words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.)
(Joey congratulates Ross, sees Chandler's look and abruptly stops.)
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
[Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and kisses.)
(Monica strides over to Ross, who is making coffee, and talks to him aside.)
Ross: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover.
(Everyone stands up. Cut to Ross and Monica in Nana's room.)
Ross: Well, at least she's with Pop-Pop and Aunt Phyllis now.
(He goes to kiss her but she moves. Monica screams. Ross shouts and stares in disbelief. Monica runs out of the room.)
(Monica returns with the nurse and they go into Nana's room.)
(Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls the blanket over her. Ross and Monica go to tell the family)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are there.]
(Monica and Ross enter.)
Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
[Scene: Nana's house, Ross, Mrs. Geller and Aunt Lillian are going through clothes.]
(He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that; he falls behind the chest of drawers with a shout.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is talking to her father.]
Monica: ...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that does sound fun.
Shelley: Y'know, it's a shame, because you and Lowell would've made a great couple.
Ross: And where she's going everyone else'll be dressier?
(He finds a shoebox (out of shot), pulls it down and opens it. It is full of Sweet 'n' Lo's.)
(He reaches up higher and knocks down another shoebox lid. Sweet 'n' Lo's rain down on him)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are preparing to leave for the funeral.]
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching)
Mrs. Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my golfing accident. (Hands Ross a bottle of pills. Then turns to Monica and pats her hair over her ears)
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.
Ross: (hugs him) And listen, man, if you wanna be gay, be gay. Doesn't matter to me.
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and leave Chandler.)
Ross: Oh.. you don't get it! (Passes out and slumps across her)
Monica: Well, sure, what with it being her funeral and all.
Mrs. Geller: No, I'd be hearing about 'Why didn't I get the honey-glazed ham?', I didn't spend enough on flowers, and if I spent more she'd be saying 'Why are you wasting your money? I don't need flowers, I'm dead'.
Mrs. Geller: (reaches out to fiddle with Monica's hair again, and realises) Those earrings look really lovely on you.
Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
Lowell: Yup, and waaay out of your league. (Exits)
Joey: (looking between the pages and him) Audition? I thought you were gonna offer me the part.
Monica: NOW!!!!!!!! (Rachel runs off and Monica gets up to follow her.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there.]
(At this point, Buffay, the Vampire Layer and Nasforatool start to get it on. Of course, since this is network TV, we can only see the reactions of the gang to the film playing off screen.)
[Scene: Rachels office, shes there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.]
[Scene: Monica and Joeys, Monica is cooking.]
Tag: I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there arent any plants in your office so I wanted to bring you your first (Notices her plant) There is a plant in your office.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is setting the table for dinner as Chandler enters.]
Mrs. Potter: Mr. Simons been waiting for(sees Phoebe and Rick) Oh my God!
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
Monica: Ok, let's see... Oh, the cranberry sauce, it is easy to make and no-one really cares about it.
(Ross and Chandler move closer to her and she starts laughing again.)
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is giving Joey a massage as Rachel enters.]
(The phone rings and Joey answers it.)
Ross: Yknow what? I-I-I I-I have had enough of this! Yknow, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if youve got a problem with me, frankly
Chandler: Ross came in forth and cried!
(She gets to Monica who has the dress balled up in one hand and is sitting on Megan who is sprawled out on the floor.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are still giving away all of their secrets.]
(Phoebe and Rachel both pause, look at each other, and go press their breasts against him. Which Joey doesnt mind, of course.)
Ross: All right! All right! Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won!
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, Tag is sitting at his desk as Rachel walks up. She stops and watches him pick up the phone.]
Joey: Well maybe I got a little upset and maybe I told them where they could go.
Rachel: Tag? (He turns and looks at her.) Hi, who was that?
(They both growl and hiss at each other and then kiss passionately again.)
Rachel: (grabbing Phoebe) Okay. Well be right back. (They go into her office and she closes the door.)
Joey: (jumping up and removing the bandages) Im back baby! Ha-ha-ha!
Ross: And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are sitting there and not talking to each other.]
Dr. Stryker Remoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, its your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?
Monica: Yknow, in my defense, umm there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue.
The Director: And cut!
Chandler: Yknow when I said that because were getting married that we should share everything and not have any secrets?
Chandler: Yeah, and not that you would, but I wouldnt hang out with all the guys in my office.
Ross: And! We should keep all the stuff uh, we told each other secret from everybody else.
Tag: But Im not gay. And I especially wouldnt want you to think I was gay.
Phoebe: I can't believe I never realized this before, I'm in my thirty's and never been in a long-term relationship oh my god (starts crying) what's wrong with me.
[Scene: Rachels office, shes looking at a picture of Tag when he knocks and enters.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are going through a bunch of pictures as Chandler enters.]
Joey: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, its a great part. Look, check it out. Im the lead guys best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. Im sorry, that seats saved.
