words in movies
Ross: The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadnt realized she was a lesbian.
Joey: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, theres Carol again!
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross is trying to talk to Carol about what Phoebe told him.]
Carol: Yeah! And maybe someday we could get a place with two bathrooms.
Ross: Look Carol umm, I was, I was thinking maybe uh, maybe we can spice things up a little.
Carol: What do you mean?
Ross: Carol our sex life isits just not working
Ross: Yay! (To Carol) Seriously, our sex life I was thinking, maybe I dont know, we could try some-some new things. Yknow? For fun?
Carol: Like what?
Ross: Well I dont know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carols shocked and obviously doesnt like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesnt like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, yknow we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.
Carol: (quickly) I love that idea!
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Carol is working on something at the table and Ross is reading a newspaper on the couch.]
Carol: Ooh, actually Ive been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!
Carol: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so
Carol: Oh, me too.
Carol: Oh umm, yknow I think it would be better if we just save it.
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross and Carol are waiting anxiously for their new partner to arrive.]
Carol: Looks like it.
Carol: (jumping up to get it) I got it!
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Carol: Thank you so much for coming.
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Carol: Thank you so much.
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Ross: Not-not really. Th-th-there was just Carol.
[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]
Ross: Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment, Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Yknow? Say-say theyre coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks, theyre laughing, yknow, someone innocently touches someone else Theres electricity, its new. Its exciting. Are you telling me there isnt even the slightest possibility of something happening?
CAROL: Mommy is so proud of you. Hi. Hi.
CAROL: It's us.
CAROL: What did he say?
CAROL: Hi.
CAROL: Tuesday.
CAROL: Hi.
CAROL: Hi.
CAROL: Hi.
CAROL and SUSAN: Hello.
CAROL: We've got a cab waiting downstairs.
Ross: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just, I just don't think breast milk is for adults.
Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.
CAROL: My parents called this afternoon to say they weren't coming.
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
Rachel: Uh, honey, yeah that was with Carol.
Ross: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did?
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben]
Carol: G. I. Joe. G. I. Joe?!
Carol: Oh please God, let there be a song.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are picking up Ben, while Monica is pouring chocolate syrup, lots of it, into her ice cream.]
Ross: I have to go. Yeah, Carol should be home by now, soo...
CAROL: Think I better go before mommy starts weeping.
Ross: (sets out a bunch of shot glasses and starts to poor himself a drink, many drinks) Im an idiot. I mean shoulda seen it, I mean Carol and Id be out and shed, shed see some beautiful woman, and, and shed be Ross y'know look at her, and Id think, God, my wife is cool!
Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before?
Carol: It did at first, but not anymore.
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
Ross: Cause Carols a lesbian. (Phoebe is shocked) And, and Im not one. And apparently its not a mix and match situation.
Carol: Y'know what, I want to talk to you about this so much, but we should probably do it when we could really get into it, are you free for dinner tomorrow night?
Carol: Hey, what are you doing here?
Carol: (answering the door) Hi!
Carol: Hes sleeping.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Carol: Oh, great! Me too.
Carol: Sooo!! Anyway...
Carol: Oh God, Ross I am so sorry.
Carol: Its not that kind of anniversary.
Carol: (looking through the peephole) Ugh. (opening the door) Ross!
Phoebe: Yeah! Lets do that!! That-that sounds good. We should sit down and talk, just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Umm, how-how will I get in touch with them?
Carol: (on phone) Phoebe hang on a second Ross wants to say something. (listens) What? (listens) (to Ross) You slept with someone else?!
Carol: You slept with another woman?
CAROL: Actually, he is getting closer on the talking thing. He can't quite say mama yet, but once he said yumen.
Carol: No. But its okay, Ill just put out pickles or something.
Carol: Ahh, nooo!!
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Carol: Yeah, okay, bye. (closes the door, turns out the lights, and runs back to the bedroom)
Carol: Okay, bye!!
Carol: Okay, Ill pay you tomorrow. (pushes him out the door)
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
Carol: Youre a genius, Ross.
Chandler: What? There was ice there that night with Carol? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?
Carol: He picked it out of the toy store himself, he loves it.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is setting a romantic dinner for Susan as there is a knock on the door.]
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susans gonna be home any minute, its kinda an anniversary.
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
Carol: (irked) Where have you been?
ROSS: Well, I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got the chicken pox.
Carol: (knocking on the door) Ross!
Emily: Thats Carol with your son!
Ross: How do you know? I mean we thought Carol was straight before I married her!
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
Carol: Ooh, yeah! She said shes having sooo much fun with Emily.
Monica: Look, all were trying to say is, dont let what happened with Carol ruin what you got with Emily.
Ross: No, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO.
Phoebe: Wow, Carol really messed you up!
Carol: Yes!
Carol: Whats too much fun?
Carol: Hey, Ben! Hey!
Carol: Hey! Hows Ben?
Carol: Oh my God, you are so paranoid!
Carol: Maybe.
Ross: (To Carol) No tongue. (And gives her the thumbs up.)
Carol: I was gonna say
Ross: Ill be right there. (He goes over and opens the door to Carol, Susan, and Ben.) (To Ben.) Hello! (To Carol.) Hello! (To Susan.) Hey. Uhh, Emily, this is Carol and Susan.
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is complaining about Carol.]
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Carol: (entering from the kitchen) Hey Ross!
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Carol: What? (Goes and checks.)
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]
Carol: Y'know, I don't really know you well enough for you to do that.
Joey: I look more like him than you do! (He winks at Carol.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
(Carol takes off her jacket, her pregnant belly is exposed.)
Carol: Whats not funny?
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Carol: Oh I I think theyre funny.
Carol: (yelling from the bathroom) Oh my God!
Rachel: Or Carol! But theyre funny to kids and who is it hurting?!
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.
Carol: (entering with Ben and Ross) Hey guys!