do too think about the consequences of my decisions! (Listens) What gives you the right to (Listens) Go to hell! (Hangs up the phone and opens the fridge.) Stupid guy on my phone.
(Rachel enters with the cat, wearing the oven mitt, and startles Phoebe.)
Joey: Yes it is perfectly good, and it is not one of the places the duck got sick!
Chandler: Then we will sprinkle rose pedals on the bed and make love. Not just because its romantic, but because I can!
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Joey: All right, Im gonna go! (Gets up and heads for the door.)
[Cut to Joey and Rachels, Joey enters and heads for his bedroom. He pushes open the door to find the duck.]
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Phoebe has moved in and has a massage client on her table shes set up in the living room. Ross enters and is shocked to see a naked man lying on the table.]
[Time lapse, dinner is now finished and Ross is looking out the window.]
Phoebe: Whats the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandlers!
Ross: And they knew about it?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sweeping up as Rachel enters.]
PHOEBE: Yeah? Are you sure, really. [She picks up a mirror and sees the white splotches all over her face.]
(Ross isnt happy and closes the door slowly.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are having dinner with her parents.]
Phoebe: Ohh, you and your ways. (She shakes the bell at him and sits down.) Since its Christmastime. Im going to be one of those people collection donations.
(The guys takes a hockey stick and slips it through the handles then proceeds to take the stereo and Chandlers computer and walk out.)
Mr. Geller: Which means you had seven years of beach fun and you cant put a price on that sweetie.
Ross: Okay! Now, Im going to touch you. (He does so, very gingerly.) Ohh, thats soft. (He starts poking him and notices his salad spoons and starts to massage him with those.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning from dinner, Rachel is already there.]
Joey: Okay, look Im sorry, I went in there to take a nap and I know I shouldnt have, but you got porn!
Chandler: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that were gonna get married.
Rachel and Monica: Ah, yeah!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are there as Rachel enters and sees Joey sitting there.]
Phoebe: Wow, money and a firm hand. Finally a Chandler I can get on board with.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Yeah, Im putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then thats what were gonna do.
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, yknow? Well pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
Monica: Oh, youre so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff?
Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.
Chandler: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal. (Starts to make up for lost time and takes a big swig of his drink.)
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Phoebe: (hearing the signal) Im coming! Im coming! (She takes off towards the signal and almost knocks another woman over.)
PHOEBE: And you hate fish. Oh. That's so sweet, alright. Ok, alright, you can see. This is me... [she unveils herself right as a huge lightning bolt crashes outside. Ryan screams in terror.] Oh, I am scary.
Ross and Rachel: Hey!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Monica are all there as Chandler enters wearing glasses.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are making some sandwiches.]
Phoebe: Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.
Joey: (To the rest of the gang) Hey, see that? He just needed his pal to come home. All right, uh, Ive got to go memorise my lines. (Starts to go his bedroom) Me and Charlton Heston bright and early tomorrow morning! Yeah-yeah!
[Scene: Mr. Geller's party. Mr. Geller and a friend are questioning Richard while Ross observes.]
Joey: Oh, its great! Its a great place to just kinda, sit, hang around, drink a few beers, eat some chips. (He says that as he sits, hangs around, drinks a beer, and eats a chip.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are there. He takes off his glasses and starts chewing on the ear piece.]
Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and Im sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzlebeer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebes massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.]
Chandler: Young! Youre a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybodys ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear!
Ross: Or you can sit with him on the front porch and make sure no one steals the trash cans. He does that every week too.
Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up!
(Phoebe enters, walks up to Monica, and exhales exasperatedly.)
Phoebe: See no-no, I made a batch and I froze it, and this is the only one left.
(Chandler looks over and sees Ross glaring at them.)
Rachel: Okay, you guys, just relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that its Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the door.)
Rachel: But, Pheebs, you can still use the copy machine where I actually work. But, just come by at lunch so my boss doesnt see you. Cause Kim will just freak out and she already doesnt like me very much.
Joey: And deaf!
Monica: You dont? (Laughs) Well, thats the difference between a professional and a layman.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are trying to determine the cookie recipe by eating small pieces.]
(She looks at Ross, a bit ashamed. Chandler mimes "big breasts" to Ross and lip syncs "Wow". Ross looks at him, astonished and then Monica looks at Chandler again. A little too late he changes the "big breasts" mime into "rocking a baby". When he realizes Monica might have seen it he also strokes his imaginary baby's head.)
Ross: And what did he ask you not to call him?
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is finished telling everyone what happened.]
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to faceAnd by face I dont mean his lap. And by face, I dont mean my ass. (Exits.)
(She throws a water balloon at him and hits him on the head and hits him again at the waist with another one.)
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey are you getting Monica and Chandler an engagement present?
(A worker comes to open the door and the horde starts to press forward.)
Joey: And youll be nice?
Rachel: And, Ill be nice.
Rachel: AndJoey!
Joey: Six and a half! You knocked that last one out of my hand! Remember?
Rachel: All right, yknow what? I-Im sorry. I will try to tone it down and uh stop yelling.
Joey: Yeah. Sorry about that. (He walks away and knocks on the next door which is answered by a little girl.) Oh, hey little girl. Uhh, is-is your mommy, or sister, or babysitter by any chance a hot girl?
Rachel: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, lets do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, (grabs some of the rigging) whats this called?
Ross: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh (Grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it and doesnt like it.) Its batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! (Gets up and runs for the bathroom.)
Ross: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
Joey: Oh, yknow what? Since Im here, I think Im gonna have me a little beer on the port side. (Grabs and opens one.)
Joey: Yes! Yes! You did and youre still yelling at me!
Joey: All right thats it! Youre yelling and I dont see you taking your top off! I quit!
Rachel: Because youre not finished yet and I wont have it! Greens do not quit!
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey and Phoebe are entering to see if his picture is on the wall.]
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
[Scene: The Gym, Chandler and Mr. Geller are heading for the whirlpool room.]
Monica: I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out the recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time!
Joey: Well it hit me anyway! And it wouldve hurt a lot less if I had finished that last beer.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
Joey: (laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think?
Joey: Ugh! I dont know what Im going to do! I called the company that sent and th-they dont care! Then I called 9-1-1 and they laughed at me, if this isnt an emergency, then what is?
Monica: And I have costumes.
[Scene: The Restaurant, Monica and Chandlers and Richard and Lisas tables have been pushed together and theyre all eating and talking.]
Chandler: That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV.
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, did-didnt you use to have a pair? They were really round, burgundy, and they made you look kind of umm
Chandler: And say nothing?
Joey: (hangs up the phone) Wow! Well, my folks really liked it! So what-what did you guys think? (Phoebe smiles, walks up to him, and presses her breasts against him.) It wasnt that good.
Ross: Oh great! That means Im stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin right here! Whoa!"
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Monica are reading on the couch.]
(They both break into a huge laugh and do that stop motion thing they had at the end of ChiPs.)
Monica and Phoebe: Oh, thats great!!
Ross: Yeah, yeah, I was watching. (The instructor just nods and walks away.) Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next?
Rachel: Okay, so anyway Im sittin in my office and guess who walks in.
Rachel: Yeah! Guess who walks into my office is the end of my story. (To Monica and Phoebe) It was Ralph Lauren! (Monica and Phoebe gasp) Ralph Lauren walked into my office!
Rachel: (reading the resume) And you were at this job for four years?