words in movies
[Scene: The breakfast buffet, Phoebe is already sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Joey: Sure! Whats up? (He grabs a plate and proceeds to load it with a huge pile of scrambled eggs. Chandler just stares at him and Joey reluctantly gives him a spoonful.)
(They both sit down and Rachel pours them both some coffee. Theyre acting like nothings happened and everyone is just staring at them.)
(They turn to look at each other and suddenly remember that they did in fact get married.)
Phoebe: Hell, Im drunk right now! (They all turn and look at her.) What? I cant have a mimosa with breakfast?! Im on vacation!
Rachel: Well, I guess we just find a divorce lawyer? (Looks at Ross.)
Phoebe: Well, you promised me a fun road trip! Weve been on the road six hours and youve been asleep for five and a half! We are switching at the next rest stop and you are going to drive all the way back! That will be your punishment, you greedy sleeper!
Ross: Im not going to do that. (Rachel glares at him.)
Phoebe: You can still sleep at night and stuff.
(And the crowd goes wild! Well, at least the live studio audience.)
Joey: I can fix it. Hold on. (He goes and gets a screwdriver from his apartment) Look out. Look out. (Pries at the door a little bit.)
Joey: Well, why dont you tell me what youre supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell cant figure it out! I talk to you and its nothin. You look at me, and nothin. (He kisses her, more passionately this time) Nothing.
Ross: Sure. Once, at work I-I thought carbon dating was fossilized
Joey: Say that to him and you're golden. (She just glares at him.)
Big Nosed Rachel: I know, I know. And oh, and this time Chip promised that-that this time it will last at least for an entire song!
Monica: Umm. (Looks at Chandler who is using the phone.) Umm. Umm. I don't think so.
Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
(Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.)
Dr. Harad: Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please.
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.]
Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?
Rachel: Why aren't you guys at the movie?
Emily: I miss you to. Well, at least I think I do.
Monica: (Looking at the TV) You're not on TV.
Chandler: I am so sorry. I really am. I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud!
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
Chandler: Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.
[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner Hall. Chandler, Joey, Ross, Emily, Monica, and all the bridal party are seated at the table. Chandler gets up to make a toast.]
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
PHOEBE: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights violation.
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
[Cheryl walks away and Ross walks inside. Everyone stares at him in disbelief.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on couch and Rachel is getting some coffee. Phoebe keeps turning her head from to keep from looking at Rachel.]
Rachel: Well, for starters I would've said the right name at my wedding!
Joey: Look, just because I know about you two, doesn't mean I like looking at it.
Chandler: Aren't you supposed to be at an audition for another hour?
Monica: (To Chandler) Rachel's at work.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Monica: (looking at the flyer) This is all of your things.
Joey: Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
Phoebe: Oh hey, Monica, I heard you saw Donald Trump at your convention.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is looking at his handbook. Elizabeth is also there.]
Phoebe: I think he's right. You guys hang out at the coffeehouse way too much.
(Monica and Chandler turn and stare at him.)
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, yknow what, lets look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then
Phoebe: Are you still mad at us?
Monica: Hey, look at you! Where have you been?
Joey: I dont get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didnt take it, and I didnt take it; and you (Chandler) didnt take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! Were trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesnt get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
(They both start screaming at the top of their lungs.)
Monica: Oh, sweetie. Oh, look at you. You're shivering.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the gang is helping Ross move out by carrying boxes. Chandler has picked a particularly large and apparently heavy box, because he takes a running start at it and still can't budge it.]
Monica: So Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner.
(She puts her leg up on the chair and removes this huge knife from her boot to open the box with. The guys are shocked at the knife's existence.)
Danny: Uh, actually, actually, I'm having a party at my place on Saturday, it's sort of a house warming kind of thing.
Joey: I know, I know, but look at the knobs on her.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Phoebe: Yeah! Why would my mother send me a fur? Doesn't she know me but at all! Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make!
(Rachel looks all around as if all the eyes in the chapel were looking at her as the picture fades to black.)
Monica: And he came at us with an axe, so Rachel had to use a bug bomb on him!
Ross: (glaring at him) Joey, please! (Motions to his computer.)
Chandler: Are you looking at naked tribe's women?
