words in movies
Ross: The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadnt realized she was a lesbian.
Joey: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, theres Carol again!
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross is trying to talk to Carol about what Phoebe told him.]
Carol: Yeah! And maybe someday we could get a place with two bathrooms.
Ross: Look Carol umm, I was, I was thinking maybe uh, maybe we can spice things up a little.
Carol: What do you mean?
Ross: Carol our sex life isits just not working
Ross: Yay! (To Carol) Seriously, our sex life I was thinking, maybe I dont know, we could try some-some new things. Yknow? For fun?
Carol: Like what?
Ross: Well I dont know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carols shocked and obviously doesnt like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesnt like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, yknow we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.
Carol: (quickly) I love that idea!
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Carol is working on something at the table and Ross is reading a newspaper on the couch.]
Carol: Ooh, actually Ive been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!
Carol: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so
Carol: Oh, me too.
Carol: Oh umm, yknow I think it would be better if we just save it.
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross and Carol are waiting anxiously for their new partner to arrive.]
Carol: Looks like it.
Carol: (jumping up to get it) I got it!
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Carol: Thank you so much for coming.
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Carol: Thank you so much.
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Ross: Not-not really. Th-th-there was just Carol.
Carol: (looking through the peephole) Ugh. (opening the door) Ross!
Carol: Ahh, nooo!!
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Carol: Yeah, okay, bye. (closes the door, turns out the lights, and runs back to the bedroom)
Carol: Okay, bye!!
Carol: Okay, Ill pay you tomorrow. (pushes him out the door)
Carol: Youre a genius, Ross.
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
Carol: No. But its okay, Ill just put out pickles or something.
Chandler: What? There was ice there that night with Carol? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is setting a romantic dinner for Susan as there is a knock on the door.]
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susans gonna be home any minute, its kinda an anniversary.
Carol: He picked it out of the toy store himself, he loves it.
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Carol: (irked) Where have you been?
Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!
ROSS: Well, I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got the chicken pox.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
Carol: (knocking on the door) Ross!
Emily: Thats Carol with your son!
Carol: Yes!
Ross: How do you know? I mean we thought Carol was straight before I married her!
Carol: Ooh, yeah! She said shes having sooo much fun with Emily.
Carol: Whats too much fun?
Carol: Hey, Ben! Hey!
Carol: Hey! Hows Ben?
Carol: Oh my God, you are so paranoid!
Carol: Maybe.
Phoebe: Wow, Carol really messed you up!
Ross: No, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO.
Carol: I was gonna say
Monica: Look, all were trying to say is, dont let what happened with Carol ruin what you got with Emily.
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
Ross: (To Carol) No tongue. (And gives her the thumbs up.)
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is complaining about Carol.]
Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.
Ross: Ill be right there. (He goes over and opens the door to Carol, Susan, and Ben.) (To Ben.) Hello! (To Carol.) Hello! (To Susan.) Hey. Uhh, Emily, this is Carol and Susan.
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
Carol: (entering from the kitchen) Hey Ross!
Carol: Whats not funny?
Carol: What? (Goes and checks.)
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Carol: Oh I I think theyre funny.
Carol: (yelling from the bathroom) Oh my God!
Rachel: Or Carol! But theyre funny to kids and who is it hurting?!
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]
Carol: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?
Carol: Thanks. (Exits.)
Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.
Carol: (entering with Ben and Ross) Hey guys!
Carol: Y'know, I don't really know you well enough for you to do that.
Joey: I look more like him than you do! (He winks at Carol.)
Carol: Guess what? Ben is going to be in a TV commercial!
Ross: If you have to call me name, I prefer "Ross the Divorcer". It's just cooler. Look, I know my marriage isn't exactly work out. But I love to be that committed to another person. And Carol had some good times before she became a lesbian... and once afterward. I'm sorry.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
(Carol takes off her jacket, her pregnant belly is exposed.)
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Rachel: Carol Lesbian?
Rachel: Im just visiting my good friend Carol.
CAROL: Uh, we're going down to Colonial Williamsburg.
Ross: Well with Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I die. She made no such promise.
CAROL: We've gotta go, we've got that cab waiting.
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
Ross: Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as Im sure you are with your wife! (Realizes) Oh, Im sorry! (To Elizabeth) Its unbelievable!
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Carol and Susan: Hey! (This wakes Chandler and Ross up)
CAROL: And then Susan and I got in this big fight because I said maybe we should call off the wedding, and she said we weren't doing it for them, we were doing it for us, and if I couldn't see that, then maybe we should call off the wedding. I don't know what to do.
Carol: Can I ask whatCome on in.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Carol: What a nice surprise! What are you doing here?
Carol: (from the kitchen) Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee?
Carol: Umm uh, Ill make some coffee and we can uh, chat.
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-
Carol: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?
Chandler: I didnt know you and Carol were getting divorced, Im sorry.
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
The Teacher: Ive only met your partner Carol.
Ross: Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (off Chandler's look) Sorry. Sorry.
Monica: All right fine. Fine, Ill do it. Ive just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger.
Ross: Yeah, I know, so what? I mean, whos-whos to say? Does that me we-we cant do it? Look, huh, I was with Carol for four years before we got married and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian. I mean, this, this makes sense for us. Come on! I mean, on our first date we ended up spending the whole weekend in Vermont! I mean, last night I got my ear pierced! Me! This feels right. Doesnt it?
Rachel: When Carol was pregnant with Ben
Chandler: Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Phoebe: All right, all right, so up until 92-93 he was very trusting, then 94 hit, Carol left him and bamn! Paranoid city!
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Chandler: No no no! Look, Carol, can I call you Carol? (Pause) Wh-why would I when your name is Elaine? Oh what a great picture of your son, strapping! (She glares at him.) Thats a picture of your daughter, isnt it, well shes lovely. I like a girl with a strong jaw. Ill call you from Tulsa. (Exits.)
Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..
[Scene: Ben's audition, Carol, Ross, and Ben along with about 10 more families are in a waiting room as Joey enters happily.]
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Umm, could-could I get a copy of that? Cause Carol threw it out, she lost ours. Shes such a scatterbrain, but man what a hot piece of ass.
Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.