words in movies
(Joey returns with a piece of pizza as Chandler and Phoebe exit.)
Phoebe: Thats easy! You just have to think of him as a-as a jar of pickles that wont open.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is there as Rachel enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul is still crying as Chandler enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul is writing something as Rachel enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are watching TV as Chandler enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Have you thought about what you would be giving up? You can't move out of the city, what if you want Chinese food at 5am? Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is eating breakfast as Chandler comes out of his bedroom, ripping his coat in the process.]
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
Phoebe: (as though Rachel wasn't paying attention) Yummy noises.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters with her nose stuck in a book.]
Phoebe: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
(Chandler puts his face in his hands as Joey and Phoebe start to examine the trash.)
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler use their knees as a table to support the lasagna.]
Monica: Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasnt clear! Im really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? Theres absolutely no rush.
Phoebe: Much as you are.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is working as Nina knocks, then opens the door.]
Ross: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me.
Rachel: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?
Rachel: Well, alright, then, forget it. (Getting up to go) Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow!
Monica (as Rachel): Hi.
Rachel (as Monica): Hi, this is my friend Rachel.
Monica: Yes? (jumping as Rachel punches her arm) ..yes, she is.
Rachel (as Monica): Right.
RACHEL: I just can't believe this is happening. I mean, when I was little, everybody's parents were getting divorced. I just figured as a grownup I wouldn't have to worry about this.
Monica (as Rachel): Thank you.
(The whole party gathers round as Ross puts the box on the coffee table.)
(As Ross opens the lid, everybody looks at the mess inside.)
Monica (as Rachel): ..well, why don't you tell them? After all it, is your ankle.
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. (Indicating a dish on the table) Why don't you try the hummus?
Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat.
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah it is, mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do.
Monica: (as Rachel) (Suddenly laughing) Oh, god, I am so spoiled... That's it!
Monica: (as Rachel) I used to wet my bed.
Rachel: (as Monica) I use my breasts to get other people's attention.
Rachel: (as Monica) And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow?
Monica: (as Rachel) (Revealing her anger to point at her best friend) We both do that!
Monica: (as Rachel) Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. (Getting up to move further away from Rachel) li-listen, Dad, I can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you...
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
Rachel: (as Monica) Hi, remember us?
Monica: (as Rachel) Um, okay. You just called a little while ago about needing a signature on the admissions form. Well, it turns out we need a whole new one (little laugh) because uh, you see, I-I, I put the wrong name again. (Little laugh) 'cause um...
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Monica: (as Rachel) I am. I'm that stupid. (Little laugh.)
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.
Rachel: (as Monica) Hi.
Monica: (as Rachel) Monica.
Rachel: (as Monica) Oh.
Monica: (as Rachel) Hi.
(Phoebe nods as he stands up in delight.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat) You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?
Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... (They don't know what to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) STAT!
The Interviewer: (returning) So, as Joeys friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?
(Rachel laughs a little too hard as Ross and Jill leave for their date. After they have left, Rachel starts to break down.)
Monica: Please! I am not as bad as Ross.
Rachel: (as Monica) Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown.
(Long pause as they both look at each other.)
(Monica picks up a glass to take a drink, everyone ducks as though she was about to throw it.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
(In slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel, then at Luisa. She jumps toward Marcel just as Luisa fires the gun.)
Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure its ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, Ive always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.
[Scene: The Hospital, Marcel lies on the operating table while recovering from the anaesthetic, tucked up under a sheet like an infant in a huge bed. Ross sits beside him, as a smiling Chandler, Monica and Rachel look on.]
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Rachel: (stands up as well) What?! Me?! What about you and your consummated like bunnies nonsense!
(Pause as Rachel realises...)
Chandler: Y'know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off. Y'know? So I guess I'm lucky. I mean not as lucky as people who were born with two nipples.
Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving coffee as Mindy enters.]
Joey: We broke down on the Parkway, so I have to walk back and get some transmission fluid. And hey, listen could you please tell Kathy that Ill be there as soon as I can.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
Monica: (Obviously enjoying this setback) Ugh, I guess it got sent to the billing address as opposed to the shipping address. (by now she can barely keep herself from smiling) Uh! What a pickle.
Ross: Okay, the other night I was leaving the museum just as Laser Floyd was letting out of the planetarium, without even trying I sold 50 boxes! Thats when it occurred to me, the key to my success, the munchies. So I ah, started hitting the NYU dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies by the case. They call me: 'Cookie Dude!'
(They both leave just as Rachel enters the room, holding a cup.)
Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, late at night Monica is still examining her bill as Rachel emerges from her room.]
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me?
Chandler: At least as long as I have the pants.
[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.]
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows:
Chandler: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route.
(Pause as Frankie resumes his work.)
Monica: (on the phone) Hi, who's this? (Listens) Hi, Joanne. Is Rachel working? It's Monica. (Listens) Yes, I know I did a horrible thing. (Listens) Joanne, it's not as simple as all that, ok? (Listens) No, I don't care what Steve thinks. (Listens) Hi, Steve.
Carol: As much as he needs.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Monica enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse. Rachel is entering the living room from her bedroom as Monica enters.]
PHOEBE: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
JOEY: Such as?
[Cut too later, the moving process is progressing steadily. Monica is trying to lift a heavy box, as Rachel comes in from Chandlers bedroom.]
RACHEL: You still think of it as your apartment, don't you?
[Flashback to 710 - TOW The Holiday Armadillo] [Scene: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's, Ross is costumed as an Armadillo.]
Monica: I hear ya. Excuse me for just a second! (Gets up and heads for the bathroom as that annoying Gotta-win-at-all-costs-super-competitive thing kicks in again.)
RACHEL: Do you guys ever get the feeling that um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?
RACHEL: Let me tell you something. As a woman there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.
MONICA: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it.