words in movies
Rachel: (laughs) Well okayWell dont ruin it! Just play along at least!
Monica: (To Ross) Cassie needs to stay at your place.
Monica: Because Purvry Perverson over here cant stop staring at her.
Chandler: I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. Its called being a good conversationalist. Watch. (Stares at Monicas eyes.) Say something.
Ross: Fine, she can stay at my place. By the way, what-what does Cassie even look like now.
The Casting Director: An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Rachel: Have at it.
Phoebe: Okay but look! Look at what I got! Its her address book! (Holds it up.) We have a guest list!
Ross: (shocked at her beauty) Cassie?!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
(Suddenly, everyone stands up and comes out of hiding. All of them are glaring at Monica.)
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is looking at her beeper still in the pot. She takes it out, shakes it, and puts it back in.]
Leslie: (singing) My best shoes, so good to me. I wear them everyday. Down at the heel, holes in the toes. Dont care what people say. My feets best friends, pals to the end. With them Im one hot chicky. Though late one night, not much light, I....
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
(They both start laughing. They look at each other, stop and step apart a little bit.)
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. (points at Chandler, who holds up the cue ball as a Remember me? thing) Listen, can we please have lunch the next time Im in the city?
(Sergei goes up to her at her door and says something.)
Monica: Oh no, shes still at work, but she told me to tell you to call her.
Rachel: (answering her phone at work) Hello.
Chloe: Relax. Its just Issacs D.J.-ing at the Philly. You should come.
Ross: Dont yell at me okay, this is the most Ive seen you all week.
(Chandler and Joey stare at each other in shock.)
[Scene: The rest stop, the gang is still stuck, Chandler is kneeling at the rear bumper.]
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house. JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. CHANDLER: Yeah. [Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.] CLOSING CREDITS
Joey: What's it sound like? It's a guy with my identical hands! It was incredible! Chandler, the dealer's hands were exactly like me! It-it was like looking at my hands in a mirror!
(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)
(They start singing, and Phoebe covers her mouth at the American part.)
(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
Rachel: (looking up at the ceiling) God, Monica its on the ceiling.
(Chandler busts out laughing and everyone just looks at him.)
Ross: We met at Phoebes birthday party, Im, Im Ross Geller.
(Ross turns around and sees Rachel sitting by the window. She is just glaring at him.)
Eric: Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sisters beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, shes a porn star. (Chandler breaks his pencil in half)
Leslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.
Monica: (going over to listen at the door) Rachel said everything was okay.
Chandler: At least let me smoke it to the good part.
Ross: I guess it all started when Rachel got this new job. (he sits down at the table.)
Phoebe: Okay. (on phone) We are at a rest stop on Route 27. Okay. (to Rachel) There is no Route 27. (listens) (to Rachel) Okay, either 93 or 76?
Eric: She, now I knew that and now Im sweating. Look at me, Im really sweatingNow Im saying, "Look at me," Im getting even sweatier. I think I probably should go.
[They stop briefly to look at Chandler, but then start fighting again.]
Phoebe: All right, everyone calm down! Everyone calm down! I have something that I would like to say! Who here likes Ross? (Ross is the only one who raises his hand and Phoebe glares at him to put his hand back down.) Of course you don't like him! He-he didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked, "Who hear likes Ross," and he's wearing two nametags! (He takes one off.) I-I'll be honest with you guys, when I first met Ross I didn't like him at all! But then once I got to know him I saw that he's really sweet and caring and very generous. I mean, all I'm saying is don't judge Ross before you get to know him all right? I mean, I like all you guys now, but when I first meet you y'know Kurt, I thought, y'know abrasive drunk, umm Lola, mind numbingly stupid! And okay, you guys (She turns to an elderly gentleman and a 20 something woman, who're a couple.) (To the girl) Gold-digger, (To the old guy) cradle robbing perv! So, I think you all know what I mean.
Chandler: Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one.
Phoebe: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then hes gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I cant. (pause) But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it.
Chandler: (to the girls who are staring at him) What?
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so Id call him.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is there. There's a knock at the door. He answers it to see a young woman holding a fishtank.]
Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm....
Phoebe: No, Im really okay with this. Yknow why? Cause look at them, and I made that, so I know its gonna be like a million times harder to give up a baby but, oh my God, its gonna feel like a million times better, right? I wanna do this. (To Frank and Alice) I wanna carry your baby.
(Theyre all staring at him, with big, huge smiles on their faces.)
(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)
Joey: Ah!! Okay! Eyes open at all times! Oh, hey, how do we decide where we... (clears throat) y'know each would, (clears throat again) y'know (pause) be?
Kate: Right, at the end, you choked on a cookie.
