words in movies
Ross: The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadnt realized she was a lesbian.
Joey: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, theres Carol again!
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross is trying to talk to Carol about what Phoebe told him.]
Carol: Yeah! And maybe someday we could get a place with two bathrooms.
Ross: Look Carol umm, I was, I was thinking maybe uh, maybe we can spice things up a little.
Carol: What do you mean?
Ross: Carol our sex life isits just not working
Ross: Yay! (To Carol) Seriously, our sex life I was thinking, maybe I dont know, we could try some-some new things. Yknow? For fun?
Carol: Like what?
Ross: Well I dont know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carols shocked and obviously doesnt like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesnt like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, yknow we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.
Carol: (quickly) I love that idea!
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Carol is working on something at the table and Ross is reading a newspaper on the couch.]
Carol: Ooh, actually Ive been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!
Carol: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so
Carol: Oh, me too.
Carol: Oh umm, yknow I think it would be better if we just save it.
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross and Carol are waiting anxiously for their new partner to arrive.]
Carol: Looks like it.
Carol: (jumping up to get it) I got it!
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Carol: Thank you so much for coming.
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Carol: Thank you so much.
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Ross: Not-not really. Th-th-there was just Carol.
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her belly.]
Carol: Anytime you're ready.
Carol: Just aim for the bump.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Carol: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]
Carol: No, no that was the first.
Carol: I did.
Ross: Shh! (singing) Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! (to Carol) Hey, uh, did you just feel that?
Ross: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...
Chandler: Let me see what you wrote about yourself: "Doctor Paleontology, two kids... " (pause) You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest!
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Carol: Hey hey, come on in!
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
Carol: Uh, that's our friend Tanya.
Carol: Don't you want to know about the sex?
Carol: Totally and completely healthy!
Carol: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be...
Carol: Do you want to know?
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Carol: Well, thanks for the books.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Carol: Hello?
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Carol: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you.
Carol: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine.
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Carol: That could be it.
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Carol: Oh, I love you too. But...
Carol: Not her.
Carol: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny
Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?
Susan: Carol, not me.
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Carol: Life partner.
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Carol: Its a little complicated.
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Carol: What that woman... did. I am not doin that. Its just gonna have to stay in, thats all, everything will be the same, itll just stay in.
Carol: This is impossible. Its just impossible.
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
Ross: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol!
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?
Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?
Carol: Let it go, Ross.
Carol: Thanks.
Carol: You're gonna kill me!
Carol: Count faster.
Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.
Carol: Now go!
Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen...
Carol: Out!
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.
(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)
Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Carol: Ok.
Carol: Ok.
Carol: Are they here yet?
Carol: But they're not here yet!
Carol: Where are they?
Carol: Oh, god.
Carol: Really?
Carol: What does he look like?
Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.
Ross: Carol, we've been through this before, ok? We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like we're father and son.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Ross: Carol?
Carol: I guess so. (Carol starts to breast feed Ben.)
Carol: Sure.
Carol: As much as he needs.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol is dropping Ben off for Ross to watch.]
Carol: Why'd you freak out?
Carol: How did we do?
Carol: My breast milk is gross?
Carol: Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it, it's no big deal. Just taste it. (Holding out a bottle.)
CAROL: Uhh, we know, he already did it last week.
CAROL: Hi honey.
CAROL: What?
CAROL: [enters with Susan] Hello
Carol: (noticing a kid who has picked up a copy of Variety to read) Hey, that kid looks familiar.
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
CAROL and SUSAN: Great. That would be fine.
Carol: Ok, and this is Funny Clown. Funny Clown is only for after his naps, not before his naps or he won't sleep.