words in movies
[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
[A guy is sitting at his desk and his boss comes in and drops a huge pile of papers on his desk. The guy looks dejected.]
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are at the couch.]
[Both run back in their apartment. There's a knock at the door.]
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross is at the Monkey cages.]
LIPSON: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.
CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.
JOEY: Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather emphatically] Wow, you're good at that.
[Some guy at another table starts choking]
[Scene: San Diege Zoo. Ross is still at the monkey cages. A janitor is sweeping.]
JOEY: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. He-hey.
RACHEL: Not at all inappropriate!
JANITOR: Word on the street - well, when I say street, I mean those little pretend streets they have here at the zoo.
[knock at the door]
ERICA: Oh my God. Do the people at the hospital know about this?
ERICA: Drake, what're you getting at?
[Scene: The next time at the movie set.]
CHANDLER: Do you know me or are you just really good at this game?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and the girls are sitting at the couches.]
SUSIE: Well I was thinking it would be um, kind of sexy if you wore mine tonight, at dinner.
[Scene: Back at Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are now fighting about what Rachel told Van Damme.]
RACHEL: Oh yeah. Well, at least I wasn't too chicken to tell some guy I thought he was cute.
[Monica and Rachel start yelling at the same time]
PHOEBE: Yes that's right. But still, I-, look at your purse, look at your sweater, look at yourselves.
[Scene: Back at the restroom at Marcel's. Chandler is still in the stall, Joey comes in to go to the bathroom.]
JOEY: Alright, alright. [climbs up in the next stall and looks over at Chandler] Woah, someone's flossing.
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front of him, and leaves.]
PHOEBE: [sees Marcel at the window] Oh my God.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading at the kitchen table as there is a knock on the door.]
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Rachel: Oh! Good thing Chandlers not here, he always wins at this game.
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
Ross: Come on, I think this is a good thing. I dont think Mom wouldve hired you if she didnt think you were good at what you do.
Chandler: Well, not at first.
Joey: Yeah-eh-eah! (Rachel glares at him) Oh-oh, sorry, I-I knew what he meant.
(Phoebe hides her eyes in shame. Rachel is starring at them wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Joey and Ross are stunned to temporary silence.)
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia.
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
Phoebe: Well, I-I thought a lot about what you said, and um, I realilized duh, all right maybe I was a little judgmental. Yeah, (looks at the tree) oh, but oh...
Chandler: When I walk outside naked people throw garbage at me.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Then why are you answering? Do you at least know what route were on?
(Ross looks at Joey, dumbfounded at his stupidity.)
Susan: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. Ill get the information.
Monica: (Looks at her nails) Oh my God. Wait a minute, I had them put (realises) Oh my God! Its in the quiche! Oh My God!
Phoebe: Umm, you might even say that she pulled a Monica. (They both look at her) (to Monica) She doesnt know we switched it. (Monica nods her head No.)
Ross: Well, I was just playing with him, and y'know we were doing the alphabet song, which he used to be really good at, but suddenly hes leaving out e and f. Its like they just ah, I dont know, fell out of his head.
(She exits and Phoebe goes over and sits down at the machine that works your shoulders and tries to do one, which she does, easily.)
Chip: (on machine) Good runnin into you at the bank today, so ah, heres my number, 555-9323. Give me a call. Later.
Woman At The Wedding: Oh! Of course. (Ross and Chandler pose and she takes the picture.)
(Ross wears the jackets and look at himself in the mirror)
Chandler: Okay. (They go inside) (To the guy at the desk) I wanna quit the gym.
Rick: (looking at her feet) Wow, you have really pretty feet.
(Ross is at a loss for words.)
[Scene: At the Beach, its raining cats and dogs as the gang arrives. Chandler and Monica are taking shelter under Rachels hat.]
Ross: (looking at the coffee table where his money was) Hey umm, was-was Monica here?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Joey: All right, well maybe Im enjoying it a little bit. I mean Im getting pretty good at it.
[They all turn around and look at Joey.]
Mr. Treeger:: Thank you, listen, thanks a lot Tribbiani, (checks watch). Oh my God, look at the time, I gotta catch the bus to the ball.
Phoebe: Oh, I knew something had to be wrong, because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.
(Ross glares at Chandler.)
Kathy: Wow! You are really good at this.
Chandler: Jeez, at 2:30 in the morning, I didn't expect to have to fight over the remote.
Monica: Four, please. (Ross looks at her) Im really nervous. (Ross gives her the four dogs) Thank you. (she grabs four buns, and heads back inside)
Monica: You guys are dead, I am so good at lighting rounds.
Monica: (turning around and doing that, "I'm making out with someone," thing with her hands) Ooh, umm, oh Kathy! Kathy, I love you! Oh! (She turns around and sees Gunther staring at her and stops suddenly.)
Joey: (jumping up in a hole that he is digging, he is shoulder deep) Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! (Chandler and Monica jump up and go over to the hole.) Check this baby out, dug me a hole!