Chandler: Its possible. You are very loveable, Id miss you if I broke up with you. (Ross glares at him) I was just trying to be supportive.
Joey: Well, why dont you tell me what youre supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell cant figure it out! I talk to you and nothin. You look at me, and its nothin. (He kisses her) Nothing.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are sitting at the table.]
Rachel: Well, oh, Mark, Im doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? Im just doing it to get back at Ross. Im sorry, its not very fair to you.
Ross: Well why not?! Shell-shell love it! Its the real thing! I got it at Pottery Barn.
Mark: Yeah. I can just go home and get back at him by myself.
MRS GREEN: Oh, am I! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman. And three other girls made eyes at me over the buffet. Oh, I'm not saying it's something I wanna pursue, but it's nice to know I have options.
Phoebe: Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? Hes a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.
Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, Ill love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
Joey: (looks at her, shocked) What?!
Phoebe: Look everybody, look at my new dollhouse!!
Lauren: You know! At the place I told you about last night?
MNCA: Oh, isn't he? Oh, you know, I really think this time it may work with him. I mean, he just makes me feel so good and I've been feeling so lousy this last couple of months, no job, no boyfriend. Well, at least my cup is half full.
Chandler: Thats what you say at the end of a date.
Rachel: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"
Monica: (runs over to her) I tried to reach you at work. Theres....been a fire.
Chandler: (He looks over at Rachel, who nods her head) Yes, this, this was pleasant.
The Director: All right, its time to act, my talking props. (Both Joey and Kate just look at each other.)
Rachel: Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember gal pal Rachel Green. (Excited) Ha-ha! Im gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. (Looks at Joey.) Seriously, proud of you.
Rachel: And youre still not attracted to him at all?
Rachel: (looking at the outfit) Got a job on a river boat?
Monica: Hes great! I mean we have such a good time together! Hes so funny, and sooo sweet, and Im not attracted to him at all!!
Chandler: I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick!
Monica: I mean I have not been picked on this much since kindergarten and they had to bring in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me. (Joey laughs and Monica glares at him.)
Ross: Okay, come on! All right, I gotta go! So good luck at the party. Okay?
Rachel: Oh right, cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks.
Phoebe: I dont know! (frantically points at Monica)
Monica: No, its not bad. Its not bad at all. Its-its really nice.
Joey: You don't wanna see what I just saw! (at this moment Monica comes home, and sees Chandler flat on his back on the floor and Joey pinning him down)
Ross: Nothing, ah there was this thing at the museum. Come on. (they go into her apartment) Easy.
(They both look at each other for a while)
Phoebe: Like a date type (looks at Rachel) person?
Rachel: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so
Ross: (looking at ticket) Yep! Yeah, see this says D-13, and uh
[Scene: The Theatre, at the post premiere party. The gang is already there, except Phoebe. Joey runs in.]
(Joey steps in a picks up the paper, the gang all look at him.)
Joey: Yeah! I stayed at Kates, but ah, nothing happened. Hey, Pheebs, where were ya?
Chandler: 7:15. (Monica looks at him) Watch doesnt work.
Gunther: (bringing Chandler a cup) This is from the woman at the bar.
(He turns and looks at her. The woman whispers something to Gunther; who comes back and takes the mug away from Chandler.)
[cut to inside Central Perk, we see Ross quietly tapping on the window, desperately trying to get the gangs attention, while Tommy is still screaming at him]
Chandler: Yeah, and at the end of the play, he, he got up y'know, and he just started like, (claps his hands) banging his hands together!
[Scene: Backstage at Joeys play, Joey is arriving, late.]
Tommy: (entering, finished with yelling at Ross, who follows him in shell shocked) (happily) Hey!
[Scene: Backstage at Joeys play, Joey is changing for the next scene as Kate arrives, carrying her bags.]
Joey: Well can you at least stay to the end of the play? I mean, Ill go to the airport with ya, I-I wanna say good bye.
(We see the gang staring at him through the doorways.)
Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Chandler: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray)
Chandler: (joining them) Okay, how'd it go at the doctor's?
(He goes over and sits down at the counter, all depressed.)
Ross: At least they knew what yours was. Y'know, yours had a name.
(Joey laughs, Ross glares at him, and Joey stops.)
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Okay, dont be mad at me, but I couldnt resist.
(They both look at each other, nod their heads All right and follow their stuff into their new rooms.)
[Scene: Dr. Rhodes's Office, a rather large group of doctors has now gathered to take a look at Ross's thing. Ross is none too pleased with the developments, he has a disgusted look on his face.]
(She goes in, and sees Jason without his shirt. It turns out that he has a great body too, and is at a loss for words.)