Rachel: Don't let him in! I'm supposed to be at a regatta gala.
Danny: Thanks, see you at the party.
Rachel: What? What kind of a regatta gala starts at night?!
Joey: Hey, let's go look at it! (They both jump up.)
Chandler: Yeah, well look at this kitchen, slash bathroom. Well that's great! Y'know so you can cook while in the tub.
Joey: Ah, Im-Im walking down the aisle...Still walking. (Mrs. Waltham takes her place.) Im about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. (Looking at the bridesmaid.) Hey! (Talking to Phoebe.) I told her "Hey." And now Im at the front with Ross. Its Phoebe. (He shows Ross the phone.) He looks pretty mad. Uh...Id better go.
(He looks at them.)
Phoebe: Okay, stop! Larry, okay, can't you just be Larry and not Larry the health inspector guy? Y'know I mean it was really exciting at first but now it's like, okay, so where are we gonna eat ever?
Monica: Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh!
Joey: Monica and Rachel made out. (Giggles like a schoolboy and Monica glares at him.)
Monica: No, they gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knows what else they didn't change. (He glares at her.) Come on sweetie, I just want this weekend to be perfect, I mean we can change rooms, can't we?
(Rachel turns and stares at him.)
Ross: Someone at work ate my sandwich!
(They both start laughing at him.)
The Teacher: How would you characterize the theme of this book, uh let's see here (looks at his attendance sheet), Rachel Green?
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Joey: Yeah, I like that. But no-no, how does that explain why Rachel found my underwear at your place?
(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)
Ross: I'm fine! I saw a psychiatrist at work today.
Ross: Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment, Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Yknow? Say-say theyre coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks, theyre laughing, yknow, someone innocently touches someone else Theres electricity, its new. Its exciting. Are you telling me there isnt even the slightest possibility of something happening?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; Joey returns carrying a bucket of chicken, and starts going through the mail. While doing this, Monica's picture falls out. He bends over to pick it up and gasps. While he's staring at the picture, Rachel decides to come over and sees him looking at the picture.]
Rachel: Yes! He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them!
Phoebe: Ah-hah! At least we know its a him.
Chandler: They have that on the napkins at the club.
Joey: What?!! (He turns around and stares at Chandler who's silently pleading with Joey to go along with it.) No I'm not!!
Chandler: (Answering the phone at work) Hello, Chandler Bing.
Monica: Danny? You know Rachel? Shes nice. Shes not bad to look at, right?
Danny: (Looking at Monica) Absolutely! Is Friday okay?
Ross: Fine! Its your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last time.) I just dont want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, (Monica and Chandler just stare at him.) but thats what you want, theres nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) DONT DO IT!!!!! (Finally leaves.)
(Ross just stares at him until he figures it out.)
Chandler: Could I be more sorry. (Looks at Joey.)
Ross: Maybe it was both of us, but we had our best friend's interest (Pauses and looks at Joey.) But we had our best friend's interest at heart.
Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!
Chandler: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know
Joey: Rach! Rach! Listen, I'm gonna kiss you at midnight.
(Shes interrupted by a loud crash and the sound of braking dishes. Followed quickly by another crash. Everyone turns and looks at the back room, as Gunther emerges.)
Chandler: I'll take that bet my friend. And you know what, paying me the 50 bucks could be the "new thing you do that day!" (Ross looks at him.) And it starts right now!
Joey: Well, you suck! But at least you suck at a man's game now.
Chandler: We'll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look at some women's shoes.
Phoebe: Ooh, you nailed the Old Lady! (They both laugh at what she said.)
Phoebe: Tiger! (Joey moves his hand in an attempt to do the chord, in fact he does it with each name.) Dragon! Iceberg!! (He fails.) Joseph, did you even study at all last night?
(Everyone looks at Rachel as though she made a tasteless comment.)
Joey: (sitting back down) Was the chord at least right
(All at once.)
[Scene: Chandler's office, Monica and him are at a party his office is throwing.]
Joey: Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?
Chandler: Hey! Everybody at work loved you last night!
Monica: Look at us all dressed up for the big office party! By the way, what are we celebrating?
Rachel: Dr. Long, Ive been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?