RACHEL: Yeah, when I was in the bathroom I saw the window that I crawled out of at my wedding, and God, I just started thinking that I shouldn't be here, you know I shouldn't, people are going to be looking at me and judging me and, and thinking about the last time.
CHANDLER: Hey, look at this. "My Big Book of Grievances."
CHAN: [slowly lifts coffee cup to his mouth] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [slowly sets the cup back down] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [Joey intercepts the cup and puts it down for him]. She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
Ross: Here. (Hands her, her cough drops) (to Rachel) At least I made ten bucks in my relationship.
Rachel: Hey, so he stole a couple bucks from me! At least he bought me something with it! (Shows her, her ring)
Phoebe: Hey what are you guys looking at?
Rachel: No. I have got to get ready and go to a dinner at my bosses house. Its a very big deal, theres a lot of people there I have to meet.
Chandler: No no no! Look, Carol, can I call you Carol? (Pause) Wh-why would I when your name is Elaine? Oh what a great picture of your son, strapping! (She glares at him.) Thats a picture of your daughter, isnt it, well shes lovely. I like a girl with a strong jaw. Ill call you from Tulsa. (Exits.)
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look. You just answer, it's just a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter?
Chandler: Yes, it is, at Office Max.
[Scene: Back in the kitchen at the funeral. Phoebe is there, Monica enters.]
Joey: Thanks, man. And oh, while you're at it, could you get her a card?
Ross: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day?
[Scene: In the living room at the funeral]
Monica: Maybe I can try at intermission? Phoebe, come on... you know what? Let's just go!
Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was justyeah, right. Push! Push!
Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe and Mrs. Burkart go into the other room, leaving Monica with everyone staring at her.)
Joey: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. Were going to a New Years Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Yknow? But if she says Dude, what the hell are you doing? I can say It wasnt me, it was New Years!
Monica: Rachel, I have not missed one question the whole game. I own this game! Look at my hand. (Holds up her hand.)
Phoebe: (looks at Monica) Hey, yknow what might cheer you up?
ROSS: But I don't know it. What I do know is that you owe $2300 at Isn't it Chromantic.
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is sitting at the bar, Chandler serves up two mugs of hot water.]
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, its me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
Kathy: Yeah, I do. Of course, I learned at my aunts dog grooming shop, but hey, what do you say?
Monica: Oh, it was great! The widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at her 'til she did.
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Phoebe: (pushing Monica back onto the couch) Its so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go!
Rachel: (makes some unintelligible sound to stop her from leaving) Obviously you know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! (Covers her eyes) Just take cat, leave the money, and run away! Run away! (Uncovers her eyes and sees that the woman has fled) Damnit! (To the cat) Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! (The cat hisses at her again, it sounds like Rachel) Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody?
Monica: (At a loss for words) Boy, that was-that was, umm terrific.
Joey: Weekend at Bernies.
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
Ross: Who gets whom. (They all look at him.) I dont know why I do that.
Ross: Correct. In what part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14?
Ross: Listen, Joey, I know what he did was wrong but dont you think you could at least hear the guy out?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Kathy are sitting at a table and talking about Joey.]
(Monica looks at Rachel, who gives her the thumbs up.)
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Monica: Umm, so how long have you been working with your dad? (He looks at her) Come on, one of us had to mention him.
[Rachel seems touched. She pauses for a moment, then picks up the phone and starts to dial. Cut to Ross at his apartment.]
Mrs. Geller: Oh honey, come on, have a sense of humour, youve never been able to laugh at yourself.
Joey: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.
(Rachel glares at him.)
(They open their eyes and are stunned at the van.)
Chandler: All right look, if youre not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
Joanna: Thats fine, actually Im on the hiring committee, so therell be at least one friendly face.
Sarah: (tasting hers) Oh my God! (Looks at the waiter and then to Joey)
Joanna: Oh yes, well theres the coffee too. (to the committee) Rachel can carry two things at once!
Chandler: Excuse me. (gets up, jumps up and down while he zips his zipper up... other patrons look at him) How ya doin'?
Monica: All right, look at my on the back page.
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Allesandro: How long is this gonna take? Cause I got another critic to go yell at.
Monica: Okay, the owner of Allesandros came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!
Rachel: How do you think this suit would look on an assistant buyer at Bloomingdales?
Monica: I got offered the head chef job at Allesandros.
Ross: Okay, it was just me and her at the back of the train, and I sat near the door, so shed have to pass by me if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my mercy.
Chandler: Hey, look at this! (Holding a newspaper) Theyre lighting the big Christmas tree tonight.
Chandler: Yknow what? Theres some nice guys at my office, do you want me to set you up?
Ross: (barely containing himself at this point) Well, you have fun tonight.
Monica: Ohh, everybody at the restaurant still hates me.
Rachel: Well, wait a minute, youre the boss! Why dont you just yell at them? Or, fire them?