words in movies
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!
(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)
Carol: So.
Carol: Sorry. You look good too.
Carol: A lesbian?
Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-
Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?
Carol: I'm pregnant.
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]
Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
Carol: Dr. Oberman.
Carol: Yes, and she's very supportive.
Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.
Carol: Thanks.
Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)
Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.
Carol: Marlon-
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Carol: As in my grandmother.
Carol: Julia..
Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.
Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.
Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.
Carol: All right, you two, stop it!
Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.
Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..
Carol: I know.
Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.
Ross: I went thru this with Ben and Carol. One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
[Scene: The Airport, Carol and Ross are waiting for Emily and Susan to deplane. A gorgeous woman walks by and they both turn to watch her go.]
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.
Ross: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away.
Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the last part)
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?
Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her belly.]
Carol: Anytime you're ready.
Carol: Just aim for the bump.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Carol: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]
Carol: No, no that was the first.
Carol: I did.
Ross: Shh! (singing) Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! (to Carol) Hey, uh, did you just feel that?
Chandler: Let me see what you wrote about yourself: "Doctor Paleontology, two kids... " (pause) You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest!
Ross: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...
Carol: Do you want to know?
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Carol: Hey hey, come on in!
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
Carol: Don't you want to know about the sex?
Carol: Uh, that's our friend Tanya.
Carol: Totally and completely healthy!
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Carol: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be...
Carol: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you.
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Carol: Well, thanks for the books.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Carol: Hello?
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Carol: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine.
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Carol: That could be it.
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Carol: Oh, I love you too. But...
Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?
Carol: Not her.
Carol: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny
Susan: Carol, not me.
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Carol: Life partner.
Carol: Its a little complicated.
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
Carol: What that woman... did. I am not doin that. Its just gonna have to stay in, thats all, everything will be the same, itll just stay in.
Carol: This is impossible. Its just impossible.
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.
Ross: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol!
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
Carol: Let it go, Ross.
Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?
Carol: Thanks.
Carol: You're gonna kill me!
Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?
(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)
Carol: Count faster.
Carol: Now go!
Carol: Out!
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.
Carol: But they're not here yet!
Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.
Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen...
Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Carol: Ok.
Carol: Ok.
Carol: Are they here yet?
Carol: Where are they?
Carol: Oh, god.
Carol: Really?
Carol: What does he look like?
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.
Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Ross: Carol?
Carol: I guess so. (Carol starts to breast feed Ben.)
Ross: Carol, we've been through this before, ok? We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like we're father and son.
Carol: Sure.
Carol: As much as he needs.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol is dropping Ben off for Ross to watch.]
Carol: Why'd you freak out?
Carol: How did we do?
Carol: My breast milk is gross?
Carol: Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it, it's no big deal. Just taste it. (Holding out a bottle.)