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
(They both get dejected and go sit down.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is siting on the couch as Ross and Chandler enter after playing basketball.]
Chandler: And those guys were this (Doing the standard "This Close" gesture) close to lettin us play this time too.
Melissa: Well, weve been flirting back and forth, but I was hoping that tonight it would turn into something a little more than that.
Chandler: Uh Joe, when its one oclock in the morning and you dont come by? Thats okay!
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are trying to take their engagement picture. Monica has a beautiful smile, while Chandler isnt.]
Rachel: Joey, just-just he-hes new in town and I know he doesnt have any guy friends. Just take him to like a ball game or something. Ill really appreciate it.
Joey: Hey! (stands up) As soon as it stops raining we have got to go snorkeling! Some kid told me about the sea turtle and, if you blow bubbles in its face, it chases ya! (smiles ecstatic)
(Chandler turns to the camera and does The Face.)
Ross: I like this one. (Points to it.) It seems to say, "I love you and thats why I have to kill you."
Hums While He Pees: I know its really lame, but I got these tickets from my boss andOh no! No! No! My God!
Ross: Look, I dont think so Pheebs. (Pause) All right, Ill do it. But just because youre a friend. (Grabs the tickets and heads to divert Whitney.)
(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)
Ross: Okay. (Closes the door.) (To Phoebe) I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is dancing around his living room as Phoebe enters, catching and startling him.]
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are still trying to get the picture taken.]
Ross: (opens the door and to Whitney) Hi! Im sorry, but can you give me a second while I talk to this woman, who by the way did not spend the night.
Phoebe: Like shes really mean, and shes over critical, and-andNo! She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you!
Phoebe: And! She uses sex as a weapon!
Rachel: (startled) Ahh, hi! Hi! Melissa, whats up? Im just uh, about to umm, go out to the store to get some stuff to put in my backpack. Yknow, like dried fruit and granola and stuff. Whats up? (She has put on the backpack.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is teaching Chandler how to smile. Chandler is smiling.]
Tag: Then we went to this bar and he hooked us up with all these women!
Tag: And I never used to be able to just talk to girls in bars, but I got like 20 phone numbers last night.
Joey: Okay, firstfirst of all, you want to make it look spontaneous. I look down (Looks down), look down, keep looking down; then I look up. (Looks up and smiles.) See? All right, now you try. Look down (Chandler looks down), youre looking down, keep looking down
[The next flashback is from The One After The Superbowl, Part II. Monica and Rachel are fighting over who gets to see Jean-Claude Van Damme.]
Rachel: Yeah and you had fun teaching him how to be all Joey.
MR. GREENE: ...and the bansai's and the chiuaua...
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Phoebe are there.]
(He hands Joey the bag and he quickly counts its contents.)
Chandler: (awakens) Yeah! (Looks up and does The Face.)
Ross: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okayand F.Y.I she mustve shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I dont give a tiny rats ass."
Tag: And if that person is already in your life, you should do something about it right?
(Kyle and Whitney enter.)
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. Is that annoying? And speaking about being selfish in bed, hows Whitney?
Whitney: Well, I went over to Kyles last night to pick up a few things and we got to reminiscing
Kyle: we talked through most of the night and we realized that the reason we were so angry at each other was because there are still feelings there. So (Pause)
Phoebe: And yknow, even if they break up again, youd better not let him in your sad mens club!
Phoebe: Yeah, and yknow what? I dont give a tiny rats ass.
Monica: Okay. (She opens it up and shows it to them.)
Joey: Okay. Yeah. (She leaves and he goes to pick up a box marked books, but decides to take the box marked pillows instead.) Yeah, Ill grab this one. (He follows her upstairs.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are having brunch.]
Ross: Damnit! I have this date tomorrow night and I have to look cool!
Monica: First of all um, I love you both so much and youre both so important to me
Monica: Rachel would be Phoebes, I would be Rachels, that way we all get to do it once and no one would get upset.
(The woman gets up and walks over to their table.)
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Joey: And?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are finishing watching Die Hard on video.]
Phoebe: Aww, and good luck to you too! (To Monica and Rachel) What a nice lady!
Joey and Ross: Die Hard!!!!!!
Ross: And itll be cool to see it again! Yeah!
Phoebe: (gets up and starts to leave) We want the last six years back!!
Chandler: No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch.
Phoebe: And no, oh please, oh please let me finish. (Rachel stops talking.) Oh I guess that was it.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just gotten back from brunch and is telling Chandler about it.]
Ross: (takes a drink) Damn, this coffees cold! Hey Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins? (Joey and he both laugh.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, is practicing his slipknots as Monica enters.]
Chandler: (pause) No, were still together. Yeah we went out for two summers, and then I broke up with her.
Chandler: Well, cause she came back the third summer and shed gotten really fa-aa-aw-ow