words in movies
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
Carol: Let it go, Ross.
Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.
Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?
Carol: Thanks.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.]
Carol: You're gonna kill me!
Carol: Count faster.
Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.
Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.
Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.
Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.
Carol: Now go!
Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen...
Carol: Out!
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Carol: Are they here yet?
Carol: Ok.
Carol: Ok.
Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.
Carol: Where are they?
(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)
Carol: But they're not here yet!
Carol: Oh, god.
Carol: (irked) Where have you been?
Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?
Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?
Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!
Carol: What does he look like?
Carol: Really?
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Carol is holding the infant.]
Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before?
Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.
Ross: I went thru this with Ben and Carol. One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
[Scene: The Airport, Carol and Ross are waiting for Emily and Susan to deplane. A gorgeous woman walks by and they both turn to watch her go.]
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.
Carol: A lesbian?
Carol: I'm pregnant.
Carol: Thanks.
Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!
Carol: Sorry. You look good too.
Carol: So.
Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?
Carol: Yes, and she's very supportive.
Carol: Dr. Oberman.
Carol: Julia..
Carol: Marlon-
Carol: As in my grandmother.
Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.
Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.
Carol: All right, you two, stop it!
Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)
Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh.
(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)
Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
Carol: I know.
Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.
Ross: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away.
Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the last part)
Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.
Carol: Anytime you're ready.
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?
Carol: Just aim for the bump.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Carol: Do you want to know?
Ross: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...
Chandler: Let me see what you wrote about yourself: "Doctor Paleontology, two kids... " (pause) You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest!
Carol: Don't you want to know about the sex?
Carol: Totally and completely healthy!
Carol: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be...
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her belly.]
Carol: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]
Carol: No, no that was the first.
Carol: I did.
Ross: Shh! (singing) Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! (to Carol) Hey, uh, did you just feel that?
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Carol: Hey hey, come on in!
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
Carol: Uh, that's our friend Tanya.
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Carol: Well, thanks for the books.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Carol: Hello?
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Carol: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you.
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Carol: That could be it.
Carol: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine.
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Carol: Not her.
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Carol: Oh, I love you too. But...
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?
Carol: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Susan: Carol, not me.
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Carol: Life partner.
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Carol: Its a little complicated.
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.
Carol: What that woman... did. I am not doin that. Its just gonna have to stay in, thats all, everything will be the same, itll just stay in.
Carol: This is impossible. Its just impossible.
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
Ross: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol!
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]
Ross: Carol?
Carol: I guess so. (Carol starts to breast feed Ben.)
Ross: Carol, we've been through this before, ok? We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like we're father and son.
Carol: Sure.
Carol: As much as he needs.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol is dropping Ben off for Ross to watch.]
Carol: Why'd you freak out?
Carol: How did we do?